Chapter 11
She finally did it. She shattered my dam of control, and all I kept contained burst free, flooding everything in its wake.
I don’t think; I take.
I bite into her neck as she throws her head back, gripping the ends of my hair and pulling hard. Fuck, she’s feisty, but she isn’t stopping me either. Her heart pounds against my chest, matching the frantic rhythm of mine, which feels like it’s about to burst through my rib cage.
I want to fuck her against the wall to prove a point, but I scoot her up and take her to my room. If someone interrupts us, I won’t be held accountable. Not after months of pent-up lust and torturous craving.
I shut my door with my foot and tear at her clothes. Good God, she looks phenomenal—all that soft skin. I am going to taste every flawless inch.
Unclasping her bra, I feast on her pretty pink nipple and tweak the other between my fingers. Her moans echo in the room, feeding me buckets of satisfaction. Biting into it, she hisses, clawing her nails into my back. Yes, fucking mark me because nothing in this world could keep me from marking you too. I lick the tip and suck gently to soften the pain. My palms glide over her hourglass waist, and I reach between her thighs. Brushing my finger along her slit, I find her wet. A low groan vibrates in my throat.
Madness wraps around my rationality, and I plunge headfirst into her addictive mouth. I know without a shadow of a doubt that once I bury my cock inside of her, I will never be the same. So why prolong the inevitable?
Pushing her against the door, I hike her up by her waist. Her silver eyes are glazed over, and she grinds against my stomach while I unbuckle my pants with trembling fingers. Every fiber of my being vibrates, eager to have her.
I grip my cock, which leaks pre-cum, impossibly hard like never before, and then I drive into her, spearing through resistance and bottoming out inside the tightest pussy I’ve ever felt.
And then I realize what I did. No. No fucking way.
Her eyes shut, a whimper leaving her mouth. She bites into my shoulder, fingers digging into my arms.
“Tell me you were not a virgin,” I demand. “Fucking tell me I didn’t just break into your virgin cunt.”
“Just fuck me, Blake,” she says breathlessly.
I move to pull out, but she wraps her legs around my back. She holds onto me with a vise grip, like I am an anchor, while I just made the biggest fucking mistake of my life.
My body trembles in sheer rage at myself. Fucking idiot . My eyes shut tight. I can’t even look at her, knowing I caused her pain.
She cups my cheeks. “Look at me.”
I shake my head. I fucking can’t.
“Please.”
That plea undoes me. I open my eyes to see her silver eyes glistening with so many emotions.
“I need you to do this.”
“Taking you against a damn door for your first time. This is how you fucking imagined your first time?” I snap but clamp my mouth shut. She doesn’t deserve my attitude. If I’m mad at anyone, it’s myself.
“I’m sorry, Silver… so fucking sorry…”
Her tight pussy doesn’t help, squeezing me to the point that I don’t know how to pull out even if I want to.
“I wanted you, Blake, and this is how I can get you.”
As if I need another reason to know I have never been worthy of her.
“Make me feel good. Forget about the other thing.”
Yeah, the other thing, meaning I am her first. Forgetting the fact that her taunts were lies. Why should I grow a conscience now when she has offered herself to me? I tried, I fucking tried.
“Don’t regret this,” she says on a choked breath.
My heart constricts. “How could I ever regret being inside of you but knowing I caused you pain fucking kills me, Silver.”
Moving her to the bed, I place her down gently, kissing her long while I slowly pull out. She clutches my arms while I look at my dick painted in her virgin blood.
“Don’t stop… Just whatever you do, don’t stop now.”
“I won’t. I can’t, but this time I’m doing it right.”
Her legs tremble as I get between them and place kisses all over her swollen pussy.
“What are you doing?”
Trying to make this feel good for you.
“Preparing you like I should have fucking done the first time.”
“But there is blood…”
“Shut up for once,” I say and bury my face in her pussy, licking her from bottom to top. The sounds she makes and her reactions pump me up, needing to pleasure her. She fists the sheet and lets out a string of moans. I feast on her like the starved man I am as her juices drench my chin, baptizing me as hers. I don’t stop until she clenches around my tongue and sucks in a breath.
“I am…”
“Come for me.”
She does, and it’s a spectacular view as she arches her hips up and falls back on a breathless moan.
“I need you inside of me…”
This girl will be my undoing. I could gaze into her eyes my entire life and not have enough. But now that I’ve had her, it feels like more—something deeper, something darker, more primal––inexplicable, yet undeniable.
“Not yet.”
My finger traces along her slit, led by the urge to explore my woman.
“It’s sensitive,” she confesses.
I wish she’d been as honest when she made me believe this wasn’t her first time.
I push one digit in, and she bites her lower lip. Her silver eyes are dilated, and a rosy color covers her cheeks.
“I need you loose for my cock.”
“I can’t believe I took that in me,” she says, looking at my dick with wide eyes, making me harder than I have ever been in my fucking life. I realize, painfully, that life’s best gifts are offered to the sinners. Her virginity is gone at the hands of a monster, wasted on me.
Her walls contract around my finger as I push in and out of her until she grinds her pussy against my palm, wanting more. I press a second one in, and she stutters on a breath, so I take the hardened peak of her nipple into my mouth.
“It feels so good,” she says, and I don’t stop fingering her pussy and suckling her nipples until she comes a second time, crying out my name.
A shot of possessiveness injects my veins. It’s my name coming out of her mouth, and it’s me who was inside her first. She’s mine and fucking mine alone.
Gripping the base of my cock, I guide it to her entrance and push the tip inside her. She welcomes me inch by inch, taking me so well that a groan rumbles in my throat. Fuck, she feels exquisite. As if it’s not enough that our bodies are connected, I want her eyes on me, needing more.
“Look at me. You wanted me to fuck you.”
She caresses my back, looking content and at peace with her decision.
I move inside of her, slowly this time. I crush my mouth on hers, kissing her hard, wanting to feed off of her moans. She kisses me back with so much passion, tethering me to heaven while my conscience wars in hell with all the demons mocking me.
When I am buried inside of her to the hilt, I hold myself on one palm, and with the other, I cup her cheek.
“You’re so beautiful, Mia. So fucking beautiful .” I could live inside of her and die a fulfilled man.
She places a kiss on my chest and then on my neck, holding me together.
“You gave yourself to the most undeserving person possible.”
“You’ve always been my choice…”
“Is it okay if I move?”
She giggles. “This is the opposite of the angry fuck you had in mind, huh?”
But then a shadow crosses her face, and she avoids looking at me. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I am doing.”
Tilting her face back up to me, I place a kiss on the tip of her nose. “You’re perfect. Just do what feels right. I’ve never experienced more pleasure than with my cock sheathed in paradise.”
“Wow…”
“You’re all beauty and sunshine. I am all darkness and demons.”
“And yet, don’t we fit right now?”
“I didn’t even use a condom. But I’ve always used one.” My rationality stands no chance when I’m ruled by primal instincts, like needing to feel her bare. No barriers. Nothing but skin on skin and her welcoming me inside her hot core.
“I trust you, and I am on the pill.”
I don’t think it would make a difference. I am so utterly and irrevocably screwed.
I don’t say any of that. Instead, I start to move, gently at first, letting her adjust to my size, but she squirms, demanding more––my greedy girl with the face of an angel and the body of a temptress. She wore me down, and I can’t find it in me to regret what’s transpiring between us.
We move in a perfectly synchronized rhythm. I’ve never had this: gazing at each other, holding eye contact because I need to see her every reaction while our bodies are connected. I am inside her, my body covering hers, yet with her, not even that is enough. I want to dig myself deeper, get under her skin, and flow down her veins until I consume her like she does me. It’s more than physical pleasure. Something shifts inside of me, altering my fabric, warming my chest. Strangely, I am at ease. Such an incredible, almost surreal experience.
“You broke me.”
“It’s only fair,” she says, and there’s no more talking. Our bodies take the lead. But it’s been so fucking long since I had sex. She feels so damn good, I barely hold on.
Eyes locked, I move in and out of her, caressing her everywhere, kissing every soft spot my lips can find. I’m making love to her, something I never even thought I had in me, but this precious girl deserves only the best. Not even laying the world at her feet with a pretty bow would be enough.
“You feel so good, Mia… so fucking good I never want to come out of you.”
“Then don’t.”
It’s overwhelming—too much pleasure, too much rawness.
“Come for me, Silver. Come with me, baby. I need to fill this pretty, tight pussy full of my cum.”
A shudder rocks her, and I keep thrusting into her until she arches her hips, biting into my chest. As she comes, I bury my head in her neck and erupt. She shakes in my arms, and I hold on to her, both of us sweaty and breathing heavily.
I stay inside of her until my cock deflates, and I have to pull out. So much cum mixed with her juices leaks out of her rosy, swollen pussy—I could beat my chest in pride. That’s my cum, and I want my mark on her. Pushing two fingers inside of her, I fuck it back inside, then place a soft kiss on her pussy.
“I can’t even move.”
“Stay right here,” I say and go to the bathroom. I wet a cloth and quickly return.
She’s in the same position, on her back, with her legs partly spread.
I get between her legs, cleaning her. I’ve never tended to someone before. It was always just sex, and then everyone went their separate ways. But with her, I am ruled by instincts that I had no idea I had. Strong emotions punch at my chest, seeing her in my bed, freshly fucked by me.
By the time I return from the bathroom again, she is fast asleep. I don’t want to disturb her, so I put on some sweatpants and go to the basement.
Letting my demons have a go at me, I punch the bag until my arms tremble and my knuckles are battered, yet I push myself some more. I strike again and again until I can barely stand on my feet.
I can’t go back and undo anything. And the sick part of me enjoys knowing I was her first. The even sicker part wants me to be her last—the only one who will ever have her. Only I will touch, kiss, and fuck her.
My heart swells at the thought. My dick stirs at the image. It’s my fucked up brain that reminds me she won’t want me once she knows the truth.
Returning to my room, I lean back against the door, contemplating pure perfection in female form. She whispers my name in her sleep, breaking my control again, so I climb into bed with her. As if she feels me, she cuddles herself to my side.
I kiss the top of her head, holding her close. “Forgive me, you don’t know better. But I do.”
She’ll end up hating me, and I will take it. When she looks back, she will regret that I was her first. Rage like nothing else spreads through my body, and poisonous tendrils wrap around my synapses.
If I were normal, I could enjoy having her in my life.
If I were normal, I would give her all of me.
If I were normal, I could sleep next to my woman.
But I am not, and I never will.
It’s no surprise that I can’t sleep, warring with my demons until they win, leaving me desolate––a barren wasteland where no life can blossom.
The sun breaks through the sky, shy and tentative until it remembers its innate power and reigns supreme, even on a winter day, melting the thin layer of snow. It reminds me of her.
Mia stirs awake, and I pretend to sleep, curious about what she will do.
She kisses my cheek, then my lips. “I know you aren’t sleep.”
I open one eye, and she raises a brow. For a moment, I forget everything else. She calls me out on my bullshit like no one else.
“You got what you wanted,” I say, cutting whatever this is at the roots.
“At least now I know where I stand. Thank you for making it clear.”
Misery with a heap of sorrow buries me under. I think of the dagger in my nightstand. I want her to take it and plunge it into my chest. But she wouldn’t do it, proving she’s too good for me once again.
She hops off the bed, biting down a hiss. It takes everything in me to stay rooted in place.
She dresses quickly, and her silence is the worst form of punishment—one I truly deserve. In moments like this, I wish I could get drunk and forget about my problems.
She doesn’t look at me as she peeks outside and tiptoes down the hallway.
I stand up, needing to see for myself that she gets inside her room safely.
Kaden opens the door to his room, seeing Mia slipping into hers, and then he automatically looks at me with a knowing look.
I groan, slamming my forehead against the doorframe.
“Let’s go downstairs,” he says.
I follow him into the kitchen, and he moves to the coffee machine, preparing two cups.
We both take a seat, and I say, “Go ahead, say what you have to say.”
“Asshole, this was a long time coming. You’re the only one surprised.”
“She deserves better. I am fucked up, Kaden, and I mean that.”
He jumps up, drags me by my elbow, and slams me into the wall. “Tell me how fucked up you are. Let me prove to you that nothing will change. Let me, for once, share your fucking demons.”
First, last night with Mia, now him. Before I know it, my mouth opens, expelling the truth that has weighed me down. “My father experimented on me,” I say so low as if not to awaken the ghosts of my past that have haunted me. But once the words are out, relief floods me. After years of carrying this burden alone, sharing it with my best friend is liberating.
Kaden pushes a hand through his hair, letting out a string of curses. It feels good to know that he’s enraged on my behalf.
“Give me more so I know what I am working with.”
“Alcohol. That was his first one because he said no addiction allowed. I could drink the entire shelf and not get drunk.”
“You pretended good, you asshole.”
“I’m nothing if not adaptable. I also don’t feel pain, and I don’t need to sleep longer than two, three hours.”
“You did that for us, huh?”
“I had to protect you and buy some time by any means necessary.”
He places his hands on my shoulders. “I swear they will pay for this.”
Nothing could give me back what I’ve lost. Something in me was completely altered by my father’s actions, turning me into nothing more than a puppet on a string.
“So, you and Mia?”
“Fuck, man. I can’t, I just can’t.”
“The right person will accept you as you are. I promise you.”
Celine rubs her eyes as she walks into the kitchen, still sleepy. She smiles softly at us, then crosses her arms over her chest and says, “Really? No breakfast?”
“Go change. It will be ready when you come back,” Kaden says, kissing her hard.
“Still mad for her, I see,” I tell him, the corner of my mouth lifting.
“There’s no cure for that, man.”
Fuck.