CHAPTER FIFTEEN #2
Nate let the conversation drop as he turned into the lot of the other dealership. Once they'd hooked up with his contact there, Nate let Lily take the lead once again. They had one of the SUVs she was interested in on the lot, so the guy got them set up to take a test drive.
When he handed the keys to Lily, she looked at Nate. "Did you want to drive it?"
"Nope. This is gonna be your ride, so you need to be the one testing it out."
As they got into the vehicle, Nate realized that he'd never been in the passenger seat while Lily drove.
In all their years as a couple, if they'd been going anywhere together, he'd always been the one to drive.
He could tell she was nervous by the way she bit her lip and gripped the steering wheel with both hands.
He reached over and covered her hand. When she looked at him, her eyes were wide. "Relax. Focus on how it feels to you. Is the seat comfortable? Does the position of the steering wheel feel right? Just imagine you're driving one of the family cars."
Lily nodded, and he lifted his hand from hers. He saw her take a breath and exhale before carefully backing out of the parking spot. "Why don't you head to the highway that goes around the city and we'll come back in on the north end of town."
It took a few minutes, but finally Lily seemed to relax behind the wheel and gain confidence as she guided the vehicle along the highway.
Coming back through the city, he could sense again that she was a little nervous with the traffic, but he was sure that had more to do with it not being her vehicle than her driving ability.
Aside from the odd comment about the car or their surroundings, the trip was made in silence. When she finally pulled into the spot in the lot, she leaned back against the seat, dropped her hands into her lap and let out a long sigh.
"Good job," Nate said and gave her a quick smile when she looked his way. "What do you think?"
"I like it." She reached out to grip the wheel. "I think I want to buy it."
Nate was surprised at her quick decision. "You don't want to take a little time to think about it?"
Lily shook her head. "After all my research, I had decided this was the top of my list and now that I've driven it, I'm convinced it’s the right one."
Well, it was her money, so far be it from him to argue with her. Not that he would have. He had to admit the car rode pretty nice for something that wasn't a truck. "Let's go have a chat with the sales guy."
Once inside the office, the salesman approached them, a broad smile on his face. "So? How did it feel?"
"I loved it," Lily said.
The guy's smile grew even wider—if that were possible—no doubt because of the sound of money coming his way. "Well, let's do this."
Nate headed toward a row of seats, prepared to wait while Lily hashed out her deal. She didn't really need him for this part. It wasn't like she had to bargain the guy for the best price. Money was not an object for the Collingsworth family.
"Nate?"
He turned to see Lily looking at him, both her hands once again gripping her purse strap. He motioned to row of chairs by the window. "I'm just going to wait here while you finish up."
"Oh." She glanced at him and then at the sales guy waiting for her just outside the door of the office.
"Did you want me to come, too?" Nate offered, though he really didn't want to be in there with her. Or rather, he did, but for all the wrong reasons.
"Could you? This is all new to me."
With a nod, Nate jammed his hands into his pockets and followed her into the small office. For the next half hour, he listened as Lily conducted her business. It seemed that it had been strictly for moral support that she'd wanted him to come, because she handled it all quite well on her own.
When they finally left, she was the proud owner of a brand new SUV. Because she'd wanted certain additions and a specific color, her vehicle wouldn't be delivered for a couple of weeks. From the look on her face that didn't seem to be a problem.
"I can't believe I just went out and bought a car," she said once they were back in his truck.
"No second thoughts?" Nate asked as he started up the engine.
Lily paused then said. "No. Not about this."
He shot her a glance at that comment. "But you're having second thoughts about something else?"
She didn't look at him or reply right away. He saw she had bent her head and was gripping her purse tightly in her lap. As the silence lengthened, Nate figured she wasn't going to reply. However, when he pulled to a stop behind Jessa's car, she finally spoke.
As he put the truck into park, he glanced over to find her looking at him. "Would you be willing to..." Her brows drew together. "Would you be willing to meet with my doctor?"
Nate turned to face her more fully, his back pressed against the door. "Why?"
"I need you to understand."
"Understand what exactly?"
She looked away from him, her gaze once again dropping to her lap. "My doctor isn't just my doctor. He's also married to a woman who was diagnosed many years ago with MS."
Nate wasn't sure how to take what she was asking of him. "And the purpose of my meeting with him?"
“He can tell you what it's like. Living with a person who has advanced MS."
"Why do I need to know that? You've told me it's over between us."
Lily nodded. "I want you to know what I do about what lies ahead for me."
"You want me to see how hard it is and then thank you for sparing me that?"
Her shoulders lifted and fell. "I don't know. I just feel like maybe having more information, might make it…easier for you."
"I wasn't looking for easy when I decided to marry you, Lily.
I was prepared to vow in sickness and health, in the same way my dad had done with my mom.
I know that plenty of people never face that sickness part to the degree my dad did, but I also knew it could happen and still I was willing to vow that to you.
I don't need to meet with someone to find out how fortunate I was that you ended things so I didn't have to deal with it. "
Lily nodded and fumbled for something in her purse. She reached over and opened her door and before Nate could stop her, she'd slid off the seat to stand on the road. Turning, she reached in and laid a card on the console between the seats. "If you change your mind, he is willing to meet with you."
He watched as she walked to Jessa's car and got in.
She didn't hesitate to start it up and drive away, leaving Nate sitting there wondering what was going through her mind.
Was she really just trying to give him the information to help him understand that she'd made the right decision for both of them? He picked up the card and stared at it.
His first instinct was to crumple it in his fist. Clearly this was the reason she'd asked him to come along today.
Not to offer a second chance. Not to spend time with him.
No, she had wanted to ease her own guilt by giving him a way to find out for himself that he'd had a lucky break when she'd broken their engagement.
Nate tossed the card into the cup holder in the console and put the truck in gear.
He didn’t need to talk to the doctor to know what it would have been like years from then with Lily.
It just wouldn't have mattered. He would have done what he needed to in order to care for her because he had loved her.
But she hadn't trusted him. That was the bottom line.
She may say it was about wanting to save him from a life that required him caring for her, but in the end, all it said to him was that she hadn't trusted in their love.