CHAPTER SIX
Lily walked beside Nate through the automatic doors of the store.
He grabbed a cart and together they made their way to the electronics section.
Though she'd agreed to do this as a favor, she was really hoping she could prove to him—and herself—that friendship was possible.
Collingsworth wasn't that big of a town, they were going to run into each other at least once a week at church if nowhere else.
And since he was staying at the manor for the foreseeable future, it was even more important that they get past any awkwardness as soon as possible.
The unfortunate thing was, the more she was around him, the more she remembered how they were together. It was hard to be with someone for seven years and not know them intimately. Just walking into the store beside him brought on a barrage of memories. They had done it countless times before.
"So which one do you think I should get?" Nate's voice drew her from her memories, and she turned her focus to the shelf of monitors.
"Well, you don't want a super big one. I think that would be a little impractical." She pointed to one that fell in the middle, size-wise. "Maybe that one would work."
She heard Nate mutter something as he stared at the monitor she'd indicated.
"What's that?" She could see frustration on his face as he glanced at her. "What's wrong?"
He scowled. "I must be the only man on the planet who needs a woman to show him about computers."
Lily laughed. "Oh, I doubt that's true. It just so happens that your talents lie in another area, and I happen to like electronic gadgets."
"Still. It's a little bit of a jab to the ego."
"Well, I won't tell anyone," Lily said.
Nate looked her way again then his gaze went past her. His expression changed and with a quick glance at her, he said, "I'll be right back."
She slowly turned as he walked past her, following his movements.
He approached a woman who stood in the aisle just outside the electronics department.
The woman had a mass of dark brown curls and came to a little above his shoulder, her figure curvy.
Nate reached out and touched the woman's arm.
The woman's gaze moved briefly in Lily’s direction, but they were too far away for Lily to be able to read her expression. Was this Crystal?
Not wanting to intrude on a private moment, Lily turned back to face the monitors.
Crossing her arms over her waist, she tried to quell the trembling that had taken over her stomach.
She had no right to be jealous. But she was.
Jealous of this woman whose health wouldn't lead to a life of dependency down the road.
Jealous that she could be a helpmate to Nate rather than a burden.
Jealous that she could have the life Lily had once dreamed about.
No matter how much she'd come to accept her illness while in London, it was clear she hadn't truly let Nate go.
She took a deep breath in and let it out.
In. Out.
Before he returned, she needed to be in control of her emotions. Her emotional extremes were so much closer to the surface than they'd once been, but she couldn't let Nate see her this way.
In. Out.
She heard footsteps approach and assumed they were Nate's. Lowering her arms, she bent her head as if reading the specs on the monitor.
"So, is this the one you think I should get?"
Lily glanced at him, glad he wasn't going to broach the subject of the woman. "Yes. I think it will work well."
Nate found a boxed monitor that matched the one on display and placed it in the cart. "Do you need anything else while we're here?"
"No. I'm good." There were actually a few things that she wouldn't have minded picking up, but at that point, all Lily wanted was to get back to the manor. She would see if Amy or Cami were coming in sometime in the next couple of days and hitch a ride.
An awkward silence stretched between them as they approached the cash registers at the front of the store. Aware that the likelihood of running into someone that knew her and/or Nate, Lily told him she'd wait on the other side of the registers for him.
Keeping her head bent, she flipped through screens on her phone while she waited.
"Lily?"
She looked up at the sound of her name and saw the woman Nate had been talking to earlier. "Yes?"
"Hi. My name is Crystal." She stuck out her hand.
Lily shook it, a bit unsure of how to respond. She glanced toward the registers and saw Nate watching them, his brows drawn together.
"I just wanted to meet you. I know what you mean to Nate, though he never spoke of you during our time together."
"You and Nate are dating?" Lily hoped there was no sign on her face of how the thought bothered her.
"No.” The woman tilted her head to the side. “We were, but when I heard you were back in town, I broke it off."
Lily frowned. "Why did you do that? I'm not back to rekindle things with Nate."
"Maybe not, but I'd always told myself that if you came back before certain things had happened in my relationship with him that I would break things off.
" Crystal's smile had an edge of sadness to it.
"I always thought that in time, he'd come to feel about me like I did about him. That didn't happen."
Lily wasn't sure what to say to this woman. "I'm...sorry?"
"Don't be. If it had been meant to be, we would have been in a different place by now. He's a wonderful man." Another sad smile. "Maybe if it's not meant to be with you either, he can at least gain some closure by you coming back."
"I hope so. I'm not the right woman for him." Lily's heart clenched as she said the words.
"I think he'd disagree with you."
"I'm sorry it didn't work out for you." Though she knew her heart was still tangled up with Nate, she really did hope he could find happiness with someone else. It might be her destiny to be on her own, but it didn't have to be Nate's.
The woman shrugged. "I'm going to assume God has someone else out there for me." She reached out and touched Lily's arm. "Anyway, I just wanted to meet you. I figured you must be someone pretty special to still hold his heart the way you do."
As the woman turned and walked away, Lily stared after her.
The conversation did nothing to strengthen her resolve to keep her relationship with Nate on a strictly friendship level.
She had to keep reminding herself that the decision she’d made was for the benefit of both of them.
Given the type of man he was, Lily knew he would never have agreed to end things once he learned of her diagnosis.
He would have stuck by her whether he wanted to or not.
She just couldn't have borne the weight of that.
"Ready?"
She looked over to see that he had joined her.
When she nodded, he began to push the cart toward the exit of the store.
Though he said nothing, she could feel the questions he had about her conversation with Crystal.
Unfortunately, there was no way she could share it with him without having to delve into their past.
Once at the truck, he opened her door for her and closed it once she was settled. Lily leaned her head back against the seat. She heard him open and close the back door on the driver's side before sliding behind the wheel.
"Here."
Lily looked over and saw him holding out a chocolate bar. Chocolate with almonds. Her favorite. She met his gaze briefly before reaching out to take the bar from his hand. Her fingertips brushed across his palm. "You didn't have to do that."
"I know. Consider it a thank you for helping me out with this monitor."
Clutching the chocolate bar in her hand, Lily said, "You're welcome."
"Aren’t you going to eat it now?" he asked as he backed out of the parking spot.
"I'm not hungry at the moment." That wasn't the real reason though.
In the past when he'd bought her a chocolate bar, she'd always shared with him.
It wasn't that she didn't want to share, it was just that it would bring an intimacy to the moment that she couldn't handle right then.
"I'll save it for when I need a break from your bookkeeping. "
"Well, I'm sure you'll need that sooner rather than later."
They drove in silence once again, but as they headed north out of Collingsworth, Nate said, "Want to share what you and Crystal were talking about?"
"No. That's going to have to stay between her and me." Lily slipped the chocolate bar into her purse. "She seems like a nice woman."
"She is."
And that was the last of their conversation for the duration of the trip.
"Are there directions on how to set this up?" Nate asked as he freed the monitor from its cardboard and Styrofoam prison once they were back in the library.
"I don't need them." Lily undid the cords that were bound by a plastic zip tie. "I've done this a time or two before."
Lily was glad to have something to focus on after the awkward ride home.
This was definitely not working out how she'd planned.
So far, it had all backfired on her. Instead of helping to build a friendship with Nate, being around him like this was just reminding her of how much she'd missed having him in her life.
Nate snapped the monitor into its base then took the ends of the cords Lily handed him.
"There should be a spot to plug those in on the back of the monitor.
" She took the other ends and plugged one into the laptop and one into the power bar under the desk.
After the other monitor had turned on, she sat down in the chair and began to go through the steps of setting it up as a second monitor for the laptop.
She was acutely aware of Nate's presence behind her but managed to keep her attention on the task at hand. Once the monitor functioned the way she wanted, she showed him how it would work.
"That's perfect," he said. "Thank you for your help with this."
"You're welcome. And now I'll get to work inputting the invoices into your system."