Chapter 37
Standing in the shower as the hot water stung my skin, turning it red, it took everything within me to stop sobbing.
I have been feeling numb since leaving the hospital yesterday; nothing seemed to matter anymore.
How am I able to cry without emotion? My heart was ripped out, and I just didn’t understand why I was always the one put on the sidelines.
Eventually, I leave the burning water and throw on some clothes.
My phone had ten missed calls from Alfie and counting.
No matter who they were, I was in no mood to talk to anyone.
I was ready to be my own person, but to do that, I needed to leave Chicago.
How would I be able to look at Emilio without breaking down?
Something needs to change—I need to change.
So, I began plotting where I’d go, when, and how I would survive.
With a degree in business management, I could find something.
Maybe I’d go to a small town and make some friends that would turn into family.
Isn’t that what Aria did? Ugh. The thought of her was upsetting me.
I envied her in more ways than one. She was smart—the kind of smart that can keep up with Luca’s kind—she was bold, unafraid to stand up for herself, and how she chose a life she wanted for herself were all things I didn’t have in me.
To no surprise, there was a knock at the door.
Someone was here to check up on me, but I wasn’t interested in playing along anymore.
I don’t know if I ever would if I didn't step up now. Lounging on the sofa, I was on my laptop, looking up homes in small cities. The knocking on the door became louder, and I continued to ignore it. My phone starts to ring. It was Luca. His behavior was so belligerent yesterday I didn’t want to see him.
If that’s the kind of behavior that Aria, a Cassariano, sparked within him to speak to his own flesh and blood, then why have any respect for him in return?
The call drops, and then he calls again. He calls three more times before sending a text message.
I had to read that over again a few times. Was Luca apologizing? Am I hallucinating? Getting off the sofa, I go to let him in. When I opened the door, the sight of him got me worried. Never in my life have I ever seen my brother look unsettled.
“Are you okay?” I asked as I let him in.
Luca was silent and just walked in. Unlike the usual attire of a three-piece, he wore a regular suit with the top two buttons undone.
Walking into my kitchen, he pulls out a bottle of liquor from my cabinet.
He’s a scotch drinker, but I’m not. The strongest thing I got was Dulce Vida Blanco tequila.
Watching him pour himself a shot and down it like water made me question what could have my brother this rattled.
“This is fucking garbage,” he said before taking another shot.
“You should slow down; that’s 50% proof.” I walked over and took the bottle away after he poured a third shot. “Okay, you’re freaking me out now. What’s up with you?”
Luca just stared at the shot while he leaned on the countertop with his two hands for support. “I needed to speak to someone who wouldn’t be judgmental.”
My heart tightened. His words made me miss the bond Luca and I used to have before power consumed him.
I don’t remember when it happened, but it was like a switch.
One day, we were as close as possible, telling each other everything about our personal lives to suddenly every little thing he said and did affected every part of his life, which only made him grow cold toward me.
“I’m all ears,” I replied.
“Aria is pregnant.” Luca never took his eyes off the shot in front of him. “And it might not be mine.”
Jesus, minutes ago, I envied her, and now I wasn’t sure what to think.
“It might not be yours?” I questioned.
Luca grabbed the shot in front of him and downed it. “She’s been sleeping with her business partner.”
“Wow,” I blurted out unintentionally.
Luca gave me a look, “What happened to no judgment?”
I took a deep breath, “Sorry. She just seems to have it all together. Seems like a silly slip-up. When did she tell you?”
“She didn’t,” he motioned for me to hand him the bottle, “Emilio knows the nurse from the hospital. That’s how we found out.”
I placed the bottle far from Luca’s reach. “So now what? You’re going to pretend you don’t know?”
“I’m going to force it out of her.”
“How do you plan to do that?”
“If I put us all in the same room, I can get her to crack.”
“Okay. What makes you think she would have her business partner come to Chicago?”
“He arrived last night.”
My eyes widened, “She has no shame.” When he shot me another look, I held my hand up in surrender, “Sorry. This is a lot. Do you want it to be yours?”
Luca didn’t reply; he just walked over to the bottle and took a swing.
He nods his head as though that was an acceptable answer. He was torn, but it wasn’t because he was unsure. Luca wanted the baby to be his, and if it wasn’t, that meant he couldn’t have Aria.
“Luca, do you have feelings for her?”
He was going to take another gulp from the bottle but then realized the alcohol was getting to him, so he placed it back onto the countertop.
“I don’t want to,” he replied.
“But you do.”
“She changed everything, B.” The look in his eyes told me it was the truth. “I thought after Sandra, I’d never feel love for another woman the way I loved her. Then, after the first time seeing Aria, without even speaking to her, I sold off the vineyard just to get her in front of me.”
It hurt me to see him talking about his first love. Sandra was the kindest person I had ever encountered and was taken from him. He named a vineyard after her and would say he would only sell it when he moved on.
“If you are the father,” I questioned, “Then what? She is still a Cassariano.”
“I’d marry her.”
Luca was a widow. His wife Claire was an arranged marriage. When she passed away, he swore never to marry again. So, for him to marry Aria without hesitation spoke volumes.
“A Cassariano? What happened to not crossing boundaries? Her family killed our brother. No one will look past it.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Of course, it is,” I huffed.
No matter how irritating it was to hear it, I knew everything little thing was complicated. Luca’s every move needed to be calculated to avoid costing him something or someone. I let out a deep breath. Walking over to him, I give him a huge hug.
Returning the hug, Luca said, “You know I love you, right? I lost my temper and was harsh on you.”
“Glad you can admit to that.” Pulling out of the hug, I take the bottle and place it back into the cabinet so he won’t have anymore. “Can you admit to something else?” I questioned.
“Depends.”
“Would you ever approve of me being with someone in your inner circle?”
Luca was taken aback, “Like who?”
I shrug, “Anyone.”
Luca gave me a look. “I’d need to know who before I could answer that. Why are you asking?”
I had to think of an excuse. “Just curious.”
“I don’t like the idea of it. Gives everyone else a sense of favoritism. That never goes over well.”
“What if I told you I want to leave Chicago?”
“And go where?”
“Anywhere.”
Luca laughed, “No. You’re safest in Chicago.”
I’ve been told I needed to stay in the city because my family would never have to worry about my safety the way they would if I left Chicago.
“So I can’t just live my life how I want?”
Luca started holding onto the counter as though he would fall. Pulling his phone out, he makes a call.
“Pick me up. I’m at Bethany’s.” He hangs up and begins walking toward the living room.
“Who did you call?”
“Emilio. He will be here soon.” As he continued to walk away, he shouted over his shoulder, “Oh, and the answer to your question. It’s a no.”
When there was a knock at the door, my nerves spiked up. I knew if I looked through the peephole and saw Emilio, I wouldn’t be able to open the door. So I held my breath and swung the door open, only to find someone else standing there.
“Alfie?”
“Hey, B.” He walks in. “Emilio said your brother is here and needs a ride.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be flying back to California?”
“Last minute change of plans.”
Although Luca wasn’t able to drive, he was able to walk just fine. I watched them walk out and shut the door behind them. My brother told me I was stuck here forever. Which means I’m stuck at his beck and call. It made me sick to my stomach.
If I wanted to break free, I’d have to do this on my own.
That meant cutting all ties with my name.
Spending the day planning out my new life, my stomach started to growl.
I order dinner and pop a bottle of wine while I wait for my food.
A long time ago, Luca had separate identities created for each of us in case we needed to go on the run.
Pulling it out from my safe, I look at the social security card, a passport, a birth certificate, and an entire new life planned out in a folder. It was now or never.