Chapter 20
Shiloh
A breeze wafted over my shoulders. My nipples hardened as the chill of the drafty bedroom hit. Fabric slid over my skin, and goose bumps chased it.
My eyes fluttered open just as the sheet caught on my erection. It tugged my dick, then passed over it, making me gasp.
My gaze jerked up to meet Holden’s burning eyes. “Need to be closer to you,” he said, voice hoarse with need.
Fuck. His intensity unleashed a wave of heat through me. I spread my legs, tilting my hips up. “Anything for you.”
Was it the arousal talking? Yes. Was it also my heart?
Scarily, yes. The last time I’d given my heart to someone, he’d lied to me and put a target on my back.
But Holden couldn’t be more different. He would always take care of me.
He was a protector. His bossy trait came out of a desire to keep everyone in his life safe.
And I did feel safe.
Whatever he wanted, I knew already that I would give it.
Holden reached for my hand. My heart skipped. We’d never touched during sexy time before. He folded his fingers around mine, holding my hand for a beat as he dragged the last of the sheet off me.
I shivered a little. Not from the chill now, but from the desire burning through me. My cock was fully hard, curving up over my abs, and my skin sparked as if electrified under Holden’s gaze.
The warmth of hand, a single point of contact between us, drew my focus. I was naked and hard, and Holden’s skin was touching mine.
“Holden,” I pled. “Please…”
I didn’t even know what I was asking for, only that Holden would take charge of my pleasure.
He drew my hand down toward my cock and released me.
“Don’t stop,” I protested, even as my fingers curled around my aching dick as if they had a mind of their own.
“Not stopping,” Holden murmured.
Carefully, he wrapped his hand around mine—holding my cock with me.
A pulse of lust hit hard.
“Show me what you like,” he said. “I’ve never done this.”
A whimper escaped me. An actual whimper. Showing a man like Holden Cross how to please me? Fuck yes, sign me up.
“Squeeze me tighter if you can,” I rasped, wanting him to have an active role.
There was a pause. Maybe I’d asked for too much.
“Never mi—ah!”
Holden’s hand tightened around mine, squeezing my dick in a vise, and my hips bucked up, tunneling through our fists.
“Like that?” he said, humor leaking into his voice.
“Fuck yes. What, uh—” Holden moved my hand up, stroking the length of me, then back down again. I groaned, eyes slipping closed.
“What were you saying?” he asked.
“Um.”
He guided my hand down, then up, then down. Then up…and squeezed tighter around my cockhead, sending a hot wash of sensation through me.
“Feels so good,” I murmured. “You’re making me feel good.”
“Yeah?” The first vulnerable note crept into his tone. “I’m trying.”
He picked up the pace, stroking faster.
“Ah, fuck.” I remembered suddenly my question from before. “What about you?”
“Me?”
“Dick,” I gasped between pulses of pleasure, unable to form a full sentence. “See it?”
Holden paused to push down his black boxer briefs, his thick, ruddy cock springing out fully hard. Damn. I had to bite my tongue to resist begging him to fuck my mouth.
I licked my lips, just thinking about the size and weight and taste of him. The smell was nearly as good. There was the musk of a man mixed with fresh soap, the scent of his arousal sharp in the space between us.
I lay on my back while Holden knelt over me, careful not to touch anywhere but our hands. He fumbled for his dick with his left hand, stroking clumsily.
Our gaze met and held as the pleasure crested higher and higher.
“What else do you want?” he asked.
“This is good.”
“But if I could?”
“Your dick in my mouth,” I said immediately. “Or my ass. God. To be fucked by you, to feel that thick dick stretching me open and filling me up—”
He swore quietly, his hand moving a little faster on his dick. “You love bottoming?”
“Fuck yes. I’ve got a greedy hole.”
He snorted a laugh and abruptly stopped my hand from stroking, pulling it up and away from me.
“Wha—”
He guided it down. “Show me.”
I bit my lower lip, another wave of desire hitting as Holden shifted away from me, off the foot of the bed, to kneel between my legs. He had to release my hand, and I mourned the loss of his touch, even as my hole throbbed eagerly at the idea of penetration.
I sucked my fingers into my mouth, drooling over them to get them nice and wet, then lowered my hand between my legs. Gently, I circled my rim, hyperaware of Holden’s gaze. I pressed both fingers inside at once, because I was a damn pro and I was way too worked up to take it slow.
It burned, the saliva only able to do so much to smooth the way. I didn’t care. But a second later, cool, slippery fluid dripped onto my fingers.
Holden had grabbed the lube.
I pulled my fingers out, smoothed the lube around, then pushed them back in, adding a third, and moaned at the deep satisfaction of stuffing myself.
“Can you hold my other hand or something?” I asked, voice more fragile than I intended.
It occurred to me seconds after I said it that he might not be able to keep touching. It might be too much. Maybe he’d redirected us to this to give himself a break.
“Or not, if you can’t,” I added hurriedly. “Anything is good.”
Holden didn’t grasp my free hand, as I’d initially requested, but he gently slid his fingers around the hand stuffed into my ass. He tugged me back, slowly pulling my fingers out until only fingertips were inside, then shoved forward hard.
My fingers drilled into me, making me gasp with shock.
“You wanted me to fuck you,” Holden said, jerking my hand back, then shoving it forward again. “So you’ll take what I give you and be happy with it, won’t you?”
“Fffuu—y-yeah, please.”
Holden wasn’t slow and gentle. He used my hand to fuck me hard. My fingers were too bony to give me the same pleasure as a man’s cock, but Holden’s touch, his control, was doing it for me big-time.
I could hear the thwack-thwack-thwack of him jerking off. I raised my head, trying to see, but could only make out his right arm flexing. He continued to guide my hand, pistoning my fingers in and out of me.
It was too much. I grasped my cock with my left hand and stroked it twice in a desperate attempt at relief. My balls drew up, and I came over my belly in thick spurts.
“That’s it, sweets,” Holden murmured with a raspy groan.
My hole fluttered around my fingers, even as Holden stilled and shuddered through his orgasm.
I lay there, catching my breath, still trembling with aftershocks. Holden gently tugged my fingers out of my sore hole before stumbling toward the bathroom, leaving me aching for more contact.
I was used to coming alone with all the cam sessions I’d done. In person, I liked contact, but I wasn’t needy for it, typically. But having that small bit of touch from Holden had made me greedy.
I craved more.
He returned with a washcloth, gently using it to clean my fingers, then my hole. He raised it to wipe off my abs. This was the most he’d touched me, even with a fabric barrier between us.
It was incredibly intimate, and I stared at him, trying to gauge his comfort level, but he looked relaxed enough.
“How…was that?” I asked tentatively.
Holden shot me a smirk. “I made you beg and moan for me, so I’d say it went pretty well.”
I laughed, my face heating with embarrassment.
“It was good for me,” he said seriously, answering my real question. He climbed onto the bed beside me—still naked—and flopped onto his side. “Thank you for humoring me.”
“Humoring you? That’s not what I’d call it.”
He grinned, looking almost bashful. “Well, you know what I mean. I kinda jumped you.”
“Mm. You woke me up, all desperate, and I admit…” I drew out the pause to torture him. “It was hot.”
“You’re so mean,” he said. “I thought maybe I’d overstepped.”
“You can’t,” I said. “I know I shouldn’t say that, because like, yeah, obviously you could. But you won’t. I’m game for anything you want, anytime you want it.”
He blew out a big breath. “I wish I could be so easy for you.”
“Yeah, well, easy is kind of the camboy’s job description,” I said without thinking.
His expression tightened. “Are you still…”
“Not really. I haven’t taken the site down, but I don’t have any shows scheduled.”
There were one or two persistent clients who kept asking when I’d be back. The easy solution was to tell them never and take the site down. But…
The cam site had been my safety net for a long time. It was possible that Brick and Curtis would eventually find me. Was I ready to give up the income that might help me pay them off?
Would they really go away if you gave them more money—or just insist you owed them even more?
“Shiloh?” Holden said in a tone that made me aware I’d zoned out. “You’re not stopping for my sake, are you?”
I refocused on his face, noting the crease of concern across his forehead, the tightening at the corners of his eyes.
“No,” I said softly. “I mean, I would gladly do it for you. Because you mean more to me than a side hustle. But if I have to choose between it and teaching, I’ll always choose teaching. It’s my real calling.”
Holden nodded. “And if you didn’t have to choose?”
I tilted my head, thinking. “No, I don’t think I’d keep it up much longer, anyway. I liked it, or I would have never gotten into it, and it’s helped me out of a few jams. But it was never going to last forever.”
Holden nodded. “Good. I would hate for you to lose something you loved.”
“That’s sweet, but I think I’ve gotten everything I needed out of it. More than I ever expected, really.”
Holden held my gaze. “Yeah, me too.”
He took hold of my hand and slowly raised it between us. My heart swelled when he dipped his head, his lips lightly brushing my skin.
My phone alarm cut the moment short. He jumped, releasing me, and rolled out of the bed.
“Are you okay?” I asked, reaching for my phone to shut it off.
“Yeah.” He strode for the bathroom. “We’re going to be late if we don’t get moving.”
My hand tingled with the ghost of his lips against it. “Yeah, okay.”
He slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Shutting himself in or shutting me out?
Sadness welled up, but I pushed it down. He’d just given me more than ever before. This was a process. He couldn’t heal overnight and hold me just because I’d suddenly become clingy as fuck.
With a huff of annoyance at myself for being so selfish, I climbed out of the bed. While I waited for the shower, I might as well hop on the computer and check my email for the latest scheduling updates.
I grabbed my laptop and pulled it out of its bag, then sat cross-legged in the center of Holden’s bed and booted it up. Banshee whined at the door. Holden must have taken her out before waking me early this morning.
A smile teased at my mouth. Just thinking of how much he’d wanted me made the distance between us a little easier to take. I wasn’t in this alone, and Holden’s need to retreat wasn’t a rejection. I knew that.
A notification popped up from the cam site. I really should shut it down. My conversation with Holden had clarified for me that it was a crutch I didn’t want or need anymore.
I opened my DMs, ready to tell DeShaun that I wouldn’t be available.
I could refer him to one of my cam friends who’d appeal to his kinks.
In fact, I should set up my whole site to forward to my old cam friend, Kian.
I’d have to check with him first, but I couldn’t imagine he’d be sad to get a flow of new clients.
The newest notification came from an anonymous member. I clicked it open.
You can hide, but Jimmie can’t. Someone will pay, and if we can’t have cash, we’ll take flesh.
There was a skull-and-crossbones emoji.
I closed the window and slammed the laptop shut, stomach twisting so hard I felt sick.
The bathroom door opened, emitting a waft of fog.
“Shiloh?” Holden asked. “You okay?”
I swallowed down the nausea and nodded. Brick and Curtis were just trying to scare me into giving them what they wanted. Their threats didn’t mean anything.
They wouldn’t actually go after Jimmie, right? And even if they did, it wasn’t my responsibility. He was the one who stole from them. He was the one who left me to deal with his mess.
But if they do have a way of getting to him, he has nowhere to hide…
Holden sat on the bed and reached for my hand, taking it so easily it was hard to believe that a few weeks ago he could barely force himself to stroke my fingers.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “Just got an ugly message online.”
“On the cam site?”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t a client. It was Brick and Curtis. They can’t get to me on my phone, so they register as anonymous on my site and get to me that way.”
“A good reason to shut the site down and cut them off,” Holden said tentatively.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Is there something else? Did they threaten you?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, they can’t really threaten me when they don’t know where I am. That’s thanks to you.”
“Running away with me was a good choice, then?” he asked casually, as if he wasn’t dying for confirmation that he’d saved me ten times over.
“Yeah, Holden, you’re my hero.”
He chuckled. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far.”
But I would. If Holden hadn’t come for me, Brick and Curtis would have taken their pound of flesh from me.