Chapter 3
“What”s that?” Brian gestures his head at the envelope I’m holding in my hand.
“Nothin’ important.” I fold it up and shove it inside my cut. My lawyer said that if I had any hope of gaining full custody of Hayley I’d have to be sure she was mine. I managed to get a paternity test without Mary-Ann noticing, and I’ll be honest, nothing scares me more than the thought of opening that envelope.
“I was thinkin’ about this move I’m making to Utah,” he starts.
“Ya change ya mind?” I look at him hopefully. The last thing I wanna do is lose my best friend, but Utah needs someone strong to guide them and I appreciate his reasons for needing to be there, now more than ever.
“No, but I do wanna make sure everythin’ is dealt with here before I leave.”
“The club’s never been stronger,” I point out, lighting myself a cigarette and trying not to sound smug. Now we’ve got our hands on that resort, we have a lot to offer. Things here are really lookin’ up.
“I meant with the Bastards.” He leans forward and helps himself to a smoke from my packet.
“You don’t need to worry about the Bastards, they ain’t got shit on us. They’re just a bunch of bike enthusiasts lookin’ to shift some shit and make some dime.”
“Ain’t that how we started out?” My best friend makes a valid point, bringing me back to reality like he always does. It makes me chuckle.
“I’m gonna miss ya,” I admit, then get completely distracted when I notice one of the club whores pushing Hayley’s stroller through the barroom door.
“Whoa, what ya doin’ with her?” I ask Frankie, who I’d barely trust to take care of my dick, never mind my baby.
“Oh, I’m just watchin’ her,” she tells me with a proud look on her face as she continues to push her toward the bar.
“And where the fuck’s her momma?” I get up and stand in her way.
“Oh, Mary-Ann’s mom had to work today and she had a rough night last night. She’s sleeping it off.” Frankie smiles like it’s no big deal and when I look at Brian, he shares the same concerned look as me.
“Lacey, take over from Frankie, get Hayley in your car, and take her back to my cabin at the new compound. Stay with her until I get there.”
“But Mary-Ann chose me to watc?—”
“You don’t take orders from Mary-Ann!” I remind Frankie, storming outta the club and getting on my bike. I ride to the bungalow on the other side of town that I’m paying a fortune to lease to keep Mary-Ann pacified and when I see a truck that I don’t recognize on the drive, it makes the heat in my blood burn through my skin. I crash through the door and find Mary-Ann all strung out on the couch with a needle hanging out her arm. I rush toward her, lifting her head from where it’s slumped onto her chest
“Mary-Ann.” I tap her cheek and get a weak groan in response, then when I look over my shoulder and see the 6ft, scrawny prick that comes out the bathroom with a towel around his waist, I let her head flop back down and stand back on my feet.
“You got a death wish?” I ask him.
“Jimmer, she… She told me you were outta town.” The asshole looks like he’s gonna crap himself as the words stutter from his mouth.
“I was on a run, I got back early. Now, since you know my name and my business, I think it’s only fair that you tell me yours.”
He shakes his head and starts backing away from me like a fuckin’ pussy.
“I didn’t mean any harm. I was just lookin’ for a good time.”
“A good time.” I nod my head as I slowly make up the space between us.
“Please don’t hurt me,” he squeaks like a little mouse when his back hits the wall.
“Hurt ya?” Somehow, despite all my rage, I manage to snort a laugh at him. “I’m gonna do a lot more than fuckin’ hurt ya.”
The guy shakes his head as the sweat starts to drip from his pores.
“But first you”re gonna tell me where you got that shit from.” I know for a fact that no one smart deals in Manitou Springs. Just getting hold of weed around here is like obtaining rocking horse shit, so where the fuck this guy’s got heroin from is a mystery that I want solved.
“I’m sorry… I can’t tell you that.” I hear the fear in his voice and it only confirms that he will be telling me.
“I’m sorry. Did I make that sound like a fuckin’ option?” I grip my fingers around his throat and squeeze, causing him to choke. It’s a distraction from the blade that I pull from my belt and stab into his side, at least until he feels it pierce through his flesh. The asshole’s cries of agony fill my ears as his blood starts to trickle around my hand and I slowly twist the handle.
“Now, if I pull this knife outta ya, you’ll bleed to death. If I keep it in, there’s a slight chance you could live,” I explain. “Tell me where you got the shit,” I ask him one more time.
“Baaaa… Bastards!” he yells through his pain and I nod my head because, suddenly, I’m not surprised. Turns out Brian was right. Again.
“Please don’t let me die,” he begs, his eyes bulging with fear and desperation as he looks down at the knife sticking outta his side.
“Was she a good fuck?” I remain calm as I stare deep inside ‘em.
“What? What kinda question is that?” He shakes his head in confusion as he sobs like a pussy.
“I asked if she was a good fuck?” I repeat myself.
“Ain’t you her…? She said you were…”
“You know who I am, and you knew she was my old lady, how did ya think this was gonna work out for ya?” I question him.
“She said you were out of town,” he tells me weakly, using the same feeble-assed excuse as before.
“This is my town, it don’t matter if I’m in it or not.” I pull the blade from his body and watch the blood flow outta him much faster. Whoever this sorry fucker is turns white as he looks down and watches the life draining outta him.
“No. No. Call an Ambulance.” He falls to his knees.
“An ambulance ain’t gonna save ya,” I tell him before I move to the couch and lift up a comatose Mary-Ann.
* * *
“What the fuck is this?” Brian looks both shocked and concerned when he steps through Mary-Ann’s front door and sees the dead body slumped against the wall and my old lady tied to one of the kitchen chairs with her head still flopped forward. He must’ve left the club as soon as I called him and told him to get here because I’ve barely finished tying her up.
“That is a dead guy, and this is a junkie whore.” I point my finger between the two of them.
“Jimmer, that”s also the mother of your kid,” he reminds me. Brian always was the humane one outta the two of us.
“Hence why she’s still breathin’.” I head toward the sink and fill up a jug of water, then launch it at her face to bring her back around. She wakes up with a gasp, and a sheer look of panic when she realizes I’ve got her tied down.
“Jimmer, what is this?” She fights against the ropes that bind her to the chair, her eyes suddenly very alert and focused on me.
“You left our daughter with a whore so you could get high and get fucked,” I remind her, stepping aside so she can see the result of her actions.
“Petey.” Her eyes widen when she sees the blood pooled around his body.
“What did you do, Jimmer?” She shakes her head at me.
“Do you even have to ask that question? Mary-Ann, you know what I do, you’ve always known. Which is why I wonder why you’re bein’ so stupid.”
“I… I.”
“I think you like gettin’ a reaction outta me. You like my attention. Well, now ya have it. Let’s figure this out.”
“Jimmer.” Brian throws me a look from where he’s standing behind her.
“You are gonna clean yourself up, you are never gonna take this shit again.” I lift up her arm and tap the vein she used to shoot up. You are gonna be a mother to our child and you are gonna do it well.”
“What about us?” she asks, tears forming in her eyes as if that’s all that matters to her.
“There ain’t an ‘us’, Mary-Ann,” I tell her, wishing this woman could focus on what”s important.
“You never loved me.” She shakes her head and laughs at me bitterly.
“I never made the promise that I would, but I respected ya, and I cared for ya. I made you my old lady, Mary-Ann. And old ladies are supposed to be loyal. They don’t act like whores.”
“You”re incapable of love.” She laughs at me again, and all I can do is nod and agree.
“That’s what makes me strong.”
“So, what now? You knock me up and leave me to deal? The great Jimmer Carson, President of the Dirty Souls and dead-beat daddy.” She sniggers and Brian drops his head into his hands, knowing how stupid she’s being.
“You can’t leave me, Jimmer, I know too much. I could have your whole club taken down, with just one slip of my tongue.” I feel my jaw clench when I realize what she’s saying is true. “So, what will you do now? You gonna break your own club rule and kill me?” I wanna swipe the clever smirk right off her face but I manage to hold my restraint.
“What do you want?” I grab a kitchen chair for myself and straddle it in front of her.
“All I’ve ever wanted… is to be your old lady. I want respect from those nasty, little sluts that think sucking your dick makes them special. When did we turn into this, Jimmer?” She shakes her head and almost looks regretful.
“When you fucked one of my club brothers,” I remind her, watching Brian’s eyes widen in shock because there ain’t no one, not even him who knows about that.
“You know Cliff put it on me, he made me feel special, and he?—”
“I was faithful to you.” I point my finger at her face. “Right up until I found out what ya did. You were the only woman I took to my fuckin’ bed. I had that respect for you.”
“Are you really gonna make me pay for something I already regret?” Mary-Ann cries out at me.
“You”re hardly doing much to build my trust back up,” I point out.
“Don’t act like you”re a saint, Jimmer, you’ve had more than your fair share of whores.”
“Since you lost my loyalty, yeah, I have, and that ain’t ever gonna change.”
“Jimmer, I’ve told you so many times how sorry I am.”
“Yet you don’t show it.” I gesture my hand to the dead piece of crap behind me.
“You can keep callin’ yourself my old lady, you can strut around my club and pretend that you”re someone important if that’s what”s gonna keep your whore mouth closed and my little girl close to me. But no more threats, no more makin’ a fool outta me, and no more usin’ Hayley like she’s a weapon.” I wrap my hand around her throat and force her to look up at me. “People will get hurt,” I warn before slashing my knife through the ropes and letting her weak body slide off the chair onto the floor. “Jimmer, wait up.” Brian chases me outta the house as I head for my bike. I feel like I have the strength of a whole army trapped inside me and now”s not the time for him to be attempting a discussion with me.
“Jimmer!” he yells and when I spin round I let him see the anger on my face.
“That’s why ya sent Cliff to Long Beach, ain’t it?”
I swallow my pride but I still don’t answer him. I don’t have to.
“You should have killed him.”
“Thought crossed my mind, but he’s one of the original Dirty Dozen, that”s gotta count for somethin’.” I twist the ring on my finger that all twelve founding members got when we started this club. “If anythin’, it taught me a lesson. I trusted her.”
“Jimmer, I’m sor?—”
“Don’t do that.” I point my finger at him. “Don’t be sorry for me, ain’t like I got my heart broken. She wanted too much from me, she wanted to be loved. I just figured me bein’ faithful to her would have been enough.”
“And Cliff?” Brian looks at me.
“Cliff thought I was gonna kill him. He got on his knees and he begged for my forgiveness.”
“So you gave him a charter?” Brian looks at me as if I’m crazy.
“Ain’t no man gonna work harder than a man with a point to prove. Besides, I got people watchin’ out for me,” I assure him.
“Whoa, now… you got brothers watchin’ on brothers? Is that why Davy transferred last year? Prez… that’s not how we do shit.” Brian doesn’t look impressed.
“Cliff’s doin’ a good job. He’s takin’ the second chance I’ve given him by the balls, but that don’t mean I can trust him. Davy came with me from Montana. He wears my family brand. I know I can trust him.”
“But ya can’t trust me.” My best friend shakes his head and looks disappointed as he backs away from me toward his bike.
“Brian. I trust you more than anyone in this world. But I couldn’t tell ya.” I hang my head and swallow my pride. “I was too ashamed.”
“We’re fuckin’ brothers! We fuckin’ ride and die together and you were too ashamed to tell me your old lady cheated on you. I’d have ripped the cunt’s dick off his balls and fed it to the bitch.”
“Which is another reason I couldn’t tell ya. You’re as loyal as they come and you got no fuckin’ tolerance for bullshit. I got the same problem with Cliff that I do with her.” My head gestures toward the house. “He knows too much, if I’d banished him and stripped him of his cut he’d have either gone to the law or a rival. You know how the sayin’ goes. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, it’s a classic for a reason.”
“You should have told me.” He comes at me hard and wraps his arms around my shoulders, slapping the leather on my back.
“I gotta get back to my cabin and check on Hayley, have Tac and Thorne come out here to clean this mess up before I bring her back tomorrow.”
I get on my bike and head to the Blue Spruce Resort, passing the main building that will become our clubhouse and taking the long track up to the cabins by the lake. Eventually, I plan to build myself a place on the top of the hill. A lodge where I can look over the whole compound, but right now getting the clubhouse ready and settling my brothers is gonna take priority over that.
I head inside and find Lacey flicking through a magazine at the kitchen table, while Hayley sleeps in the makeshift crib she’s made from a drawer she must have pulled from the spare room.
“You didn’t have a… It was the best I could come up with,” she explains, looking a little fearful of me.
“It’ll do for now.” I nod gratefully before I open the door and dismiss her. Then sitting on the chair beside the table where Hayley is resting I stroke my hand over her soft little cheek. The crimson mark it leaves on her skin is a reminder of the man I am, and it makes me sick to my stomach.
“Your momma’s wrong, Iam capable of love. I feel somethin’ for you, baby girl. Somethin’ that makes me wanna protect ya from who I am.” I keep my voice low so I don’t wake her up. “Things are gonna be different from now on. You”re gonna live a normal life, Hayley Carson, you”re gonna go to school and you”re gonna make friends. You”re never gonna know hate and violence the way I do. You’re only ever gonna know the good in me, and the only way I can do that is to keep ya away from here as much as I can.” I get up and dampen a cloth, wiping it over her cheek to make it clean again.
I wake up with my chest tight and my lungs burning and then comes those first bittersweet seconds of the day when I forget that I lost her. I reach out my shaky hand and take hold of the picture I keep of her beside my bed and it all comes crashing back.
“Mornin’, darlin’.” I brush my fingertips over her face, same way I did when she was a baby, but I don’t feel her softness or her warmth, just cold, hard glass. “Guess we better fight another day, huh?” I drag my ass outta bed because, despite having lost her, I still have a whole lot to live for.