Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Claudia watched him as he spoke, realizing not only from his words, but from the subtle shifts in his expression, that he truly had a sensitive side. He wasn’t the kind of man to go to extremes with any random play partner, and she respected that about him.
“You know, this is so outside the realm of my experience, which has been fairly limited,” she told him.
“I’ve only ever practiced kink in a relationship with Kenny.
Everyone else has just been a friend. So, I really don’t know what it will take for me to get to where I can do something like that.
But I think I’d like to find out someday. ”
She wanted to. With him. She didn’t exactly understand why she felt such a need to give him that much, to hand over that big a piece of herself.
She just knew that she wanted it, craved it, and that she felt she could trust him to take her that far, in a way she never had with anyone else.
In a way that had her blood heating and desire washing over her simply having this discussion with him. But she also wanted to know more.
“Brody? Is this okay? That I’m asking about your past relationships? Especially those in which you practiced kink?”
“Yeah, of course. I would have let you know if I wasn’t comfortable with it, but it’s relevant to our negotiations.
I don’t actually have too much to tell. I haven’t had too many long-term relationships.
Like I mentioned before, being a pro football player doesn’t exactly lend itself to developing solid, long-term relationships.
We practice a lot, travel a lot during the year, and work out like mad in between.
The focus is so much on being the best players we can be, and while we’re busy doing that, a lot of life sort of passes us by.
The times I have been in a relationship, I know I didn’t give my partner the time and focus they deserved.
I was with my ex, Dana, for about two years and that’s what broke us up.
She needed more from me, and fairly so. I’ve only had two other real relationships, but they only lasted around six months.
Peyton was the most recent. They both happened after I retired from football, but they just…
I don’t know. I found that I wasn’t able to give them what they deserved, either, despite the fact that I was no longer playing, and I didn’t have this huge point of focus.
The intensity of connection wasn’t there with either of them, although I really tried to give those relationships a chance. I still can’t pinpoint why.”
“They weren’t your person,” Claudia said quietly, not wanting to presume, but feeling it with a deep certainty.
He nodded, shadows passing over his eyes. “Yeah. I think you’re right. They weren’t my person,” he said, gazing at her, his expression serious.
She wasn’t certain what that meant. Maybe he was simply reflecting back on those relationships. Why, then, were there butterflies fluttering in her stomach, making her go warm all over?
“So, you’ve never found your person? Neither have I,” she said.
“Although I thought I was in love with Kenny for a long time, and maybe I was in those early years. It was simply never returned once we got through the honeymoon stage, and I think between being so young when I married him, and the way I grew up, I didn’t quite understand what real love was.
But I’m learning by example now. In fact, I was learning when he and I were still together, mostly from the people I saw at the dungeon.
Micah and Arrow are still swooning over each other. ”
“Yeah, they are. But don’t tell Arrow I said that,” he said with a chuckle. “I love that for my cousin, and for him, too.”
“Do you think… do you think you’ve ever been in love?” she asked, wondering if she were crossing a line.
“I think I’ve loved people before. But in love? That’s a whole other experience, I’m pretty sure. Sad, but true.”
She nodded, thinking. Was he relationship avoidant?
Or had he really just not met the right person with the constant busyness of his career?
And why did it matter to her, anyway? He was there for six weeks, and he would help her learn to let go again, to rediscover kink, and perhaps, in the process, rediscover herself, to some degree. But that was it.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“For what?”
“For being so nosy about your love life. I shouldn’t have asked you that.”
“No, it’s fine,” he answered. “This is about us getting to know each other, and that’s not a one-way street.
” He paused, his dark brown gaze searching her face.
“Claudia? I want to tell you about my past, about how I got here. You make me feel as if I can, or we wouldn’t be here doing this right now. I don’t know what it is, exactly…”
A hard lump formed in her throat, and she wasn’t sure why. But she had to ask, “What what is?”
He gave a small shake of his head. “Why I feel so damn comfortable with you. Why I want to tell you every single thing about myself. Why it feels important. And why I can barely restrain myself from kissing you again.”
His eyes were absolutely burning—burning right into her. Her body. Her heart, in a way she didn’t want to acknowledge because she was afraid of what that might mean. He reached out across the table and took her hand in his.
“Do you feel this?” he asked, his tone low, so quiet it was almost a whisper.
“Here,” he said, placing her fingertips at his inner wrist and pressing a bit.
“Do you feel the way you make my pulse race? This is… unprecedented. And I need you to be honest with me if this makes you uncomfortable, because I really do not want to do that. But damn, woman, you do things to me I’ve never felt before.
It’s something I’ve been sitting on for a while.
But I have to tell you, the attraction to you was instant.
That first time we met? I went home and thought about you for days.
Then we met again, so briefly. Too briefly.
And you were still with your ex, but every time I saw you…
no. It was more than that. It wasn’t just attraction; it wasn’t just seeing you.
It was the times we talked after you and the ex broke up, especially that last time, when we talked for hours.
But it also went beyond that. It was… magnetic.
Like I was drawn to you by some inexplicable force.
And fuck, now I sound like some kind of stalker,” he ended with a sharp laugh.
“No, not at all. Because it was like that for me, too. But, Brody, I’m eight years older than you.”
“And?” he asked.
“And while we can play and become friends, and maybe even… take things a bit further than that—because I do understand that magnetism—I still can’t look beyond that point. Do you understand what I mean?”
“Of course. Yeah. I wasn’t suggesting anything more. I was trying to explain why I feel so connected and comfortable with you, and I hope you do, too.”
“Yes, absolutely, I do.”
She did. And it seemed he did. And she was lying to herself and maybe to him, too, that she couldn’t see more. The truth was, she could. She simply didn’t trust herself to know if that was a viable option.
“Okay. Good.”
“But, Brody? I want a little more than the kink dynamic. I want… to be touched. I hope what I just said won’t deter you from that.”
He shrugged, and she wasn’t certain if he was being purposely nonchalant, or if he meant it. “This can be the power exchange, the roles, the dynamic. There can be kissing and sexual contact if you’re open to it. No other expectations, okay?”
“Yes, okay. In that case… will you kiss me again? S’il vous plait?”
“Jesus, yes. But I need to ask you something first so I can make sure I’m not crossing any boundaries here. When you said no sexual contact in the Dungeon in front of other people, did that mean none at all?”
She felt a little shy suddenly. But she also realized she would never get what she wanted from this very respectful man who operated by a strict code of ethics if she didn’t put her big girl panties on and tell him what she wanted.
And hopefully, that would mean her panties would come off at some point.
Meanwhile, it seemed Brody needed some clarification.
“It means not in front of other people. I’ve never done anything like that at a club. I think if I’m ever going to, I have to feel a very strong connection to my partner, that I belong to them. That they will protect me.”
“That makes sense. You need to feel completely safe.”
“Yes. But also, sexual contact at a club… it’s a very personal thing to me, in a way kink play isn’t.
Intime.” She shook her head, reminding herself to say it in English.
“It’s intimate. And again, I’d have to feel so safe and cared for to even allow myself to let go.
But even though we haven’t even gotten to the Dungeon yet, I feel like that’s a definite maybe with you, because you aren’t a stranger to me.
I already know who you are to some degree.
I know you’re a trustworthy person. And maybe if it was subtle…
I mean so other people couldn’t look over and see exactly what was going on.
I don’t know. Perhaps at some point? But until then, in private? Oh, yes.”
“Just to confirm—and tell me if I’m mistaken—I’m okay with being wrong. Is that because you want that contact, and just aren’t sure about where it takes place?”
She breathed a huge sigh of relief. She’d been trying to be brave and open about what she wanted, but it was so difficult to put herself out there like that. “Yes. Merci. Thank you for understanding me. If your boundary was no contact of that kind at all, I think I would feel very disappointed.”
He leaned in closer, until his cheek was next to hers, and he murmured quietly, “I understand because I want the same thing. Thank you for telling me what you want. I didn’t mean to make it any more difficult for you, but I have to be certain the desire and the consent is there.
I couldn’t push a narrative on you, so I needed you to say it.
But let me tell you, beautiful girl, I have never wanted a woman the way I want you. ”
“Oh!”
Heat shimmered over her skin, lanced deep into her body, filling her with a need so intense it made her limbs go weak. She squeezed her thighs together, trying to ease the ache there, but it did no good.
He pulled back just an inch or two, and his gaze was on hers, looking into her eyes.
She saw such stark desire in his face, it took her breath away.
There was one endless moment, a sharp intake of breath, then finally he moved in to take her mouth—there was no other way to describe it.
He grabbed her face to hold her close, kissing her hard, and so thoroughly, she knew she’d never been kissed this way, with so much wanting, so much passion.
Her hands went to his shoulders, if for no other reason than to hold on, to steady herself, and the solidity of his big muscles didn’t let her down.
In moments, his arms were around her waist, and he lifted her from the chair and carried her to the couch, where he laid her down, then bent over her.
He never stopped kissing her. She never wanted him to, until he dragged his lips down over her neck, sending a new shaft of heat through her.
Her hands went into his hair and she hung on tight, and he did the same, burying his fingers in her hair, digging them into her scalp, making her feel owned. And she loved it.
She was flooded with desire; it was absolutely washing over her, wave after wave, and she felt her mind being carried away on the intensity of need she felt, the need between them, as though it was reflected in a mirror, multiplied by that reflection.
“God, Brody,” she murmured, then gasped when he took her breast in his big hand.
She arched into his touch as he caressed her flesh, as he lowered his head and kissed a trail from her throat to the curve of her breast. She needed more so badly, she ached.
“Please, Brody,” she begged.
“Tell me what you want, beautiful. You know I need to hear it.”
“I need… I need you to touch me. My bare skin. My body. I need to be naked with you. I need you to be inside me.”
“Ah, fuck, Claudia. Beautiful girl,” he said, his voice low and rough, and even hearing that in his voice was like a stroking hand between her thighs.
He sat up to pull his shirt off, revealing tight, muscled abs. She’d never seen a man like him before, not this close up, and she had to touch him. She ran her hands over his skin, feeling every finely etched muscle, and it was some sort of sensual epiphany. Mind blowing.
“God, you’re built like a sculpture,” she said, and he answered with a low chuckle.
“Your turn, little goddess,” he said as he pulled her sweater over her head. “Ah, fuck, you’re so beautiful.”
He leaned down to trail kisses over her breasts, his hands going to stroke her nipples through the mesh fabric of her bra before he sat back to pull her boots off, then her jeans, leaving her in bra and panties.
He stared down at her, and for some reason she couldn’t understand, she didn’t feel self-conscious about her cellulite, or the loose skin her quick weight loss had left her with.
For the first time in her life, and especially since turning forty, she actually felt beautiful as his gaze roamed her body.
There was nothing in his expression but pure awe.
Pure admiration. And she could see the bulge of his hard cock pressing against his jeans.
She wanted it. To touch it. To take it into her mouth. Into her body.
“Brody, please…”
“Please what?” he demanded.
She groaned. “Please fuck me.”
“As if I could do anything else right now,” he said with a guttural groan. “I’m going to go as slowly as I can.”
“Please don’t,” she said. Begged. “Please don’t hold back. I need you. I need everything.”