Chapter 12
As my body slowly wakes, last night’s memories shoot to the front of my brain. I scoot up in the bed, the movement reminding me of the reason for the discomfort. I still feel him inside of me. It wasn’t a dream, and I have no idea how to feel about it.
I don’t regret giving him my virginity. I wanted it to be Blake. I ached for that and hoped it would be him. Maybe now, this madness will be cured, and I can move on.
I don’t have unrealistic expectations that he’s going to want to be with me or date me. We crashed together in a fury of desire and overdue temptation. And he’s not a saint. Did I provoke him on purpose? Sure, but he has been so in control that I never thought he would actually break. Now he has, and the deed is done.
But just the thought that one time is all I will ever have with him twists my heart.
Staring at the ceiling, my alarm rings, but I smash the stop button. I wish I could just stay in bed and go through every second of us together.
I am not looking forward to seeing him. Not because I don’t want to, but because I know him, he won’t acknowledge what happened.
Climbing out of bed, I stare in the mirror of my vanity. I don’t look different, yet I feel different. I let a guy inside of me, and not just any guy, but the one I have been dreaming and fantasizing about since I first laid eyes on him.
But this is not one of my romance books that ends with happily ever after.
Taking a shower, I let the hot water soothe my skin. I am tender between my legs, but I expected that after I saw his size. I still can’t believe I took all of him, and I want more; I want his everything. I can’t be greedy. My heart can’t take this much longer. The rejection blows its icy chill, leaving a withering organ behind. He’d stomp on whatever blossoms between us.
Drying myself, I change, taking longer than usual to style my hair.
Inhaling deeply, I prepare myself to face him.
Soft chatter echoes from the kitchen as I walk downstairs. The group is at the table, and Blake leans against the counter, drinking a coffee.
As soon as I enter, his gaze lands on me, and my pulse spikes.
Come on. Act cool.
I take my seat and eat my bowl of yogurt and cereal. The girls look at me so intently that I almost choke on a spoonful.
“You’re quiet, sis,” Hunter says. This time, I choke before I swallow the gooey contents. Blake groans, fills a glass of orange juice, and puts it in front of me.
I take it with a trembling hand. When our fingers brush, a current zaps through me, reminding my body how good he can make me feel. I offer a small thank you.
“Didn’t sleep much,” I say, feeling the heat go to my cheeks.
With my head bent over the bowl, I finish my breakfast quickly and am the first to walk out.
“See you later,” I say, closing the front door behind me and gorging on a lungful of air. The crisp air helps me calm my erratic nerves as snowflakes chase each other all around me.
Knowing the girls will want details, I wait by the front door till they rush out.
“So where were you last night?” Celine asks.
“You slept with someone,” Abigail says.
“Guys, stop pestering her,” Bailey says.
“Do you need time? You can’t leave us hanging like that,” Celine says.
“I did.”
“Who is it? Do we know him?” Abigail asks.
I nod, and they stop walking, forcing me to do the same.
“Is it who I think it is?” Bailey says.
I nod again.
“Oh my god,” Celine says.
“We leave you alone for one night, and you jump his bones, huh?” Abi says, and we burst into laughter.
“Well, now I got him out of my system. Time to move on.”
“Mm-hmm, sure,” Celine says.
“What should I do, huh? I already feel like I initiated it…”
“I am sure it was such a hard thing for Blake to do,” Abi says, rolling her eyes.
“Was it okay?” Bailey asks.
“It was everything I could have imagined and more.” But there’s no point delving into the subject more.
“He was quiet this morning. Maybe his thoughts were somewhere else, too,” Abi elbows me playfully.
“And don’t forget how he immediately reacted when you coughed,” Celine reminds me.
I love my girls and how hopeful they sound, but I can’t afford to be that optimistic. I always thought I would be in love, in a relationship, when I gave my virginity to someone, not in this situation that ranges from complicated to delusional.
I am so in my head that when the girls hug me, it takes me a while to hug them back. Basking in their comfort, I assure them I am fine. I just need time to accept some hard truths. Sometimes you get what you want, but in a different way or just in pieces. And that’s okay too.
Throughout the day, my mind keeps drifting back to him, as if that’s my ultimate destination. But I always redirect my thoughts. I have a future to think about—a future he doesn’t want to be a part of. I have to respect that and respect myself by not chasing after him. I am not one to play games either. We just want different things.
Some people are meant to be just tourists in your life. With this epiphany, the weight drops off my shoulders, yet a single tear rolls down my cheek.
Is it normal to feel nostalgic after your first time? I feel like things will never go back to just simple. It’s like I opened Pandora’s box, and I have to deal with what my curiosity caused.
***
I am not okay. Nope. In the last week, Blake not only kept his distance, but we haven’t talked at all. Was I that bad in bed? I don’t know why that’s so important to me, but come on. I mean… nothing. Nada. Zero.
Every time we’re in the same room, he pretends to be busy—busy looking at his nails. They’re well-manicured, and he does have beautiful hands, but should he be that fascinated with them? Or he’s on the phone, and waves of jealousy crash into me. I can’t stop thinking that maybe he’s found someone else.
He’s not very talkative with the group either, but at least they get short answers to their questions. The girls look from me to him, their initial excitement giving way to sighs.
I am still moping but putting on a brave face. I am fine. I am totally fine.
We just returned from dinner with Cassandra with no news, which has me jittery, but that anxiety comes second to the feeling of my heart shriveling in my chest, as if winter blew through my insides.
Plopping on my back, I stare at the ceiling in my bedroom, as if it has answers to my problem. I don’t even have a problem. We happened on the spur of the moment; my desire aligned with his snapped control. Nothing else.
A soft knock on my bedroom door is followed by the girls coming inside.
Abigail drags me by my feet. “Enough is enough. You pick.”
“I just want to sleep,” I whine, turning to my side.
“No, we can’t have that,” Celine says.
A night out sounds good. Maybe I’ll forget for a bit. Dancing would be nice, too. Ever since he was inside of me, it’s as if he reassembled pieces of me, and I have to acclimate to my own body. That’s what happens when you fall for someone you shouldn’t.
“It’s okay. Go be with your men. I am fine.”
“If pretending to be fine were an Olympic sport, you’d win the gold medal,” Bailey says.
“You won’t let this slide, will you?” I ask, and all three look at me as if I should know better.
“Okay, fine.”
They leave to get ready, and I change into a tight black skirt, a silver, deep V-neck top, and boots that almost reach my thighs. Adding smokey eye makeup, I finish the look with a bit of violet lipstick.
When the girls come inside, they do a double take.
“You look fantastic,” Bailey says.
“That’s going to get attention, but something tells me that’s exactly what you want,” Abi says.
I want Blake to see me and choke on his damn spit.
“Revenge dress looks good on you,” Celine says.
Jutting my chin out, I say, “I’m ready.”
We walk downstairs and find the guys in the living room. As soon as Kaden sees Celine, he pulls her to his side. Whatever he says, she giggles low as he kisses her neck.
Dane backs Abi into a wall, kissing her so ardently that I turn away.
Hunter stares at Bailey, who glares back at him.
I feel Blake’s intent gaze on me. Goose bumps erupt on my skin, and I look anywhere but at him. My knees wobble, and I leave on unsteady legs.
“You should have seen the look on his face,” Abi says.
“I thought he’d go all caveman on you,” Celine says.
“Good.” I am petty. So what? Let him see what he won’t get a second time. At least, that’s what I tell myself as we head to The Cave.
The moment we’re inside, the electric atmosphere wraps around me. Tonight, I am going to party until I forget about him, my unrequited feelings, my unhealthy obsession, and my unwavering desire.
When Tyson sees us, he whistles low. He kisses each of us on our cheeks. “Drinks are on me.”
We approach the bar, and Xander places a hand on his chest. “You girls wanna give me a heart attack?”
“Did Dane let you out like that?” Tyson asks Abi, and she rolls her eyes at him.
Xander lines up shots in front of us, and Tyson comes to my side. “So, is this our first date?” he asks playfully. “Because let me tell you, it will be worth getting pummeled by Blake.” He winks at me, but there’s no flicker of desire there. And as his jaw clenches, I don’t have to look around to see who has his interest.
I lean into him. “You and I understand wanting things we can’t have.”
“Beautiful and smart. You’re a dream woman.”
Tyson suddenly throws his head back and laughs. The motion catches my attention, and when I turn around, I see why. All the guys just entered the club, instantly commanding the attention of the partygoers. Of course.
Celine shakes her head, but her eyes spark when she sees Kaden. Abigail puts a hand on her waist but smiles from the corner of her mouth. Bailey scoffs when she sees Hunter, then turns around and orders another shot.
I can’t say I am surprised to see the guys, but Blake? That’s unexpected.
Tyson pulls me to him, and I stay in his embrace.
“Sure you know what you’re doing?” I ask him because Blake’s expression turns murderous.
“When don’t I?” he asks, looking entirely too arrogant.
The guys reach us, but I remain in Tyson’s embrace. I squirm when Blake comes to stand in front of us.
“You and me in the ring. Right fucking now.”
I look at Kaden, hoping he’ll do something, but he just turns to Tyson and says, “That’s on you.”
Perfect.
Tyson’s entire body ripples with excitement, and he kisses me on the cheek. “I owe you one.”
Even with the loud music, Blake’s growl reverberates through me.
Tyson gestures for Xander, who gives him a microphone. His voice booms as the music stops.
“Tonight is special because the champion has returned.”
Tyson’s such a showman, basking in the attention.
Getting jittery, I stand up and tell Blake, “You don’t have to do this.”
“But I will. He wants you? Let’s see how much.”
He turns around and goes to the middle of the ring.
“Is Tyson a good fighter?” I ask the group, suddenly nervous about his well-being.
Some shrug while others make noncommittal sounds.
I ask Xander for a shot, and he says, “This is on me. It will be worth seeing these two fight.”
“I thought you’d be more worried about your friend.”
“I don’t have to.”
I down the drink when the guys step into the ring. Watching Blake, I’m completely ensnared. This guy possesses the uncanny ability to snatch all my attention.
He cracks his neck, swaying from one foot to the other. He takes off his shirt, and I bite into my cheek, clenching my legs on instinct. There are gasps and shrieks from some girls, which pisses me the fuck off. I want to march over there and tell him to get dressed.
“He really wants to put on a show,” Kaden says, tone laced with amusement.
“This is not funny.”
“It’s not, but he’s on edge…” he looks pointedly at me.
I stiffen. He can’t know, can he?
“Why don’t you stop him?” I ask.
“He’s not in the ring because of me.”
“It’s not because of me either,” I say just in time to see Tyson reaching behind his neck. He pulls off his turtleneck, presenting his defined body.
The crowd is riveted as Blake and Tyson circle each other in the ring. Blake gestures with his hand for Tyson to come at him. Tyson chuckles and attacks him.
I shift in my seat as they exchange punches. It’s a ferocious fight. It’s also the longest fight I’ve ever witnessed.
“I had no idea Tyson could fight like that,” Kaden says matter-of-factly.
“Someone has to stop this madness,” I say in time to see blood spurting out of Tyson’s nose.
They both breathe heavily, but neither stops. They continue to exchange punches, both idiots grinning as if they’re enjoying it. I shouldn’t worry about either of them. They’re big enough and apparently masochistic enough to keep going, but I can’t help myself.
Not being able to sit still for one more second, I stand up but Kaden pulls me back by my elbow. “Stay here. You’re going to distract Blake, which will cause him to make a mistake. And neither of us needs an even grumpier asshole.”
I just want them to stop already. I march through the throng of people, bumping into a girl. We look at each other for a second, recognition flaring in our eyes.
“You wanna stop this stupid match?”
Ivy nods. “Even though I should let that idiot die.”
As I look around, it’s like everyone has stopped breathing as they keep watching the fight. Sweat pours off Blake and Tyson, and their movements are sluggish, yet they continue fighting.
As I approach the ring, so does Ivy. I’m surprised that Tyson is still standing. Like a maniac, he comes at Blake again, grinning with a bloody mouth. Neither of them is mentally stable, that’s for sure. Blake punches him in the corner of his jaw, snapping his head to the side.
Ivy covers her mouth, eyes wide with fear. I place my hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She seems to breathe again only when Tyson recovers, but the moment he looks at her, she glares back at him.
“I will go out with her, Blake,” Tyson says, slamming a fist into Blake’s chest. “Make it hurt so she can kiss it better afterward.”
I roll my eyes at Tyson’s taunts, but they work. Blake’s gaze flits from me to Tyson. His pupils appear almost black as he shouts, “I’m going to kill you, motherfucker.”