Chapter 38
I spent a week pretending everything was fine.
I wasn’t upset; I made it a point to spend time with my mother and sisters out of guilt that I wouldn’t tell them goodbye.
My brother and Emilio were heading to New York on the spur of the moment.
This was my shot. The first thing I did was empty my bank account and do some wire transfers so I had the funds to survive until I got my new life on track.
The next thing I did was go to Luca’s house.
“Hey Albert,” I said, “Give this to Luca when he returns.”
The air here was different and something I had to get used to. I spent two weeks adjusting before I started getting homesick. I started job searching and got an interview scheduled for this little business. It went well, and I was proud of getting something without using the name DeCarlo.
Walking into a coffee shop, I wait in line to order my drink.
“Bethany?” a man’s voice said.
The sound of my name stunned me. I was semi-adjusting to people calling me by my new name, but to hear my real name called was a mind twist. Choosing to ignore it, I didn’t move.
“Bethany, is that you?”
I could see from the corner of my eye that the person was approaching me. Sweat started forming on my forehead, and I was ready to run out of there.
“It’s me, Nate Reilly.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Without having much of a choice, I turn to face him.
“Hey! Nate, what are you doing here?”
“Business trip,” he smiled. “What are you doing here?”
“Vacation,” I lied.
“Nate,” a woman came over and placed her arm around his.
It was Veronica Merrill. By the look of them, it seemed like they were together. Was Aria aware of this or do people from California just enjoy sleeping with multiple people openly?
“Veronica, this is Bethany DeCarlo. Bethany, this is my colleague, Veronica Merrill.”
“Yes, I know Bethany,” Veronica smiled. “I’ve done work for Luca DeCarlo. That is her brother.”
Nate looked uncomfortable.
“Look, I need to run. Hope you enjoyed your coffee!” I sprinted out of there, and my heart raced as I headed home.
My cover was blown. I knew it’d be a matter of time before my brother sent someone to get me, so I knew I needed to get out of there fast. It was disappointing that I barely got to live here, and now I needed to think of somewhere else.
Walking into my house, I throw my keys down and reach for my laptop.
“Why Arizona?” Emilio’s voice behind me made me scream in fear.
“Why not?” I shot back as I turned to face him, breathing heavily from the shock.
As soon as I saw his face, my heart felt like it was being ripped apart again. He looked upset as he stood there looking at me. I wouldn’t ask how he found me before Veronica could mention anything. I’m sure I did something to flag them where I was.
“Do you know how I needed to talk your brother off the ledge from him coming here himself to drag you back home? He let this carry out longer than he wanted, thinking you’d come to your senses and return.”
I gulp, “I don’t want to go home.”
“You don’t have much of a choice.”
Tears built up in my eyes and started streaming down my face. At this point, what did I have to lose? I pour my heart out at one final attempt to win him over. “If I can’t be with you, then I can’t be around you.”
“I’m not the kind of person you want to be with. There’s someone out there better. Made just for you.”
“It’s always, ‘You’ll find someone better.’ That there’s this ‘so good the rest don’t matter’ type of love.”
Emilio furrowed his brows, “You deserve a real love, Bethany.”
“Why can’t it be from you?”
“That’s just not me.”
“You rather lose me?”
“Bethany, I’m not losing you. I’m letting you get away.”
“And you’re willing to live with that?”
“I’ve lived with worse. I mourned the death of the man I was before taking this title. Any hope for saving my soul was lost. But in becoming the man I am now, some losses were worth the grief. Maybe you’ll learn that lesson one day. We both know this isn’t going to work.”
“But what if it does? It is not worth finding out?” I plead. “Am I not worth it?”
Letting out a deep breath, “I never said that.”
“Then what are you saying?” When he wouldn’t answer, I kept pushing. “Well. Am I nothing to you?”
“I’ll wait in the car for you,” he replied, walking out.
I am stomping behind him. “Answer me. Emilio!”
“WHAT!?” He angrily turned around and shouted. I’ve never seen him lose his cool before. “What do you want from me? You knew from the start what this would be… what this could only be.”
“I love you,” I said aloud, thinking I’d regret it, but I didn’t.
He didn’t want to hear it, but I had to put it out there. He had to know. Part of me hoped it was enough for him to change his mind.
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“You don’t know me, Bethany.”
“How can you say that?”
“You know one version of me. One.”
I place my hands on my hip. “You’re being ridiculous. Just making things up to change my mind, but you can’t.”
“I’m not trying to change your mind. You know one side of me.”
“And it’s the most personal side of you. That has to mean something.”
Emilio shook his head. “You would hate the other side of me, Bethany. The side of me that keeps the DeCarlo Family going. The side of me that resents my past. The side of me that would do anything to protect you.”
“I would love every version of you.” A teardrop fell down my face.
“Every version of me doesn’t even love me. I can deal with that. But you,” he shook his head, “I couldn’t. You can’t truly have me without the madness that makes me. And trust me, Bethany, it’s not worth risking everything for.”
I drop my arms to my side in defeat. “So that’s it?”
“This is it, Bethany,” he replied without any emotion.
Before Emilio could turn away, I blurt out, “Just one more time.”
“One more time what?”
“Own me. Just one last time.”