8. Bex
Chapter 8
Bex
Aspen took one look at my dazed expression and red-rimmed eyes when I arrived back at the ranch and shooed Tucker away, before declaring a sleepover since Mac had been called away for the evening.
We’d always been each other’s sounding board, but it had been a long time since we had the opportunity to work through one of our problems in person rather than over the phone.
Cozied up in bed beside my best friend, I peeked around the one-room cabin she shared with Mac while they waited for the construction of their house on the property to be completed.
“Can’t believe your family used to live here when you were little,” I remarked.
Laughing, Aspen surveyed the space. “Yeah, my parents were crazy.”
A corner of my lips pulled up. “I don’t know about that. I’d say more like determined as hell to make this whole thing work.”
The Sullivans had bought this piece of land before Aspen was born; the cabin we sat in was the only structure on the premises back then. They’d built their breeding ranch from the ground up, and I could respect the sacrifices made to achieve their dream.
My best friend dropped her head onto my shoulder and sighed. “Yeah, I suppose. I don’t remember much about living here since we moved into the big house when I was three. But being here now with Mac, I can kinda see how it would have been romantic when it was just the two of them.”
“It’s almost like a family tradition now,” I mused. “Guess Tripp’s next when he finally makes a move on Penny.”
Aspen snorted. “At the rate he’s going, my future kids will end up using this cabin with their spouses first.”
Talk about kids had my mind returning to that cold, dark storm cellar, and I shivered. Aspen picked up on it immediately with our bodies side by side.
“You okay?” Her head lifted, eyes scanning my face.
I blew out a breath and squeezed my eyes shut before asking, “How much do you know about Tucker’s ex?”
The silence stretched on for so long that I forced myself to crack one eyelid open. Aspen stared back at me with heartbreak written across her face.
“So you know, then,” I said softly.
Her lips twisted to the side. “Do you?”
I lifted one shoulder. “Our time spent sheltering in place was eventful, to say the least. Everything kinda boiled over with us stuck in a confined space.”
Aspen banded her arms around me, hugging me tight. “How do you feel about it all?”
Huffing out a wry laugh, I replied, “Just as blindsided as I was ten years ago.”
“He blames himself, you know. ”
The anguish on his face when he’d told me the truth was still so fresh in my mind.
My lower lip trembled thinking about all he’d shared. “I spent all this time hurting. I had no idea he was suffering, too.” I couldn’t stop the tears from blurring my vision. “I thought something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough for him and he found someone better.”
“Oh, Bex. I’m so sorry.” Aspen’s thick voice betrayed she’d grown emotional on my behalf.
“If only . . .” I let out a shuddering breath. “If only he’d told me what was going on back then. Maybe I could have been the voice of reason and demanded he take the proper steps to confirm her story before jumping head-first into a major life decision.”
“We can play the what-if game all day long. But he was scared out of his mind to lose you, and then, in his mind, it became moot when she claimed to be pregnant. It’s easy to look back with the gift of hindsight as a mature adult and say you would have handled it rationally, but you were practically still a kid. It was too heavy of a situation for either of you to face at that age. You might have still come away brokenhearted, and who knows if you would have ever trusted Tucker again. I know you loved him . . .”
Loved. Past tense.
If that were true, I wouldn’t still be in so much pain from his betrayal—a betrayal that hadn’t actually happened.
No, I was still in love with Tucker Grant, even if most days, it was hard to breathe, knowing that love wasn’t returned.
Now, I knew better.
My head dropped back onto the headboard. “What am I supposed to do now, Aspen? I’ve got this whole life in Chicago. Am I expected to throw it all away after a few words of apology and explanation? Run right back into Tucker’s arms like no time has passed? Life doesn’t work like that. I might be able to forgive, but I can’t forget how it changed the trajectory of my future. I’m a different person because of what happened back then.”
Pulling back, Aspen scanned my face with a tilt of her head. “You still love him, don’t you?”
I slid her a side-eye; she knew it was true without asking. Why else would I have run from everything that could possibly remind me of him?
It didn’t matter how battered and bruised Tucker had left that organ inside my chest; it still longed for him. So many nights, I’d begged God to take away these feelings, but he never answered my prayers. I finally understood the reason why. Because He knew the truth about what had happened to Tucker and that, someday, I would learn it too.
Aspen frowned. “You’re dating Aaron.”
Fuck. Aaron. I wasn’t just dating him; I was engaged to him.
Pushing thoughts of him and how these new developments impacted that relationship to the back of my mind, I threw my arms wide. “The world didn’t stop turning because Tuck broke my heart. He was married , Aspen. It didn’t matter if I still loved him; he belonged to another woman, and I had to move on.”
“Right, sorry. I just thought—” She shook her head almost as if to clear it. “Never mind.”
“What?” I was still playing catch-up, so if she had more information, I needed to hear it.
“He’s still in love with you too, Bex.”
It would be difficult to deny that truth after setting foot in the dream house he’d built to my exact specifications and hearing he still had an engagement ring meant for me in his possession.
But this was too messy, too complicated, and after being put through the emotional wringer earlier, I couldn’t deal with any more today.
I was desperately in need of a change of topic .
“I know we called it off, but I’d love to see some of the other teams’ videos from the scavenger hunt.”
A wicked grin curved on Aspen’s lips. “I would pay good money to see the look on Harriet’s face at the drugstore when my brother and Penny came in to buy a pregnancy test.”
Laughter bubbled up from my chest as I pictured the pair making that purchase. “Though I can totally see Penny dragging Tripp inside to complete that task, how can you be sure they got around to it before the tornado warning, or that they even attempted it?”
“Oh, they did, all right. You know how I know? Because Meemaw rang me up while we were running around. And I had to be the one to burst her bubble that neither I nor Penny were about to give her the great-grandbabies she’s so eager for. Though, it was funny hearing her explain that buying condoms wasn’t going to help anyone get pregnant and that we should toss them in the trash to increase our chances.”
We both burst into a fit of giggles. Between gasping breaths, I said, “God, I love her.”
Aspen gripped her midsection. “Her candor is part of her charm, that’s for sure.”
I relaxed back on the bed with a sigh. “We skipped that one, but pretty sure we made up for it by being the only ones to open the bottle of wine.”
My bestie scoffed beside me. “Please, that was the easiest one.”
“What?” I sat up wide-eyed. “How did you do it?”
She flashed me a smirk. “Twist top bottle.”
For a minute, I stared at her in shock, my jaw hanging slack before I accused, “Cheater!”
Arching an eyebrow, she challenged, “I don’t remember the rules saying anything about a cork, only that you couldn’t use a corkscrew to open the bottle. ”
Damn her. She was right.
I was more mad at myself that I hadn’t discovered that particular loophole. But if I had, we would have never gone to Tucker’s house, and the truth about the events of the past might have never been uncovered. Honestly, I couldn’t be sure if I was better or worse off for knowing. My head was too fucked up right now. Once the dust settled, I could sort through my feelings, but not tonight.
“How did you guys do it?”
Pride surged through me, and I whipped out my phone, pulling up the video. Aspen crowded my space to get a better view of the screen. Even though I knew what was coming, I still jolted when the cork popped free.
Aspen made an impressed sound at the back of her throat. “Okay, that was actually kinda cool.”
Tucker had always been the smartest person I knew, and it was a small comfort to see that hadn’t changed.
“You got a video for the reading challenge?”
I shook my head. “We did it, but it’s on Tucker’s phone since I read.”
Her bright blue eyes twinkled with interest. “Anything juicy?”
Lifting one shoulder in a half-shrug, I replied, “Standard reverse harem, three guys.” I huffed out a tiny laugh. “Pretty sure I shocked the shit outta Tuck, though. Two of the guys were twins.”
Aspen nodded her approval. “Excellent.”
“What about you guys?”
She lifted a single eyebrow and shot me a knowing look.
“The sin bin scene from Sticks and Shadows ? Again?” I gave her a playful eye roll. It was no secret that was her favorite spicy scene ever written.
“Come on, you know it was hot as hell.”
My head tilted from side to side. “Honestly, I liked the scene after that, where he could still smell the lingering scent of their sex in the penalty box during the next game and then railed her in the backseat of his car in the parking garage.”
Cheeks tinting pink, she sighed. “Yeah.”
“Can’t believe you found that one in our tiny bookshop,” I mused.
She sat up straight. “Oh! Didn’t I tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Evie’s got a hookup with the author.”
“Shut up, no way.” I shoved her shoulder.
“Dead serious. I swear.” Aspen made a crossing gesture over her heart.
“Evie Grant, as in Tucker’s sister?”
“Mm-hmm.” Her head bobbed as her smile grew.
Doubtful, I challenged, “How?”
“Jenner’s teammate is actually married to D.D. Morgan. But I guess her real name is Dakota.”
I let out a low whistle. “Small world.”
“No kidding. Like, what are the odds?”
Reminiscent of our college days when we’d shared a dorm room, we stayed up the rest of the night, talking about anything and everything. With Aspen getting married, we were coming to the end of an era. I would always hold a special place in her life, but Mac would be the person she confided in first, as it should be.
I was happy for her that she’d found her person.
But I couldn’t help thinking about my person—the tortured soul living alone in a house of my design—on the other end of town.
Where did we go from here?