Chapter 10
Shiloh
Holden kept looking at me as if he’d seen me for the first time. Sidelong glances. Peeks from the corner of his eye. One long, direct stare that made my stomach dance like it hadn’t since I was nursing my first crush at thirteen.
“Do I have something on my face?” I finally teased, needing to break the tension building between us.
Holden dropped his gaze to the ham-and-swiss sandwich he was assembling. He was adding mustard and pickles to this one—not a winning combination in my humble opinion, but apparently, Bailey liked it—while I spread mayo over the remaining slices of bread for Holden, Gray, and me.
“I just like your face,” he murmured. “Here with me.”
My heart fluttered, and I barely resisted the urge to nudge him with my shoulder. I never realized how touchy I was until I couldn’t reach out and communicate the warmth Holden stoked inside me.
“I like being here,” I said lightly. “But I should probably start looking for a place to rent if I’m not going back to St. Louis anytime soon.”
He whipped his head toward me. “Why?”
“This was supposed to be a few days to regroup. I can’t just stay indefinitely.” My shoulders crept up. “But I can’t really go home, can I?”
I still had my apartment there, and I’d have to pack up my things and move them—without catching Brick and Curtis’s attention. I really should have thought through all these details before I ran off into the night with Holden, but I’d been so scared.
His eyes softened. “There’s no rush, Shiloh. You’ve been under a lot of stress. Just…take some time.”
“I can’t ask you to sleep on an air mattress much longer,” I protested.
He shrugged a shoulder. “I’ve suffered a lot worse.”
“I don’t want you to suffer at all. Not because of me.”
His lips quirked. “Well, having you here is worth a little backache.”
I huffed, tossing my butter knife into the sink. “I knew you weren’t as comfortable as you pretended. You need to trade with me and let me sleep on the floor tonight.”
“I’m fine, Shy.”
“No,” I said flatly. “You’re not the only one who gets to care about someone’s comfort. This is your house and your bed, and I refuse to keep it all to myself.”
Holden paused in building another sandwich. “You feel strongly about this.”
“Yes. I know you want me to be comfortable, but I want the same for you.”
He nodded. “Okay. We’ll trade tonight.”
My shoulders relaxed, making me aware of how tense I’d grown. I’d pressed so hard on a sandwich I’d squished it. “Damn. I’ll eat this one.”
Holden picked it up and took a big bite out of it, chewing with a delighted hum.
I snatched it from his hand. “You don’t get to fix everything for me, Holden! This is exactly what I was talking about.”
He laughed as he picked up a different sandwich to eat. “Okay. Geez. You’re not going to let me be a controlling bastard. Got it.”
“You’re not a bastard,” I mumbled around a mouthful of bread, mayo, ham, and swiss. “Just a controlling…sweetheart.”
He rolled his eyes, but a smile spread across his face. “You’re going to make me blush.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I teased.
He shook his head. “Dear god, I hope my brothers never hear this.”
“Too late!” Bailey called behind us. “Also, gross. I don’t even want to think about why making lunch has taken so long.”
Holden finished off his sandwich as I turned and winked at Bailey.
“They call it sandwich art, and you can’t rush art, sweetie pie. What else would we possibly be doing?” I batted my eyelashes innocently.
Bailey blushed and ducked his head. Oh yeah, I knew how to handle that one.
“Don’t flirt with my brother,” Holden grumbled as Bailey rubbed self-consciously at his red cheek.
I chuckled. “Oh honey, this isn’t flirting. I’d think you, of all people, would know the difference.”
“Oh Jesus,” he muttered.
“Gonna be scarred for life,” Bailey said mournfully. “Nova once walked in on her mom and dad making out. I get it now.”
“Nova?” I asked.
“My best friend,” Bailey said. “She’ll probably stop by next week. Unless I warn her to stay away from this little show.” He waved his finger between us.
Holden gave an exasperated sigh. “If you’re here for lunch, we’re almost done. You can head back to the shop.”
“Actually, Axel called and asked us to take something over for Flynn.”
“Oh. Shit. Should have thought of that.” Holden quickly assembled two more sandwiches and slipped them into a Ziploc bag. “Can you run it over there, Bailey? I’ve got a call with a supplier in a few minutes.”
“Sure, I need a break from the shop, anyway.”
“I’ll go too, if that’s okay,” I said. “I haven’t seen the junkyard yet.”
Holden raised an eyebrow. “No more working today?”
“No,” I said slowly. “But I didn’t think you’d want to hear about it if I was?”
“No, yeah,” he said quickly. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“I’ll always tell you the truth. Just be sure you’re ready to hear it.”
He nodded, slipping another sandwich into a Ziploc. “Here, Bails. Mustard and pickles, just how you like it.”
“Thanks,” Bailey said, taking it from him carefully so their fingers didn’t brush. I’d noticed the way Bailey moved around Holden, close but always aware of their proximity. He never crossed Holden’s boundaries, but he also didn’t keep his distance.
I needed to learn that art because I was sure Holden must feel the absence of closeness. I wanted to bridge that gap while respecting his needs.
“Okay, let’s go,” Bailey said. “But don’t get your hopes up. The junkyard is boring. Grab a coat, too, because it’s cold as fuck.”
I blew Holden a kiss goodbye, retreated to the bedroom to grab my puffy jacket, and then followed Bailey outside. If I was going to stay here for more than a few days, I wanted to get to know all the brothers. Make sure they were okay with me hanging around.
“So, Holden says you’re going to college in the fall?”
Bailey glanced at me sidelong. “Guess so.”
“What’s your major?”
He shoved the sandwiches into the pocket of his fleece-lined jean jacket. “Dunno. Probably mechanical engineering.”
“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.”
He shrugged. “I’m mechanically inclined. Not so great with school, though. Not sure how this college thing will pan out.”
I cocked my head, my teacher side coming to the surface. “You’ve probably got a hands-on learning style. Just guessing since you’re a mechanic. That means sitting and listening to lectures may not be the best way for you to learn.”
“So, college is a bad idea, right?”
“Not necessarily,” I said. “You’ll have to work a little harder for some classes, but if the lecture isn’t sticking, look for study methods that require you to use your hands.
Build a model of something, or even create some sort of poster or presentation, you know?
I bet mechanical engineering will have some hands-on labs too, and you’ll do great with those. ”
Bailey gave me an odd look. “You have a lot of ideas about it.”
I chuckled. “Sorry. Teacher habit.”
His eyes widened. “You’re a teacher?”
Right. I’d told Emory, but he obviously hadn’t passed the memo along to everyone else. Bailey was gazing at me with a mix of horror and awe.
I chuckled uncomfortably. “Third grade. Is that so hard to believe?”
“No, you’re just so…” He trailed off, averting his gaze.
“Right, well, I don’t flirt with my third graders,” I said. “That tends to be frowned upon.”
He snickered. “Yeah, I bet.”
I nudged his shoulder. “I’m not really flirting with you either. I just tease you because you’re so serious all the time.”
“You’ve known me for like four days.”
“Am I wrong?”
“No…” He pulled a face. “You’re really into Holden, huh?”
“We’re friends,” I said carefully.
“You flirt a lot for friends, and don’t even pretend the flirting with him isn’t real.”
“Friends with benefits, then.”
“But you know he can never fuck you,” he said bluntly.
I raised my eyebrows. “I didn’t know fucking was required to care about someone.”
“No, it’s not. Just making sure you know that.”
I bit down on a smile. Bailey was protecting his big brother, and it was freaking adorable, but he probably wouldn’t appreciate me pointing that out. I nodded solemnly. “I know, and I won’t ever hurt your brother if I can help it. He’s a great guy.”
“Yeah, he is,” Bailey said.
The junkyard loomed ahead, two big gates securing it and fencing topped with barbed wire all around the top. Geez. This Flynn guy probably felt as if he’d never left prison, all locked up in there.
Bailey hit a button to the right of the gate, and a loud buzz sounded. I stomped my numb feet, trying to generate some warmth, while we waited. Only a minute went by, but it was a minute too long on this freezing February day. Why had I wanted to come out here again?
Ah, bonding with the baby brother. Mission accomplished. I could tuck tail and run back to the cozy warmth of the house.
There was a rush of barking, followed by a deep voice calling, “Coming!”
The gate opened, and a veritable giant stood there, three dogs dancing around his ankles. The man reminded me a little of Brick, in the sense that he was big and rough around the edges.
Even though I was eager to return to the indoors, I should probably stay to make sure Bailey was okay with this guy. I wasn’t one to judge a book by its cover, but he’d gone to prison for something.
A German shepherd rushed forward, pushing through the opening in the gate, and jumped up against Bailey’s legs for attention.
A rottweiler sat at Flynn’s side, eyes on us, serene but watchful, while a border collie ran circles around him.
A Chihuahua snarled viciously, warning us off from a six-foot distance.
Flynn turned his head. “Hush, Taz! These are friends.”
Taz responded with one last tiny growl before he turned and trotted away.
“Sorry.” Flynn’s gaze swept over us both. “What’s up, Bailey? Do you guys need something at the shop?”
“Nah.” Bailey withdrew the sandwiches. “We brought you some lunch.”
“Oh.” He looked surprised someone had thought of him. “Thanks.”
He took the sandwiches from Bailey and pulled open the bag to take one out.
“Hope you like ham with mayo,” Bailey said nervously. “I like mustard better, but everyone else likes mayo, so that’s what you got. If you tell me what you like, next time, we’ll make it however you like.”
Flynn’s forehead creased, seeming a little overwhelmed by Bailey’s rambling. “Anything is fine. You all didn’t have to feed me. I’m not about to be picky about it.”
“Still…”
Flynn smiled faintly, and it transformed his face from stern to ruggedly handsome. “I like mayo, kid. It’s fine.”
“Don’t call me a kid,” Bailey protested, sounding appalled. “I’m an adult.”
“Sorry.” Flynn shrugged. “You remind me of my little brother, is all.”
Bailey wrinkled his nose in distaste, and it only made him look younger, poor guy.
“I’m Shiloh,” I said, extending my hand. “Friend of the family.”
Flynn engulfed my hand, giving it a gentle shake. Well, his similarities to Brick ended with his size, it seemed. He oozed a sort of calm steadiness that put me at ease. Brick always contained a certain violent energy that thrummed just below the surface. I’d sensed it from the moment we met.
“Shiloh wanted to see the junkyard,” Bailey said. “We’re just gonna come in and have a quick look around.”
Flynn stepped back. “Sure. I’ve got a fire going. It’s cold as fu—er, heck.”
I chuckled. “You can swear around us.”
“Although Shiloh is a schoolteacher, so you might end up with detention,” Bailey added.
Well, look at that. The kid had jokes.
Flynn chuckled. “Oh, shit, I never did do good in school. My teachers hated me.”
“Same here,” Bailey said morosely. “College is gonna be brutal.”
Flynn’s eyebrows shot up. “A college boy, huh? That’s awesome, man. My brother’s in med school.”
“No shit? He must be smart as fuck.”
Bailey sure was cussing a lot more now. Was he trying to impress the big, bad ex-con?
Flynn smiled like the proudest of older brothers. “He got all the brains in the family. He’s gonna have a great life.”
“What about you?” Bailey said. “Axel said you’re pretty good with cars. You got any interest in training over at the auto shop?”
Flynn’s eyes lit up. “Is that an option?”
“Might be.” Bailey dropped into a chair by the fire, leaning forward to warm his hands. I did the same, eager for any spark of warmth. The rottweiler trotted over and laid her head on my lap.
“Aren’t you sweet?” I murmured, stroking her ears.
The German shepherd and a border collie chased each other around the chairs, occasionally tripping over Bailey’s feet and jumping up for pats and scratches. Bailey did it on autopilot, used to the dogs that lived here.
The Chihuahua, Taz, leaned against Flynn’s ankles, quivering from the cold, until he bent down and scooped him up. Flynn held that tiny dog against his chest, and Taz curled into him.
Okay, this was a good guy. A dog wouldn’t trust him like that otherwise.
Taz lifted his head and bared his teeth at me. Yeah, he didn’t even trust me. People obviously had to win him over.
Bailey and Flynn were talking shop, talking about college, about having brothers. I sat back, watching them both, content to listen and observe, to be part of a group without having to lead it.
Whether teaching or camming, I was always center stage. Responsible for other people’s education or entertainment. For once, I could just relax, decompress, and think about all the ways I could make Holden come without a single touch.
I smiled to myself. Maybe a vacation from life wasn’t so bad. Maybe it was just what I needed.