31. Helen
Chapter 31
Helen
“Oh, Helen. Come here.” Lizzy stood on my doorstep and flung her arms around me as I burst into tears for the hundredth time today.
When I woke up the bed was empty, which wasn’t unusual. Jax was a morning person. I was not. And after our Olympic sex session last night, I thought I’d find him making breakfast, but when he wasn’t in the kitchen, I presumed he’d gone for a run.
When he wasn’t home by eleven, I got worried and tried his mobile, but my call wouldn’t connect and my texts failed to send. Confused, I went to check his room and found his stuff gone and a note on the bed.
Helen,
By now, you’ll know the truth. I’m sorry I couldn’t explain. I just don’t know how to find the words to give you the answers you need. Just know that I really do love you, but half a man is useless. You deserve so much more. I’ve moved out because I don’t want to make things awkward for you and I don’t want to see the pity in your eyes when you look at me.
I’m so sorry.
Jax
I’d FaceTimed Vee, Lizzy, and Becks, who all answered excitedly, wanting to hear the details of what happened after I left the party last night, but when I couldn’t speak because I was crying so much, they all promised to come straight over before hanging up.
Lizzy was the first to arrive. She sat me at the dining table and went to make some tea just as Becks and Vee burst into the house.
“What happened?” Vee yelled. “Who do I need to kill? The wife said she’d be our witness and claim we were at our house all day, so we won’t go to prison.”
I pushed the note across the table, Vee reading it as she slipped off her leather jacket.
“That makes no sense. He loves you, so he left, and why would you look at him with pity?” I took a tissue from the box Becks had handed me and shrugged. “Okay, start from the beginning.”
I blew my nose and told them everything I could think of, and for an hour, my friends listened intently.
“So he let you go down on him last night, then you had sex and then he told you he loved you?” Becks recapped.
“Yeap.”
“And there was nothing that happened… I mean, nothing else.”
I pressed my hand to my stomach because I could still feel the effects of riding him. “I mean, he came inside me. We’ve never done that before.”
“Motherfucker has an STI,” Vee grumbled and Lizzy smacked her on the arm.
“Right, so you got up this morning and had to clean up his sticky spunk. That must have been annoying,” Becks continued. “There is nothing worse than the stuff dripping out of you for hours.”
“Perks of being gay.” Vee winked and Lizzy growled at her.
“Not the time for jokes, Victoria.”
“Bitch. I’ve not been Victoria since I was ten. I will behave. Sorry, Helen, you were cleaning up his cum.”
My eyebrows furrowed as I stared between my friends. “No. I didn’t.”
“You didn’t what?” Lizzy checked.
“I haven’t showered. Gross, I know as I did have sex last night, but I wasn’t dripping cum.”
“This is the grossest conversation I’ve ever had on a Sunday,” Vee moaned.
“Maybe he didn’t come much,” I muttered, so confused.
Lizzy tilted her head. “Sweetie, men come a lot usually. It was the first time you’d had sex without a condom, the first time you’d gone down on him, and according to him, the first time anyone had gone down on him… I mean, did he pull out, come on the sheets, in his hand.”
I frowned. “I was on top, so it would have been impossible… wouldn’t it?” I was starting to doubt everything.
We all sat in silence as if we were waiting for someone to explain what was going on.
“What if he didn’t come at all? What if he was faking it?” Lizzy asked eventually, her face twisting in anger that was obviously directed at Jax for whatever games he’d been playing.
“Can men even do that?” Vee exclaimed.
“Helen, he didn’t like you touching him. He wore a condom all the other times, so you wouldn’t know. He’s been the perfect gentleman… maybe he’s been stringing you along all this time.”
Her words were the final straw, decimating what was left of my battered heart.
“Why would he do that? That’s so stupid, Lizzy,” Becks argued.
I reached for more tissues. “No, what’s stupid is an overweight, newly divorced woman thinking a hot, thirty-one-year-old firefighter would really be interested in her.” The words burned my throat and tears blurred my vision. “Conner was right. He saw a desperate woman, and he played me.”
“Why?” Vee asked, looking at me with a pity-filled expression.
“I don’t know, but I fell for it and he made me look like a fool.” I sucked in a long, deep breath. “I think it was all a big lie from the start.”
“I don’t believe that. He kissed you in front of everyone. He let Conner punch him in the face. The way he looked at you in the diner.” Vee was never the voice of reason, so her arguing in defence of Jax was a surprise.
“All part of the plan?” Lizzy questioned.
Another flood of tears started to flow as all the confidence I’d built over the last few months dissipated and I hated Jax for that more than for anything else.