Chapter 44
“You look nervous.” Ella smiles at me as we pull up outside the facility where they’re holding her dad.
She was so excited when she heard that he was ready to see her, and yet I can sense that all her hope is about to be crushed. I’ve watched him call in his brothers one by one and it doesn’t take a genius to know it’s to say goodbye. Much like his daughter, Jimmer is stubborn, once he’s got his mind made up on something he won’t back down, and his mind’s made up about this.
He’s going down for the club. Jessie or Ella ain’t prepared to accept that and are hell-bent on finding a solution.
“He’ll change his mind. I know he will.” Ella squeezes my hand as she gets out the car and I walk her toward the guard who’s standing by the door. He tips his chin at me as he lets us inside, and while we go through the security search I feel my stomach tie up in knots.
“He wants to see you first.” The agent that’s behind all this looks kinda guilty when she opens the door for me, and I turn my head to look at Ella.
“Go. I’ll be fine here.” She gives me an encouraging smile and I kiss her before following the agent through the door to a big, empty room, waiting while she types in a code on another security door.
It buzzes loudly and when I step inside and see Jimmer already waiting for me, I’m surprised at how different he looks.
He’s wearing a gray tracksuit instead of his cut and he looks so much older than he did when I last saw him.
“Nyx.” He nods at me, giving nothing away as I take the chair opposite him.
“You’ve broken her heart makin’ her wait this long,” I tell him, thinking of all the nights I’ve had to hold my wife while she’s cried. I’ve hated that I got no answers for her and I’ve stopped trying to understand why he’s blocked her out, the way he has since he’s been in here.
“That ain’t what I wanted, Nyx. But there’s somethin’ I have to tell her, and I needed to be ready for it. She ain’t gonna like it, it’s gonna hurt her, and I’m really gonna need you to be there for her.”
“I’m always there for her, till the day I fuckin’ die. You know that.” I start to panic when I realize how serious he looks.
“I do know that,” he agrees, faking a smile.
“She thinks she can change your mind, Prez,” I warn him, it doesn’t matter what he’s got to tell her, he needs to be prepared for what”s coming. Right now, Ella’s brimming with hope and he looks like he’s all out of it.
“I wish this was somethin’ I could change for her.” His voice comes out croaky and the way he clenches his fist tells me how frustrated he is.
“It is, I believe in what Jessie says. I believe that agent out there wants to help us. She wants to help you.”
“I’m dyin’.” His words come out aggressive and angry, and he closes his eyes to spare me seeing the devastation in them.
“What ya talkin’ bout?” I shake my head as my brain goes over and over what I think he just said. We already know him going to jail is a fuckin’ death sentence.
“I mean, that I’m dyin’, whether I go to jail or I don’t.” He opens his eyes and lets me see the fear in ‘em. “And now, I have to call my little girl through those doors, and tell her that.” He loses himself a little, but quickly puts himself back together. “I need you to be strong for her when I’ve done it.” Seeing his eyes wet with tears puts a wedge in my throat.
“Prez, look at you. You”re not dyin’.” I shake my head in denial.
“Believe me, I am, son. I may be showin’ ya different on the outside but I’m weakenin’. I can feel it happenin’ more and more as each day passes, and I’m far past the deadline those docs gave me. I guess I should be grateful.”
“Hold up… How long have ya known about this?” I stare back at him as all my shock suddenly turns into rage.
“A while, and it was never in my plans to let my daughter and my grandkids watch me deteriorate. This, what”s happenin’ here, was meant to be.” He rests back in his chair.
“Prez, Ella’s not gonna let you?—”
“That’s somethin’ I’ll have out with her.” He cuts me off. “But, before that, I got some things that I need to say to you.” He clears his throat and scrubs his hand over his face as he sits himself back up straight.
“I may be leavin’ Jess in charge of the club, but I’m trustin’ you with the biggest responsibility of all. The thing I’m most proud of.” He looks away from me when the tears in his eyes start to spill. Wiping them away he locks me into his stare again. “Nyx, there’s no one in this club that has surprised me more than you. You were a reckless prospect who everyone had their doubts about, and look at ya now. You got me my daughter back, you gave me two beautiful grandkids, and on top of all that you show me every day that you”re a man who deserves ‘em.” I watch him twist the club founder’s ring he’s wearing off his finger and when he holds it out to me I stare at it in shock.
“It’s tradition for all original members to pass this down to their sons. This belongs to you, now.”
“Prez.” I feel my own eyes fill up as I continue to focus on what he’s offering.
“Come on, none of that, you gotta be strong for her. Take the damn ring, Nyx.” He forces it closer to me and I wrap my fist around his hand and squeeze it with all the pain, frustration, and love that’s flooding my chest. I nod my head at him because right now trying to put into words what this means to me is impossible.
“If I had my time with my girls again, I’d be just like you. You’ve taught me a lot,” he admits as I take the ring and slide it onto my finger.
“I won’t let ya down, I won’t ever make you regret givin’ me a shot,” I promise. “They will always be my priority, you got my word on that.”
Prez smiles at me appreciatively.
“It’s taken me some time to accept this, I”ve gone through a whole lotta denial. To even think about lettin’ them go has torn me to shreds, but knowin’ that I’m leavin’ ‘em in your protection makes it a damn sight easier. I love you, son. I love you for the ways you love my daughter and the pride I see on your face when you look at my grandchildren. I love you for always puttin’ ‘em before yourself, and how happy you make ‘em. Now, you go do that for me. Be all the things that I can’t, value every smile, and hold every hug that little bit tighter in your arms.” He forges a smile for me as he nods his head toward the door and gestures for me to leave.
We both stand up and I move around the tables so I can grab him.
“I love you too.” I grip him tight, “And I’ll love ‘em enough for us both. I won’t let ya down,” I assure him again, all while trying to keep it together.
“You never have.” He laughs. “Hell, I never thought I’d say it, but meetin’ you was the best thing that ever happened to my daughter.” His palm slaps hard at my leather cut.
“Now get the fuck outta here.” I see through the brave look on his face when he pulls away from me, and I show him the same strength. He needs to know I’m gonna get Ella through this. Turning my back on him, I head out the door and into the waiting room and a guard closes the door behind me. He starts to move across the floor to open the door that leads out to Ella, but I stop him.
“Just give me a second.” I let out a deep breath and head over to the corner of the room, pressing my palm to the wall and lowering my head. I let the hurt and anger, of all I’ve just learned, creep its way into my fist as I slam it into the wall and growl out my frustration. I let the tears I’ve been holding back release as I stare at the white flakey paint, and try to figure how the hell I’m gonna get myself through this.
I’ve only just lost Tac, this cruel, fucked-up world keeps taking the people I care about away from me and everything feels outta my control. How can I protect Ella and the kids from a world that keeps on punishing? I close my eyes and when I picture Ella’s face, it suddenly all becomes clear. I can’t allow hurt and fear to stop me from doing what”s needed. I look at the ring that’s now on my finger and think about the man who just gave it to me, and I find the will to pull myself together. Breathing myself calm, I look up at the ceiling hoping God’s got my back. Then, wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, I take a few more of those breaths before I turn back around to nod at the guard.
He opens the door and when I step through it and see the beam that”s on my wife’s face, I manage a smile just for her.
“He’s ready for ya, darlin’.” My heart breaks when she hops up off her chair and kisses me on her way past, but I still hold it together. I have to. I just gave a dying man my word.