Chapter 23
It had seemed like a good idea last night, the whole noble I have to tell him thing.
But in the ice-cold light of morning, it mostly just seemed like I was about to pour gas all over a good thing, then drop a match and walk away.
Maybe in slow motion with the wind (from the resulting explosion) blowing my hair dramatically into my face.
I tried to focus on getting ready for Jolly-Days.
I needed to look cute. I was representing the library.
And telling the boy I liked that I was both the girl who’d betrayed him and his text-door neighbor, aka future best friend, aka former future best friend.
I settled on dark bell-bottoms, a light-blue sweater, pink socks, heeled Mary Janes, and an oversized coat.
And a scarf, obviously. Then I dusted a little shimmer-blush over my cheeks and found my trusty tinted lip gloss.
Once I was as prepared as possible, Mom drove me downtown and made sure I was with Mrs. Kauffman before she left.
“Ready to tell people about books?” Mrs. Kauffman asked as we carried the booth outside to its designated spot. The festival didn’t start for another hour, but we had a lot to set up. Plus, there was something extra I’d brought.
“I’ll chase them to tell them about books,” I promised, panting as we shuffled to our spot. “I’ll get on the loudspeaker and tell them about books. I’ll make books the only thing they can think about. And then I’ll tell them again.”
“Don’t get us into trouble with the law,” Mrs. Kauffman advised, arranging the backdrop until the fabric hung perfectly. “I’m sorry you ended up doing this by yourself, but honestly, you did a great job. Whether or not we win, I think it’s wonderful.”
That was nice of her to say, but we both knew this wasn’t a prizewinning booth. Not without Grayson. I only had myself to blame.
Well, and Mary Heather and Kat. I blamed them, too. I was going to be much better off without them. I wish I had seen that a long time ago.
As we went back and forth from the library to get more stuff, I wondered how much of my personal drama Mrs. Kauffman actually knew about.
I was pretty sure “Deer Hill Dirt” had broken middle-school containment before Scrollr deleted it, and she clearly knew about my massive crush on Grayson.
But she hadn’t mentioned the scroll. Maybe part of being a librarian was knowing things, but not talking about them all the time.
We finished stacking giveaway books, turning on the tablets, and organizing her boxes of stuff under the table. It was almost time for the festival to start.
“So, it’s only the prints now, right? Do you still want to put those in the prize booth?” Mrs. Kauffman lifted an eyebrow. “It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind.”
I glanced down the line of beautifully decorated tables. The raffle prize booth was already filled with gift baskets, handmade birdhouses, and lots of jewelry. “You really think people would actually want to win them?”
She smiled warmly. “I do think so. They’re very good.”
My heart pounded at the thought of strangers seeing my photos.
I’d shown them to Mrs. Kauffman several days ago—she’d liked them, and somehow we started talking about having a few prints made of my favorites so they could go in the prize booth for Jolly-Days.
I’d agreed because she liked my photos that much and it seemed like something I could do for the library since I wasn’t delivering a winning booth …
but most significantly she liked my photos that much.
So I’d texted her the ones she asked for and she’d sent them off to a printer. Now they were in a wooden display, along with a gift certificate for a local frame shop; it was a two-in-one prize.
Now that it was the moment of truth, I had to display them. It felt like a lot of pressure. But … it was for the library. My cozy world. The place where I always felt safe, even in the creepy backroom jail cells.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s take them over.”
Watching her arrange the photos was nerve-racking. First, she organized them by size. Then by shape. Then by color. She seemed satisfied by that but turned to me. “What do you think?”
“That’s good,” I said quickly, mostly because a woman with a clipboard—probably an organizer—was marching toward us.
“It’s ten o’clock!” Clipboard Lady called. “We’re going to let people in now.”
Mrs. Kauffman and I hurried back to the library booth, where people were already lining up to see what we had. It was busy, and that was good. While we helped people sign up for library cards and handed out free books, I thought about what I was going to say to Grayson today.
Maybe I’d just walk up to him and tell him I was Cardinal from his phone?
Or maybe I should go back to the library and make a sign that read CARDINAL = VIRGINIA and hold it up? (That might be weird to other people, but who cared? Not my target audience.)
Or maybe I needed to get a skywriter. Was there an app for that? But considering the shelf of slate-gray clouds sliding in from the west, that probably wouldn’t work.
Or MAYBE—
“Hi, Virginia.” Grayson was standing at the booth.
“Oh—hey.” My heart kicked. I hadn’t had time to enact any of my plans.
I looked at Mrs. Kauffman for help, but she was telling someone about all the services the library provided. Apparently, getting me out of problems I’d created wasn’t on her list.
I’d have to do it myself. “So, uh.” Good start, self. “I wanted to tell you …”
Grayson raised an eyebrow.
Come on, Virginia! I thought. “I’m … really glad you were there last night.”
Darn it!
Grayson smiled. “Me too. I bet it was pretty scary when you didn’t know what was going on.”
“Yeah.” I gave a faint, breathy laugh. “It was. And Victoria actually got in trouble for forgetting to put the radiator cap back on. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her get in trouble before.”
“That’s one nice thing about my brothers. They get in trouble all the time. It makes me look really good by comparison.”
I smiled.
Aaaand then I was back to not knowing what to say to him.
I mean, obviously I needed to tell him, but it felt like I’d missed my chance.
If I said it now, it would sound like an afterthought.
Like, Oh, by the way, I’m your text-door neighbor.
But never mind all that, do you know what snacks they have here?
“I want a snack,” I said out loud.
Grayson tilted his head. “How long are you working the booth? Do you need me to get you something?”
Heat flared up my face. “Oh no, it’s fine. But maybe when I’m done here we could get something to eat together? I mean, if you want to. If you like food. Do you like food?” I asked, like I hadn’t seen him eat lunch every day.
No, the real question was why would he want to eat food with me?
“Yeah, I like food.” Grayson flashed a smile. “We can get something together. Twelve? One?”
“One,” I confirmed. “That’s when I’m done here.”
“See you then.” Grayson took one last look at the fireplace, the wizard, the mice, the astronaut—all things he’d sketched and that I’d struggled to bring to life.
He smiled a little. Kind of sad. And then he headed toward the stage, where an ensemble from the high school band was playing classic holiday songs.
Mrs. Kauffman delivered the biggest side-eye I’d ever seen. “What was all that about?”
I melted into my chair. “Nothing. I hurt Grayson’s feelings a while ago and it kind of seems like he might forgive me but I’m probably going to hurt his feelings again really soon if I can ever get my mouth to work but so far that hasn’t happened so it’s just going to get more awkward.”
“Did you even breathe just now?” She shook her head. “Anyway, I’m sure you’ll work it out.”
I wasn’t. But more people were coming, so there was no time to talk about it.
Another hour passed. I spotted people with cups of hot chocolate and snowflake-shaped donuts from Miss Joy, bags from different downtown shops, and tons of raffle tickets. I wondered if anyone had entered to win my photos.
My phone buzzed.
Grayson:
So … I’m at a town festival and I just spotted this.
They look a LOT like your photos.
As in I’m pretty certain they are.
OH NOOOOOOO.
Quickly, I scanned the crowd even though I knew exactly where to find him: the prize booth. He was studying the prints, which had to be familiar to him: the red leaves against a slate sky, the cat rock, the streak of a woodpecker flying by.
People were milling about, sometimes blocking my view of him, but in short glimpses, I watched him carefully reach out to touch the corner of one of the photos.
Then I lost sight of him again.
Grayson:
I’m freaking out a little
Are … you
At the Deer Hill Winter Jolly-Days Festival?
“Well, crap,” I muttered. So much for my flawless plan of going up to him and telling him in a normal human way. Or bribing the marching band and color guard to deliver the message on the nearest football field while playing a snazzy little tune.
Me:
Yes.
Grayson:
Okay now I’m REALLY freaking out.
You’re here.
What do we do?
Should I leave?
He was willing to leave even though we were supposed to meet for lunch? Ooof. But that was okay. I wasn’t using my last sliver of self-confidence anyway.
Still at the prize booth, Grayson was looking around as though he might spot me in the crowd. His gaze slid right over me. Because he was looking for another me. A better me.
I felt sick as I reread his messages. My fingers were ice-cold and shaking, but I had to respond.
Me:
You should stay.
And we should meet.
Grayson:
You’re sure?
What about superposition?
Me:
I mean, no I’m NOT sure
But we have to
I have to be honest
I’m REALLY nervous
I KNOW you’re going to be disappointed
But I don’t think superposition can last much longer
I guess I always knew it would end
Grayson:
I promise I won’t be disappointed
Me:
Please don’t make that promise.
Grayson:
I don’t want you to worry
But I’m nervous too, if that makes you feel any better
I agree it’s time though
How do we do it?
Me:
You know where the community center is?
Grayson:
Yes
Me:
There’s a bench behind it, kind of away from the festival.
It will be quiet
Meet me there
Grayson:
When?
I looked up to find Mrs. Kauffman watching me. “Do you need to go do something?” she asked quietly.
“Is it okay?” I hated to bail on her, but I’d lose my nerve if I didn’t get this over with.
She smiled. “Yeah. Go. Good luck.”
I lurched up and started for the community center, typing as I went.
Me:
Now.