Chapter 4
“Did you sleep okay?” Ella looks awkward as she stands in the kitchen of the cabin that Jimmer is letting me stay in.
“For the first time in ages,” I nod as I make my way to the cupboard to see if there’s any coffee stowed away.
“Mom, you should have told us sooner about these men who are after you. Nyx says they can be dangerous.”
“Oh, they are.” I stroke my hand over my ribs where one of the bastards stomped on me.
“How much is the debt and what was it for?” she asks, still looking confused by everything I confessed to her last night. I can’t exactly blame her. It came out of nowhere, but I didn’t really have a choice.
“Your da…Vincent was mixed up with some people he shouldn’t have been,” I admit, feeling my cheeks heat and my pride take another thrashing.
“You mean the agency?” Ella proves she knows a lot more than I thought. I convinced myself that Jimmer would have protected her from knowing about that kind of organization.
“I didn’t know what they were about, but when he disappeared, they came looking for him. They were demanding the money he owed and threatened to take everything. I had nothing left, Ella, no daughter, no husband. I couldn’t lose the house too.” I can see by the look on her face that she doesn’t understand me.
Myself and my daughter are very different people. She never did have any desire for material things.
“I used all we had in the savings to pay off what he owed and I remortgaged the house so I could keep up the lifestyle. But money runs out fast, and women like me weren’t raised to have jobs and make it in the world alone. I had to get more help.” Ella nods sympathetically but I can tell that she thinks I’m pathetic. Maybe I am. I can’t deny that I’ve made some bad decisions in my life, what’s hard is pinpointing which ones I regret the most.
“You really wanna go back to that bar in town where the bikers hang?” Carol looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind.
“It’s fun there, and that president guy was hot.” I finish painting my lips and rub them together.
“That guy is far too old for you and he’s dangerous. You”ve heard the way your parents talk about the bikers, Joanne, they’re all dangerous.”
“I’ve heard differently. Billy Henderson tells me that they keep the town clean.”
“Billy Henderson’s full of shit and you know it. Joanne, I have no idea why you would want to chase around after an outlaw when you have Vincent Jackson head over heels in love with you. He graduated from law school. Do you know what that means?”
“I don’t care what that means,” I tell her, fluffing up my hair in the mirror and adjusting my bra to make my tits look bigger. Those other women at the clubhouse must have had tit jobs done; theirs are enormous.
“It means that, pretty soon, he’s going to ask you to marry him, and you”re going to be set for life. His daddy is going to make him a partner of his firm and you are going to continue to live this life that you are accustomed to.” She giggles as she throws one of the overly-priced frilly dresses my mother insists I wear when we attend anything important onto my bed. It’s a stark contrast to the leather mini skirt and corset top I’m wearing now.
“What if I don’t like the life I’ve been accustomed to? What if I want the full outlaw experience?” I often find myself imagining what it might feel like to be on the back of Jimmer Carson’s motorbike with the wind in my hair, or how it would feel to have that stubbly jaw causing friction between my legs.
“Then you”re crazy, but as your best friend, I’m here for the ride.” She kisses my cheek and grabs her purse before we both head out the door.
The bar in town, where I know we’ll find Jimmer, is packed out the door and as we head toward the bar I look around hoping to catch a glimpse of him.
It doesn’t take me long, he’s over in the booth he was sitting in before, smoking a cigarette all by his lonesome.
“Order me a martini,” I call over the music to Carol, before I take a brave breath and head right for him.
“Now, how is it that the leader of the pack is sitting here all by himself?” I ask him curiously.
“Because, when the leader of the pack tells everyone to leave him alone, they listen,” he bites back, making me feel ridiculous, and when I feel the heat in my cheeks start to flare I quickly retreat.
“I’m sorry. I’ll erm…”
“Wait.” His hand reaches out and wraps tight around my wrist. “I didn’t tell ya to leave me alone. Sit.” He gestures his eyes to the opposite side of the booth he’s in and when he releases me, I find myself automatically doing as he asks.
“You want somethin’ to drink?” he offers.
“My friend’s at the bar, she’s getting us…” He snaps his fingers and a guy with a bald head and arms covered with tattoos comes rushing over.
“You see who this girl walked in here with?” Jimmer asks him.
“Yeah, boss, I saw.” The guy nods eagerly.
“You keep her entertained at the bar and have Thorne bring this girl a…” He looks at me for an order.
“Martini.” I smile.
“Martini.” The two men chuckle at each other and make me feel even more stupid.
“Darlin’, this ain’t a martini kinda joint. Tac, you just bring her a vodka with plenty of ice,” he orders before sending the guy off on his way.
“Do people always do what you tell them to?” I can’t help feeling completely enthralled by this man and his power.
“Most of the time.” He flicks his cigarette ash into the ashtray beside him before taking another toke and making it look hot. So hot that I feel heat pool in my stomach.
“Why did ya come back here tonight?” he questions me thoughtfully. “And don’t lie. There’s nothin’ I hate more than liars.” His frown is deep and unforgiving.
“I came to see you,” I admit, my hands fidgeting under the table and all the confidence quickly evaporating from my body.
“That’s sweet.” He smiles and nods his head at the same time. “But it’s also real fuckin’ stupid.” The serious look quickly returns to his face, and I glance over my shoulder looking for the bald guy because, suddenly, my mouth is very dry.
“I remember that nice place I dropped your sister home at, and I know girls like you don’t belong in places like this.”
“I don’t think you know much about girls like me, at all.” I hold my nerve and challenge him, and when his friend arrives with our drinks I keep my eyes fixed on his while he smirks at my comment.
“Ya got me there, darlin’.” He knocks back the glass that gets placed in front of him.
“I think I intrigue you as much as you intrigue me.” I feel my confidence start to build again as I take a sip of my vodka.
“Got me again.” He shrugs.
“We’re worlds apart and I like that,” I admit, thinking about boring Vincent and the life I’d have ahead of me if I settled for him.
“You must have heard what people say about me.” His forehead creases like he’s confused.
“I’ve heard.” I don’t give too much away. I want this man to know I make my own judgment.
“Then why ya playin’ with fire?”
“I just came here for a drink.” I shrug innocently.
“And to see me,” he reminds me of my earlier confession.
“Maybe, I came here to look but not to touch.” I see a thrill flicker in his eyes as his fingers tense around his glass
“Like a little lamb to the slaughter.” He circles his finger around its rim while I down the rest of mine, ignoring the burn it makes as it slides down my throat.
“Oh, I don’t think you want to slaughter me.” I stand up and lean over the table, bravely placing a kiss on his cheek before I walk away to find my friend.
“Joanne, what the hell were you doing?” Carol looks shocked when I find her sitting at the bar.
“Poking the bear,” I admit, looking back over to the booth and seeing that I still have Jimmer Carson’s full attention. I like how it feels. I like it enough to know it’s going to end me up in trouble.
“Mom, did you hear what I said?” Ella snaps me out of the memory. “I was asking if you wanted to have the kids while I go to college today. It would give Jasmine a break.”
“Of course. I love having the kids.” I manage to quickly pull myself together. Whenever I think back to mine and Jimmer’s past I end up losing myself. It was a turbulent time, but also the best of my life.
“They like spending time with you too.” Ella’s hand touches over mine reassuringly. “And don’t worry about those men anymore, Mom. You”re safe here. Nyx promises he’ll fix it.” My daughter kisses my cheek as she races back out the house to bring in my grandchildren.