40. Flynn
40
FLYNN
I turn off the tractor, then swing open the door and climb down, jumping the last few feet.
My boots hit the dirt with a satisfying thud and the tractor door slams with another satisfying sound.
I feel like slamming my head in it to get it to shut up.
I shouldn’t be out here. I should be down at the main house with my damn family who went to a whole lot of effort to make today nice for me, and I blew them all off.
Violet asked me last week if I was happy for her to have a family dinner to acknowledge the anniversary of my parents’ passing and I said it sounded like a good idea.
I meant it at the time.
But today, when my usual knock-off time rolled around and I thought about going down to the house to talk about my parents and the family I used to have, I couldn’t go through with it.
So I chickened out and told Olivia I needed to finish the planting. Which was a shit excuse because she’s the boss and she wouldn’t have made me work until this late to get it done.
I stomp up the hill towards my flat, my head down and filled with storm clouds.
Movement in the dark startles me and my heart leaps into my throat as a figure stands from the shadow of the front step.
My mind immediately goes to Abi, then I scoff at myself. It’s probably Hunter here to yell at me for being a shithead. There’s no way Abi would be sitting on my front step waiting for me. There’s just no way.
Except as I get closer I can make out the dark spill of her hair and the full curves of her body.
She’s here.
I want to reach out and pull her to me and never let her go. I want to wrap my arms around her and slide my hands into her hair. I want to have her do the same to me.
“I brought you some dinner,” she says.
“Thanks,” I mutter, shoving open my front door. Abi follows me inside and slides a plate and a bowl onto the counter. There’s apple pie in the bowl and the sight of the cinnamon sugar-crusted top makes tears threaten to spill over.
Abi trails her fingers down my arm.
“I can’t tonight,” I burst out. “I just can’t. Not tonight.” My voice cracks and threatens to break.
Abi pulls her hand back, but steps closer, right into my space. “What do you mean?”
“Sex, hooking up, whatever. I can’t be what you need tonight.”
Her soft hands cup my cheeks, lifting my chin so my gaze meets hers. “I’m not here for that, sweetheart. I’m here to make sure you’re okay.” She brushes her thumbs across my cheeks and I’m horrified when a tear spills down my face. She swipes it away without comment. “I can go if you want me to, or I can stay and look after you for once.”
I should ask her to leave. I’m in no state for being around people tonight. It’s why I spent all day in a tractor out the back of the farm planting the summer feed crops. I can’t make my voice work though, and when Abi drops a hand from my face and wraps her arm around my waist, tugging me to her, I don’t pull away.
I fall into the embrace, clinging to her as the endless ocean of emotions swirls around me.
“Do you want to eat or shower first?” she asks against the base of my throat. Her warm breath sends shivers over my body.
“I just want to sleep,” I mumble.
“Soon,” she soothes, sliding a hand into my hair.
“Shower,” I mutter. “I’m filthy.”
“Yeah, you kind of are.” Abi pulls back and wrinkles her nose as she takes in my dusty state.
“I can’t believe you hugged me when I’m like this.” I try for a joke but I don’t know if my execution lands it.
Her hands are back on my face in an instant, connecting my gaze to hers. “I will always hug you when you need it, okay?”
I nod and when she slips her hand into mine and leads me to the bathroom, I follow.
She turns on the hot water then returns her focus to me. “Do you want help? ”
I shake my head, then nod, then shrug hopelessly because all I want is for it to be ten years and one day ago.
“Come on, sweetheart.” Abi steps in close and slides her hands under the hem of my shirt, lifting it off over my head.
Her hand glides back down my chest, but the movement isn’t teasing, it isn’t meant to turn me on. It’s comforting, it’s reassuring. She pauses when her hands reach my fly, her eyes searching mine for consent.
I nod, then drop my forehead down to her shoulder. I can do this myself. I should be doing this myself. But right now, I just can’t. Being taken care of feels too good.
Abi pushes my jeans from my hips, down over my ass, taking my underwear with them. She pushes them down my legs and holds my arm as I step out of them.
“You don’t have to do this,” I mutter as she leads me to the shower, heat on my cheeks. This is mortifying, but I’m all out of emotions that make me want to give a shit.
“I want to be here for you,” she says. “I’m going to let you shower.”
“No.” I reach out for her. “Stay. Shower with me?” My voice is pathetic and pleading and Abi hesitates.
She takes a step backwards and my already aching heart feels like it’s just been driven over by a tractor.
Then she strips off her clothes and steps into the shower.
Water spills down her perfect body and I trace the drops as they skim over her shoulders, down her chest, across her belly to the sexy as fuck silvery marks she got from carrying Sadie, one of my favourite humans.
“I’m going to need you to stop that,” Abi says through a gasp as my fingertip traces the outline of her hip. “I’m trying to look after you, and if you keep touching me like that I’m going to be begging you to fuck me against this wall, which isn’t what you need.”
Maybe not, but it does sound pretty fucking incredible.
It’s a shame I’m so completely exhausted from the emotional turmoil that I can’t truly appreciate that Abi is here with me.
I groan. “I want to, so bad,” I whisper against her wet skin.
“Maybe one day, but not right now.”
“Tease,” I mutter and she huffs out a little laugh.
“You’re the one that made me get in here.”
“I hardly held you at gunpoint,” I say and for the first time today I feel a smile tugging at my mouth.
Abi just shrugs and takes my soap from its little shelf, lathers her hands with it, then glides them over my body, washing the dust and grime from my arms and shoulders. I take over as she strays lower, because her washing my dick is where I draw the line, at least if it’s not in a sexy way. Maybe we could revisit this showering thing another time.
As I rinse the soap off, Abi grabs my shampoo, squeezing a dollop into her hand before gesturing for me to turn around.
When her hands settle on my scalp I can’t even be embarrassed by this whole situation anymore, because it feels like magic. She massages the shampoo into my scalp. It makes me want to melt.
The hazy fog of grief that’s clung to me today clears ever so slightly as she cares for me.
I know how lucky I am with the family I’ve ended up with, despite losing my parents .
I know how lucky I am to have Hunter, who put his entire life on hold for me, and Violet who stepped up to mother me when I needed it, while never overstepping.
I know how lucky I am to have best friends like Katie and Olivia, and Dallas and Sadie.
I know how lucky I am to have Abi here with me right now.
And I know, despite me letting them all down by not showing up for dinner tonight, they’re all still going to love me tomorrow.
Well, except maybe Abi.
Because I’m pretty sure friends who are just hooking up aren’t supposed to love each other the way I’m in love with Abigail Fletcher.