Chapter 27
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
XAVI
My heart races so rapidly that I feel slightly lightheaded. The room around me swirls as I try to keep my focus on Enfield.
I’ve tried several times since coming back from Sparrow’s yesterday to tell him what I was feeling, but the words just wouldn’t come.
My fear of his response was far too powerful.
I kept thinking that I liked what we were doing, and calling attention to it felt really stupid because he might change his mind.
But right now, if I don’t say anything, then this is it. There will be a true end date written in legal papers.
I might throw up.
“I…” God, I need to get the words out.
Enfield moves his chair closer to me and offers me his hand. It’s such a kind, maybe sweet gesture that tears sting my eyes for a minute. I place my hand in his, a little embarrassed that it’s shaking.
“What’s wrong?” he asks softly.
I take a breath and look down at our hands. “I don’t want this to end,” I whisper.
“The contract?”
I shake my head. “No. I mean… yes, but no.”
He chuckles. “I need a little more clarity, Xavi.”
He’s not mad. That’s a start. “I mean what we’ve been doing. Does it mean something to you? Or… or are you just passing the time?”
A beat passes, and my French toast threatens to come back up. I can even taste the syrup. Enfield tugs me gently, and I slide forward in my chair toward him.
“I like it too,” he says, and I nearly cry in relief. God, if I ever cry again when this is all over, it’ll be too soon. “What is it that you want to happen?”
“I just… I want to keep seeing you.”
Enfield slides forward and cups the side of my face, bringing my eyes to his. I don’t want to look at his expression, though. I’m not sure what it means, but it’s not happy and accepting.
“Listen to me.” His words make my stomach churn. “I have three kids, and they’re my entire world. You have made it very clear that you don’t want kids. I’m not sure it matters what’s going on between us because I won’t be absent from their lives, and you don’t want them in yours.”
“I’m not asking you to choose,” I say, though I’m not sure what I’m saying at all.
“What are you asking?”
“I… I don’t want this to end,” I emphasize. “I don’t have plans beyond that. I haven’t thought it through. I just don’t want it to end.”
I’m surprised when he leans forward and kisses me. I feel all weepy and shaky. Enfield gets to his feet, pulling me with him, and brings me to his chest. I’m relieved further when his arms wrap around me, and he holds me close.
We’re quiet for a minute, and I want to say more. I’m just not sure what to say. He’s not wrong. I’ve never wanted kids.
“I don’t want to stop seeing you either,” Enfield says. “But nothing says we need to stop seeing each other, Xavi.”
“Are you telling me that when the contract is officially and figuratively torn into pieces, that you’re going to stay here?”
“No. You know I’m not. Especially now that Courtney took off and abandoned Ronan with a woman she doesn’t know at all, nor does Ronan.”
“Then I don’t see how this is going to continue.”
“You want a contract still, don’t you?”
I look up into his face and nod. “Yes. But we can write our own now. We can force our parents to sign it or… I don’t know. Or something. That’s what we have lawyers for.”
His smile is soft as he looks at me. “Xavi, I have three kids. You keep forgetting that.”
“Trust me, I don’t forget.”
“Then you’re hoping I’ll forget.”
Admittedly, yeah, probably. I sigh. “I can’t help but think that you and I are meant to be together, Enfield. An obstacle doesn’t change that.”
“My children aren’t obstacles.”
I wince. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.”
“I know, but I’m going to correct you anyway.
Tell me what you imagine for a contract?
Specifically, my kids. You should know that I will have my kids at my house often.
Wherever I am. They’ll have their own bedrooms. We’ll spend time together.
We’ll make memories together. I maintain that I don’t want someone in their lives who isn’t permanent.
I also won’t have someone in my life who doesn’t want my kids around. ”
“That’s fair,” I agree. “I don’t have an answer for that.” My heart hurts. I’m going to run out of here crying again. I can feel it.
Enfield’s arms tighten. He sighs, resting his head against mine. “I don’t want to stop seeing you either,” he repeats. “But you have to understand why I hesitate about another contract with you when you feel so strongly against children.”
“I admire that you’re unwilling to compromise on them. That’s a good father.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going to say I’m a bad father, but I have lots of things to make up for.”
“So… what do we do?” I ask, already hating the answer.
An answer doesn’t come for several minutes. As the seconds stretch, I feel more and more anxious.
“Look at me,” Enfield says.
I take a deep breath and lift my eyes to his.
“You still want to marry me?”
My heart jumps, and I find I’m nodding. “But I want to marry you because we want it. I want to lay out details that we both want and are happy with. Including concerning your kids.”
His lips curl just a little, and I get the distinct impression he’s a little baffled by my words. It’s confirmed when he says, “After I was an ass to you for two weeks, you want to spend your life with me anyway.”
“You’ve spent so long angry and fighting and filled with hostility, I don’t think you even know who you are anymore,” I say.
“You weren’t ever angry at me, and I was already on the verge of shattering because of my first contract, even though I hadn’t thought about it in years.
It was a perfect storm for disaster. We might have never looked at each other twice under any other circumstances, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think that we truly are supposed to be together. ”
Enfield doesn’t speak as he stares into my eyes while I plead my case. His lips part, but before he can say anything, I have to add one more thing.
“I promise I will treat your kids with respect. I’ll never neglect them, ignore them, or avoid them, or anything. I may not want kids, but that doesn’t mean I’d do anything at all to hurt yours. I’m not sure I truly want to be a parent, but I’ll learn. I swear.”
I’m surprised when his mouth covers mine, and he kisses me deeply. I feel it in my core as a fire sparks to life, the smoke and flames filling all the crevices inside me.
“Okay,” he says. “Yes. I haven’t ever wanted a fucking contract, but… I want you. If you want a contract, we’ll make one together.”
I’m obviously hormonal. I’m not sure if that’s a thing, but, fuck, I feel all sappy as tears fill my eyes. I swear on all the fucking rainbows, I’ll never cry again after this. Never. I hate everything about it.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him fiercely. His hold on me is tight, fingers digging into my back. The kiss isn’t long, though. He pulls his mouth from mine and says, “We have lawyers waiting. We’ll pick this up after.”
I nod.
Enfield kisses me again and then reluctantly lets me go. I retake my chair and wipe my face, hoping that I don’t look blotchy or like I’ve been crying. A few tears don’t indicate I’m crying, after all. It’s just a few tears! No big deal.
I’m still catching my breath when Nash and Avory return to the room. I look up, giving them a sheepish smile as they retake their seats.
“Everything okay?” Avory asks.
I nod. “Sorry.”
“Not at all. You’re allowed to take a breather when you need to.”
I look at the door when Enfield hasn’t taken his seat beside me again. He’s not here. Where the hell did he go? Before I have the chance to have an internal freak out, he reappears in the door with a handful of bottled water and shuts the door behind him.
He sets one in front of me, one in front of both our attorneys, and takes his seat beside me with the last. My stomach flips when he takes my hand and kisses the back of it. In front of these men!
“How long will it delay everything to draft another marriage contract, but one in which we set all the terms?” Enfield asks.
Oh my god, it’s happening. For real.
Nash and Avory exchange a look. “If we begin with the template we already have, we can cut and paste and rewrite what’s there,” Nash says, pulling his tablet back. “Give me a second.”
I watch Nash tap around on his tablet, drag and draw with the electronic pen, and then set the tablet down. “Okay. Let’s talk big things first, and we’ll get to the nitty-gritty details.”
“I’d like to suggest taking out sexuality entirely,” Avory says. “It was in poor taste to add it in at all.”
Enfield nods. “Yes. Just a regular between parties or whatever. I’ll leave the legal terms up to you.”
“Kind,” Nash deadpans.
“Keep all the language about parents interfering,” I say.
“Actually,” Enfield says. He squeezes my hand.
“Hear me out. This primarily has to do with my parents, but you can add whatever you want concerning yours.” I nod.
“I don’t want my parents involved in my life at all.
I want it stipulated that they are to stay far away from me for the rest of my life.
They are not to call me. Not to show up on my doorstep—which I’ll come back to because I think we need to discuss location. ”
I smile, bowing my head. Did I even say that I wanted to talk about that ever? He just knows.
“The only time they’re allowed within ten feet of me will need to be during family Christmas when we’re at Holt Grove because we do a big thing there.” Enfield looks at me. “I guess we should talk about holidays.”
I nod.
“Okay, but I’d still like all kinds of stipulations like that in there.
I want my parents written out of my life.
I want it legal. On top of that, I want my children acknowledged as my fucking children.
However, I want them released from any bullshit contracts unless they choose to have one.
I want them entitled to whatever they’re entitled to as my heirs. ”
Nash is busy typing away. Avory is making notes as well.
“I don’t want those stipulations on my parents,” I admit. “Although… I want them to acknowledge Enfield’s kids as my heirs, too.”
Enfield looks at me, and I think I’ve surprised him. More than that, I think his eyes are glassy. I offer him a smile. Hopefully, he sees this gesture for what it is. I will be a part of every aspect of his life because I want to be.
“But take out all the language about having more kids,” Enfield says. “All of it. We’re not having any more unless we decide together to have a child, in which case, whoever we choose to make that happen is between us and us alone.”
“Very good,” Nash says. “Your wedding is currently scheduled for three days from now. Are you keeping that?”
We both shake our heads.
“I don’t want our relationship to have any ties to this contract at all,” I say. “This is between Enfield and me.”
Enfield nods. “How about…” He trails off. After a minute, he looks at me. “I’ll be honest. I’ve never wanted to get married. Do you have a vision for a wedding?”
“I do, actually.”
“How long do you want?”
I chew the inside of my lip and think about it. “Four months? But I don’t want to get married in your church.”
“It’s not my church.”
“Okay.”
“Can I make a suggestion?” Enfield asks. I nod. “I want to bring you to my Aunt and Uncle’s castle in the Napa Valley.”
“Doesn’t that mean your parents will be there?”
“No. Not unless we ask them to be. We will leave out the location in this new contract, but we can certainly stipulate that they’re not to attend.”
“If I don’t like the castle? Though it’s a castle. I can’t imagine I won’t. It’s a real castle?” I ask, eyes wide.
Enfield grins. “It’s a real castle. But if you don’t like it, that’s fine. I’m truly not set on any location or vision. The only thing important to me is that you’re happy with it.”
My heart skips around as if it’s playing hopscotch in my chest. Holy fuck. He’s already so sweet!
“Very good,” Nash says.
“Should we talk about the trusts and companies or whatever?” I ask.
“Not necessary. All of it will already be released to you upon the termination of the current contract,” Avory says.
“Though we can add some stipulations in there about your heirs and what they’re entitled to.
Xavi’s trust is more stringent than Enfield’s, so we’re going to need to make it more one-sided, perhaps. ”
“What about my family’s company? What do those rules look like?” I ask.
“It’s a pattern of rolling shares depending on how many entitled shareholders and future shareholders are alive,” Avory says. “The only true stipulation is that it must stay in the family, meaning you can’t sell your shares or gift them outside the Adair family.”
I look at Enfield. “I’m not sure I can name them my heirs.”
“Depends. If you legally adopt them as your own, then that makes them heirs,” Avory says.
“But they have mothers who are in their lives,” I say.
“Except Ronan,” Enfield muses.
“We might need to recognize Lissander and Theodora as heirs in name, though perhaps not legally,” Nash says. He looks at Avory. “Details are up to you to figure out. But Ronan is a different story. At the very least, we can certainly name Ronan your heir.”
“And leave Lissander and Theodora mine,” Enfield says, nodding. “Legally speaking.”
“I have a question,” I ask. Everyone looks at me. “How are we going to get our parents to sign this? They’re not going to like anything about it.” I’m referring to his parents more than to mine. I think I can persuade mine.
“You’re going to need to play hardball,” Avory says. “And stay strong.”
“What does that mean?”
He grins, and it looks a little… wicked. “We will coach you on that in time. Let’s focus on the contract for now. And trust us. We’ll get this taken care of, Xavi.”
I shouldn’t be worried about that declaration, right?