17. Bex
Chapter 17
Bex
I paused at the entrance to Tucker’s bedroom, suddenly nervous.
What was wrong with me? The man had literally been down on his knees for me less than an hour ago, feasting on my pussy like he was on death row and it was the last meal he’d ever eat, yet now the thought of entering his private space gave me pause?
This was so silly, but I couldn’t help but feel like once I crossed the threshold—sex or no sex—there would be no going back.
Tucker realized I hadn’t followed him inside and turned around, cocking his head. “Did you forget to tell me you turned into a vampire during the last ten years and need an invitation to come inside?”
I rolled my eyes, making a big show of stepping into the room. “That’s for the house, not the bedroom.”
He snapped his fingers. “You know what, I knew that.”
Unspoken between us was why he had that knowledge. It was because I’d forced him to watch my favorite vampire series a million times when we were dating. Even during the years of our long-distance relationship, when he was off at college, Tucker would call at night, and we’d sit on the phone while we both watched the same episode.
Life had been so much simpler back then. We didn’t have to worry about being manipulated by ex-wives or breaking off engagements that we shouldn’t have entered into in the first place.
Guess the saying held true. It was hard to recognize the good days when you were in them.
Those days of my youth—wrapped up in Tucker, surrounded by his love—were the best of my life. Nothing had come close since.
Until tonight.
Tonight created a bridge between the past and present. Only time would tell if it extended beyond this moment and into the future as well.
I couldn’t think about that right now. Not when Tucker was taking off his shirt.
Like a deer caught in headlights, I couldn’t look away as he fed the buttons through the loops, my mouth going dry as each inch of bronzed skin came into view.
Where did I sign up to have this doctor give me a physical? Because damn .
“Bex?”
“Mmm?” My eyes were glued to the muscles lining his chest and abs.
“I asked if you needed something to sleep in, but you were too busy checking me out to hear a word I said.”
When my gaze snapped up, heat rose to my cheeks at the sight of the amused smirk on his lips.
I was so busted. But could anyone blame me? Over-thirty Tucker Grant was hot —the kind of hot where you knew getting too close was dangerous, but you pushed forward anyway, even at the risk of getting burned .
The only way to fight fire was with fire, so I gripped the hem of my skirt, drawing my dress over my head.
“Fuck me,” Tucker breathed out when he discovered that I wore nothing underneath.
I wasn’t sure why he was surprised. He’d stolen my panties, and my left tit had been hanging out by the time he finished going down on me. It was pretty obvious when he helped cover me up that there hadn’t been a bra to reposition.
Tossing the garment behind me, I kicked off my heels and taunted, “Pretty sure you took that off the table for tonight.”
He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “I’m claiming temporary insanity. That’s the only explanation.” Eyes darkening, he took a step forward before he caught himself. “Goddamn, you’re perfect.”
I preened under his praise. Most men I’d been with were more focused on getting theirs. Sure, they appreciated my body and how it could aid in their sexual gratification, but they’d never stared at it with the reverence that Tucker did now.
Voice gone husky, he said, “Need to get you covered up.”
“Spoilsport,” I teased back.
He offered me a low hum that could have passed for a groan as he stepped toward a dresser along the wall and tossed a T-shirt in my direction.
I caught the soft fabric, unable to keep from bringing it to my nose the same way he’d done with my panties earlier. Ten years later, he smelled the same. His scent invaded my nostrils, soothing the last traces of nervousness over spending a night in his bed.
The shirt hit me at mid-thigh once I slipped it over my head. Hitching a thumb toward the ensuite bathroom, I asked, “Got a spare toothbrush? ”
Tucker straightened after dropping his slacks, leaving him only clad in tight-fitting boxer briefs that hugged his thighs and highlighted that he’d gotten hard again at the sight of me naked. “I don’t. Sorry.”
Not sure why I asked. We’d just been swapping spit, so I shouldn’t have batted an eyelash at using his. Maybe it was my covert way of trying to sus out if there had been other women since his divorce.
Nope. Not going there.
“It’s fine.” I tried to keep it breezy as I waltzed into the bathroom.
Breezy flew right out the window when I saw a beautiful freestanding tub set before a picture window. My heart jumped into my throat when I scanned the rest of the stylistic choices—clear glass shower with rainfall showerhead, rustic wood vanity/sink combo topped with marble, barn doors concealing what I knew without looking to be the linen closet.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise after seeing the kitchen a few days ago, but there was something to be said about witnessing your dream brought to life. Everything in this house was exactly how I wanted it, down to the ranch-style layout because I’d worried about kids taking the stairs too fast and breaking a leg.
Tucker’s warm breath skated along the back of my neck. “It brought me comfort knowing you touched every inch of this house even though I was certain you’d never set foot inside it.”
I spun around in awe of the depth of his devotion, the depth of his love.
“But you know what I realized?”
Stunned beyond words, I only managed to shake my head in response.
“That, until this moment, it was only a house. Having you here makes it a home.”
Good Lord, what was this man doing to me? It was all I could do not to melt into a puddle at his feet .
He jerked his chin toward the massive soaker tub over my shoulder. “Wanna take it for a spin?”
Twisting my head around, I stared longingly at the porcelain beauty, picturing what it would be like to stretch out inside with hot water caressing every inch of my body. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him, Maybe another time , but I caught myself before I made a promise I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep.
Turning my attention back to Tucker, I declined his offer. “No, thanks. I’m kinda tired. Plus, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
Disappointment flickered over his features, but he covered it quickly, ducking his head as he replied, “That, we do.”
He left me to use the restroom and then switched with me once I was done. When he returned to the bedroom, I was seated on the edge of his neatly made bed.
Tucker arched an eyebrow, likely wondering why I hadn’t crawled beneath the covers. The truth was that I found myself out of my depth, not knowing exactly how he expected my spending the night to go.
“I didn’t know what side of the bed was yours.” My excuse came out weak.
A smile tugged up onto his lips. “Whichever side isn’t yours.”
My brows rose. “What?”
He shrugged. “No matter what the deed says, this is your house, Bex. So you tell me which side of the bed you prefer to sleep on, and I’ll take the opposite.”
With my throat suddenly tight, I croaked out, “The left.”
“It’s all yours.” With sure steps, he rounded the bottom of the bed and pulled back the covers on his side of the mattress before lying down. I still sat there frozen, watching him, so eventually, he asked, “You getting in?”
Closing my eyes, I dragged in a deep breath.
Why did sleeping together feel more intimate than having sex? It boiled down to a combination of things—this house, this man, the initials inked on my right arm for all the world to see, even if only temporarily.
Love was so much more powerful than lust. It was also infinitely more terrifying to give yourself over to.
Releasing the air in my lungs slowly, I crawled across the mattress and into his waiting arms. Tucker’s bare chest was warm, and the sound of his heart beating beneath my ear matched the fast-tempo of horses galloping across the open range.
Though he’d been playing it cool, the nerves had gotten to him too. If anything, it was a comfort to know I wasn’t alone, that we shared a similar anxiety over whatever the hell it was we were doing here tonight.
The muscles beneath me bunched and shifted as he outstretched an arm to turn off the bedside lamp.
Shrouded in darkness, Tucker’s pulse kicked up an additional notch, and I felt him swallow against the top of my head before he spoke. “Why did you agree to come to the wedding when you knew we’d be paired together?”
A sarcastic huff escaped past my lips. “I didn’t.”
With one arm wrapped around my waist to keep me pressed to his side, Tucker ran the hand of the other down the length of my hair. “What?”
I hummed. “Aspen never mentioned it. Claimed it fell under the clause of ‘we aren’t allowed to talk about Tucker, so how was I supposed to tell you’.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Ouch.”
My palm came to rest on his abs. “I know it’s childish, but it hurt to think about you, let alone hear about you.”
His grip on me tightened. “You did what you had to do to survive.”
“Yeah,” I breathed out. That described it exactly .
“Mac withheld some pretty important information from me as well.” The growled words vibrating his chest were enough to indicate that Aaron’s arrival was a surprise he hadn’t been expecting.
“Their hearts were in the right place.”
“Can’t be too mad at them when their lies of omission led us here,” he agreed.
I wasn’t sure if he meant here physically, us lying in each other’s arms, or here metaphorically, with the two of us standing on the precipice of a new beginning. Didn’t really matter. I would take whatever I could get for however long I was able to hold onto it.
Silence stretched between us, and the slowed rhythm of Tucker’s heart nearly lulled me half to sleep when he said, “Tell me about your life in Chicago.”
Groaning, I shifted in his hold to lift my head and peek at him. My eyes had adjusted enough that I could vaguely make out the features of his face but not enough that I could read his expression.
“I didn’t realize when you asked me to sleep over that we were taking the old-school route where we stayed up all night talking. If I wanted to do that, I could have kept my original plans to crash on the trundle bed in Aspen’s room tonight.”
Tucker cupped my cheek. “I’ve missed so much.” His hand slid lower until it came to rest over my heart. “I know who you are in here, but I’m curious to learn about the path you’ve traveled down since we parted ways.”
It was a simple request, and I didn’t have much to lose by shedding light on the gap in our timeline.
Though I’d racked up a decent list of accomplishments during my time away from Rust Canyon, without my heart being in them, they didn’t quite hold the same significance as they should have. I’d been merely going through the motions in my life.
“Life in Chicago is”—I blew out a heavy breath—“busy. Most of my time is spent in the office.”
“What kind of law do you practice?”
“Corporate. It’s nothing exciting. Lots of contracts and mergers and settlements.”
He chuckled. “Sounds like a lot of paperwork.”
“It is,” I agreed. “I’ll likely never see the inside of a courtroom. But I’m okay with that. The idea of public speaking is enough to give me hives.”
“Noted. I’ll make sure to pack some extra antihistamines tomorrow for when you have to give your speech.”
Tucker’s teasing made me smile. “That’s different, and you know it.”
He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “You’re right. Because if I know you, you’ll be speaking from the heart.”
A smirk lifted my lips. “Are you saying you need notes for your speech? Blasphemous.”
When he tickled my side, I squealed, twisting away to escape his playful attack. The shift had me flat on my back, and Tucker saw an opportunity, electing to cage me in from above.
Burying his face in the crook of my neck, he kissed a path upward until his lips skimmed my jaw before capturing my mouth. There was zero hesitation; I opened for him instantly, moaning at his familiar taste.
His hands skated up my sides, shoving the shirt covering me out of the way. Fingers trailed fire across my exposed skin, and I lifted my hips, moaning when the hard length of him brushed against where I lay open and naked for him.
That, apparently, was enough to bring Tucker back to his senses, and he tore his lips away with a groan .
“Just sleeping tonight.” The words came out strained, like he was struggling to keep a grip on his control.
My breath came out in short pants, and I replied, “You started it.”
His chest rumbled, and he nipped at my lower lip one more time before sitting back on his knees and pulling the shirt back down to cover my naked body.
This time, when he laid back down, he turned onto his side, pulled my back flush to his chest, and banded his arms around me to keep me close.
Wiggling my ass against his hard-on resulted in a sharp sting in the flesh of my shoulder as Tucker bit down before he growled in warning, “Behave.”
“Fine,” I huffed, though I was unable to keep the amusement from my tone. “How about instead of fooling around, you tell me how you came to run the family practice in town.”
His breath fanned across my ear as he spoke. “When I left Baltimore, I had a couple more years left on my residency, so I transferred it to the hospital in Enid. The commute was killer, so I spent more nights than I care to admit sleeping in the on-call room, but I made it through. By the time I’d finished it, Doc Stevens was getting ready to retire. With no one else in town qualified to take his place, I offered to buy him out of the practice. I met Felicity Bowman while working in Enid and practically begged her to join me down here. Six hundred people doesn’t seem like a lot when you’re talking about the population of the town, but it’s far too many patients for one doctor to handle alone. Honestly, I don’t know how Doc Stevens managed all those years without a partner.”
“Sounds like it keeps you busy.”
“It does,” he agreed. “But it’s also really rewarding.”
“What’s your favorite part?” I was curious to learn more about his position within the community .
“Nothing brings me more joy than one of my patients calling me from the hospital to share the news that they’ve brought a baby safely into this world and need me to come check the little one out.”
One of Tucker’s hands shifted to rest on my lower abdomen, and I sucked in a sharp breath.
What seemed like a lifetime ago now, we’d talked about having babies. Together. And I couldn’t help but wonder what they might’ve looked like and how many we would have today if things had been different.
I hadn’t forgotten the short list of names for the children we never got to have.
Oaklynn, Saylor, Bowen, and Reece.
I mourned them even though they’d never been conceived, the same as I mourned the loss of their theoretical father—the only man I’d ever considered having children with.
My eyes began to burn, and I blinked furiously, willing myself not to cry any more tears over a dream long lost. Even if Tucker and I somehow managed to rebuild our relationship after all this time, so much had changed.
Nearing thirty, I knew the window grew smaller with each passing year I waited to start a family. Plus, there were Evie’s infertility struggles that had come to light earlier this week. What if that impacted Tucker, too, and the choice had already been made for us?
Then there was my career to consider. While legally, the firm couldn’t discriminate against women for taking maternity leave, they found subtle ways to punish those who did. Their clients were passed off to male colleagues in their absence and not returned, the pumping room was a glorified storage closet, and they were still expected to hit the annual required billable hours, regardless of legally being given time off after birth. It also didn’t go unnoticed that there wasn’t a single female partner who had children. The message was crystal clear: if you want to move up, sacrifices in your personal life must be made.
All of that had been fine a week ago. I’d made my peace with the path I’d chosen.
Now, everything had changed. Courtesy of the man at my back.
In typical Tucker fashion, he sensed my internal turmoil and provided silent comfort in the form of soothing circles stroked over the skin of my hip.
His simple touch allowed my mind to settle enough for darkness to pull me under.