Chapter 24 #2
I don’t know if that’s a promise she can keep. Once I tell her this, she’s really going to want to wash down the memories, but I don’t say anything.
Who knows? Maybe Meredith won’t care? It could happen. It’s highly unlikely, but still, a girl can hope.
That leads me to my second worry, what if she does react great and tells me she doesn’t really care about any of it.
Then what? Do I go to Killian, talk to him about how I’m feeling?
I’m not sure that anything he said when he was drunk is what he really feels.
Lord knows my father lied when he drank.
There’s only one way to find out, and it starts with talking to my best friend.
We go into the living room, and she grabs two shot glasses, placing them in front of us while I pull the top off and then pour.
My thinking is to just get it out there. Rip the Band-Aid off quickly and efficiently. The less time I sit and make us both stew, the better it’ll be.
So, we both lift our glass, clink them, and I say, “May we survive this conversation with smiles on our faces in the end.”
Meredith laughs and then we take the shot, slamming the glasses down.
She looks to me, and with a pit the size of a boulder in my stomach, I blurt it out. “I’m in love with the guy I’ve been with for the last few weeks.”
“That’s what we needed tequila for?” she asks. “Jesus, I thought this was going to be bad.”
I wish.
I shake my head and pour us another shot.
Once they’re both down and we’ve had two shots in us, I tell her the rest. “No, the man I’m in love with and have been sleeping with is named Killian Thorn.”
The blood drains from her face, and her jaw drops.
This is it.
This is going to be the moment where I lose my very best friend.
Not that either of us had any idea, which is why I quickly move to explain the rest. “I didn’t know.
I didn’t know who he was. It wasn’t until last night after we…
” I skip what we were doing, although I’m sure she can figure it out “…that he mentioned he had a daughter my age. He started talking about how he came to find out about her, and I swear, Mer, I swear, I didn’t know.
” She keeps opening and closing her mouth, before pouring herself another shot, taking it quickly.
“I’ve ended it. I mean, there’s no way I can ever do that again, and I’m here because I’m begging you for your forgiveness. ”
“What?” she asks quickly. “Why the hell do you need my forgiveness?”
“Did you miss the part where I said I’ve slept with your father?”
She covers her face with her hands. “Don’t say that ever again, please. I beg of you. Call him Killian.”
“Sorry.” I choke on the word.
She sits back on the couch, her face full of disbelief and confusion.
I can only imagine how she feels. The entire drive up here, I tried to put myself in her place, to hear her say those words about my father, which—eww, but still.
Every scenario came back to me feeling angry or extremely grossed out.
Meredith looks at me. “You love him?”
I nod once.
“I’m not going to lie and say I’m completely okay right now, mostly because it just is…weird.”
“I know,” I say, hating myself for needing to have this conversation.
“I didn’t want to lie to you. I knew, as soon as I found out, that I needed to come tell you.
He and I are over. I’m going to go back to New York and start my life over,” I admit.
Tears start to fill my vision as I think of leaving and never seeing him again. “I can’t be with…I can’t do that.”
She pours us both a shot this time and nudges it toward me. “Take that, please.”
We both take another shot, and she lets out a deep huff.
“I’m going to be honest. I don’t really know what to say right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sure, we don’t really have a relationship and we’ve only met and talked a few times, but…you’re my best friend, you know? And he is technically my father.”
I nod, feeling despair fill me. I hate that this is the end of my relationship with Killian. I hate that it all happened this way. That more than just my career stands to be ruined by our bad decisions—it could ruin their relationship as well.
Meredith will have to handle knowing her biological father slept with her best friend. It’s strange. It’s impossible to wrap your mind around, and I just pray our friendship can endure this awkwardness.
“Please, you don’t have to explain yourself. I understand.” I start to stand, wanting to leave so I don’t make things worse.
She shifts forward, gripping my hand. Meredith’s eyes are a storm of emotions.
I can see her trying to grapple with each one.
Finally she sighs. “Tessa, I’m not mad or upset.
You and Killian didn’t do anything wrong.
I’m just not sure how to feel. All of this is really freaking weird and I just need a few days to sort of wrap my head around it.
He’s not my dad, it’s not like he raised me or even knows me, but… do you get what I mean?”
“In a way, yes, but I want you to know that I’m not going to do anything you’re not okay with.”
“I want to be clear, you don’t need my permission.”
I may not need it in her eyes, but I need it for me. “Meredith, I may love him, but I love you more. So, whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here.”
And really, there’s nothing else to say. If she’s not okay with it, then there’s nothing else to do but walk away and try to move on.