Chapter 30
Chapter
Thirty
ENFIELD
I don’t know why I’m nervous. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve had sex. Far from it. It’s not even like I’m the one bottoming. There are no firsts here for me.
Except maybe the first time with a guy. I’m not sure that’s why I’m nervous, though.
This is just… different. I’m spending my life with Xavi. That’s the contract we made up together with our lawyers. I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and stare at myself.
I’m getting ready to spend my life with someone. Not just someone. The same person. It feels like I’m staring at myself from outside my body. This can’t be happening, can it?
My stomach flutters, and I realize that, for some reason, that’s contributing to my nerves. I never wanted this. As I imagine Xavi getting ready for our first time—though I don’t know what that entails, truly—I know without a doubt that I’m excited about my future.
That doesn’t seem to change the fact that I’m freaking nervous.
“Stupid,” I mutter and go back to brushing my teeth.
We agreed that we’d get ready separately and meet in Xavi’s bedroom.
Admittedly, I don’t have a very lengthy nighttime routine.
I brush my teeth and change. Sometimes I’ll wash my face, depending on how I’m feeling.
Usually, that’s reserved for morning showers.
I strip down to my underwear, unsurprised that I’m half hard already.
I mean, I’m about to have sex, so, yeah, I’m into it.
My imagination flashes a whole lot of different images in my head of Xavi—on his hands and knees, on his back with his legs spread wide, hanging off the side of the bed, against the wall in the shower.
A shiver races down my spine, and my cock likes those ideas. Half mast plumps to at least three-quarters now. The only reason I’m not raging hard is because of my nerves. I don’t know what to expect. I think that’s the problem. The unknown is making me nervous.
I’m in my bed pants and a shirt by the time I finally cross the hall to Xavi’s room. His door is partly open. I step inside, heart racing, but the room is empty. His bathroom door is still closed, so he must still be getting ready.
Shapiro is sitting on the corner of the bed, facing the door. As if he’s expecting me. He’s glaring, but then, he’s always glaring at me.
“All right,” I say quietly as I approach him. “I was wrong. We can be friends.”
His expression doesn’t change. His eyes are still slitted as he looks at me, tail flickering.
“You’re not planning on watching, are you? Do you always watch Xavi and—” My voice cuts off. I’m surprised by the feeling of jealousy at the thought that he’s brought someone here for a hookup.
Okay, we’re not continuing down that line of thinking. Instead, I offer Shapiro my hand, but he doesn’t so much as pretend to sniff me. He looks up at me like I’m a dog. I chuckle and step away to look around Xavi’s room.
There’s art on his wall, primarily landscapes. The colors are rich burgundy and gray with touches of white and black here and there. There are heavy curtains hanging over the windows and the double doors leading to a balcony.
I wander that way and wonder if I should get undressed. Should I be waiting for him naked? Lying on his bed with my cock in hand? The thought makes me laugh. Wow, clearly I’m coming up with cheesy ideas to deal with the weird nervous energy.
It’s not dark yet. Not even close. I have a view of the field beyond the backyard from here. I imagine the sunsets are beautiful from this angle.
The bathroom door opens, and I turn as Xavi steps into the room. He’s in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair is wet, though the rest of him appears dry. He walks toward me with a smile. It’s both shy and confident. Far more confident than I’m feeling.
“You took a shower,” I note.
His smile climbs a little. “Yeah.”
“Should I?”
Now he looks amused. His hands rest on my chest. “Not unless you want to.”
As I stare at him, I realize that I don’t know the first thing about prepping for this. Next time, maybe he’ll let me watch. I’d like to know how this works at the very least.
“You look unsure,” Xavi says. “We don’t have to do this.”
My hands are still hanging at my sides, which might be why he said that. I grip his hips gently and pull him against me. “I’m nervous for some reason,” I admit. “I can’t even try to explain why. But I want to.”
“You’ve never been with a guy before,” he says understandingly. “I’d be terrified right now if I were you.”
“You’re helping. Keep talking.”
He laughs at my deadpan. “Sorry. I have an idea that might help.” With my hands in his, he leads me to the side of the bed and then walks away.
I watch him as he moves through the room, closing the curtains and shutting out the sunlight. He encourages Shapiro to leave, and the cat is pissed. “I’m going to pay for that later,” Xavi says with a sigh as he shuts the door. He turns back to me, eyes locking with mine, and flicks the light off.
It plunges us into darkness. There’s still light peeking in around the curtains, but it’ll be a minute before my eyes adjust to the dimness.
Xavi is in front of me again, but he’s lost his towel along the way. My hands land on his bare hips. That’s the last thing I need to convince my cock that we’re totally on board. His naked body does it for me.
It’s a bit of a trip, really. A month ago, I freaked the fuck out that I was contracted to a guy. I can’t say I’ll ever find another man attractive outside of Xavi. Still, it’s entirely wild.
I have a feeling I’m going to embarrass myself, and this is going to end up being a quickie. I swallow around my nerves.
“So,” Xavi says, his lips pressed against mine teasingly. “You want to get undressed, or am I just going to pull your dick out and ride you that way?”
I pinch his ass, and he jerks before laughing. His teasing helps to release some of my anxiety. I step away and pull my shirt over my head before shoving down my pants and underwear. I step out of them and back into Xavi.
Only because it’s still full daylight outside does the room glow a little. It looks trippy. It’s enough that I can see hints of Xavi’s expression, and his smile does a lot to set me at ease.
His hands on my chest lightly push me toward the bed. I follow his lead and drop backward, crab-crawling to the pillows as he follows. Xavi climbs on top of me, just as he’d been at the pool. Though now we’re naked. Hard. And about to share our first time.
“You’re still nervous, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I feel ridiculous for being nervous.”
“It’s not like you’re a virgin. Those babies of yours didn’t appear by just looking deeply into the mama’s eyes,” Xavi says.
I snort. “Hardly.”
He sits up. His weight on my hard cock has me groaning. He adjusts us and brings my cock behind him. With his fingers against the back of my cockhead and the first couple inches, he presses it between his ass cheeks and glides me up and down.
Jeezus!
“It’s not all that different,” he says. “You put it in, wiggle around, and wait for it to burst its contents.”
“Wow,” I say, my fingers gripping his thighs. His grin is big. “Not that different, huh? How many girls have you been with to compare it to?”
Xavi huffs. “None. But I’ve heard a lot of people say a hole is a hole. And lots of girls like anal… unless that’s an internet lie. It could be a lie.”
I laugh. “It’s not, but I’ve never had anal with a girl either.”
“Ohh. I’m taking one of your virginities!”
I choke on my laughter as he presses my cockhead to his hole. He’s slick and tight. I shiver with anticipation, and my lusty fog begins to creep in.
“If you want, we can talk about not using condoms,” Xavi says. “They help with cleanup, but not as much as people think. It’s not like I don’t have to clean out after, regardless. It’s just lube or lube and seed. Not a big difference.”
My brain is trying to keep up, but he keeps teasing me by pressing my cockhead to his hole and letting my dick peek inside. My hips roll up as he does so again.
“I think you’re not paying attention, are you?” Xavi asks.
“Yes. I’m not nervous anymore.”
He laughs. “Cute. That’s not what I was saying.” He leans forward, stretching his lean body out over me. I kiss his chest and turn my face to take his nipple between my teeth.
Xavi gasps. His hand grips my hair, and his cock grinds into my stomach. Ohhhh, he likes that. I give his nipple a little suck, and he groans.
My fingers dig into his ass cheeks, and I pull them apart. Not that I can see anything, but I’m ready to be there. I need to be there.
As soon as I release his nipple, Xavi sits up and slides back down my body. I feel like I’m filled with electricity, and it’s making me constantly move. Roll. Buck a little as he rolls the condom down my dick.
I can’t remember the last time I had sex. Maybe to conceive my daughter? Has it been that long? Holy fuck, I think it has. No wonder I’m nervous and amped up as much as I am.
There’s something incredibly erotic about the lighting in the room. Xavi is covered in shadows, but the daylight is almost gold as it reaches around the curtains and touches his skin. He shimmers as he moves on me, stretching up on his knees to bring my dick behind him.
I’m not sure whether I’m breathless from looking at him or the way he’s guiding my cock to his body in earnest now. Either way, my breath lodges in my throat as I stare at him. He’s a damn angel.
Goosebumps cover my body at the thought. Xavi Adair is a fucking angel, and now he’s mine.
My thoughts literally come apart as he slides down onto me. He’s not necessarily easing himself onto me, but he’s slow and steady. Taking me inch by inch. He bounces up twice and then takes me whole.
I groan, my eyes rolling back. He’s so damn hot. So tight. God, I didn’t know he could do this without foreplay.
“I think your dick is growing when I sit still,” Xavi says.
My breath comes rushing out in what might be laughter, but I’m not sure his sentence was exactly clear. Was he missing a word? Something about it sounded like it was arranged weirdly. Also, that’s just silly.
He glides up, and I take a quick breath. Halfway through releasing it, Xavi takes me inside him again, and my breath comes punching out.
“Holy hot,” I say, unsure of what I was trying to get out. A combination of something.
My hands slide around to grip his ass cheeks, fingers digging in as I hold him tightly, and together, we fuck. He still moves on me, bouncing and grinding, as I meet him, and I slap my hips up.
I doubt it’s anything to get excited about visually. We wouldn’t make millions on ReachMe with this, yet it’s still one of the most intense experiences of my life.
Xavi leans forward, his hands landing on my chest, and he hangs his head. I’m so ready to explode. He feels so good.
He’s mine, a voice in my head whispers, and excitement bubbles in my stomach. His eyes meet mine and… every thought vanishes as I stare at him. I’ve never seen someone so breathtaking. Beautiful.
“Xavi,” I murmur.
He smiles and comes down on me. His body weight is all mine, which means it’s just me driving us on now. I wrap him in my arms as he presses his face into my neck. With his mouth this close to my ear, I hear every hiccup of breath, every groan, every grunt.
It’s incredible. It also sets my blood on fire. I only have him down like this for a few minutes at most before the combination of the sexy sounds he makes and how he feels overwhelms me, and my orgasm overtakes me.
“Oh, good,” Xavi says and sits back up. “I can’t hold it in much longer.” He rides me until he’s finished and then collapses back onto my chest.
“I don’t know if this was magical or if it’s just been a really long time,” I murmur.
His response is a groan. “Both,” he decides.
“You’re not into foreplay?” I ask.
“What?” he asks, amused.
“We went straight to sex. I thought you’d need to, uh, get ready?”
Xavi laughs. “I prepped in the bathroom. Remember? That’s what I said I was going to do.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize you got ready there, too.”
He picks his head up to look at me. “What do you think prep is?”
I pinch him, and he laughs. “I have no idea. I’m not gay, and believe it or not, I haven’t looked up gay sex before.”
Xavi stares at me with a smile that says he’s incredibly entertained. “Uh-huh.”
“What does it entail? Can I watch? Can I help?”
“Sure,” he says, drawing the word out. “The reason I took a shower is so I could clean out.”
“Clean out,” I repeat.
His nose scrunches, but he’s still smiling. “Do you really want me to spell this out for you?”
“I’m feeling pretty obtuse right now.”
“You are. It’s not unheard of to have accidents if you’re not properly cleaned out. Since I haven’t been with someone in a while and my diet doesn’t exactly lend to… being clean, I did so in the shower. Didn’t want our first time to be traumatic for you.”
“Yep, feeling dumb,” I say and close my eyes. “I’m not sure what else ‘clean out’ could possibly mean now that you put it like that.”
“However, you can help prep me otherwise, if you want. I was feeling a little anxious, so I just did it in the shower this time.”
“What does it feel like?”
“Which part?”
“Having a dick in your ass.”
Xavi laughs. “Are there really words for it? It’s a lot of pleasure. Some burn and stretch and… ready to burst. Heat.” He shakes his head. “I’m not eloquent.”
“Yet you were able to use the word eloquent.”
He grins. “I don’t know. If you want to try it, we’ll work up to it. It’s okay if you don’t like it; not everyone does.”
I nod and brush my fingers through his damp hair. “Yeah. Someday, I think I want to.”