Chapter 39
Ijoin Jimmer in the visitor’s room once the two younger members of his club have left. He’s staring at the hands he has crossed over the table and looking deep in thought. I’ve been intrigued to watch the reactions of the men who have come to visit him over the past few days. Each one of them seems sad to be losing him, and I can’t help bearing the weight of that. Each day that I learn more about Jimmer Carson, I question what I’m doing. These past few nights I’ve lay in bed at night and asked myself, over and over, how I can go through with condemning a good man.
I tell myself that I’m offering him a way to save the people he loves. But, in reality, I’m tearing him away from them.
“Looks like you’ve had a tough day.” I take a seat.
“You wouldn’t believe.” He keeps his head down and the slight tremble of his hands reminds me that this man, who fears no one, is actually human.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” I reach across and cover them with mine to steady them.
“No.” He looks up at me and shakes his head. It suddenly makes me wonder what it would feel like being here to visit him, instead of ruining him.
“Your family really love you.” I offer him some words of encouragement because he sure looks like he could use them.
“They’re all very special people,” he growls
“Brought together by a very special man,” I remind him. Taking a pause before I reach into my satchel and place the envelope on the table between us.
“What’s that?” He frowns at it.
“It’s the terms and conditions you had me send to the governor. He signed it.” I keep my eyes closed because I don’t want to see the look on his face. Each day that comes closer to the end of his time here seems to get harder. I’m fully aware of what happens to men like Jimmer when they get put away. Life in prison will be tough. Each day will be a battle for survival.
“It’s everything you wanted, right down to the jail you requested.” I swallow down the urge to speak what’s on my mind. I’m too involved in all this, already.
“Thank you.” His voice comes out low and soft, it barely sounds like him and it breaks my heart.
“I want you to reconsider it,” I blurt out.
“And why would ya want that?” I don’t know if he’s being brave or if he finds amusement in my request when he looks up and smiles at me.
“You know why. It’s too close. There are too many of the people you helped Roswell put away inside those walls.”
“You’ve been doin’ your homework.” He rests back in his seat and folds his arms. All traces of the weak man I saw just seconds ago are gone. This is him giving me a front.
“This isn”t a joke, Jimmer. You don’t have to put on that act for me. Think of all the people that love you, you could request any facility you want.”
“It wouldn’t change the outcome.” There’s far too much acceptance in his tone and it makes me want to reach across the table and shake some sense into him.
“Too many people care about you for you to think that way. From what I’ve heard, you’ve fought your whole life. Why give up now?” I try so hard to understand him.
“Why does that matter to you?” He turns the question on me and I don’t like the way his words make me feel detached from him. Maybe that”s unhealthy for me to admit, given the position I’m in, but it’s the truth.
“Because I care about you. I’m getting to know the man behind the face of Jimmer Carson and I’m liking him a whole lot,” I admit.
“Well, that right there”s your first mistake, darlin’.” There it is again, that smile he tries to fool everyone with. I refuse to believe that a man, who is prepared to make such a great sacrifice for the people he cares about, isn’t scared at the thought of never seeing them again.
“Stop acting like all this is okay.” I blink back the tears that are threatening to come.
“I’m sorry, Consuela, what would ya like me to do? Hate you for this, slam you up against that wall, and fuck you with all the anger I’ve got burnin’ inside me for ya? I’m sorry, but I don’t hate ya, I’m not mad at ya. I’m…” He suddenly cuts himself off and takes a long steady breath. “Without you, I’d be losin’ everythin’, and so would they.” He takes the written deal out of the envelope and reads it over then, placing it back inside, he slams it on the table.
“Tell your boss I’ll have my confession with him in two days.” He stands up and makes his way to the door.
“Wait,” I call after him and when he stops but doesn’t turn around I get up from my chair and move to stand in front of him. I slide my hand up to his cheek and stare into his aged, worn eyes. I can sense he has a thousand stories behind them, some good, some brutal, but all of them fragments of what shaped him to be the man he is.
“Please don’t do this,” I whisper knowing that I’m sounding helpless.
“Do what?” He frowns and as much as I want to tell him what’s really going through my mind, I take the easy option.
“Don’t shut me out, let me help you.” I push my fingers my through his thick, gray hair and reach up to kiss his lips and he shocks me when he lifts me off my feet and carries me back toward the table.
It hurts a little when he slams my ass on its surface, but it’s the kind of hurt I crave whenever I’m around him. He has that focused look in his eyes that he always gets when we cross the line as he forces the skirt I’m wearing up my thighs and spreads my legs. Taking the seat in front of me, he rests his palm on my chest and forces me to lie back. I don’t point out the fact that anyone could walk in here because I don’t want him to stop. This is what he needs, I want to be the one to give him it, and as scared as I am to admit it, I need it too.
His hand slides under the suspenders I have holding up my stockings and when his mouth presses against my center and his tongue laps over the lace covering my pussy, I close my eyes and enjoy the shiver that spreads over my skin.
“Do you always wear such fancy underwear to work?” He looks up at me and questions, and when his lips spread kisses along my panty line, I can’t give him an audible answer.
“Shit.” I gasp when I hear a tear and feel my panties split open. When I open my eyes I see him standing in front of me, waiting for my answer.
“No.” I shake my head.
“Two days, Consuela. Two days is all I have left in here, and I wanna be able to access you whenever I want.” He grips his hand around my throat as he pushes inside me and the relief of being full of him is shadowed by the realization that we have a time limit.
I stare at him while he fucks me, wishing things could be different and the way he looks back at me tells me he feels the same. I can’t stop myself from wondering what we could have been in a different world, and when that starts to hurt too much, I give myself over to him, letting him take my body and give us both what we need.
I can worry about healing when our time is up.
* * *
“Boss!” My heart leaps into my throat when I step out of the visitor’s room, and I’m greeted with a stone-cold look from Longford.
“Agent Consuela, I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” He clears his throat, making me very aware of the fact I no longer have panties on. The torn apart lace is in my satchel, along with the promises that were made to Jimmer by our governor. Longford has a suspicious look on his face, one that makes me question if he knows that I just got fucked by the president of the Dirty Souls MC.
“Not at all, sir, I was just showing Jimm—Mr. Carson the governor’s acceptance.” I can feel myself starting to panic and I really have to pull myself together.
“I take it he was satisfied?” Longford narrows his eyes, and when I take a glance at Hilda behind the desk, she glances her eyes away and smirks. Ever since Jimmer came here she’s told me she senses something between us, it’s an accusation that I, of course, deny. Thankfully, Hilda respects me as a professional and knows that I value my position. Which, I myself seem to be forgetting at the moment.
“He’s assured me he will have his confession written up in the next few days,” I tell him.
“Well done, Consuela, your dedication to this case has been impressive.”
“Well, it’s a big one.” I try my best to stop shaking and at least appear confident. “Can I ask what brings you here, sir?” Now it’s my turn to be suspicious.
“Ahhh, yes. There’s been a development. Is there somewhere more private we can talk?” He looks between Hilda and the guard who’s standing by the door.
“Of course.” I step past him and head toward the office that I’ve been working out of for the past week.