CHAPTER FOUR #2
He turned away from the sight of her closed door and headed for his room.
Once inside he flopped back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
What concerned him most were the differences in her physically.
He knew her body—better than he likely should have—enough to know that something was different.
Her slow, cautious movements were so unlike the Lily he'd been engaged to.
He'd often called her Lily-Belle, his version of Tinker Bell, because of how she'd seemed to flutter around him.
There was no fluttering anymore. Just cautious, steady movements.
He tried to tell himself it was just a maturing on her part, but he wondered if there was something more serious going on.
She'd never given him a definite reason for ending their engagement.
She had just said she didn't think it would work out for them, that they were too different.
While Nate agreed that they were different, it hadn't been a problem in their relationship up to that point.
How was it after almost seven years together, it suddenly became an issue?
He hoped that perhaps her presence here would give him a chance to gain the closure he needed in order to move on.
Crystal's words were proof that he hadn't gotten to that point yet, but perhaps having her back in his life would give him a chance to see that things were really and truly over between them.
His heart clenched at the thought and with a groan, he rolled to his stomach.
This was just the very last thing he needed right then.
God had a lousy sense of timing if He thought that Nate could deal with Lily's return on top of everything else that had been dropped on him over the past few days. But he would do what he always did.
Chin up. Shoulders back. Tackle the issues head on.
~*~*~
At Lily's request, her sisters and Will gathered at the manor the following afternoon. Because Jessa was still confined to bed, they were all up in the room with her.
"I know you all have wondered about my sudden departure after I ended my engagement with Nate." Lily shifted on the chair she'd chosen. Her stomach was in knots. She wanted to present this in such a way as to minimize their alarm or concern.
"We figured you didn't want to be around Nate after you ended things," Violet said. "But we didn't expect you to stay away for so long."
"I didn't either. I just needed some time to adjust."
"And you've adjusted now?" Laurel asked. After Lily had nodded, she continued, "But what have you adjusted to?"
Lily took a deep breath. "About nine months before I left, I had an issue with my left eye. I didn't mention it at the time, but I was really scared."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jessa asked, an edge of hurt to her words.
"I didn't want to worry anyone. I thought it was nothing.
It did seem to get better as time went on, and I convinced myself not to worry about it.
Then about three months after the first problem, I had it again in the same eye along with other things.
Some numbness and weakness in my legs. This time I went to the doctor.
He immediately set me up for an eye exam which was then followed by an MRI.
He knew what he was looking at but did the tests anyway. "
"What was he looking at?" Will was leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.
"MS. He was pretty sure it was MS because his wife had had similar symptoms before being diagnosed."
"Multiple sclerosis?" Cami spoke for the first time. "You have MS? You faced that diagnosis on your own?"
Lily clenched her hands in her lap and looked down.
"You all had so much else going on in your lives, I didn't want to burden you.
I wasn't willing to accept the diagnosis right away either.
I figured if you guys knew, you'd force me to deal with it head on.
And while I know now that would have been the smart thing, it wasn't what I felt I needed then. "
Will came close and sank onto one knee next to her, his hand covering hers. "Does Nate know?"
Lily shook her head. "I couldn't tell him. There were things I needed to do, and I knew he couldn't do them with me. And then there was his mother."
"His mother?" Will prompted.
Lily looked up into her brother's concerned eyes.
"His dad spent a lot of time caring for his mom before she died.
I didn't want to burden Nate with the same fate.
Even though I am still basically okay now, there will come a time when I will require more help.
I didn't want him to become my care-giver, but I knew that he would do it without complaint because of the type of man he is.
I just didn't want that to happen. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. "
There was silence for a long moment then Laurel said, "You would never be a burden to us, Lily Grace. You should know that by now. We're family, and we're there for each other. Good, bad and ugly."
"Well, this has certainly got the bad and ugly," Lily said with a small smile.
"But the good is that you're back home." Violet came to kneel next to Will.
She covered both their hands with hers and looked intently at Lily.
"And we're going to get through this as a family.
You need to explain to us all about the disease and tell us what we need to do to make it easier for you. "
Tears sprang to Lily's eyes but with her hands trapped, they spilled unchecked down her cheeks. "Thank you. These past couple of years—once I accepted the diagnosis—have given me a chance to become reacquainted with my body and to discover what my new normal is."
"How difficult has it been for you?" Jessa asked.
Will and Violet stood and moved aside so Lily could see Jessa. Lily got up and approached the bed, taking Jessa’s hand when she held it out. As she sank down beside her oldest sister, she could see the worry on her face.
"It was very hard at first. I was angry.
Couldn't figure out why it happened to me.” Lily intertwined her fingers.
“One of the reasons I went to London was that I had planned to travel at some point years down the road.
I figured there would come a day when Nate and I could travel around the world together.
When I realized what being diagnosed with MS meant in the long run, I was determined to get my traveling in while I still could. "
"Were you able to do that?"
"Yes, but at a cost to myself. By not seeking medical help right away, I suffered more than I should have. But I wised up and once I found a good doctor and a support group, I was able to learn how to cope with it while still not letting it take over my life completely."
Cami settled on the bed on the other side of Jessa. "What made you come home now?"
"It was time. I'd seen what I needed to of Europe. I had a better handle on the disease and how to live with it. But most of all, I just missed you all. I needed to be home."
"I expect you to give a full run-down on what you need from us and how we can help you with this," Jessa said, a determined look on her face. "Well, I won't be much help at the moment, but I want to be informed."
Lily smiled at Jessa, the sister who had stepped up to care for her when Gran had begun to slip away from the family. "I will answer all your questions and will give you any information you want."
"Day to day, what is your biggest challenge?" Jessa asked.
"I find that if I get enough sleep and eat a decent diet, my body reacts better.
If I get overtired, my emotions go out of whack and my body is slow to respond.
My legs cause me the most problems. They go numb at times, but more often than that, they get weak, which makes walking a challenge sometimes.
But attacks can happen without warning and then I just have to deal with the symptoms as they manifest themselves.
So far I've had two really bad attacks, but both times I was able to recover completely because of medicine and therapy.
That might not always be the case in the years to come. "
"What caused it?" It didn't surprise Lily that Jessa was the one with the most questions. She had always been the one to approach any problem armed with as much info as possible.
Lily shrugged. "There really is no definite cause.
They have theories, but there is nothing they can pinpoint that would have caused mine.
The thing about this disease is that it is unpredictable.
I could go years without another attack, or I could have one tomorrow.
It could be twenty years before things began to progress more rapidly or it could be next year. I just have to take it day by day."
Violet came up to her and hugged her tightly. "Well, no more running away. We're here to help you."
Even though they had more questions, Lily breathed a sigh of relief. The worst was over. She'd worried about their reactions, particularly Jessa's, but apparently it had been for nothing. No doubt they still didn't understand completely why she'd chosen to leave when she'd been given the news.
Though she regretted the hurt she'd caused her family, Lily knew that the time away had been exactly what she'd needed.
During that initial period, she'd been able to feel the raw emotions that had filled her as a result of the diagnosis.
She hadn't had to hide them from anyone.
She hadn't had anyone breathing down her neck telling her what to do and not to do.
She'd run from the diagnosis until it had brought her—quite literally—to her knees.
Once she'd come face to face with it, the moment of truth had woken her up and since that point, she had worked hard to educate herself and get good medical care while in Europe. Lily was eternally grateful for the inheritance that had allowed her to seek out the care she'd needed for the duration of her time there. Most who faced the diagnosis didn’t have the resources she had because of her family’s wealth.
Now back home, she would once again seek out the best care she could.
She was not in denial about what she needed or what was to come, but she also didn't want it to overwhelm her life.
She still hadn't decided what—if anything—to tell Nate. It wouldn't make any difference in their relationship now. The bottom line would always remain the same, she couldn't—and wouldn't—saddle him with her care in later years.
"I've got to head back to the office," Will said.
Lily stood up to give him a hug. "Thank you for coming out on such short notice."
Will looked down at her. "I wish it were for a different reason, but I'm glad you've told us now. Is it okay if I share this with Amy?"
"Certainly. I expected each of you would share it with your spouses or significant others."
Will's expression tensed. "Do you plan to tell Nate?"