CHAPTER FIVE #2
Nate stared at the screen of the laptop, trying to pull his thoughts back from that path. He'd been on the verge of hiring a bookkeeper to help him out, but that would have to be put on hold. For now, he'd have to keep doing it himself and hope his accountant could sort it all out come tax time.
With a couple of clicks of the mouse, he pulled up the page that showed his uploaded files. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the files were all there. He’d been pretty sure they would be, but he had needed to see it for himself.
Nate had been working for about twenty minutes, fighting frustration at having to flip back and forth between screens to enter the data into his accounting program, when he heard movement at the door of the library. He glanced up, surprised to see it wasn't Amy as he'd expected, but Lily.
"Hey, Nate." She stepped into the library, a tray balanced somewhat awkwardly on her forearms as her hands gripped the outside edge, pressing it against her torso. "Amy asked me to bring you some lunch. Is this a good time?"
Nate pushed back from the desk and stood. "When it comes to bookwork, I'm always happy for a break." He took the tray from her and set it on the desk. "I'm still trying to decide if I'm happy or not that most of my paperwork survived the fire."
Lily tilted her head, her deep auburn hair sliding like a wave of silk over her shoulder. "Can I help you? I know it's been awhile, but I think I could probably figure it out."
Nate wanted to accept her offer, but he wasn't sure it would be a good idea. "Thanks, but I think it's best if I just stick to it."
Lily took a step back, her hands clenched at her waist. She nodded before turning on her heel and leaving the library.
Why did he feel guilty for turning her down?
She was the one who'd walked away. Did she really think they could have a half relationship?
Picking up some parts of their past but leaving other parts alone?
He didn't think he was strong enough to do that right then.
It hurt to think she had gotten to that point.
He realized each time he saw her that he hadn't.
And there was no way he would ever get there if he allowed himself to work shoulder to shoulder with her.
Rounding the desk, Nate sank back down into the chair.
He picked up half the sandwich and bit into it, no longer hungry but knowing he needed some sort of sustenance.
Unfortunately, though he finished the sandwich, he just couldn't focus on what was on the screen.
His thoughts kept going to Lily and her offer.
Really, what could it hurt? They were both adults, and God knew he really could use the help.
Not giving himself the opportunity to change his mind, Nate pushed back from the desk and walked from the room.
Following the scent of baked goods, he went first to the kitchen where he found Amy and Cami making cookies.
There were several racks cooling on the counter.
He glanced around, thinking Lily might be with them.
"Smells good," Nate said when they looked in his direction.
"Want some?" Amy set the sheet she held onto the counter. "Nothing like fresh baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies."
"Thanks. Maybe later. Right now, I need to talk to Lily. Is she around?"
Nate didn't miss the glance exchanged by the two women.
Cami began to move cookies from the rack to a plastic container. "She's upstairs in her room."
"Thank you," Nate said, though he felt the information was given rather grudgingly.
It was almost like they thought he was going to hurt her or something. Did they forget that she was the one who had broken up with him? He climbed the stairs, determined to keep this professional. Once at her closed door, he rapped lightly.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he waited for her answer. It took longer than he had thought it would before the door opened. Her hair looked a bit rumpled as if she'd been sleeping.
Lily's eyes widened when she saw him.
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I was thinking about your offer. The one about helping with the bookkeeping."
Lily leaned against the edge of the door. "You want me to help you?"
"If the offer still stands."
The way she stared at him, her face expressionless, unnerved Nate. At one time he had been able to read her easily, but as she looked at him with those big green eyes, he had no idea what was going through her mind. "It does." She tilted her head. "Do you need my help now?"
"If it's convenient for you."
"Sure. I'll be down in a couple of minutes."
"Thanks." Nate waited until she'd shut the door again before heading back downstairs. He swung by the kitchen to grab a few cookies.
"Did you get to talk to her?" Cami asked as she placed the cookies on a plate for him.
"Yes. She offered to help me with the bookkeeping for the garage. It's what she used to do...before. I initially turned her down because...well, history and everything, but I really do need help. I'm dealing with so much that if I can get help with that part, it would be great."
"Well, here are some cookies to help ease the process." Cami handed him the plate.
"Ready to get to work?" Lily asked as she walked into the kitchen.
Nate noticed she'd pulled her hair back into a ponytail and now wore a pair of glasses. The glasses took him by surprise because she never used them before. Just one more change that unsettled him. "Yep. No time like the present."
Carrying the plate of cookies, Nate followed Lily to the library.
She settled into the chair he'd vacated earlier and leaned forward, bracing her forearms on the desk.
As she stared at the screen, he tried to explain what he'd been doing. He leaned close to point to the screen and got a whiff of something light and floral. It was hard to keep his thoughts on the business at hand when all he could think about was how he’d loved to run his fingers through her hair.
It had been like fragrant silk, smooth and soft in his hands.
Pulling his thoughts back to the laptop, Nate said, "The biggest pain about trying to do this is having to flip back and forth from the pdf file to the accounting program. If they could just be side by side, it would make things a lot easier, but the screen just isn’t big enough."
"You need a second monitor," Lily said.
Nate straightened. "I can hook up a second monitor to my laptop?"
"Pretty sure." Lily turned the laptop around to look at the back of it. "Yep. You can hook it up here."
"Well, then I'm going to go get one." Nate knew he couldn't afford to be buying stuff willy-nilly, but right then it seemed important that he be able to get the paperwork done. With the desktop computer ruined from water and smoke damage, he was going to have to use the laptop for the time being.
Lily looked up at him. "Like you said, it would be easier to be able to view both screens at the same time. Dual monitors are the best way to do that."
"Can I get something like that at Walmart?"
A small smile played around the corners of her mouth. "Yes. They do carry monitors."
"Is there a brand I should buy? And a certain size?"
She paused then said, "Do you want me to come with you?"
Not allowing himself to consider another option, Nate nodded. "You've always been a bit more up on the computer side of things than I have."
"You use computers at the garage," she pointed out.
"Yeah, but they're connected to something I do understand. Cars."
"Let me get my purse." Lily slowly stood up. She braced her hand for a second on the desk then moved around him toward the door. "I'll be right back."
Nate grabbed a couple of the cookies and took a bite of one as he dug his keys out of his pocket.
He was kind of surprised that she'd suggested going with him.
Maybe this was her attempt to get their relationship to a "just friends" place.
Being with her made it difficult to get to that point since his heart really wasn't interested in friendship.
This time Nate steered clear of the kitchen while he waited for Lily. As he stood in the hallway eating the second cookie he'd taken, he heard Amy and Cami talking.
"Did Will tell you if he was going to talk to Nate?" Cami asked. "He seemed pretty determined that Nate should know."
"He did mention it before he left for the office. I'm not sure that's the right decision. I think Lily should be the one to decide to share anything with Nate."
"I guess it must be something about guys sticking together. I feel the same way you do."
Nate scowled. What were they talking about?
Was there some big secret Lily hadn't told him?
He heard movement and glanced up to see Lily making her way down the stairs.
Once again, she moved more slowly than he remembered.
Of course, in the past, she'd always been excited to see him.
She'd practically flown down the stairs to meet him when he'd come to pick her up.
There was no rush for her to join him now.
The thought caused an ache in his heart.
More than anything he wanted back what they'd once had. They’d been together for almost seven years.
No one else had ever known him as well as she had.
Clearly he had failed to achieve anything similar with Crystal, given what she’d said.
He knew he'd held back part of himself from her.
After all, he had no guarantee that she wouldn't leave him like Lily had.
And of course there was the fact that he just hadn't felt that closeness with her.
Top it off with all the responsibility that had landed solely on his shoulders with his dad's death, and it hadn’t been an ideal set of circumstances in which to nurture a relationship.
"Ready to go?" Lily asked as she stepped toward him, her purse strap slung over her shoulder.
"If you are." At her nod, he headed for the front door and held it open for her. He did the same with the door of his truck. Though she made no comment, he got the feeling she'd rather he didn't do those things for her.
Too bad.
He assumed that she saw them spending time together as a way to show him they could be friends. From his perspective, however, he saw it as an opportunity to remind her of how good they were together.
"So how was Europe?" Nate asked as he guided the truck down the driveway to the road leading to Collingsworth.
"Beautiful. I was able to cross off all the places on my 'must see' list."
"I should hope so, considering you were over there for almost three years." Silence hung heavy between them. "Uh, what was your favorite place to visit?"
She didn't respond right away, and Nate figured he'd made her mad with his comment, but then she said, "It's really hard to choose just one place.
Many of them were favorites for different reasons.
But of course I enjoyed Paris. And visiting Scotland was a wonderful experience.
But probably the chalet in Switzerland was my all-time favorite. "
"I'm glad you enjoyed your time there," Nate said, though he really wanted to ask her if it had been worth it. Had it been worth losing their relationship over?
"It's good to be home though. It was time."
Nate sensed there was more. He was still in tuned enough to her to know that there was more to the story than what she was sharing. Was it the secret her sisters had been referring to earlier?
As they pulled into the Walmart parking lot, he let the conversation lapse.
He found a spot near the entrance and parked.
Once again, Lily got out of the truck before he had the opportunity to open her door for her.
He knew he had to accept the new normal in dealing with her, but Nate didn't think he'd ever like it.