35. Scarlett
The waves lap at the shoreline as I pick up my e-reader and scan my library for a new read.
This holiday is exactly what I needed.
“Here you go,”
Rachel hands me a bright red cocktail with an insane amount of fruit perched on the rim of the glass.
“Don’t ask me what it is, I just asked for today’s special,”
Rachel settles on to the sunbed beside be and sips at her drink.
“Tastes good though!”
she winks at me before abandoning the straw and going straight to drinking from the glass.
As I swallow my first sip the alcohol takes my breath away and I have to sit up while I cough and splutter, my drink going everywhere.
“Steady on, Scar!”
Rachel reaches across and takes the glass from my hand, placing it on the small table between us.
“Jeez, I don’t know what’s in it but there’s a bloody lot of it, that’s for sure.”
My hands flap at my eyes as I try to regulate my breathing.
“I think it’s tequila,”
I screw my face up as the afterburn hits.
“If you don’t want it, I’ll drink it, you can go get a coke instead,”
Rachel settles back on her lounger and closes her eyes to the sun.
“The guy behind the bar is worth a visit anyway.”
Rachel grins as I slap her arm playfully.
She’s incorrigible but I wouldn’t have her any other way.
There was a time I hoped she and Tom would end up together and she’d be not only my best friend but also my sister-in-law.
That was short lived though, they went on a couple of dates before Tom joined up but she was too much, even for my brother.
Their fiery nature got the better of them, Rachel’s not one to back down and neither was Tom.
They both liked to have their own way, she isn’t good at compromise.
My phone vibrates beside me, a quick glance at the screen tells me it’s Jamie calling me and my heart rate spikes.
I’m sweating and it’s not from the surrounding temperature.
I swing my feet over the edge of the lounger and sit up, holding my phone in my hand.
The ringing doesn’t stop. “Are you going to answer that?”
Rachel lifts her sunglasses up slightly to peer at me.
“What’s wrong?”
I can’t speak so I just angle my phone so she can see the name on the screen.
“Give it to me, I’ve been holding off speaking to him, but now’s as good a time as any,”
anger is etched on her face as she makes a grab for my phone but I pull my arm back swiftly.
“No,”
I press on the icon to reject the call and the phone falls silent.
“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”
If anyone is going to tell Jamie how much he’s hurt me, it will be me, not Rachel.
“Anyway, it’s stopped now.”
I slide the phone into my beach bag – out of sight, out of mind, or so they say, and settle back down on the lounger.
“He’ll get the message; he won’t ring again.”
After a few seconds, I reach back into my bag and pull out the phone, he can’t ring if it’s switched off.
My thumb presses down hard on the power button until the screen goes black.
Satisfied I can’t be tempted to talk to him now, I pick my e-reader back up and carry on reading.
After one last dip in the pool for the day, we both head back to our room to get ready to go for dinner.
“Has he rung again?”
Rachel asks as I empty the beach bag and hang our towels over the balcony to air out for tomorrow.
“No idea, I’ve not checked.
It’s still switched off,”
the sun’s beginning to set and the view from the balcony is beautiful as the sky lights up with burnt oranges and reds as the sun dips lower in the sky.
Rachel joins me and hands me a bottle of water.
“I figured if Mum or Dad needed me they’d ring you if I didn’t answer.”
Cracking open the bottle, I lift it to my lips and take a long needed drink.
Cocktails in the sun is one thing, but I don’t want to fill like shit later for it.
The silence between us a comfortable one as we watch the people left around the pool begin to pack up for the day.
“They’ll be out again in a few hours, putting their towels down to save their spots for tomorrows sun worshipping session,”
Rachel says through a chuckle.
“I can’t be bothered with all that, what’s the point of a holiday if you have to get up at the crack of dawn to get a sunbed.”
She shakes her head in disbelief.
“You know you’re going to have to speak to him at some point.”
It’s a statement I’d rather not hear.
“It might be easier over the phone than in person.”
“Not now, Rach.
I’m not ready for this discussion.
With you or Jamie.”
My hand comes to rest on Rachel’s forearm.
“I know you’re worried about me but can we enjoy the last couple of days without mentioning him?”
This time with my best friend has been precious and I couldn’t love her any more than I already do, but her need to make a sacrifice of Jamie isn’t something I want to deal with while we’re here.
“Shall I take the first shower?”
I ask her, changing the subject, and she smiles up at me with a nod.
“Okay, I won’t be long.
Do you want to go to the fancy restaurant instead of the buffet one tonight for a change?”
I’m almost at the bathroom door when she answers, “We can do, but they might think we’re a couple.
I don’t care if you don’t.”
she’s laughing loudly at her own wit and I pick up her hairbrush and throw it her.
It falls short by a mile and lands with a clatter on the tiled floor.
As I sit on the balcony waiting for Rachel to finish getting ready, I turn my phone back on.
My thought process is that I’ll just check to see if my parents have messaged me and then I’ll turn it back off, I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince with that thought.
Anxiety takes a firm grip of me as the screen turns from black and begins the start up process.
Turning the phone upside down, I lay it on the small table before I stand to lean over the balcony and watch the world go by for a minute.
If I can’t see the phone, it can’t tempt me into sending messages I’m not ready to send.
The table behind me vibrates as notifications start to arrive on my phone, the urge to check who they’re from is strong and my heart rate spikes a little more.
When I can resist no more, I grab the phone and unlock the screen.
There are seven missed calls, three voicemail alerts and five messages.
All of them are from Jamie.
With a quick swipe of my thumb over the screen, I lock it again and place it back on table, as Rachel appears in the doorway.
There’s a sympathetic smile on her face, “He rang again then?”
she asks as she comes to stand be me.
I answer on a sigh, “Seven missed calls, voicemails and a few messages.
Nothing from Mum or Dad though, so it’s all good.”
Rachel pulls me into a hug and rubs her hand up and down my back.
It’s too much right now, my emotions are all over the place, so I take a step back with a smile.
“You look lovely, that dress really shows off the tan.
Let’s go eat, I’m starving.”
“You don’t want to check in, real quick, before we leave? I can stay out here if you want some privacy.”
I know she means well, but the last thing I want to do is speak to Jamie at the moment.
He can wait.
I know there’s a conversation to be had, and I definitely have things I need to say, but I need to be in a better place emotionally before I do that, otherwise none of what I want to say will make sense.
There’ll just be a jumble of words, tears and snot if I do it now.
With a shake of my head, I dismiss Rachel’s suggestion and make my way back into the room to pick up a handbag and the door key.
“Come on, let’s go get a drink.
It’s happy hour until nine tonight.”
“Mojito’s all round then,”
Rachel grins as she follows me out of the door.