Chapter 24 #2
“If you think for one second that I wouldn’t give anything to be your first, you’re crazy,” I tell her, and instantly, her cheeks turn pink.
“Because I would be so fucking honored, Harland. But I respect you too much to take something so special from you during a time when you aren’t thinking clearly.
” I move my fingers to her cheek, stroking it lightly.
“But I will promise you this: if I ever get lucky enough to be with you, Harland Meadows? I want you to be sure that it’s what you really want.
I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’ve just suffered a loss the way that you have. ”
She’s quiet again, but I let her take her time saying anything back. The truth is, I hope that when things settle and some time passes, she’ll still want to be with me in that way. Walking away from her when she was asking sucked because of how badly I wanted it.
Wanted her.
“I understand,” she whispers shyly. “I’m sorry that I was so mean to you when you told me no.” She looks down. “I guess I was just hurting, and then when you pushed me away, I—” Her shoulders slump. “I just assumed that it was because of me.”
I force her gaze upward again, dipping my face to hers. “Hey, telling you no? Not giving you what you were asking of me? That was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do.”
She shifts around nervously. “I mean, I guess I should thank you because, you know, we agreed no romance. And sex … well, that would be breaking the rules.”
“Yeah, I guess it would,” I rasp, and my eyes can’t help but float to her lips.
When my eyes find hers again, she’s looking at me differently, almost desperately, her brows knitting together.
“Cane?” she whispers.
“Yeah, Catch?”
She chews on her lip feverishly before swallowing. “I understand why you won’t have sex with me, and I appreciate it because you’re right—it’s a big deal and I’m not in my right mind.”
When she pauses, I’m almost scared for what she’s about to say next. I’ve told her no once, but if I have to do it again … I don’t know if I’ll survive it.
“But this day has sucked. So, could you at least …” She’s chewing her cheek now.
“Would you at least kiss me? Just once more?” She peeks at me.
“That way, I can stop thinking about doing other things with you. Things I have no business doing because right now, I’m not myself, and also, I don’t need a distraction as big as you. ”
We’re in a church. For a funeral. Her father’s funeral. And yet I have to will my cock not to fucking harden, just wondering what these things she’s thinking about doing with me are.
Having sex—taking her virginity—is huge. But a kiss? What harm would a kiss do?
So, finally, I nod in agreement.
“Yeah, Catch,” I rasp. “I’d love to kiss you.”
“Just this once …” she utters.
“Just this once,” I repeat, even though I know once I taste her lips, there’s no fucking way that’ll be the end of it. Maybe for now, but for always? Fuck no.
Sitting up a little straighter, I cup her cheek with my palm and bring her face closer to mine.
Whether or not she thinks this is going to help her, I know it won’t help me at all.
This is about to complicate an already-complicated situation.
And I don’t care because it’ll be worth it to me.
And maybe, just maybe, it’ll ignite something for her too.
Something that’ll tell her she feels the same way that I do.
When my mouth is a mere inch in front of hers, Harland’s eyes flutter shut, and mine do the same. With my lips barely parted, I capture her mouth with my own, kissing her with passion, but still being gentle.
She almost freezes at first while my entire body becomes prickly just from one kiss. When my lips move with hers, her lips part, and she kisses me back, kissing me harder with each passing second. A soft moan slips from her lips, making my dick jump, and I pray that she didn’t just feel it.
It’s more than a short little kiss, but we’re not making out either. And when I press my lips to hers once more before slowly pulling away, her eyes don’t open all at once. Eventually, they flutter open, and she drags in a shaky breath before touching her fingers to her lips.
“Th-thank you,” she whispers. “I … I really needed that.”
I smile at her, already wanting to kiss her again and trying to ignore my semi-hard-on.
“I’d say anytime, Catch.” I grin. “But I’m afraid you’d yell at me.”
“Yeah, I would.” She hardly nods, trying to keep her eyes from floating back to my lips. “I guess I should go back out there before my family leaves to go to the graveyard.”
“They won’t leave without you, Harland,” I say with absolutely no doubt. “But you’re right. Let’s get you back out there before your mom finds us and thinks we’re in here misbehaving.”
I swear she almost smiles, but she doesn’t quite get there.
“Hey, would it be weird if”—she inhales sharply—“you went with me?”
I can see the panic all over her face the second the words leave her lips, but I quickly stop her.
“Do you want me there?” I ask her straightforwardly.
“I … I think so,” she says in a hushed tone before a thoughtful look crosses her face. “Yeah, I do. I know I do.”
I’m equally surprised and thankful for her answer. I didn’t come here expecting she’d want to be around me much, but I’m glad that she does.
“If that’s what you want, then I’ll be there,” I say before I gently stand up.
I hold her in my arms for a second before slowly setting her onto her feet. Her body stays snug against mine, and I keep my arms around her waist but only for a moment.
Eventually, she looks away from me, and I drop my arms from her body.
And even though I’d love nothing more than to grab her chin and kiss her right now all over again, I fight the urge.
Instead, I take her hand and lead her back out to her family.
Because right now, kissing me is the last thing she needs. Even if she doesn’t realize it.