Chapter 7 #2
Varro and Cairis’ warm-colored skin tones would fit in naturally amongst the Artumians, but Nori and I would need to glamour a hint of a tan until we actually appeared sun-kissed.
No one would believe we had resided anywhere near our destination if we arrived as pale as we were.
From all my readings, the sun lingered in the lands of Artume, creating longer days and shorter nights.
There were endless sand dunes as far as the eye could see, lush tropical trees and flora flourished along the coastline.
I shared everything I had read with the others, trying to prepare them for what would become our new home. With what little downtime we were granted, the part of me that always sought to control things felt compelled to find ways we could all benefit.
In the late afternoon, Saryn continued to push each of our abilities, finding unique ways to test our endurance, creativity, and quick wits.
Saryn and I agreed on one thing—there wasn’t anything subtle about my dark wielding.
Our acts of espionage would need to be calculated, and above all else… quiet.
My unique abilities would need to be kept hidden until a time when they were of the utmost value.
Embedding our team within Silas’ court and kingdom was an act that would require meticulous strategy and adaptability.
Any outward act of aggression that could be traced back to Cambria would likely result in immediate, all-out war—the very thing we were trying to avoid.
After dinner, Varro and I told Nori and Cairis to meet us in the healing pools to speak in private.
Cairis put up a fuss about the location, but I rolled my eyes and told him he didn’t have to actually get in the water; we just needed somewhere that prying eyes and ears couldn’t find us. He acquiesced with a grumpy humph.
A short time later, we were all gathered; the empty, restorative pools at our side. The echoes of the cavernous room and our idle chatter soon gave way to silence as we tiptoed around the crux of our impromptu council.
“I can’t believe you come all the way down here for healing almost daily. You really ought to get a friend like Nori.” Cairis winked at her and nudged her shoulder playfully with his large fist. Nori blushed, a faint sheen of sweat forming across her cheeks from the pervasive steam.
“What did you want to discuss,” Nori inquired, bringing the conversation into focus.
Varro looked at me, nodded, and gave me the floor. I inhaled deeply, knowing that no matter how many times I had practiced the words in my head, they were unlikely to come out the way I hoped.
“We’re a team, right?”
Cairis responded quickly, “Of course!”
Nori nodded her head in agreement.
“Well, teams shouldn’t keep secrets from each other. Not unless it’s mission-critical. I’ve kept things from you all in the past, like knowing Trace before the Offering. I don’t want to make that mistake again. Especially now that each decision I make could impact our well-being and safety.”
My voice echoed off the cave walls, but the others were mute, waiting with bated breath for me to explain myself.
“Through my readings, I have discovered that dark wielding comes with risks. It is written that a sort of mental corrosion is likely to occur with its use.” I heard Nori let out a small gasp.
“I am fearful for myself; I won’t lie to you about that.
But I also will not deny us this advantage should we need it. ”
Cairis studied my expression intently with a furrowed brow, genuine concern spanning every one of his sharp features.
“Do Saryn and Theory know about this?” he asked.
“They do not.”
“Why?”
“Because once I tell them about the Drift, as the texts refer to it, they will want to know how to avoid it or control it—and I’m not ready to share what little I know about that.”
Nori looked up at Cairis in confusion, before turning to me. “What do you know? You can tell us.”
I swallowed hard, trying to let the anxiousness in me recede, but the room was becoming unbearably warm. I felt the hum of Varro’s bond seeking to comfort mine.
“The Drift can only be avoided by ceasing use of the magic altogether, or possibly anchoring to a bond, a mate.”
Before I could get another word out, Cairis shamelessly chimed in.
“That’s shit luck! There’re better chances of me bedding the queen of Cambria than you finding a mate now that we’re all stuck here!”
Under normal circumstances, I would have let out a snort of amusement at his ever-dramatic commentary, but I just stood there smiling warmly and waiting for my moment to break the news to them.
“Well, Cairis, I’d say your chances of bedding the queen of Cambria are quite high, then…”
He squinted at my joke, looking perplexed, and suddenly, Nori’s high-pitched voice startled us all as she yelped, “You’re mates! That’s it. You and Varro are mates, aren’t you?” She quickly covered her mouth, startling herself by the volume of her echoed enthusiasm.
“What?” Cairis coughed out in disbelief, looking back and forth between me and Varro.
Varro spoke for the first time since I began tip-toeing through this explanation.
“We are mates, but we are not mated. We have not sealed the bond.”
He said the words flatly, not with distaste, just a curt assessment of our situation.
You could see Nori practically hold in a squeal as she did everything to quell the fidgeting of her hands and feet. Only someone as delightful as her could see joy in these circumstances. For that, I envied her.
I continued Varro’s admission.
“It’s true. I have only known for a short time, and we are navigating the predicament together.
We didn’t want to keep it from you, but we needed time to figure out what this meant and determine if we’re safe.
We have no idea how Saryn and Theory will react if they find out about us, or when they learn of the Drift.
Saryn could see it as a risk to have us together and send Varro away, or worse. ”
I had never let Varro hear me say those thoughts aloud.
But I had thought through them many times in private.
Saryn would want to keep my power, and if he spared one of us, it would be me, undoubtedly.
Theory might jump to the conclusion that our loyalties to one another would be too strong, even un-bonded, and be a risk to the mission and the team as a whole.
And then there were the other scenarios; the ones where they forced us to seal the bond in order to protect me from the Drift, along with the added leverage the gained power of mind-melding would bring.
With my mental shields momentarily down in distraction, the others had already understood every scary thought racing through my mind, and now looked at me with deep understanding of the severity we faced.
Cairis was always the first one to speak his every thought without a moment’s hesitation. This time was no different.
“Would you even be willing to seal the bond, for tactical advantage or otherwise?”
It was a fair question and I did not begrudge him for asking it, though I could feel Varro’s irritation at the notion as he answered first.
“I care deeply for my mate in ways that can never be explained with words. I would never do anything Cress wasn’t okay with. Though I am sworn to protect you and our kingdom, I will always protect her first—and that is why we are a liability. One you deserve to know about.”
Varro had never said those exact words to me, but I knew them to be true. I think I’d known since the moment he demonstrated he’d rather lay down and die with me than save his own life. We were a liability to the team.
“Fuck that, we are all liabilities!” Cairis’ voice grew louder and more passionate with each declaration.
“Yes, the mission comes first, but if you think I wouldn’t put myself in jeopardy to protect Nori or Gia from harm, you’re wrong.
You think Nori wouldn’t put us all at risk if it meant protecting some innocent kids?
Every day they try and grind us down to see if we’ll come to heel.
We let them believe we are perfectly pliant monsters, but this is a mask.
I wear it every day and I know you do too.
I do it to survive. So we all survive. But they are never going to change that hearts still beat here!
” he said, pointing to his chest. His words reverberated off the walls, punctuating his resoluteness.
My cheeks warmed with gratitude for Cairis’ honesty.
His words were ones I had wanted to believe so deeply about both myself and the others too.
That no matter how many terrible things I’d practiced with a Vesper, no matter how many lives were lost at the Canary Veil.
..hearts still beat in the chests of monsters.
Someday, the Gods would determine if my cause was noble, but until that judgement came, I would protect my home and all its people as the Imperi had done before me.
The future of the realm was entrusted to us, and I did not take that obligation lightly.
“We won’t say a word to Theory or Saryn,” said Nori. “Thank you for trusting us. I believe things happen for a reason, and it cannot be a mistake that your gift has also come with the arrival of your mate. Cress, the Gods take, but they also give…”
Although I didn’t quite share the same belief system as Nori, her optimistic perspective brought me solace.