43. Jamie
It’s been two days since Scarlett’s accident.
Jack drove her home once they’d discharged her, he wouldn’t let me in the car with them, though.
Thankfully, Mum had stayed at the hospital waiting for updates, so she drove me back behind their car.
Jack only let me in the house because he didn’t want to upset Scarlett any more than she already was.
I needed to see her home and safe before I could rest.
But I made sure not to outstay my welcome even though it broke my heart leaving her.
Baby steps are what’s needed now.
Not only do I have to win back Scarlett, I have to prove myself to Jack again.
I think Julia’s on my side though.
“You know we have to talk about the elephant in the room, don’t you?”
Scarlett turn’s her face up to look at me.
“I know I asked Rach to call you and get you to come to the hospital but that doesn’t make everything alright.”
She distances herself a little from me, so I can see she means business.
We’ve been watching Netflix all morning while she rests, her ribs are sore from being thrown around in the car, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m being a little overprotective.
I’d arrived on their doorstep less than thirty minutes after she responded to my good morning text, my arms laden with freshly baked pastries and a large latte each.
“You broke my heart, and we can’t just pick up where we left off.
There has to be a discussion and boundaries set.
I will not let you hurt me again.”
She wriggles to sit up a little straighter, wincing as she gets comfortable again, and the she lifts her water bottle to her lips.
I’m not sure if that’s to quench her thirst or allow her time for composure.
“I need to know you’re in this for the right reasons, and I’m not just a replacement for Tom,”
I open my mouth to reassure her but she gently places a finger on my lips to silence me.
“We jumped in very quickly and I’m worried we’re trying to force something that isn’t there already.
Relationships need to grow organically for them to be successful.
And I want this to last.
If we’re doing this, I’m all in, but that means you have to be, too.
You cannot decide, when you’re having a bad day, that I’m not worth it; that we’re not worth the effort to work through things.
I’m not asking for much but I do deserve to be let in; to be allowed to hold you and help you work through the panic attacks and flashbacks.
I want us to find a language that we can both speak.”
There was a moment, not that long ago, when I thought my life was over.
A time when there was nothing but darkness, but then she brought the light.
She helped to put me back together.
But that’s not why I’m in love with her.
I fell in love with Scarlett a lot of years ago, if I’m being honest, on a cold and rainy autumn day, when she fell running across the road to greet Tom and I.
We’d come home for the weekend on leave.
The jeans she was wearing ripped at the knees and the gravel tore into her skin, making it bleed.
I picked her up and carried her inside, where I carefully cleaned all the dirt from her wound and put a dressing over it.
She’d thrown her arms around my neck as I carried her indoors, telling me I was the best.
That was the moment I fell in love, I didn’t realise it then, but man, I know it now.
My hand reaches up and grips the back of her neck lightly, pulling her closer to me.
As I stare into her bright eyes, I see oceans of possibilities for both us.
I see a path to our future and it looks so good.
After gently kissing the tip of her nose, I pull back slightly and make sure I have her full attention.
“I could spend a lifetime trying to figure out the words to describe just what you mean to me, but I’m not sure I’d ever find them,”
my head lowers and I kiss her lips tenderly.
“You’re my safe place, and my happiness.
For every second of every day, we spend together, I promise you I will try to be the man you deserve.
Every moment we spend together reminds me that I’ve found something truly special and I will not do anything to risk your happiness ever again.
There is nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side.
Taking care of you and loving you.”
Scarlett’s cheeks flush and her eyelashes sweep downwards, hiding her truth from me.
A second or two of silence passes and my anxiety spikes.
When she finally looks at me there are tears, and lots of them, rolling down her cheeks.
But then the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen appears and she’s in my lap in a split second.
“I love you,”
she says in between peppering me kisses.
Her fingertips get caught in the hair at the nape of my neck as closes the gap between us.
“All I need is for you to love me back, everything else we can figure out as we need to.”
My hands come to rest on her waist, where I find a slither of bare skin to caress.
As my hands move underneath her top, I feel the goosebumps spring across her back and she shivers.
I don’t miss the little moan she tries to cover with a kiss, she begins to trial kisses along my jaw and down my neck.
As much as I want to strip her naked and show her just what she means to me, I also don’t want to rush her.
Gently, I move my hands from beneath her top and whisper in her ear, “You’re still in pain, we’re not doing this now,”
her body stiffens as she moves back slightly on my lap.
The bulge in my jeans is more than evident and the ache to be inside her is overwhelming.
I start to question my own sanity; most men would not be distancing themselves right now.
Where her cheeks were flushed with need before, they’re now stained with uncertainty and my heart clenches.
“Hey, trust me, I want you right now, but I also don’t want to have to worry about hurting you,”
I reach up and tuck her hair behind her ear, exposing her.
She tries to move away and hide behind her hair again but I won’t allow it.
“Stop, don’t shy away from me, please.
Don’t ever try to hide your feelings from me, that’s not how we’re gonna roll from now on.
We have forever, it’s you and me from now on.
And once you’re all healed, I promise you, we won’t surface for days.”
I give her a cheeky wink as she studies me, “You’ll be begging me to leave you alone.”
I lift her carefully, like the precious cargo she is, and reposition her so she’s sitting across my lap rather than straddling me.
My body instantly misses the connection but she tucks herself into my chest and allows me to wrap my arms around her, holding her safe, and it eases the feeling of loss.
I want to wrap her in cotton wool and keep her safe for the rest of her days.
As she lets out a sigh, she says.
“I never want you to let go; I want to stay wrapped in your arms forever.”
My heart swells and I feel the cracks that had been laid bare begin to mend, it may never be whole again, but I know with Scarlett’s help, I can start to fill the void and carry on with the uphill battle to fix it.