34. Jamie
“ Riley, stop messing about and get those footballs out of the bags,”
it’s my first session volunteering with the under thirteens, and I currently feel like I’m pissing in the wind.
Whoever said never work with kids and animals had it bang on.
This lot know it’s my first rodeo and they’re not making it easy for me.
“Ok Mr, keep your hair on! It’s meant to be fun, not that you’ll know what fun is at your age,”
Riley high fives one of the other lads, whose name escapes me, and they both hold their stomachs as they laugh at their own wit.
Trying to stop the smile from hitting my face is near on impossible as I react.
“What do you mean at my age!”
I stamp my foot on the ground in pretence of running after them but they’re on form tonight.
“Yeah, come on then, your knees will give out before you can catch us,”
Riley’s partner in crime calls out and now the whole team are laughing hysterically.
I try to gain some control over the session while Mike stands on the sidelines trying not to join in the frivolity.
“Let’s see whose knees give out first, shall we? You can all get nice and warm doing a few laps of the pitch before we start,”
I grip the whistle Mike gave me between my lips and blow hard, signalling for them to start running.
The groan they all let out nearly drowns out the noise from the whistle but they start to run, and not one to dish out tasks I can’t complete, I bring up the rear of the group and start to jog with them.
Once they’re all suitable out of breath I relent and let them stop, “Okay, get yourselves into two teams, grab a ball and we’ll have a few shots on goal, we need to nail those penalty shootouts and corners.”
Josh is the first one to start picking team mates and he leads his little gang off to start practice.
Ben, as usual, is standing on the sideline, ever the proud grandparent.
I hold my hand up to acknowledge him and I’m rewarded with a small nod.
The next forty-five minutes seem to fly by as the lads get stuck into training.
To say he’s a reluctant player, Josh is becoming the star of the show.
Now I’m no expert but he really stands out as having a bit of talent, the others are noticing it too.
I’ve only been taking notice of the team for the last few weeks but it’s obvious he’s gone from feeling like a bit of an outsider, to the one they flock to when he arrives.
He’s the joker of the group, a bit cheeky but he knuckles down and takes pride in his playing, even if he’s a bit of a show boater.
He reminds me of Tom, he was always the joker on camp.
Nothing was sacred as far as he was concerned, God forbid he found out anyone’s fears, he’d never let it rest.
The memories bring a smile to my face and for once I don’t feel guilty about it.
Grief is a learning curve that nobody can prepare you for.
Some days, the mere mention of his name brings me to my knees, more recently though, I’ve found that I can have days without the pain.
“Help! Someone help him, please!”
my reverie is broken by the shouts of Josh and my head shoots up to try find where he is on the pitch.
The team, as one, beginning running to the sidelines towards where Josh is huddled over his grandad on the floor.
My legs break into a sprint, and I’m pushing kids out of the way as I head over to where Ben lay.
As I drop to my knees next to Josh and Ben, Josh looks up at me with tears and snot running down his face.
“I think he’s dead,” he wails.
My instincts and training kick in, and I’m checking Ben’s vitals for any sign that he isn’t, in fact, dead.
I can’t find a pulse in his neck.
“Nope, he’s still with us,”
letting Josh know that I might be too late, is out of the question so I try to smile and reassure him as I rip open Ben’s jacket and shirt, baring his chest.
“Mike, call 999!”
I glance in Mike’s direction but I needn’t have worried, he’s already talking on the phone, giving the operator our whereabouts.
“Josh, give me some room, mate,”
I take up position, kneeling beside Ben as I pinch his nose and blow into his mouth, there is still no response so I start chest compressions while praying the ambulance isn’t far away.
I’m on my second round of rescue breaths when Mike appears at my side with a defibrillator.
“We bought one out of some of the fundraising money,”
he says as he opens the box and starts sticking the pads on Ben’s chest.
When the machine tells us to ‘stand clear’ we both make sure the kids are at a safe distance and watch as the defib jolt’s Ben and his body lurches upwards slightly.
There’s a moment of silence while we all listen, waiting to see if Ben responds.
When he doesn’t, the machine tells us to start again.
So, I’m back on my knees, pumping Ben’s chest.
“Come on, Ben.
Work with me, mate.”
I mutter as the machine begins the two-minute countdown to the next time we’ll have to shock him.
It’s exhausting but the adrenaline has kicked in massively, forcing me to carry on.
“Where’s the damn ambulance?”
I growl in Mike’s direction, and all he can do is shrug.
Josh cries out again and Mike finally rounds all of the kids up and move them down the field towards the carpark.
They don’t need to witness this.
Josh tries to cling to his grandfather but I manage to grunt out “I’ve got him, Josh, go with them.”
“Please don’t let him die,”
he says as Mike takes a hold of his shoulders, trying to guide him away.
“That’s the aim, Josh.
That’s the aim,”
I’m breathless and thankfully when the defib springs to life again, telling me to not touch Ben.
I press the little red button to administer the shock and wait.
The sirens become deafening as the ambulance pulls into the carpark and the crew jump out, and run across the pitch.
I breathe a sigh of relief as I start up chest compressions again.
One of the technicians falls to his knees beside me and I allow him to take over.
I stand up and move to the side giving him space to work.
The enormity of the situation hits me hard and I bend at the waist to grab my knees.
Dragging in air as I try to breathe through the panic that’s taken residence inside me.
“What have we got?”
the other technician asks.
“This is Ben, grandfather to one of the kids on the team.
I didn’t see him collapse but Josh, his grandson, shouted for help and I couldn’t find a pulse,”
I manage to speak through ragged breaths.
“I couldn’t get a pulse.”
The technician places a hand on my back, “You ok?”
He smiles almost apologetically as I nod my thanks.
He drops down next to Ben to assist his crew mate.
It’s a calm kind of chaos.
“We’ve got him, he’s back,”
the first guy says loud enough for me to hear and I drop to floor, clutching my head.
The relief floods through my veins like fire.
“Thank fuck for that,”
my voice is a whisper as the paramedics set to work on stabilising Ben enough to be able to move him to the ambulance.
Blowing out a teary breath, I stand and make my way over to find Josh.
He’s standing with Mike, who has his hands tightly fixed on Josh’s shoulders, holding in place no doubt.
Some of the parents have started to arrive to collect the kids, there is a sea of worried faces as they bundle their offspring into the respective cars, shielding them from the trauma that’s playing out on the pitch.
As I approach, I can see Josh is sobbing, his whole body is shaking, and I reach out to him.
“He's not well, but he’s alive,”
I say as the small boy launches himself at me.
Josh’s arms wrap around my waist and he buries his face into my stomach, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,”
he says over and over again, and his words break me.
Mike turns away as his own emotions take over and I watch as he wipes his eyes before he pulls out his phone and starts to chase up the rest of kid’s parents.
When I feel Josh start to calm a little, I separate myself from him and bend my knees, bringing me down to his level.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything, they did,”
I indicate over to where the paramedics are prepping Ben for his journey to hospital still.
“I’ll come with you to the hospital if you like, we can wait there for your mum,”
I ask and he nods gratefully.
“Right, we’re taking him up to the infirmary on George Street.”
One of the paramedics informs as they’ve load Ben into the back of the ambulance.
“I’ve rang his daughter, she’s going straight to the hospital,”
Mike adds before he turns to me and says, “I told her we’ll get Josh up there.”
The ambulance pulls out of the carpark with its sirens blaring and I know Ben’s not out of the woods yet, and I raise my eyes to the sky and pray he’ll make it.