Chapter 7
CHAPTER
The next morning, there was an unexpected knock at my door. Varro quickly kissed me on my cheek and portaled away from the room before our secret could be discovered.
I answered the door with a passable yawn, attempting to act like I was still sleepy and had just awoken. It was Nori. She requested a private audience so, after peering into the hallway and looking both directions, I ushered her in and shut the door.
She sat on the bed opposite mine and bit at her nails, a tell-tale sign of her nerves.
“What’s going on?” I inquired, anxiety creeping in.
“Please don’t be upset with me,” she said, looking more bashful than apologetic.
Before I could ask why, she continued, “You know how I don’t have the best control of my ability, and sometimes I just slip in and out of others’ dreams without even trying?”
“Yes…and?”
“Cress, I didn’t mean to, I promise, but I feel so intrusive I have to tell you. I know you dream about him…”
I knew exactly who she was referring to, but in an effort to protect mine and Varro’s secret, I played na?ve.
“Who?”
“Varro. You dream of him often and quite explicitly. I was embarrassed to say anything because it’s so unquestionably…private.”
I kept my breathing calm and steady, attempting to avoid revealing anything with my facial expression.
“Oh, Nori, don’t worry. You know how dreams are; we don’t have much control over them. Varro is very attractive after all,” I explained, trying to downplay the notion entirely and see if she’d let me get away with the excuse.
“You need to know something else…” she continued shyly. “He’s dreaming of you too—and I don’t mean his own versions. I mean, he’s having the exact same dreams as you.”
“What?” I said, unable to quell my surprised reaction.
“I’ve been slipping in and out of both of your dreams, and they are identical, just sometimes through your eyes and others, his.”
“That’s impossible,” I whispered, unable to reconcile what she was saying with anything I’d ever heard.
“I know,” Nori said. “I don’t know what it means, but it has to be something, right? That’s why I had to tell you! I couldn’t just stay quiet; it’s no longer just a coincidence. Though, I don’t think you could ever call it that to begin with.”
I sat in silence, trying to accept that all my fantasies had also been happening to him.
How come he never spoke of it? After giving it a moment of thought, I realized that, of course, he didn’t for the same reasons I hadn’t.
How foolish could we be? And with an inexperienced Dreamwalker sleeping just a few feet away from us…
There was an answer looming in my mind, but I had to know if she had come to any similar conclusion.
“What do you think it means?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never encountered anything like this; I’ve only had the ability since arriving at Basdie after all. I have to believe it means you two are connected in some significant way though.”
“I think you’re right,” I said dejectedly, feeling bad for withholding the truth about Varro and I being mates. I just didn’t feel right telling her anything without first aligning with Varro. I wouldn’t do to him what Trace had done to me when he’d outed us to the others.
I rose to my feet, trying to indicate to Nori that we wouldn’t be discussing the matter further.
“I appreciate you telling me this information. I’m sorry that you’ve been exposed to us in such an intimate way. I will discuss this with him at the earliest opportunity.”
A soft smile overtook Nori’s features, replacing the nervous expression that had been plastered across her face since arriving at my door. “Cress?”
“Yes?”
“If this does mean you two are connected, or perhaps feel for one another… I want you to know that your secret is safe with me. There hasn’t been much room for love and compassion since we were all delivered to the Offering.
I don’t think we should have to lose those parts of us just because they take everything else. ”
Nori’s sincere words almost moved me to tears. I grabbed her hand, giving it a tight squeeze.
“I appreciate that sentiment more than you know.”
Once Nori left, I got dressed quickly and made my way to Varro’s room, anxious to tell him about my encounter with Nori. When he shut the door behind me, I began to accuse him in an urgent whisper.
“When were you going to tell me you’ve been having dreams about me?”
He let out an amused laugh. “How do you know I’ve been dreaming of you? Though, I’m not going to pretend I haven’t.”
“Did you forget we have a Dreamwalker in our midst?” I asked sternly.
Varro’s golden cheeks warmed with embarrassment, his smile only accentuating his dimples.
“Well, did she enjoy the show?” he asked teasingly. “And why did she come to you, if she’s been sneaking around in my dreams?”
“She came to me because she’s been slipping into my dreams as well—accidentally—and she discovered we’re having the same dreams. Not dreams just about one another, but literally the exact same dreams!” I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in the air.
“Really? Some of my dreams have been pretty, well, let’s say… untamed. She’s seen all of that? You’ve seen all of that?”
Varro began to stitch together the pieces of what that meant, and his cheeks grew redder.
“Now is not the time to dwell on the unchaste nature of those dreams. Our bond is connected even when we sleep, and now Nori knows something is going on. I played it off well enough, but I think we need to tell her.”
Varro’s silence filled the room as he pondered what it would mean to let another member of the Imperi in on our secret.
“We can’t control our dreams; this is only going to continue!” I added, trying to convince him that this was the right decision.
“If you want to tell her, I support you. But you have to decide if you can trust her. That means Gia knows you have a mate, even if she doesn’t know who, and now Nori would know everything. And we’d be keeping Cairis in the dark if we go this route.”
“You’re right, but I am worried that the more people who know, the more we run the risk of Theory and Saryn finding out. We don’t know what stance they’ll take, and I haven’t even told them about the Drift.”
The words left my mouth before I could catch myself, and I instantly realized my mistake. Varro’s expression quickly turned to one of confusion.
“The Drift? What is that?”
Gods be damned, this morning was unravelling with each passing minute. I couldn’t lie to him. Withholding information was one thing, but a direct question was something I was unable to dodge.
I hung my head, disappointed with myself for keeping him in the dark this long.
“It’s something I’ve read about numerous times in the journals of the Dark Wielders that trained here before me. It’s some sort of affliction or corruption of the mind that happens from practicing dark magic.”
I could see Varro holding his breath, his gills motionless, with not a single bob of his throat. Fear was already beginning to pool in his eyes, and his brow furrowed in concern.
“What do you mean, ‘an affliction’? What happens?” he questioned demandingly.
I continued with some hesitancy, trying to quell his concern, but knowing nothing else I said could accomplish that. It would only exacerbate things further.
“Some of them began to lose their memories, unable to remember the more distant past. But others…they began to lose themselves entirely. The word ‘mindless’ is referenced a lot. Like daydreaming, but worse.”
I had intended to continue, but Varro interjected, “And this is guaranteed to happen if you use your gift?”
He was already connecting the dots so quickly.
“It seems likely, at some point… They speculated that there are only two ways to avoid it. Stop dark wielding altogether, which you know the Imperi will never stand for.”
I stopped my explanation, hoping, praying he wouldn’t ask about the second.
“And the other…” he prodded, my silence having gone on for too long.
“I don’t want to tell you,” I admitted dolefully.
Varro now stood before me, hands grasping both my shoulders. “Why? We must find a way to stop this from happening to you. I’ll do anything to help you!”
I took a deep breath, then uttered shakily, “It is presumed the only other way is to find a tether to reality, to share the burden…through an anchor. Through a bonded mate.”
The silence between us following my confession was palpable. Both of us held our breath, fearful of what might be said next. I couldn’t stand it a moment longer.
“I didn’t want you to know because I cannot tie you to this fate.
I won’t. All along, you’ve let me have choice in the matter of our bond.
Telling you that I might need you in this way could consume you with obligation.
Steal away the freedom I want for you. I can’t ask you to do something like that when we don’t even know the risks.
We don’t even know if it will actually protect me—and, Gods, can’t I just believe the Drift may never come for me at all? ”
Varro pulled me tightly into his chest, squeezing me into a protective embrace.
“You should have told me sooner. I can’t believe all this time, you’ve kept this from everyone. I had hoped you knew you could, at least, tell me. Don’t you think we can handle it?”
“I want to believe that,” I whispered back.
“We will, I know it. And it begins with letting others help us. Remember, survive as a team or perish alone.”
Together, we trained as usual with Theory.
Working our bodies to the brink of exhaustion, leaving little energy to spare in the flight field.
There was no avoiding the frost in the air as each peak, now fully blanketed in snow, succumbed to the blustering winds that scattered flurries along the craggy cliffsides.
Each of us, having come from more temperate climates, despised the harsh weather in the Elorns.
We yearned for the warmth and sunlight that awaited us when we finally ventured south to join Gia and Trace.