6. Ignacio
I t doesn’t take me too long to find the room Benjamin is likely hiding in—even if the staff were less than helpful.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Tennant had handed out my picture with clear instructions on not allowing me into places.
Too fucking bad. I need to check in with the man who carried my heart for so long.
He may have given his to someone else, but he never fully returned mine.
Stepping inside the library, I hear his muted cries as I walk toward him.
He’s curled into a ball, almost hidden in the large, overstuffed chair.
It’s definitely a good sized library, and I understand why he chose to come here.
There’s always something soothing about being around books.
I stop a few feet away from the chair, cautious since I’m not sure where I stand.
“Little Mouse, what can I do for you?” At my question, he cries harder, and I curse myself as I rush forward, placing a hand on his back. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I mean, Benjamin, what can I do for you?”
Benjamin shakes his head and I go to stand, unsure what the fuck to do.
Before I can unfold myself fully, I suddenly have Benjamin in my arms. I fall backward on the floor, protecting him from hitting the ground himself.
He doesn’t seem to notice as he wraps himself tighter around me.
We stay there for a long time, with me rubbing his back and murmuring nonsense, until his tears finally run dry and his breathing evens out.
My ass is numb, my heart hurts, as I know at least half of those tears are for the man who now holds his heart, but I never want to let him go of the safety in my arms. Even though it’s likely too soon, I know I love Roman, but it seems part of me still belongs to my Little Mouse.
“I never minded being your Little Mouse,” he murmurs, and my breath catches. Does he fucking know he’s killing me? “I’m so terrified. They said he died. I don’t know what to do without Lio. And…I know it’s unfair to you, but I’m scared for Tennant.”
“I don’t want you to say that again,” I respond harshly, before gently grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at me.
“I wouldn’t have tracked you down if I didn’t care.
I know you’re scared about Tennant. Fuck.
I remember when Jax finally let you go, but kept me in that damn room, taunting me.
I had no clue whether he really let you live or not.
I knew I didn’t want to live if you didn’t make it out.
“I know you love Tennant. So, fuck yes, it’s terrifying, and you can tell me about it. We both fell apart because we stopped seeing each other. Neither one of us talked afterward, we both turned our backs and ran, because it was easier. I need you to promise me something…”
Benjamin stares at me, those penetrating sea green eyes of his so wide, they almost take my breath away, before he finally nods. “What is it?”
“When Tennant recovers—and I know he will, because he’s too much of a son of a bitch to stay down for long—talk. Don’t let him walk away. Don’t pretend everything is alright. Lean on each other. You’re both strong, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be vulnerable together.”
Tears roll down Benjamin's face again and he presses against me, burying himself in my arms. “Fuck. Why can’t you let me hate you? To blame you for everything?”
I laugh, freer than I have been before. “Sorry, Little Mouse. You’re still stuck with me, even if it’s only friendship.”
Sighing, he places his hand over my heart.
“I still love you. I don’t know how it works.
I wish I did. I’m not even sure what type of love this is anymore.
Romantic? Friendship? I don’t know. All I know is, I never want you to leave completely.
It’s selfish of me. I know you have Roman, and I have Tennant. But…fuck, I’m messing this all up.”
I swallow hard, one tear escaping me, and shake my head, even though he can’t see it. “No, Sweetheart. You’re not messing it up. I love you, too. It may be a confusing mess of emotions, but…I’ve got your back. Always.”
“Do you think they’ll be okay?”
“Well, they are out of surgery. They’re both recovering.
And I dare the fucking grim reaper to try and beat either of the doctors.
They both have fucking egos for a reason—hell, the devil himself could come up and Doc and Dr. Ranlen would just send him back.
They’re not going to let any of their charges go.
” Benjamin giggles at my nonsensical sayings, but finally relaxes.
“I’m so tired… Will you stay?” he whispers, without moving an inch.
“Of course.” I rub his back gently until he falls asleep on me. It’s getting really uncomfortable to be in this position, but I stay, watching over him, and hopefully protecting him from the nightmares that try to sneak into his head. For him, it appears I’ll always stay. Fuck .