Cooper (Nashville Firebirds #2)

Chapter 1

ALLY

The cool breeze blows through my hair as I drive down the road, the city I love passing by in little snapshots, like tiny time capsules to my past. With every passing building or friendly face comes little memories of my life growing, the thoughts bringing a smile to my face as I drive over to my sister’s house.

I remember stopping at the bakery on the corner every Saturday to buy donuts.

Then we’d go watch my uncle’s skating sessions, stuffing our faces with the sugary goods straight out of the pink box.

Quinn and I loved Saturdays for those moments, though that was when she started to find her path, and I started to lose mine.

But when I look back at those times, I think of all the precious times.

Seeing Nashville again, it feels like opening a time capsule—one that feels like a warm hug welcoming me home.

Even if some of the memories are tough, I know it’s what made me who I am today.

And even with those difficult times, I love it here.

I always have, even when I lived in California and had everyone convinced I’d found my dream home.

I was lying the whole time.

Nashville has been the only place I’ve ever truly felt at home.

Even when my world was falling apart, I could always find the quiet, the peace I needed here.

Something I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in the world.

This is where I grew up. The yellow house I pass on the left that has missing siding now used to have the best flowers in town.

That’s where my sister and I used to sneak off when our parents were working.

We’d pick wildflowers from the crazy neighbor and run away before we could get caught.

Or the park Quinn and I snuck out to one night after two Junior boys asked us to meet them. We got caught, by my uncle of course, because our parents couldn't be bothered to worry about what we were up to.

After that, I started visiting less populated places. That way I couldn’t get caught and could actually have time to myself.

No one knows my favorite places out here, something I’ve always kept a secret because I didn’t want anyone to be able to ruin them.

Those places are sacred and mine. Untouched by the cruelty of the world and the harsh truths reminding me of all my mistakes.

But one day, I hope to share those places with someone. I’ve always waited for the day that I would be able to, but as of now, I haven’t found that person.

I think of one of my special places—a gorgeous little waterfall a few hours outside the city. I stumbled upon it on a long drive back in high school when I needed a minute to breathe. Since then, it’s been my favorite place to go to when I need to think.

I should take a mini road trip soon and go swimming now that it’s starting to get warmer. The tranquility and isolation might be just what makes the drive worth the effort.

"Adios, motherfuckers!” Jax yells, causing Quinn and I to laugh. Same chaos, different night. Same reminder that I’m still the outsider in a world I almost destroyed.

Quinn and I laugh as we wave the guys off, both of us used to their boyish behavior.

This cookout Levi and Quinn hosted was my sign to wave my white flag. By putting myself out there and showing up, I’m proving to my sister, her boyfriend—who also happens to be my ex-fiancé—and my uncle, that I’m ready to make amends and prove I’m sorry for things that have happened in the past.

I made a lot of choices I wish I could take back or do differently now.

I wish I could stop myself from chasing after the boy I knew my sister loved all because I was a petty child who needed attention.

I ruined her happiness, their happiness, by dating him and then getting engaged because I got in too deep and didn’t know how to get out.

Not without admitting I had lied the entire time.

She turns to me as we hear the door close. “Sit down, Al. The girls did the cooking; Levi can handle the clean up.” I don’t love the idea, but I reluctantly sit down and lean back at the kitchen island.

“Well, today was fun.”

I love being busy and working hard. Even when I was working for my uncle and didn’t really know what I was doing, I still loved that I could help and keep myself busy—I just always wished I was given more.

More responsibility. I hate that it feels like no one trusts me to do a good job.

Instead, they give me everything in bite sized instructions like I’m incapable of handling the full task at once.

As soon as that started happening, I stopped putting in as much effort, and then when I realized that no one else was batting an eye at my lack of effort, I realized it didn’t matter, so fuck it.

“It was,” Quinn says with a smile, but it’s not the easy, happy smile I remember from when we were kids.

The one that was so carefree, pure happiness radiating from her like she was a damn ray of sunshine.

But that was before I decided to be the world’s worst sister and ruin not only our relationship, but some of that spirit inside her, and that’s what I miss the most.

But if I can fix anything in this mess I’ve made, I hope it’s this.

It kills me knowing I hurt her enough to break her, but I’m still not sure it’s possible for me to fix it.

I mean, it’s not like anything has really changed yet.

Yeah, I’m trying to make things better, still calling and meeting for happy hours every week, but just last month I was still making everyone’s lives a living hell.

Just causing chaos by ruining schedules and messing up orders, and I’m not even sure I have a good reason for it.

Which is why I’m still shocked that I was invited here, that Quinn asked me to stay for a bit when everyone else was leaving.

What kind of big sister would I be if I didn’t take the olive branch she was offering me in the moment, one I still don’t feel like I deserve and am still a little afraid will bite me in the long run… but she’s my sister, so I have to try.

It’s weird, but that’s not what’s making this so awkward.

It’s just that I thought the hard part was over.

I thought pulling my big girl panties on and apologizing to everyone for fucking up was going to be the worst part, but I was wrong.

The worst part is apologizing yet still needing to put the work in to mend the relationships but not knowing where to go next or how to fix the relationships.

Is this like a new normal, or is this something that will fade, blending into something new?

I sure as fuck hope it’s something good because where we are at today is empty and lonely and I hate it.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts as the front door opens. I see Levi make his way back into the kitchen. Quinn’s entire face lights up when she notices him, a smile so genuine I’m immediately punched in the gut, a wave of nausea overwhelming me.

And it’s not because it’s my ex-fiancé she’s looking at with hearts in her eyes…it’s that I’ve never felt the way she feels for Levi about anyone.

Ever.

Especially not with him. No offense, we were just so wrong for each other it’s almost comical. We didn’t work and it’s obvious why—we weren’t the two who were supposed to be together.

After Levi, though, it never got better.

I was hoping that maybe we just lacked the chemistry needed for it to be fun and that it was just a fluke, but each relationship after only got worse and worse.

The few guys I’ve dated since have always felt off, like there was something missing, and it always felt forced.

Something didn’t quite fit, but I could never put my finger on it, so I tried to give it a chance.

It was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, just something that would never work—and something that wasn’t supposed to work.

It was hard realizing that the common factor in these messed up couplings was always me. Everyone else has gone on to have successful, happy relationships…well, minus Wilson Mudgett, but he’s too busy bugging me to hook up with him to find a new girl, even though he broke up with me.

It’s pathetic really. He’s a slut shaming judgmental fuck who always wants to have the last word. Which is why I’m positive that his constant bugging me is all because he hates that I’m not sad and begging for him back, but his ego is a problem for another day.

“You know that’s my job, Q,” Levi says, stepping up behind Quinn as she starts to unload the dishwasher, grabbing the plate from her hands and holding it above her head as he glares down at her.

She glares back longer than I expect before finally melting under his stare—just more proof that these two are god’s favorites.

Beautiful and in love. Here I am, still semi-fresh out of a breakup that I have zero regrets about, yet it’s been nothing but stressful.

You’d think that having a job where I spend most of my time with a bunch of professional hockey players would mean I would have found someone by now.

And if not a player, at least one of their friends.

You’d also think I’d know more about the sport, but I’ve never really been able to go and enjoy a game.

None of that even matters, though, as I’ve sworn off hockey men for good, which is probably why I’ve never even thought about going there with any of them before.

I’ve struck out twice. I don’t need to go for the third.

Plus, it never seems to work out once we make it to the bedroom, and whether or not I like to admit it, that’s on me. I’m…unsure of myself when it comes to intimacy, which isn’t exactly the sexy and fun experience most guys want, and it usually ends in a fight.

But that’s not anything I’m dealing with right now. I’m single and staying that way as long as possible. Just me, myself, and I.