CHAPTER FOUR
Lily looked up to meet his dark brown eyes. His expression was guarded, but she could see the signs of exhaustion on his face. Her heart clenched as she recalled all he'd been through since she'd left. "Hi, Nate."
He wore a pair of dark blue jeans and a white polo shirt.
He'd never been one for dressing up and when they'd gotten engaged, he'd made her promise he wouldn't have to wear a tux at the wedding.
Of course, that was now a moot point. She couldn't help but notice that the flecks of gray in his hair were more plentiful than they'd been three years ago.
He wasn't even thirty-five yet, but life's challenges were taking their toll on him.
Though his stance—hands on hips, feet braced apart—was distancing, Lily wanted to wrap her arms around him and feel his around her. But again...that was no longer going to be part of her present or future. She'd made sure of that.
"Would you like a ride home?"
His words surprised her. She wondered how his girlfriend might feel about the offer. Regardless, it was very tempting. She was tired and getting home was very appealing, but since he was with someone now, she didn't feel right about accepting.
"Thank you, but I think I'll just wait for Amy and Will." She looked past him, searching for the woman who had laid claim to his heart once she'd set it free. "I wouldn't want to cause trouble for you."
Nate stared at her for a moment then said, "There's no one to cause trouble with. I'm heading to the manor now and thought maybe you'd rather head home than hang out here."
No one? The words contradicted the information she'd been given earlier. If something had happened, it had happened recently because as far as Violet had known, he was still with Crystal. "If you're sure..."
There was still no change to his expression. "I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure."
Don't do it, the voice in her head warned. But she told herself that it was for the sake of her health. "Then in that case, yes, I would like a ride back to the manor."
He gave a short nod of his head and looked out to the parking lot. Lily grabbed her purse and stood, hoping her legs wouldn't give out on her. In this case it had less to do with the MS than it did the nerves that had suddenly overtaken her body.
Nate gestured to the far side of the parking lot. "I'm parked just over there."
Though it was tempting to slide her hand into the crook of his arm, Lily gripped the strap of her purse tightly instead.
All those things that she'd once taken for granted as part of their relationship were no longer hers.
And that was because of the decision she'd made, no matter how heartbreaking it had been, and one she needed to stand by.
Could they be friends? She didn't know, but if they were both going to be staying at the manor for the time being, they would need to be able to be around each other without making everyone else uncomfortable. This drive out to the manor would be a good start.
Once at the truck, he opened the door for her.
In the past he would have at least held out his hand to help her or, more often than not, he would have lifted her up onto the seat.
This time Lily gripped the handle above the door and leveraged herself in.
Once she settled into the seat, he shut the door.
Immediately the scent of his cologne enveloped her.
It was an oh-so-familiar fragrance that lingered in the truck even when he wasn't inside it.
One she'd often bought for him as a gift.
Had Crystal been the one to give him more bottles of it after the last one she'd given him had run out?
The cab of the truck seemed to shrink as he climbed behind the wheel and pulled his door closed. Without looking at her, he started up the ignition and backed out of the parking spot. Lily took her phone out and texted a quick message to Amy so they wouldn’t wait around wondering where she was.
Caught a ride home. See you later.
Lily slid her phone back into her purse. "Just letting Amy know I got a ride home, so they aren't looking for me."
"Good idea."
Nate had never been one for talking a lot, and early on Lily had learned to accept his silences and not try to fill it with chatter, though she realized now that more often than not she had. But this silence was awkward and loaded with so many unasked and unanswered questions.
"I'm sorry to hear about your dad," Lily said. "And about what happened to your home and the garage in Sanford."
Nate glanced at her. "Thanks."
Lily knew that although Nate's dad had always treated her well, he hadn't believed her to be the right person for Nate.
He hadn't said it to her directly, but Nate had conveyed some of it.
She was too young for him. Too impulsive.
And worse, Nate's dad felt that because of the seven-year age gap, she viewed Nate more like a father figure than a boyfriend.
Nate's mom, however, had always been very sweet to her.
She'd died a year after they'd started dating, so Lily hadn't known her too well, but she'd seen the toll her illness had taken on Nate and his dad.
"Are you going to rebuild in Sanford?"
"Not sure yet," Nate said. "I'd like to, simply because I have some good guys there. But I also don't expect them to wait around for me to rebuild since it may take a while."
The sky continued to darken as they left the lights of the town behind.
Their times driving together had always been Lily's favorite. It was one of the few times she’d had his undivided attention.
From the time they'd started dating when she’d turned eighteen, she'd always had to share him with his mom and dad and his job.
Often she'd felt like she was the last thing on his priority list and if not for her effort, they might have spent even less time together.
Knowing how important his job and his dad had been to him, Lily knew she couldn't burden him with her diagnosis as well.
The remainder of the trip passed in silence. Lily didn't know what else to talk about, and he wasn't pursuing conversation either. Thankfully the drive to the manor didn't take too long. Once he'd pulled to a stop in front of the garage, Lily turned to him.
"Thank you for the ride." She had opened the door before he had a chance to come around to open it for her.
She slid to the ground, pausing to grip the handle while she made sure she was steady on her feet.
By the time Nate came around the truck, she'd shut the door and was moving toward the manor.
He caught up with her and when she gripped the railing of the steps leading to the front door, he turned to look at her.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Just tired." Lily knew it was her stock answer to anyone querying her slowness, but it was never one hundred percent the truth.
He waited for her at the top of the steps and then opened the door to the foyer. Suddenly eager to be away from him and the reminder of all his gentlemanly gestures, Lily said, "Thanks again for the ride. I think I'm just going to go on up."
"Me, too. I would imagine the week ahead is going to be pretty busy." He paused for a second and then said, “I told Lance that I would be willing to move to the motel since you’re home now. He said I should stay, but I want that to be up to you.”
It would make things much easier if he were living someplace else. But she knew that it would be wrong to send him off just to make things easier on herself. He needed the security of the manor as much as she did. “It’s fine by me if you stay here. So much better than the motel.”
He slowly nodded. “By a long shot.”
Lily had hoped he'd go to the kitchen to get a drink or something first so she could get up the stairs on her own.
Instead, she was forced to push herself to climb the stairs as normally as possible.
Once at the top, she said good night to him and headed into her room, closing the door firmly behind her.
She leaned against it and took a deep breath.
Hurdle number one over. It hadn't been as bad as she had anticipated, but her traitorous heart wanted things it couldn't have.
Hurdle number two was telling her family about her diagnosis and what it meant for her.
That one would be hard, but she hoped that in sharing all the information she'd gathered over the past three years, they would be able to accept it the way she had.
~*~*~
Nate stared at Lily's closed door. Seeing her again had been harder than he had imagined it would be.
He'd been so angry at her for ending their engagement and leaving so abruptly that he hadn't thought there was still love in his heart for her. He’d known there was still healing that needed to occur, but love?
Seeing her at the concert tonight and then afterward sitting on the bench outside the church, he realized that his heart still felt so much for her.
Too much. Crystal had sensed it, and now he knew that she was right.
But the Lily he'd just shared a ride home with was different.
She'd calmed in the three years they'd been apart.
She'd always liked to talk, which had worked well for them since he hadn't.
And then she hadn't waited for him to come and help her from the truck.
It was a poignant reminder that she no longer had that expectation of him.
She was capable of taking care of herself and seemed to want him to know it.