Chapter 35
“What ya doin’ here?” Squeal looks surprised to see me when he steps into the room the guards told me to wait in.
“When Lydia heard we could bring shit in she made him some cookies.”
I hold up the Tupperware container from the seat beside me as evidence.
“‘Course, she did.” my brother laughs, then taking the seat on my other side he stretches his hands out over his jeans the way he always does when he’s nervous.
“What’s the mood like in there?” I ask, dreading stepping inside but knowing it’s something I have to do. We all know the risk that Prez is taking. Some are in denial about it, but me, I have things I wanna say and there ain”t no way I’m gonna risk it being too late.
“Tough,” Squealer admits, staring at the floor and nodding his head, he doesn’t seem to care about the guard that’s standing on the other side of the room. “He ain’t gonna change his mind if that’s what ya came here for,” he tells me.
“I didn’t come here to change his mind,” I confess.
“So why did you come? Because I’m pretty sure it wasn’t to bring him cookies.” Squeal turns his head to look at me.
“You remember when they locked me up?”
“Don’t fuckin’ go back there, Screw.” He shakes his head and gets that concerned look in his eyes.
“We had no plan when we busted outta there, we were two kids who had been fuckin’ sectioned and that man on the other side of the door let us into his family.”
“We weren”t crazy, Screw.” Squeal sounds irritated.
“You weren’t, you got yourself locked up so you could protect me. You sacrificed your own fuckin’ sanity so I wouldn’t be alone in there.”
“No.” He shakes his head firmly. “We talked about this, think about Lydia and the boys. Think about me. I got myself locked up in the nuthouse because me and you are supposed to be together. We shared a womb, we’ve shared every fuckin’ tragedy that’s been thrown at us, and now we are gonna share some fuckin’ happiness. That’s what Prez is doin’ this for,” he reminds me firmly.
“Squeal.” I look toward the guard and lower my voice. “When he gets transferred from whatever this place is, he will be locked up with men who never thought they’d get their revenge. They ain’t just gonna kill him, they’re gonna make him suffer. I can’t stand to think about that, not after all he did for us.”
“Well, don’t fuckin’ think about it, then. Think about somethin’ else because you are not gonna break your girl’s heart over this.” My brother stands up and kicks the door next to the guard open in anger.
The guard doesn’t flinch and he gives me a minute before he asks me if I’m ready.
“Two Temper Twins in one day, I’m honored.” Prez’s smile ain’t as convincing as he intends it to be when I step toward him and place Lydia’s cookies on the table.
“They’re from Lyd, she thought they might cheer ya up.”
“That’s kind of her.” He laughs a little and it makes all that I have to say next even harder.
“Prez, I know you got your plan and you think you have to do this on your own.”
“I don’t think it. I know it,” he cuts me off.
“Well, I disagree. I get what you’re doin’, and I like it. It keeps Lydia safe, it keeps my brother and his family safe, and now I’m askin’ you to let me play my role in that. Let me protect ya.” I know me getting myself locked up is gonna hurt everyone I care about, but I can’t be the dead weight any more.
“No,” Prez answers me back bluntly.
“You have to stop bein’ stubborn, inside you are gonna need all the help you can get. We don’t have enough men.” I give it to him straight.
“And what makes ya think one more is gonna make any difference?” He frowns.
“Because that one man would be me, and I owe you a lifetime of gratitude.” I do my best to make him understand.
“Screwy, this ain’t the way to repay me.” He shakes his head and massages his temple like his head is hurting.
“How else do I show you how much what you did means to me? Jimmer, you knew where we came from. You took in a cock-sure asshole and his mute brother without any question, you never judged us on our pasts or questioned how we ended up where we did. You welcomed us, and you gave us a home.”
“I’ll tell ya how you can show me.” Jimmer scratches his stubble and leans forward. “You go back to the club, you thank your old lady for the cookies she made, and then ya tell her ‘bout all the things you wanna give her. You make that girl, who’s been through hell, promises that you can keep because that’s what all this is for.
D’ya know what I saw the day you and your brother came to my clubhouse? I saw two young men, with passion in their eyes and hurt in their hearts. I saw the loyalty between you both, and it was the kinda loyalty my club thrives on. Screwy, you may not have a lot to say and you may not let many people through that hard exterior of yours. But I can read you, and I know that you see yourself as a burden. I know that you think your brother would be better without you sometimes. And I’m gonna tell you right now that you”re wrong.”
I shake my head, hating how exposing all this feels because he’s got me.
“Squealer needs ya, he didn’t follow you into that cuckoo’s nest to protect ya. He needed to be by your side because you’re part of each other. You ground him, and it don’t matter how many men he could take down in a fight, havin’ you by his side makes him feel twice as strong. You don’t just do that for Squealer, you do that for every single member of the club. You do that for my grandson, he looks up at you and knows that with you around no harm will come to him. I don’t need you on the inside. I need you out here, protectin’ my family. Makin’ ‘em feel safe.”
“They’re gonna kill you in there.” I don’t know if anyone has had the balls to say this to him yet, but he needs to hear it.
“That don’t scare me.” He looks me straight in the eye and shows no weakness.
“It scares me, and it scares everyone at home,” I admit, watching the way he swallows deep.
“This is the way out, this is how it has to be. It’s my choice.” There’s a long silence, that neither of us know how to fill.
“Thank you.” I hope that the man sitting in front of me knows that no words will ever describe how grateful I am to him. My life has changed so much since I met Lydia, and this man gave me the foundation I needed not just to save her, but to keep her.
Prez says nothin’ just nods his head and opens the lid on the box so he can grab himself a cookie.
“These are real fuckin’ good,” he tells me with a mouthful of crumbs.