Chapter 16
Shiloh
I fanned the blow-dryer over my damp waves, styling my hair while I tried to settle the nerves dancing in my stomach. The brothers would be home soon, and we were all heading to the pool hall to celebrate my potential return to teaching.
That wasn’t what had me nervous, though.
Teaching gig or not, this was a special night. Holden had asked me to hold his hand, and I wanted to look good for him. To look worth the trouble.
Especially now that the guys knew the truth about me, that I was a camboy. My principal hadn’t thought twice before firing me for it, and he knew me a lot better than Holden’s family. I couldn’t really blame them if they doubted my intentions for their brother.
The door opened, and feet pounded across the living room floor. The guys sounded like a herd of elephants when they all came in at once.
I stepped into the hall, and Gray saw me first. He gave a low whistle. “Well, shit. You’re making the rest of us look like slobs.”
I flushed. “Too much?”
Maybe I’d overshot nice and landed in slutty camboy territory.
Holden came up behind him. “No, you look perfect.”
“You really do,” Emory said. “I love that color on you.”
I fingered the burgundy suede jacket I’d put on over my tight teal T-shirt, the better to bring out the highlights in my dark hair. “Yeah? Thanks.”
The guys scattered to go change before going out, but they didn’t take long. Fifteen minutes later, Holden pulled his GTO into a parking space in a small strip mall that included the pool hall, a tattoo parlor, and a sex shop.
Holden kept up a stream of idle conversation about the pool hall and the many times his brothers had gotten into trouble for brawling there.
My face must have given away my trepidation because he stopped abruptly.
“Sorry. I’m just word vomiting all over you.
I promise it’s not a rough place or anything. ”
“I’d never be scared with you,” I said honestly. “You’d never put me at risk.”
“That’s true.”
“About tonight,” I said tentatively. “With us, I mean…”
Holden stiffened. “We should head inside. We can talk about everything else later. This is about you. Your future.”
“Okay, but—”
He got out, the door closing behind him before I could get the sentence out. My future involves you too.
Ball Busters was busy, a whole row of motorcycles parked out front. I stuck close to Holden as we went inside. There was a clatter of balls hitting one another on a pool table to our right. The interior was dim, with card tables scattered about and a bar on the far wall.
Gray and Emory were already there, collecting a pitcher and glasses. They’d driven over on Gray’s bike.
Axel was coming as soon as his sheriff picked him up. Bailey said he’d ride over with them too. So it was just us for now. And I couldn’t help noticing that Holden was vibrating with tension.
“Are you okay?” I asked as Holden pulled out a chair and waved me into it.
“Fine.” He moved away before I could say anything more, grabbing the table a few feet away and moving it to join this one so we’d have enough seats for our large group.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “You seem a little…”
“I’m fine,” he repeated, voice tight. “Let’s just have a good time. We’re here to celebrate.”
It felt a little premature to celebrate a job I hadn’t gotten yet. I’d left a message with Parker this afternoon telling him I’d like to apply, but I hadn’t heard anything back.
Even if I got the job, I wouldn’t make enough to move out anytime soon. Holden was okay with that, but what about Gray and Bailey? It was their house too. Of course, Gray had moved in his boyfriend, so maybe—
But you’re not his boyfriend yet.
Yet. But I could be, couldn’t I? If Parker called, and I got the job. If I could impress the school administration enough to get a full-time teaching position again. If I didn’t fuck it up and ruin things with Holden…
But judging by his weird attitude tonight, maybe I already had.
Shouldn’t he be excited at the idea of touching? It had been his suggestion. This afternoon, I could tell he was a little nervous. That was okay. It was a big step. But now he looked so miserable, I wondered if we should call it off.
I wanted to get my hands on him, of course. Desperately. I’d never been in a position of wanting so intensely and being unable to touch.
But more than anything, I wanted Holden happy and comfortable too.
What if we couldn’t have both? I still cared about Holden. The hands-free sex was amazing. But would that be enough for the long term? Not just the fact I couldn’t have physical sex with him, but I couldn’t hug him, couldn’t kiss his cheek or lean against his side, or…
Hold his hand.
“We got drinks!” Emory announced, plunking a stack of glasses in the center of my table. Gray set down a pitcher of pale beer and another of soda.
“The special tonight is chicken-fried steak with skillet gravy,” he said. “I’m all about that. But here’s a menu.”
He slapped a laminated sheet in front of me that had a small selection of typical bar fare. While I scanned over the menu, Holden took a seat on the other side of the table, farther away than I’d have liked.
It was reasonable he’d want to ensure he had plenty of personal space. I tried not to take it personally, but it was hard. Tonight was supposed to bring us closer, not push us further apart.
Axel, Dalton, Bailey, and Flynn turned up as a big group, shifting the energy at the table with their easy grins. Dalton poured beer for everyone but Bailey, and Gray collected dinner orders to go put in at the bar. Ball Busters didn’t have any servers, apparently.
Bailey rubbed his hands together, looking gleeful. “Okay. Time for me to hit the pool tables.”
“Okay, but no hustling,” Holden said. “We’ve had enough problems with Leo.”
Axel sank lower in his chair, looking as if he were trying to hide from view. “No kidding. He gave me the stink eye when we came in. One more fight and he’ll probably ban me for life.”
“Aw, darlin’, you’re a good boy now,” Dalton teased. “I’m sure the sheriff’s boyfriend would never do anything to get kicked out of a bar.”
Axel smacked his arm. “Don’t forget who’s in charge, Sheriff.”
Dalton wound his hand in Axel’s long hair, tugged his head back, and kissed him soundly. “I never do. Behave, or I’ll have to arrest you.”
Emory snickered. “You sure told him, Axel.”
Axel flipped him the bird, his smile reminiscent of the cat that got the canary.
Somehow, I didn’t think he was too bothered that Dalton had manhandled and threatened him.
It had sounded more like a come-on than a true threat, anyway.
Briefly, I pondered whether Dalton cuffed Axel when they got down and dirty.
“Aw, damn, there’s a group of frat boys over there that are ripe for some hustling,” Bailey said. “Are you sure I can’t have some fun with them? Just think of the college funds I could raise.”
Holden glowered. “I wasn’t aware you gave a shit about money for college, given that you still haven’t filled out the scholarship applications I gave you.”
The chatter at the table died as everyone exchanged wary glances.
“I’ll get to it,” Bailey said dismissively.
Holden’s eyes narrowed, and he hunched forward. “Don’t blow this off.”
“I won’t. Jesus. Stop riding my ass. It’s not even the deadline yet!”
“You need to start taking this seriously. You only have three days until it has to be postmarked.”
“Then I’ll do it in two,” Bailey said. “Now, if it’s okay, Dad, I’m gonna go play some pool and not make any money. It’ll be worth it to get away from you.”
He stomped off across the room.
Flynn pushed back his chair. “I’ll go keep an eye on him. He just needs to cool off.”
Holden raked his hands through his hair. “Damn it. That kid is gonna be the death of me.”
“Are you okay?” Gray asked, having returned at some point during Holden and Bailey’s standoff. “You’ve been wound a little tight today.”
“I’m fine.”
The F-word again. Holden was fond of it. I cocked my head, trying to catch his eye. He glanced at me, then ducked his head, a sheepish expression coming over his face.
“Sorry, guys,” he said. “We’re here to celebrate Shiloh getting a teaching gig.” Holden held up his glass. “Let’s drink to Shiloh and forget that I’m an ass.”
His brothers laughed, forgiving easily. Not that he’d done anything all that wrong. He was worried about Bailey’s future. Anyone could see that. So, he’d snapped a bit. Gotten impatient. What parent hadn’t? Not that Holden was really Bailey’s dad, but he was the only parental figure the guy had.
That must be a lot of pressure for him. On top of all the other pressure he put on himself. He managed their business. Took responsibility for the household. The whole family, really. It was a lot for anyone to handle.
Everyone lifted their glasses, clinking and drinking to my future as a teacher.
“I haven’t got it yet!” I protested, worried we’d jinx the universe into taking away the opportunity.
“You will,” Holden said confidently. “They’d be fools to pass on you. Anyone would.”
He held my gaze this time, and my heart lurched drunkenly. Whatever was going on with him, there was no mistaking the sincerity in those eyes.
“Parker was falling all over himself to invite you to apply,” Emory said. “You’ll get the job.”
“They’ll be lucky to have you,” Gray said. “I know we are. Especially our big brother.”
“Yeah, maybe you can teach Holden a little something about giving up some control, though, huh?” Axel was saying teasingly. “He needs to fucking relax.”
Holden huffed a breath. “You would say that. You always thought running wild meant you were free.”
Axel set down his glass with a wry smile. “Touché, bro. Maybe the real freedom comes in accepting someone’s love.”
He nudged Dalton beside him, who smiled and wrapped his arm around Axel. “Is that what you do? Why are you always snarling at me, then?”
Axel bared his teeth like a ferocious dog, and Dalton laughed. “Yeah, exactly like that. Thought you might bite my face off the first time I insisted we go on a date.”
“I was tempted,” Axel admitted. “Glad I ate something else, though.”
He winked, and Dalton reddened, and it was easy to figure out that he didn’t mean dinner.
The conversation continued to flow, the brothers falling into talking shop about work.
“You think Flynn will work out?” Gray asked.
“If he doesn’t, I’ll take him back,” Axel said. “He’s already helped me shorten our inventory backlog by at least three weeks.”
“Pretty impressive,” Dalton said. “Considering every time I show up, he’s playing with the dogs.”
Axel laughed. “Yeah, they all love him.”
“Even Taz?” Gray said, sounding offended. “Why am I the only one that little monster hates?”
“He doesn’t hate you,” Axel said. “He just knows I was pissed at you when we first met. He’s looking out for me.”
“Well, tell him we’re good now,” Gray said with a huff.
Axel laughed. “I don’t know, man. I like how he keeps you on your toes.”
“Which dog is Taz again?” I asked.
Axel brought dogs with him every time he came for breakfast or dinner, but they always seemed to be different ones. Other than the big rottweiler. Her name was Sugar, though, and she was a total sweetheart.
“The Chihuahua,” Axel said with a laugh.
Emory snorted, covering his mouth, while his boyfriend glared at him with a betrayed expression.
Even Holden grinned and shook his head, and it hit me suddenly that the guys had accepted me, even after knowing I was just some camboy that Holden had hired to meet his needs.
They continued to treat me like a friend.
More than that, even.
They treated me like family.
Whatever happened with Holden’s touch therapy, whatever happened with teaching, I knew with a sudden ferocity that I’d do anything to keep that.