33. Scarlett
Sleep is scarce and scattered with fitful, torturous dreams.
I’m trying my hardest to carry on with my life but I’m merely surviving.
Confusion, anger and despair courses through my veins in a continual loop and there’s a numbness clouding my judgement.
I haven’t been back into work yet; Delia has been quite insistent that I take all the time I need.
So, here we are again, back to Mum trying to entice my appetite with picky bits and fancy finger foods.
Which she keeps arranging on little wooden boards, and hand delivering to my room at intermittent intervals throughout the day and evening.
My only respite is once night falls and I can sit in my room in darkness, forcing her to believe I’ve allowed sleep to drag me under.
As sit scrolling aimlessly through my social media accounts a text message pops up from Rachel.
What are you doing for the next five nights?
The text is quickly backed up with a second message but this one contains a weblink.
Curiosity gets the better of me and I click on the link and up pops the most amazing images of sandy beaches and deep blue oceans.
I’m lost to the thoughts of dipping my toes in the sea when Rachel messages again.
We fly out tomorrow morning at 6.30.
There’s a spa and it’s all inclusive.
Call it an early birthday present. ;)
My eyes scan the text message again, does we really mean Rachel and I? Before I can get my head around what she’s saying my phone rings and I slide my finger across the screen to answer Rachel’s call.
“What do you mean ‘we fly out tomorrow’?”
Her laughter is loud and excitable.
“Exactly that.
You and I are going on holiday.
It’s only five nights but it’s on the beach and it’s just what you need,”
Rachel’s voice is all giddy and high pitched.
“I’ve already paid and its non-refundable, so do me a favour and don’t argue, just pack a case.”
I’m speechless, she’s scrambled my brain.
“Come on, Scarlett! We’ve talked about doing this for years and never got round to it, well now we can.”
“I don’t know what to say,”
there’s a small part of me that wants to be reckless and throw clothes into a suitcase, but the devil on my shoulder is tutting in my ear.
“I don’t think running away is the answer,”
“Who said anything about running away? It’s a holiday, and Lord knows you deserve a holiday.
We’ll be gone for a few days, not a lifetime.”
There’s a sense of irritation in her voice.
“It’s also a birthday gift, so you can’t say no.
Besides, what else would you be doing, sitting around moping about he-who-shall-not-be-named and crying into your romance novels?”
Rachel’s words ignite a spark in me, and a smile spreads across my face.
“I am not crying into a romance novel as you so eloquently put it!”
the chuckle that escapes my mouth surprises me but it feels good.
“Okay, you’re on.
But I’ll pay for my part, send me the details and I’ll transfer the cash once I’ve dragged my suitcase down from the top of the wardrobe.”
I scuttle off the bed and almost skip across the bedroom.
Reaching up on tiptoes, I managed to hook the suitcase handle and yank it down.
It hits the floor in a clatter.
“Oh shit, I think I broke my toe,”
I hop around the room clutching my foot as Rachel laughs at my clumsiness.
“Well, I don’t think it’s actually broken but if bloody hurts.” I curse.
“Hand luggage only, Scarlett.”
She warns me, “I didn’t pay for extra luggage, so pack wisely.
And no, you will not pay me back.
This is on me, see you tomorrow, bright and early!”
The line goes dead and I pull open my bedroom door. “Mum!”
I shout down the staircase.
I can hear the scramble as she scrapes her chair across the kitchen floor and her feet slap against the tiled floor.
“Scarlet, what is it, what’s happened?”
with a pale face, my mum stares up at me from the hallway.
Her hand is rested on her chest as she tries to calm herself.
“Are you okay?”
“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.
Can I borrow your small suitcase, please? The little red one.
Rachel’s booked us a holiday, and I can only take hand luggage.
We go early in the morning.”
I offer her a very toothy grin and giggle.
Mum looks taken aback but she quickly schools her reaction and her eyes fill with joy.
“That’s just what you two need, although God help the others in the hotel once you both arrive.”
She makes her way upstairs and when she reaches the top, she wraps me in her arms and squeezes me tightly.
“The case is in the airing cupboard.
I’m not sure how you’ll manage on hand luggage, though.
It’s almost as if Rachel doesn’t know you.”
Mum lets go of me to grab the suitcase from the cupboard.
“You start packing, I’ll grab you a beach towel and I’m sure we’ve got some of those mini toiletries you can put in clear plastic bag.”
She’s on a mission now, searching through baskets in the cupboard where she keeps spares of everything.
With a triumphant grin, she hands me a tiny tube of toothpaste and some shower gel, then she manages to find shampoo and conditioner too.
“I knew I had some.
I think I stole those from that posh hotel Dad took me to last year.”
A rosy glow colours her cheeks, she’s embarrassed to admit she took them.
It doesn’t matter how many times in the past I’ve told her that everyone takes them, she still feels a little naughty.
“Thanks Mum,”
I take them from her and kiss her cheek.
“Will you be okay while I’m gone? It’s only five days.”
“Of course I will, silly.
Your dad will keep me busy.
You go and have an amazing time, you deserve this.”
She shoos me into my bedroom, “Now, get packing.”