CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Nate stood, hands on hips, watching as a large yellow machine broke down the blackened structure that had once been his home.
He fought to keep anger at the forefront of his emotions.
Anger at the punks who had done this to his home.
He needed it to be anger, because if that slipped away there would be sorrow and heartbreak.
Those were emotions he didn't want to deal with. At least not in public.
But as he watched, the memories wouldn't leave him alone.
Before his mom had gotten sick, the home had been filled with laughter and joy.
Even after her diagnosis, she'd tried to keep up the traditions they'd created for their small family.
He remembered bringing Lily home to meet his mom.
Then over the course of the next seven years they'd spent so much time at the house.
Eating dinner with his folks. Sitting around the fire in the backyard roasting marshmallows.
Watching movies. They'd sat on that old couch, his arm around Lily, her head resting on his chest. He'd kissed her for the first time as they'd been watching a movie in that basement.
And there had been many more kisses over the years.
The burnt-out structure of his home resembled the burnt-out remnants of his relationship with Lily. Maybe it was time to tear that all down, too. Tear it down, clear it out, make room for something new. Maybe if he'd done that sooner, his relationship with Crystal wouldn't have crashed and burned.
"Nate?"
Over the noise of the machines, Nate wasn't sure he'd actually heard her voice say his name.
Turning, he couldn't believe it when he saw Lily.
Why was she there? He looked past her to see Amy standing with Will next to his truck.
Why had they brought her? Surely Will would have known how difficult this would be for him.
Without saying anything, Nate turned back to the growing pile of rubble.
He hoped that she'd leave. If she hadn't dashed his hopes so solidly a week ago, he might have taken her appearance as a good sign.
He didn't know why she was there, but it certainly wasn't for the reasons he hoped. Of that, he was certain.
Though she didn't say anything more, Nate glanced down to see her still standing at his side, her gaze on the machines diligently working to tear his home down. Suddenly the machine shut down, and silence echoed in its wake.
"Nate, I'm sorry," Lily said, this time her words more audible without the background noise.
He crossed his arms over his chest and stared straight ahead. "You shouldn't be here."
"I just thought--"
"I don't want you here." Barely holding onto his emotions, Nate couldn't look at her. "You can't have it both ways, Lily. Either you're there for me all the way or not at all. I'm not at the place where I can handle you being a friend and nothing more."
"Nate..."
"If you're here as a friend, please just leave. I'd rather deal with this on my own."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her take a couple of steps back then turn around.
Clenching his jaw tight, Nate worked to keep his gaze focused forward.
He had had to watch her walk away from him one too many times already.
Today was not the day he wanted to see that again.
He didn't mean to hurt her, but right then he was hurting too much to have to deal with her, too.
He lifted a hand to shield his eyes when he saw someone walking toward him from the site. As the man drew close, Nate recognized Matt.
"Everything going okay?" he asked as Matt came to stand next to him.
"Yep. Structure is down. Now we're just going to start hauling it all away." Matt clapped him on the shoulder. "So sorry about this, man."
Nate nodded. "Must be done."
"Yes, but I'm sure it hasn't been easy to see." Matt's gaze went past him, a frown briefly crossing his face. "Hey, Crystal."
Crystal? Nate swung around to see her a few feet away. Could this day get any worse?
"Talk to you in a bit," Matt said as he gave Crystal a smile and walked past her to where Will's truck was still parked.
"Hi," Crystal said as she stepped to his side. She wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a quick hug before stepping back. "I was on my way home for lunch when I saw the machines." She looked toward the work area. "I am so sorry to see that. Are you doing okay?"
Looking down at her, Nate wished he had been able to make it work, but he couldn't force his heart to feel something it didn't. "I'm doing okay. I will be glad to get it all over with. This is the hardest part."
"I'm sure. Are you going to rebuild?"
"Eventually. Probably in the spring."
"Are you going to stay at the manor in the meantime?"
Nate looked down at her, trying to read the expression on her face. "Only until I can move into an apartment."
She gave a nod. "How is Lily?"
"Do you really want to talk about Lily, Crys?"
A smile crossed her face. "Honestly, I do. It wasn't until I ended things with you that I realized we really weren't meant to be together. I actually felt kind of relieved. And I'm sure you did, too."
"You're such a sweetheart, I actually wish it could have worked between us. But yes, you're right. I don't think we were meant to be."
"I'd still like to be your friend. That's why I'm here today."
Funny, Nate thought. Two ex-girlfriends offering friendship. He was much more willing to settle into that type of relationship with Crystal than he was with Lily. Maybe that would change in time, but friendship was just so far from his mind whenever Lily was around.
As the machines roared to life again, Crystal tugged on his arm. He bent his head down and heard her say, "I'm going to head back to work. Call me if you need anything. Even just to talk."
Nate leaned down. "Thanks. I appreciate you stopping by."
She gave him a quick wave and headed away.
Nate turned back to the job site in time to see the first scoop of the remnants of his house get dropped into a dump truck.
He realized then it wasn’t just the sentimental things he had lost. He was going to need all those practical things that had gone up in flames as well.
A bed. A couch. A television. The important things. ..
~*~*~
Well, that had been a colossal mistake.
Lily knew the heavy silence in the truck was because neither Will nor Amy knew what to say.
And to be honest, she didn't know either.
If Matt hadn't come over to talk to Will, she would not have had to witness the exchange between Nate and Crystal.
Not only had she not been sent away, she'd gotten a hug and conversation.
Crystal was an ex-girlfriend that Nate seemed willing to be friends with.
Why wouldn't he even consider that with her?
"You okay?" She met Will's gaze in the rear view mirror.
This time Lily knew Will wasn't asking about her physical state.
"I shouldn't have gone. It's just...I had memories of that home, too, and it was hard for me to think about losing those.
I imagined how much harder it was for him.
Just because I don't want a relationship with him doesn't mean I don't care about him. "
Amy turned around to look at her. "Are you sure you don't want a relationship with him? Sorry, if that's a personal question."
"I don't want to burden Nate...or anyone for that matter, with the possibility of having to care for me down the road.
He saw his dad do that for his mom. We actually talked about it a few times.
He said he admired him for what he'd done for his mom, but that it had also been a huge burden for his dad.
How could I ask Nate to turn around and do the same thing?
" Lily paused. "Would you ask that of Will? "
Amy's brow furrowed as she glanced at the man seated next to her. "I don't know."
"Wouldn't you think that Will deserved a life that didn't include the high possibility of having to care for you later on in your life?"
"I suppose."
"But I would be willing to do that for her, Lil. I love her," Will said. "I would rather live my life with her knowing that was a possibility than to live forever without her."
Amy reached out and laid a hand on his arm.
"I know that if the roles were reversed, I would want Will to trust me.
To trust my love for him enough to commit to me.
Maybe you need to trust that Nate knows—especially given his past—what he wants when it comes to a relationship with you.
Of all of us, he would know the true scope of caring for someone.
Yet it seems he still wants to do that for you. "
Chewing on a fingernail, Lily stared out the window at the houses they passed on the way back to the manor.
What if it had been Nate that had been diagnosed with this disease?
How would she have felt if he'd broken things off with her without an explanation?
She'd been so convinced she was doing the right thing that she'd never considered it from his perspective.
Maybe it was fear. Maybe she was scared that at some point down the road as she got worse, he was going to walk out on her. That it would be too much for him, and he'd just leave her. Either way she would end up without him in her life, but at least this way it was her choice.
Lily felt a touch on her arm and looked away from the window to see Amy's hand resting there.