Chapter 8 #2
“Oh, really?” She gave me another once-over. “Well, Holden’s got great taste, doesn’t he?”
“Standing right beside you,” Matteo muttered.
“Oh, you know I love you, but a girl’s got eyes,” she teased, turning to peck a kiss on his cheek.
I grinned, liking her vibe. “Nice to meet you both.”
The server arrived with our food, and they shifted aside to let the teenage boy set down the tray covered with sandwiches and shakes.
“We should let you eat in peace,” Allison said.
I sat down across from Emory as Allison and Matteo moved on, and he handed me my foil-wrapped sandwich and basket of fried okra.
“Sorry. In small towns, it’s impossible not to run into people you know.
Everyone knows everyone’s business. Gossip will be flying about me being out with you.
They’ll have all kinds of theories about who you are by tomorrow.
A long-lost cousin? A go-go dancer from one of those gay clubs in the big city? My secret lover.”
“A camboy on the run,” I added.
Emory laughed. “Exactly. The wilder the story, the more they’re likely to believe it.”
If he only knew…
“St. Louis isn’t really like that, being so big, but I worked in a school, which is like a tiny little town of its own. The gossip mill gets crazy.”
“A school? Really? What did you do?”
“I was a teacher. Third grade.”
“Aw, that’s so awesome. I never would have guessed that for you, but I bet the kids love you, huh?”
I smiled wistfully. “I loved them too. It was my calling, you know?” I sighed. “But that’s over now. Sometimes life throws a curveball, and we have to adapt.”
Emory nodded. “I get it. I used to work in banking, and now I’m apprenticing at a tattoo shop. I just hope your curveball was a good one.”
“Well, not at first. I was sad to leave teaching. But now that I’m here, it’s looking up.”
Emory leaned in. “Holden said there were some guys giving you trouble.” His gaze flicked to my jaw, but my bruise had mostly faded, and makeup did a decent job of hiding the last of it.
I nodded. “My ex owed them money. They decided I made an easier target. I just didn’t know what to do, and Holden…” I swallowed hard. “He offered to come get me right away. Maybe I should have said no. You have a pretty full house already, and I hate to take advantage…”
Emory grabbed my hand, squeezing. “No way. We’re all so damn happy that Holden has someone in his life.”
I bit my lip. “But I’m not his boyfriend or anything like that.”
“You’re important to him, or he wouldn’t have brought you here,” Emory said with a shrug. “The real question is, what is he to you? Because if he’s nothing but a place to hide—”
“No, he’s more than that. He’s been a very good friend for a while now.”
“Okay, then, my statement stands. We’re happy that Holden has someone, however the friendship between you works.” He pushed my shake toward me. “Now, try this, and tell me it’s not the best shake you’ve ever had.”
I took a suck on the straw, eyes closing as cold sweetness poured over my tongue. “Mmm.”
“See?” Emory laughed. “Now you know why I couldn’t let this place go under.”
While we ate, we chitchatted about the brothers and Riverton.
Emory filled me in on Jerkers’ loan problem with the bank and how he and Allison had helped them find resources to save the business.
He told me about the Bro Code tattoo the brothers all wore, how they’d had difficult times but were now super close, and how Axel had only gotten with the sheriff a couple of months ago, shocking everyone.
After dinner, we went to the sports bar down the block for a couple of drinks, where I met Gail, the friendly bartender, and we bumped into Simon and Parker, who were both in the education field.
I ended up chatting with Parker about grade school teaching until Emory got so bored he wandered off to play darts with Simon.
By the time we got back to the house, it was near midnight, and I had a happy buzz going. Emory had been sweet to take me out, and I knew he only did it for Holden’s sake, but I could already tell he’d make a great friend.
I’d been hiding out at my apartment—and then here—for so long, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed socializing until I was in the thick of it.
The house was dark and quiet, so Emory and I whispered a goodbye at the stairs. He went up to his room with Gray, and I carried on down the hall.
I walked into the bedroom and stopped short, heart lurching, when a dark shape moved.
“Sorry,” Holden said quietly.
He was sitting on the end of the bed, Banshee held close to his chest. His voice sounded a little…off.
“Are you okay?” I asked hesitantly.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat and nudged Banshee off his lap so he could stand up. “Sorry. I just needed some quiet time. Is everyone gone to bed now?”
“Pretty much.”
He nodded. “I’ll go too, then. Just can’t sleep with people coming and going, you know? It’s really…open out there.”
Something about the way he said it, this fragile note in his voice, made my heart twinge.
Holden moved toward the door, pausing just short of me. I realized he wouldn’t walk past me, not in such close quarters. The chances I’d reach out and touch him were too high.
God. How hard it must be to live that way.
“Why don’t you stay in here tonight?” I suggested. “I could go to the sofa.”
“No.”
“But—”
“We’ve been over this,” Holden said. “I want you to feel safe and secure here. You won’t feel that way out there.”
He was projecting his feelings onto me, but I didn’t think I could convince him of that. He wanted me here because he wanted me safe, and this was his safe space.
“Okay,” I said gently. “Then what if we both stayed in here?”
There was a long, tense pause as he appeared to wrestle with himself.
“Do you trust me, Holden?” I prompted.
“Of course I do.”
“I know your boundaries. I would never touch without asking first.”
“I know.”
“I won’t even ask,” I said. “Because that puts pressure on you to say yes or no. That’s not who we are, right? We don’t touch. We just use our words…”
He exhaled. “I’ve got an air mattress. Maybe if I could just sleep on the floor in here?”
“Whatever makes you comfortable,” I said honestly. “If you’re happier on the sofa—”
“No,” he said quickly. “It’s miserable.’
I chuckled. “I really meant it when I offered to sleep there. I’ve had roommates. I’m used to people coming and going.”
“I’d worry about you, though.”
“Okay, so air mattress?”
He nodded once. “I’ll get it. I, uh, have one more request. You can say no if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“Yes, you can sleep naked,” I quipped.
He gave a small huff of amusement. “No, that’s not it. But now that you’ve put the idea in my head, I’ll have to insist you do that.”
“You know how I like it when you get all bossy.”
He chuckled. “Uh, seriously, though… I usually sleep with the door locked. Would you mind—”
“Lock it, then. I don’t mind. I trust you.”
He gave me a searching look. “You might trust too easily,” he finally said.
“Are you saying I’m wrong to trust you?”
“No,” he said quickly. “But…I’m not sure I’ve earned it yet.”
I walked to the door and flipped the lock. Then I drew my T-shirt over my head and tossed it into the hamper by the door. Holden’s breath caught, and his gaze swept over my chest with gratifying appreciation.
“We know each other pretty well,” I told him. “We’ve shared a lot of confidences over the past few months. Don’t you think?”
“Well, but you couldn’t even see me then.”
I popped open my jeans button, viscerally reminded of all the times Holden had watched me strip on camera. I’d always drawn it out and made it a big tease. But this wasn’t leading to mutual orgasms.
I wouldn’t be opposed to giving him a show, or him giving me one, but Holden didn’t look like he was in the right headspace for all that.
This was a different kind of stripping. I was baring myself to show him the trust I had in him, in our friendship, in who we were together—whether via a screen or in the same room.
I pushed my jeans and underwear down in one go, stepping out of the pant legs.
“You can tell me whatever you want or need, Holden, and I’ll trust you. Right now, I’m going to sleep naked, just as you requested.” I winked. “With the door locked.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah. Just like that.”
I slid into the bed, sighing at the smooth glide of silky sheets. “Your bed is so lovely, though. You can join me in it anytime.”
His only answer was to walk over to the closet and withdraw the air mattress. I lay on my side, quietly watching as he rolled it out and started the air compressor. While it whirred and the plastic mattress slowly inflated, Holden retrieved a sleeping bag.
Banshee snorted from her place at the foot of the bed. She’d been unwilling to give up her comfy sleeping place, regardless of what her master did.
Unlike me. I’d sleep anywhere the man wanted me, and that was the embarrassing truth. My cock thickened a little under the blankets, and I did my best to ignore the arousal as I watched him bend over, displaying a gorgeous, firm ass still encased in a nicely tailored suit.
Once he had his bedding all situated, he hesitated, then turned off the light before shedding his clothes in the dark.
“Well, that’s mean,” I said. “Always keeping me in the dark.”
“It’s easier for me,” he said as he settled into his makeshift bed. “I hate revealing my weakness—”
“Hey,” I said sharply. “There’s nothing weak about you, Holden. You’re the strongest man I know.”
He huffed a breath. “You know what I mean. I’m damaged.”
“No, I don’t know,” I said softly. “Not really.”
There was a long stretch of quiet before he spoke. His voice was subdued when he did.
“My touch aversion comes from abuse. One night, my mom came in drunk and high, and she dragged me from my bed. She was screaming…and slapping me. It, uh, only got worse from there.”
“Jesus,” I murmured.
“Anyway, most of the time, I can push that all away. I’m big now. Strong. No one can hurt me like that again. But when I sleep…”
“You feel vulnerable,” I said.
“Yeah. I didn’t know sleeping out there would bother me so much, but…” He huffed a jagged laugh. “Well, I’m damaged. That doesn’t just go away. Not even after freaking twenty-plus years and tons of therapy, apparently.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“I’m just explaining so you understand, not so you’ll feel sorry for me.”
“I know.” I paused. “Thanks for trusting me.”
“I could always talk to you. That was what I’ve always liked about you the most, Shy.”
My chest filled with warmth, even as my heart squeezed painfully. For some silly reason, my eyes burned. Such a beautiful man with such a big heart, and he couldn’t give it to anyone. How sad was that?