7. Roman
S traightening my suit jacket, and making sure the pleats of my skirt are laying just so, I take a deep breath and steel myself for what I’m about to walk into.
I wish I had a new suit, one that I could wear into this particular battle, but the black and burgundy one will have to do.
The confidence it gave me in my first meeting as the Amato Boss is what I need again.
Only this time, it is not with my friend and equal, Lio, that I am meeting with, but his Master and my dad.
Two men who are formidable and have shaped our Families into what they are today with their bare and bloodied hands.
Somehow, I need to stand in front of them and show them I haven’t earned my spot at their table, but rather, they’re currently sitting at mine .
A position I don’t deserve.
Shaking that thought away, I shove any doubt and guilt to the far recesses of my mind. Now isn’t the time for any hesitation.
Taking another fortifying breath, I open the door to the office and stride in. Dad and Il Padrone are sitting side by side in front of the desk, and when they look up at my sudden entrance, I have to remind myself of who I am, and what I’ve been doing in their stead.
It’s easier said than done, but somehow, I make it across the office and stand in front of them.
Crossing my feet at the ankles, showing off my new low-heeled boots, I lean against the desk, arms planted behind my back.
I’m going for as casual and nonchalant as possible, pretending I know what the hell I’m doing.
“I’m sure liquor isn’t a Doc-approved way to get fluids,” I say calmly, nodding to the crystal tumblers in their hands.
“If you went through what we did,” Il Padrone says casually, “You’d also need a drink.”
My teeth click together, as I bite back the first scathing words that come to mind.
Instead, I slide my arm out from behind me and show off my right hand.
“I did,” I say calmly. “Only I was fifteen when they took me and stole my finger. When they made me scream so my father could hear… When they almost raped me.”
I smile—though I don’t imagine it’s a nice expression—my lips twisting as the dark hatred and pain I normally keep buried spills through me.
“Almost being the keyword there. It was the first time I killed someone without my dad or Tennant supervising. So, with all due respect, Allesandro, do not think I don’t understand. Because I. Fucking. Do.”
Intense blue eyes, not as cold as Ten’s, but close, bore into mine. If he thinks I’ll back down, he is dead wrong. I didn’t go through everything I have, back then or now, to be such an easy mark.
“It’s been a long few weeks, Roman,” Dad says. “For everyone. Cut us a little slack, and don’t tell Doc, or Carter.”
“Speaking of Dad,” I reply, ignoring the surprise and pleasure in my father’s eyes when he hears the title I’ve finally given Carter. “Why aren’t you with him? I know he’s babysitting Cole while Keegan and Marcus are at the hospital, but I’m sure he would rather have you by his side than in here.”
“There’s work to be done,” Dad answers. “Carter understands.”
“Does he? Or are you just hoping he does, so you can sit in here and plot guilt-free, when we all know you should be resting! You know he has Cole, so he won’t push you, because he’d never let down that little boy.”
“Cole has plenty of uncles to care for him,” Il Padrone says. “I’m sure they’d step in if Carter needed a break.”
I shake my head. “That’s not the point and you know it. Both of you should be resting and recovering from the trauma you’ve just been through.”
“Oh yes, because it’s so easy to rest when Emilio is suffering and I can’t be with him. Do not speak of things you do not understand.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t understand?
Did you forget who else is currently fighting for their life?
Oh yeah, Tennant. My love, the heart and soul to the three of us.
”—almost too late do I catch myself. But disclosing the shifting relationships between the Amatos and Martellis isn’t my job, not now at least.
When the time comes, I’ll find the courage to stand with Ignacio and confess, but that’s an us problem… Everyone else? I wish them luck.
If the narrowing of Il Padrone’s eyes is any indication, he caught my hesitation, but he thankfully doesn’t call me out on it.
“I understand, I do. But you can’t help Lio if you don’t take care of yourself.” I don’t tell him that Doc and Dr. Ranlen are currently in the middle of planning how to get Lio back here. If neither doctor thought it was a good idea for him to know, I won’t be the one to burst that bubble.
“Lio and I, we’ve ruled in your absence, and we’ve done a pretty damn good job. That’s not arrogance, it's fact. We dealt with arrests, raids—by both the police, and someone we shouldn’t have had problems with—and we’re still standing.”
“You two also brought the Families together,” Dad says slowly. “You know we wouldn’t have approved—we don’t approve.”
“We did the best we could with what was given to us. The Martelli mansion was raided by the police, and yes,” I hold up a hand to stop any protest, “We understand they could raid here, too, but we’ve discovered we’re stronger together. Siamo uniti contro i nostri nemici.
“When Nicolo was shot, and Antonio was brought in for questioning, we didn’t know what was going to happen. There were too many variables, too many outside forces working against us.
“Allowing Nicolo to recover here was the safest option, since Doc’s a paranoid bastard and has everything one could need medically.
Plus, Benjamin and Jude have been working closely together, alongside me and Lio.
Not only that, Tennant took both Seconds under his wing, and has been working with them together and individually.
That was a lot of back and forth on Benjamin’s part, where at any moment he could have been snatched by the same people who took you, or the police. ”
So I’m stretching the truth a little, but with the way they’re both acting, there’s no way in hell I’m going to get into the whole “Benjamin was forced to stay with us for training, but fell in love with Ten instead” thing.
“As Bosses, we had to make the best decisions available to us, in order to see our Families thrive. And they have. So save the whole ‘this is not how we would have done it’ thing for someone else. You weren’t here, we were.
So, finish your drinks and go to bed, or to the family sitting room, or to the library, anywhere that is not this office.
You may be back, and you may be in charge, but our families are fractured and trying to put ourselves back together as it is, don’t give us more pain to recover from.
All of this—getting revenge on the cops, and finding out why we’re being targeted—it’ll all be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.
“For tonight, be the men Dad and Lio need you to be, and take care of yourselves.” With that, I push away from the desk and stride to the door.
“Roman,” Dad calls out. I pause and look back, meeting his dark gaze. “I’m proud of you, Figlio Mio.”
A small, genuine smile curls over my lips. “Thank you. I learned from the best.”
Leaving the office, I collapse right outside the door, all the strength leaving me as the guilt and unworthiness I shoved aside fights to make its way to the forefront. A silent sob forces my entire body to shake, as tears burn my eyes before falling down my cheeks.
Sitting on my ass, I raise my knees and bury my face in them, crying into the fabric of my skirt.
You had no right.
You can’t even keep your lover safe, what makes you think you can go against the Bosses?
You don’t deserve their respect.
They’ll see what a fraud you are soon enough.
A poor excuse of an heir and Boss.
It should have been you.
Over and over, the thoughts pound through my head, and all I can do is cry. The weight of everything crashing down over me as I drown in despair.
Arms close around me, and a voice tries its best to penetrate the deep, dark abyss that is my thoughts.
“You’re okay. I got you, Tesoro Mio,” the voice says.
Blinking, I look up and find Jude cradling me to his chest. “Y–your leg,” I whisper.
“Fuck my leg,” is his reply, but he doesn’t carry me far, just away from the office door, and down the hall a few feet, before depositing me onto Leandro’s lap.
“I got him,” my best friend says.
Curling into him, I wrap an arm around Leandro’s back and hold on for the ride as he, Jude, and Boston, escort me upstairs.
Pathetic , the voice in my head says. A true Boss doesn’t need to be rescued from their own feelings.
Between it and Jude’s soft yet sweet words as we get into the elevator, I’m not sure who to believe more. My mind and emotions are too fractured to tell which voice is lying.
All I know is the feeling of inadequacy has never been so crushing.