Chapter 15
Maya and Lennox had headed off to school by the time Bethany and Clive returned to Whispering Willows. In the kitchen Maya had left a brief note telling Clive what jobs they’d done before leaving, explaining that she’d plated him and Bethany cooked breakfasts which were keeping warm in the oven, and adding that she hoped whatever emergency Clive had been dealing with all had gone well.
‘They’re such good kids,’ Clive said, fussing an eager Viva who was clearly delighted they’d returned. He washed his hands then sat down to breakfast. ‘I was really lucky to find them. Although, strictly speaking, Maya practically begged me. She’s horse mad.’
‘Doesn’t she have her own pony?’ Bethany asked, placing a plate of bread and butter on the table before sitting down opposite him.
He shook his head. ‘No way they could afford it. Her dad’s a farm labourer and doesn’t earn much, and her mum works part time at Millican’s. You know, the chippy in Market Square? Ponies are expensive to keep. That’s why so many of them end up like the poor mare and foal at Larkspur Common.’
‘I hope they’ll be all right,’ Bethany said with a shiver. She chewed some bacon, thinking about it. ‘We’ll need to get another loosebox ready, just in case. Is there one that doesn’t leak? I mean, apart from the ones you use for Chester and Barney?’
‘There are a couple of others that aren’t too bad,’ Clive said, slicing into his fried egg. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’
‘I was thinking…’ Bethany hesitated. ‘I was thinking perhaps I ought to invest some money in doing up the stables. Just a new roof, new doors, that sort of thing. I mean, when I sell this place the outbuildings would be an asset, and the better condition they’re in the more it will rack up the price, right?’
He frowned, not looking entirely sure. ‘These days,’ he said, sounding almost reluctant to put into words his thoughts on the matter, ‘it’s more likely that the stables would either be pulled down, or they’d be converted into something else. Round here there’s a big demand for holiday accommodation and the stable block would make good holiday cottages. I’m not sure I’d waste my money.’
She stared at him in surprise. ‘I thought you’d have been biting my hand off! I’m offering to improve the accommodation for the horses and you’re saying not to bother?’
‘There just doesn’t seem much point,’ he said heavily. ‘If you were staying and planning to keep Whispering Willows running then of course I’d be all for it. But as it is…’
She prodded listlessly at a mushroom. ‘I suppose you’re right.’
‘If you want to spend some money on the place, I’d start with the house. Anything you do to improve that will increase your profits. Having said that, there are no guarantees. After all, the new buyer might have plans to demolish everything. If they can get planning permission who knows what they’ll put up in its place.’
‘Demolish Whispering Willows?’ Bethany frowned. ‘Why would they do that? It’s a perfectly good house.’ She gazed around her and sighed. ‘Well, it used to be.’
‘Aye, I’m sure it did, but it needs an awful lot of work doing to it. And like I said, there’s a demand for holiday accommodation round here, and with all this land, who knows? It could even be turned into a holiday park of some sort. You can’t really rule anything out.’
Bethany hadn’t even considered that. She’d just imagined someone would buy Whispering Willows, spend a lot of money restoring it, and live in it forever more. She realised now that she’d been extremely naive.
‘So you’re saying I shouldn’t spend any money on it at all?’
Clive shrugged. ‘It’s not for me to say, is it? Maybe you should discuss it with the estate agent. Get his views on the best thing to do.’
He sounded a bit off, like he had other things on his mind.
‘Are you worried about Dylan Thomas?’ she asked anxiously. ‘You do think he’ll make it, don’t you?’
‘Honestly? I’m not sure. All I can say is he’s in good hands and he’ll get the best care. I think Shirley has a much better chance, once she’s been wormed and fed properly and had those hooves trimmed, but the little one’s had a really rough time of it. I wouldn’t like to say what his chances are.’
Bethany pushed her plate away, suddenly not hungry.
Clive sighed. ‘Bethany, I feel there’s something I should tell you. I haven’t been entirely honest with you.’
‘About the foal?’
‘No.’ Clive put down his knife and fork. Evidently his appetite had deserted him too. ‘About Joseph.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘What about him?’ she asked suspiciously, while her mind raced with all the possibilities. He could be about to tell her anything. Nothing much would surprise her about her brother.
‘What I said about Pepper…’
Bethany’s heart thudded. ‘What about him?’
‘I told you Joseph sold all the horses.’
‘And he didn’t?’
He rubbed his forehead, obviously dreading what he was about to tell her.
‘He sold his horse and your father’s horse,’ he said slowly. ‘But Pepper—Pepper was already dead. I’m so sorry.’
‘Dead?’ she whispered. She shook her head. ‘But he wasn’t even old. When I left he was, what, eleven, twelve? What did he die of?’
To her surprise Clive reached for her hand. ‘There’s no easy way to say this, Bethany. Your father shot him.’
Bethany stared at him. Thoughts of her beautiful bay pony with the black points and white blaze fluttered through her mind. His gentle nicker in a morning when she went to greet him; the way he always nudged her pockets, searching for mints; his dozens of quirks and habits that made him so special to her.
‘Shot him?’ She imagined her father aiming a gun at him and felt sick. Had he known? Had he been afraid? Had he thought of her, wondering why she hadn’t come to save him? Her stomach heaved and she covered her mouth as tears filled her eyes.
‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to tell you, but you were so angry at Joseph for selling him, and you thought it proved he didn’t care about you. I had to explain. You deserve the truth.’
‘Explain what exactly? All you’ve told me is that my father shot Pepper. Why did he do that?’
Clive bit his lip as he studied the table for a moment.
‘Don’t lie to me again,’ she warned him. ‘I need to know what really happened.’
He nodded. ‘I suppose you do, aye. The fact is, he shot Pepper because of you. Because you left home. He was furious when he found you’d gone, and since he couldn’t find you to punish you…’
‘He punished Pepper instead.’ Tears rolled unchecked down her face. She could well believe it. It was just the sort of thing her father would have done. Why hadn’t she considered that? What had she been thinking, leaving her beloved pony in that monster’s hands? ‘Joseph. Did he try?—?’
‘Unfortunately, Joseph was at work, but it seems your father deliberately timed it so he heard the shot just as he was arriving home. There was, shall we say, an altercation. The next day, Joseph sent Magnus and Jet to a livery stable a few miles away and instructed the owner to find new homes for them.’
‘And Father allowed that?’
‘He had no choice. He’d pushed Joseph way too far. Joseph threatened to call the police if he tried to stop him. After that there were no animals at Whispering Willows until after your father died. You see, that’s when it started—Joseph wanting to make amends to horses for the things your father had done. I—I know what he was like. What was going on here when you were kids. Joseph couldn’t always stop him then, but he did everything he could to make up for that when he was able.’
‘He used to whip them,’ Bethany said slowly, the memories she’d tried hard to bury bubbling up inside her. ‘He never hit us. Never raised a finger to us. He didn’t need to, you see. He knew what would hurt more. If we did something he didn’t like, it was our horses he punished. We quickly learned to behave ourselves.’
‘I know,’ Clive said quietly. He squeezed her hand tightly. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Miss Lavender saw Joseph threaten Father with a horse whip,’ she told him, tears spilling down her cheeks. ‘She had no idea what had been going on. She just saw Father cowering in the stables and Joseph looming over him with the whip in his hand. She assumed Joseph was the bully, the bad one. That’s when she stopped coming to Whispering Willows. When she stopped liking Joseph. She thought I’d left home because Joseph had done the same to me.’ She shook her head slowly. ‘All those years. I only found out after I moved into Lavender House. I put her straight of course, but it was too late by then.’
‘So that’s why she had nothing to do with Joseph!’ Clive gasped. ‘I never understood it. That man!’ he added furiously. ‘Correction, that so-called man, has a lot to answer for.’
‘We all have a lot to answer for!’ Bethany cried, wrenching her hand from his grasp. ‘All this wretched family. Don’t you see that? Oh, it’s easy to just blame Father. He was a tyrant and a sadist, no question about it. He made Mother’s life a misery, bullying her and cheating on her repeatedly. Hard to believe any other woman would want him, but somehow they seemed to fall for him. He tormented me and Joseph. He whipped the horses to punish us and keep us in line. So yes, blame Father. But the rest of us aren’t innocent.’
Clive frowned. ‘Meaning what?’
Bethany ran a hand through her hair, hardly able to keep up with the jumble of thoughts that were swirling around in her head.
‘My mother was weak and feeble. She did nothing to stand up to him. Nothing to stand up for her children! This house belonged to her. The money was hers. Why didn’t she throw him out? Why didn’t she take a stand? Why did she sit back and let him do what he liked, making us all so miserable?’
‘I suppose she—’ Clive began, but Bethany wasn’t in the mood to listen.
‘And Joseph! He was older than me. A young man by the time Mother died. Why didn’t he stand up to Father? Why didn’t he do something?’
‘He did!’ Clive said, clearly indignant. ‘I’ve just told you?—’
‘When it was too late! Oh, I’m not saying he didn’t do anything. I remember when he was about nineteen he plucked up the courage from somewhere and punched Father to stop him whipping Magnus. It was such a big deal. I couldn’t believe he’d actually done it, and Father was so shocked he didn’t touch the horses after that—at least, I always believed he didn’t but then Miss Lavender told me what she saw so who knows… Joseph must have been protecting the horses as much as he could.’
‘So?’
‘It wasn’t enough! He should have called the police or something. He was weak, just like Father. Oh yes,’ she added angrily, ‘Father was weak. That was our mistake, you see. We thought he was strong, but he wasn’t. He was pathetic. Using a whip on a defenceless horse to punish his own children. Bullying a woman who had no way of standing up to him. That’s not strength. That’s cowardice, plain and simple.’
Clive said nothing. He was simply staring at her as if he had no words.
‘And me,’ she finished bitterly. ‘I’m the worst of the lot. I should never, never have left those horses behind for that man to punish. I should have known what he’d do, but I just wanted to get away. I wanted to escape. I told myself things would be fine and that I needed to put myself first, but I was selfish. You see?’
She gazed at Clive through tear-filled eyes. ‘That’s my family for you. Weak, selfish, and thoroughly pathetic.’
Clive squeezed her hand. ‘Aw, Bethany, that’s just not true,’ he said gently. ‘When the so-called head of the house is a sadistic bully it’s hard for children to stand up to him. You’d have grown up living in a dark shadow caused by his behaviour. Grown up in fear. No one can blame you or Joseph for not having the courage to stand up to him. You both did the best you could. Joseph by stopping your father from attacking the horses, and you by escaping. Putting yourself first. It’s self-preservation and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.’
‘And our mother,’ she said bitterly. ‘Letting it happen when we were too young to do anything for ourselves then…’
Then leaving us alone with him forever.
She could still recall that awful day when she’d heard the news. It had been Joseph who broke it to her, sitting beside her on her bed, stroking her hair as she cried her little heart out. She’d wept bitterly, though even now Bethany wasn’t certain if she’d been crying with grief or because she’d been afraid, already realising that she and Joseph would be even more at their father’s mercy.
‘It’s going to be right, Beth,’ he’d said, as he so often had before. ‘Haven’t I always told you that? It’s all going to be right.’
‘It must have hurt,’ Clive said gently. He took her hand again. ‘You were so young when she died.’
‘Seven.’
‘Joseph said she’d been ill for a long time,’ he said. ‘It must have been hard for you all.’
She stared at him. ‘Did Joseph tell you how she died?’
The look in his eyes told her that he knew all too well.
She spluttered with anger and grief. ‘So you know she wasn’t ill! She took her own life! She abandoned us—left us to him. That’s how much she loved us.’
‘But she was ill,’ Clive said. ‘There are many different types of illness and mental illness is just one of them. She was clearly depressed and suffering or she would never have done what she did. I’m sure she loved you dearly, just as Joseph did.’
Bethany wiped her eyes and stared at him. ‘Joseph? He said that did he?’
‘Not in so many words, no,’ Clive said. ‘He didn’t have to. I saw it in his eyes. I heard it in his voice every time he mentioned you.’
‘He mentioned me a lot then?’ she challenged.
Clive lowered his gaze. ‘Not often,’ he admitted eventually. ‘But when he did?—’
‘Oh please!’ Bethany gave a harsh laugh, ignoring the pressure from Clive’s hand as he squeezed her own. ‘When I left home I didn’t hear a single word from Joseph. Not a word.’
‘Did you leave an address?’
‘Even Miss Lavender knew where to find me!’ she snapped. ‘She read the announcement of our wedding in the newspaper. If she could find me so easily, why couldn’t Joseph? I wasn’t exactly difficult to find once I met Ted. He was a high-profile businessman. It wouldn’t have taken him long to find me, but he didn’t bother.’
‘Did you bother to write to him?’ Clive asked pointedly.
She was about to blurt out that she hadn’t, and that there’d been a very good reason for that. Instead, she said, ‘This is getting us nowhere. Thank you for telling me what happened to Pepper. Do you happen to know what happened to him afterwards? After he died, I mean? Where did he go?’
Clive hesitated. ‘I do actually. He was taken to the equine crematorium in Ravensbridge.’
‘And his ashes?’ she asked anxiously.
‘I’m sorry, I have no idea what Joseph did with those,’ he said, his eyes full of regret.
‘I just hope they’re not buried here,’ she said sadly. ‘I’d hate to think of him stuck here in this prison where he’d been treated so badly. Trapped here, just like my mother was. Like Joseph was all those years.’
‘I’m sorry I can’t be of more help. If it’s any consolation, though, I doubt Joseph would have seen it like that. If Pepper is buried here he’d probably see it as him coming home to the place where he’d once been loved dearly by a young girl who’d thought the world of him.’ He hesitated, frowning. ‘Is that how you really see it? About Joseph, I mean. You think he was trapped here?’
‘Don’t you? He should have moved on. Left all those horrible memories behind. Why did he stay? Guilt? Grief? I don’t understand him.’
She seemed to have left Clive lost for words.
Bethany scraped back her chair and got to her feet, her vision blurry with tears. ‘I’d better get to Lavender House,’ she said. ‘Can you scrape the plates when you’re done, and I’ll wash up when I come back later this afternoon. I—I have things to do.’
He didn’t speak but merely nodded, his eyes never leaving her face. She blinked away her tears and saw the compassion in his face. It was way too much for her to deal with. It had been an emotional morning, and it wasn’t even half over yet.
Yet again, her overriding thought was to escape from this house.
Whispering Willows held nothing but sadness for her.