Chapter Twenty
Reed
Five years later
Iopened the door to the arena and stepped inside, instantly assaulted by the familiar scent of ice and the crisp, cool air of the hockey stadium.
I was frozen where I stood as I watched the players below on the ice.
Listened to their laughs and voices as they carried through the building.
Before him, I knew nothing about the sport, but after him?
Well, after him, I could tell you everything you wanted to know with my eyes closed.
Just being here was enough to send me back to that summer.
I tried to calm my racing heart, but this was all too much.
“You sure you want to be in here, babe?” My best friend, Zach Swan, nudged my side, his green eyes wide.
“This doesn’t seem like your jam. And we both know it’s not mine.
” He wrapped his arms around his body to prove his point.
I had warned him to put on something warmer, but he said it wouldn’t look good with his silver top.
I rolled my eyes as I finally managed to move my feet.
I headed toward the ice, picking the closest seats to the glass as possible and let my gaze wonder over the rink.
I knew him the second I saw him. Even with the thick padding and helmet, my heart would recognize Cole Whiteaker anywhere.
He was chasing after another player, his strong legs carrying him at an amazing speed, his stick in front of him as he managed to steal the puck and shoot it toward the goal.
Only that was the exact moment he noticed me.
He tripped and nearly face planted onto the ice.
His teammates started to clap, some of them laughing and hollering at him, but Cole’s eyes never wavered from me.
Cole was on his feet in a second, his gloved hands pressed against the glass, his blue eyes round as he spat out his mouth guard.
“Reed?” I couldn’t hear him, but I could read his lips, and that was enough.
His dark brows were drawn together as he tried to figure out if I was real or not. It had my stomach twisting into knots.
“Holy shit!” Zach murmured. “You know Cole Whiteaker? As your bestie, I feel like this is something I should have known prior to stepping into this arena. You’re in big trouble, Reed Butterfly Kelly.” He knew damn well that wasn’t my middle name.
I shrugged as a flush crept up my neck. “I mean, yeah.” I knew him in more ways than one. And he knew me.
“Whiteaker!” his coach shouted. “Get your ass moving, or you’ll be running drills until you puke!” Geez, when did Jackson Olson become such a hard ass? I suppose it was his job to be, but outside of here, he seemed like a gentle giant.
Cole stared at me for a moment longer before he skated off, but when he glanced over his shoulder at me, I wanted to tell him I was sorry.
To confess my undying love for him that had never disappeared.
I couldn’t do that. Not here. Not in front of everyone, and certainly not in front of Zach, who up until this moment, had no idea I knew about Cole or the heartache I had endured when I let him go.
“Deets.” Zach slapped my thigh. “Right now, Reed. I need to know everything you forgot to tell me.”
I sighed. I knew coming home and coming here was going to be a mistake.
I just couldn’t help myself. I knew the Panthers were in the middle of another championship hunt.
I knew their schedule better than my own.
And because my body clearly had a mind of its own, I found myself drawn to the arena.
Cole had been my first love. My only love.
I never let myself get close to anyone after him.
“He’s looking over here.” Zach giggled. “God, he is sexy as hell. Did you get to kiss him? I mean, those lips look as soft as pillows. And that body...I’ve seen pictures. He’s all hard muscle and perfection. And those thick thighs. Never mind the tattoos. I love a man with tattoos.”
I gritted my teeth. I had heard all this before.
It was why I had pushed Cole away in the first place.
I didn’t regret what had happened between us.
It was something I treasured, but I had been madly, desperately in love with him, and I knew that I would have given up everything I wanted to be with him.
Or worse, he would have done that for me.
I couldn’t let him do that. Cole was destined for greatness.
I had to leave before he ruined everything he had ever wanted just to be with me.
“Why are you not spilling all the tea right now?” Zach demanded.
“We’re supposed to be besties, and yet I had no idea you were hiding this from me.
This is a big deal. Cole is a superstar, and you failed to mention that you knew him.
I mean, he was on that billboard in Times Square in his underwear, and you just pretended like it was nothing. ”
That had been incredibly difficult. “Because there are some things I don’t talk about.”
When Zach didn’t comment, I looked up and found Cole in front of me again, his blue eyes narrowed into angry slits.
Oh, this was bad. I knew I had hurt him.
But right now, he looked ready to rip me to pieces.
I couldn’t blame him. I was a horrible person for leaving him the way I had.
But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let him give up his dreams for me.
We were two kids in love, and I didn’t want to mess that up.
“Stay right fucking there. Don’t you dare fucking leave, Reed, because I will fucking find you this time,” he hissed. Then he skated off toward the locker rooms.
Which was exactly what I wasn’t going to do, because fuck him for thinking he could tell me what to do. He was not the boss of me. I climbed to my feet, ready to flee. Zach latched onto my wrist and pinned me down.
“Let go of me.” The last thing I wanted to do was face an angry Cole. My heart couldn’t take it.
“Are you serious? He just told you to stay.” He tugged on my hand. “Don’t you want to catch up with him? Because if you don’t, I will. The things I could teach that boy.” Zach wiggled his brows.
I yanked out of his grip as jealousy zipped up my spine. “You have no idea how I feel about Cole Whitaker. Besides, he’s mine.” And there it was. The truth about how I still felt for him.
“Gotcha.” Zach patted the seat beside him as he grinned at me, and I reluctantly eased back into it.
Fuck, I hated myself.
I sighed. “I was in love with him.”
“I sort of figured that part out already, babe.” He squeezed my arm. “Did he not feel the same? Do I need to beat him up for you?”
I stared out onto the ice. I couldn’t exactly out Cole. “We were close once,” I muttered and closed my eyes as the memories came back.
The party where I had been dancing with that guy. How jealous Cole had gotten and stormed off. How I confronted him. The kiss we shared in the rain. I blinked away the hot tears that stung my eyes.
“I came home from my first year of school and his dads had bought the house next to my parents. There was a big wedding two days later, and we bumped into one another by accident.”
I left out the part about us already knowing one another. That was our secret. Our meet-cute that I wasn’t sharing with anyone. I had hoped to tell our children about it one day.
“His dad is married to Dean Frost, right?” Zach asked.
I nodded. “I was out on the dock, enjoying the music, when he showed up. Stripping off his tie and carrying a glass of champagne. It was like something out of my wet dreams. I caught him out of the corner of my eye, and he looked so hot. His hair was stuck to his head, and he had this scowl on his face. He didn’t see me right away.
But then he smiled, it lit up his entire face. ”
“You still love him.” Zach knew me so well.
I sighed and stared out across the now empty ice. “No.” Yes.
I was pretty sure I had fallen in love with him when we were teens. The letters we had written to one another. How easy it was to talk to him. All the messages that we had sent to each other.
I closed my eyes to stop the tears that threatened to fall.
I spent so many nights trying to forget about that.
There had been so many faceless men in my bed since then.
I thought would help, but I always saw Cole.
I only saw Cole. Every time, it was him above me.
Beneath me. Behind me. Telling me what a good boy I was.
Filling me. His hot breath on my neck. His teeth pricking my skin and moaning my name.
I couldn’t escape him no matter how hard I tried.
Cole was everywhere, and now he was a hockey superstar.
Everyone loved him. And I was so proud of him.
“Reed.” I glanced up to find Cole standing at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in a suit that was tailor-made just for him. It brought out the blue of his eyes, and I couldn’t help but miss the backwards cap he used to wear that summer. “Jesus, I thought you might have left... I missed you.”
And then he was hugging me so tightly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I inhaled his familiar scent of lavender shampoo and Tide detergent. My arms wrapped around him like they had a mind of their own, and this just felt right.
When Cole placed me back on my feet, I stared up at him, the boy who was now a man, and felt my heart thump against my chest. “I can’t believe you cut all your curls off. It’s not a good look for you.”
“Reed!” Zach gasped. “You can’t say that!”
I shrugged. “What? He had great curls.” I had spent hours combing my fingers through those curls. And now they were gone. Something that had crushed me when I first saw it. I suppose it was just another thing of the past.
“I really missed you.” Cole dragged his hand over his short, dark hair and gave me a sheepish grin.