17. Romy
SEVENTEEN
Romy
I ’d learned in the days after Joel died that many hands made light work. For those few weeks after, dinners were made, there were people there to give me a hand with a squalling baby, organise a washing rota and clean the house. Some of those same hands helped again now to put my home back together.
The intruders had been brief but their work had been extensive, similar to how Cara’s house had been turned over, and her neighbours'. Cushions were slashed, the sofa was a write-off, ornaments had been broken. It was needless and heart-breaking, but it could all be replaced, and looking for that silver lining – I’d needed to get rid of some stuff anyway.
By school pick-up time, the house looked like nothing had ever happened, I even had a new sofa thanks to a local store who agreed to a delivery at lunch time, and it was a sofa I much preferred.
Mia and Heidi came home to a house they knew, but was different, a little like introducing cats to a freshly decorated room.
“Can we have new bedrooms?” Heidi looked at the sofa. “I want a purple one.”
“Maybe we can decorate in the big summer holidays.” Which were going to fast approach, only I had a sense of foreboding lingering which I was putting down to worry.
Security was back, with reinforcements, Roe Holland incessantly angry that someone had managed to get inside the house for less than ninety seconds. He was also still cross that they hadn’t stopped them.
“Can I help paint?” Heidi’s eyes were flittering about the lounge, noticing what was new or in a different place.
“No. You can play on the beach and I’ll paint. Or we’ll get someone to do it for us.” Painting and decorating weren’t my jam. A six-year-old girl – because both Heidi and Mia had birthdays coming up in the next fortnight – wielding a painting brush or roller was also definitely not my jam.
Heidi looked cross. Mia looked interested.
“Am I going to carry on staying with you?” She sat down primly on the new sofa as if she was scared about disrupting any of the velvet. I had the feeling she was trying very hard to be very good so she could carry on staying here, which was also her social worker’s theory.
“Yes, you are. You can stay here for as long as you want.” That was how we’d agreed to explain it. It was more complicated than that; I was having to apply to be a foster carer, which wasn’t straightforward, and it would be for the courts to decide a lot about Mia’s future. She wouldn’t be going home to Cara. If and when Cara resurfaced, she’d be facing a custodial sentence.
Mia burst into tears.
Heidi looked at me, slightly surprised, and then scooted over to her friend, sitting practically on her knee.
“Mummy isn’t that bad.” A stellar review from my daughter, it had to be said. “She lets us eat cake sometimes.”
I sat on the other side of Mia and put my arm around her. “Do you want to stay with me and Heidi?”
Mia nodded, still crying. “But I want my mummy too.”
“I know, sweetheart. The police are looking for her and they’ll hopefully find her safe somewhere.” The truth, without detail that wasn’t needed.
She snuggled into me, Heidi looking at me a little helplessly. I wasn’t sure Heidi knew what it was like to be unhappy or worried, she very quickly got over any adversities and had a sunny disposition, if on the bossy side.
“Did I get Mummy into trouble?” her words bubbled out through the sobs.
“No, you didn’t.”
“I told Mr Caddick that she told me to tell a lie about what the man was called.”
“Which was the right thing to do, Mia. Your mummy won’t be cross with you, she’ll just be glad that you’re safe.” I had no idea what Cara was thinking, just leaving her like that, even if she did leave the key only for someone else to take. Why she hadn’t asked me to have her for the weekend, I couldn’t understand. She had done that before, although she’d always come back before.
I moved Mia onto my knee, pulling Heidi closer to us so she wasn’t left out. I was hyper aware of how my attention was now split away from Heidi, worried that she might feel pushed out at some point. I needed to make sure that didn’t happen and at the moment that was hard.
Mia’s sobs subsided, her breathing becoming more regular. I was due to go out with Cas tonight for a meal and hopefully a sleepover of the grown-up variety. Three evenings of quietly fooling around for half an hour wasn’t quite cutting it. However, with Mia so upset, I wasn’t sure this was a great idea. Maybe we needed to stay home together tonight, although Roe had wanted the girls away for the night and Heidi was desperate to stay at Grandma’s because Grandma had, for some insane reason, gotten a puppy.
“Do you feel better for having a cry?” Her eyes were red and her face tear strewn. It was the first time she’d properly sobbed, which had been worrying me. “I feel better sometimes when I cry.”
“What do you cry over?” Heidi frowned at me.
“Sad stories and videos of pets with three legs who’ve been rescued. Sometimes I cry when I have to wash your hair.” Heidi hated having her hair washed with a passion. I categorically did not want her to grow up, I did not want to have to deal with a teenage version of her, but the idea of her washing her hair herself was manna.
“I cry when you wash my hair. You always get suds in my eyes.” She sent me an evil look that she’d picked up off Liv.
“Because you wriggle so much. Mia, do you still want to go to Grandma’s tonight?” Heidi could go, Mia could stay here with me, and my date could be postponed.
Mia looked at Heidi. “Do we get to choose the puppy’s name?”
I frowned. “Grandma said you could choose his name?” What on earth was Deryn thinking?
“She’s giving us a list and we pick. I wanted to call him Swiftie.” Heidi had her most pleading look on her face, the one rarely brought out unless she was absolutely desperate. “Can you ask Grandma to add it to her list?”
“No. I’m not adding Swiftie to the list.” I shook my head. “You can talk to Grandma about it.”
Mia looked up at me, playing with my hair that was lose from my ponytail. “Can I stay with Grandma so I can choose the name too?”
“Of course. Do you still want to go swimming in the morning too?”
Mia nodded. “I want to swim without armbands like Heidi.”
That was something Cara hadn’t done – take Mia swimming. She was now going with school once a week, but I knew from what Heidi had told me that she’d been scared at first. For a kid growing up next to the sea, swimming was essential and fun. I wasn’t sure why Cara hadn’t taken Mia, but given that Grandma had been a swimming instructor there was no way she wouldn’t be swimming without aids by the end of summer.
“Then you shall go to Grandma’s with Heidi and choose a name for the dog. I think you should pick the silliest one on the list.” I had a feeling that would come back to bite me when I was calling it at some point.
“Mummy, are you going out with Mr Caddick tonight?” The little voice next to me had a lilt of curiosity to it.
“I am. We’re going to Beaumaris. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow when Gran drops you off at home.” The child friendly version.
“Why can’t we come with you to Beaumaris and go tomorrow?” Heidi looked up at me with big eyes, the one feature that was all her father’s.
“Because Grandma wanted to take you to Al’s Burger Place tonight and have you stay over so she could take you swimming early tomorrow.” Which was all true. “And we went for dinner with Mr Caddick yesterday.” Which had been impromptu when we’d realised the fridge really was bare. Heidi had spent the meal chewing his ear off, full of details about the school trip she’d been on to Penryn Castle which Cas had listened to, casting me a few amused glances while he asked her all the right questions.
“Leesa at school says Mr Caddick is your boyfriend. Is she right?”
I shifted us round on the sofa so I had both girls kind of on my knee. I’d talked about Cas to them both this morning, saying he was my friend but a little bit more, telling them about our run and how we’d spent the day. He’d given me a kiss on the cheek on Thursday when we’d left the inn, which had made Heidi hold my hand tighter.
“He might be. We’re just getting to know each other.” I kissed the top of her head. “If he does become my boyfriend, it doesn’t change how I feel about you both. I will still love you more than anything ever, even when you leave your stinky socks all over the house.”
Heidi giggled and Mia smiled her hands clasping onto me.
“I think it’d be nice if you had a boyfriend, and Mr Caddick is handsome.” Heidi pronounced it hangsome which made it sound all the cuter.
“My socks aren’t stinky.” Mia wrinkled her nose, but she was right. She was fastidiously clean, unlike Heidi.
“Let’s see what happens. We might just be friends, and that’s okay too.” I gave her hair a good sniff. My daughter needed a bath and a hair wash, something Grannie could have the pleasure of. “Have you been rolling in fox poo?”
She screwed her nose up at me. “No. We only rolled down the hill in the fields at dinner-time.”
Which meant it was probably fox poo. The joys of being a parent.
Heidi was a bit clingier than usual when her gran picked her up, despite lots of talk about the dog. I promised a phone call at eight o’clock before bedtime and she made me double-triple promise. I was full of guilt, torn between thinking that the girls should be back in their home, and Roe’s advice to keep them away for another night. Staying with Grandma was also Heidi’s routine, and I didn’t want to disrupt that any more than it had been. I also wanted to go on this date; Heidi and Mia deserved to see a healthy relationship, even if that wasn’t to be a forever one with Cas. She would have her own life to navigate, with a heart that would be given to others and maybe broken, ultimately mended by herself.
“You deserve to have a man in your life who cherishes you as much as Joel did,” my mother-in-law had said when she picked up Heidi and Mia. “And Heidi will learn that she’ll always be your priority, and people can love more than one person.”
“It’s a first date, Deryn. Not a proposal.”
Deryn shook her head and laughed. “It’s probably just as important. Remember, you are allowed to have at least one orgasm on your first date. Even two. Do you remember what to do?”
I’d glared at her and then got the girls into her car quickly, which had been completely her intention.
Cas was at my door an hour later, exactly on time. He was wearing smart jeans, a pale blue collar-less shirt with the top couple of buttons left undone and a smile that was dirty as sin and contained promises that were already stealing away my breath.
I was just about ready in time, my dress a simple summer one that I liked how I looked in, my make-up and hair tidy but not fancy, and everywhere on my body scrubbed and waxed just in case Cas put his hands anywhere.
Or everywhere.
“You look gorgeous.” He handed me a bunch of wildflowers, poppies and daisies that smelled of summer.
“Thank you. Did you pick these yourself?”
He nodded, his dimple making that dirty look in his eye look even more forgivable. “I did. I figured shop bought flowers were too conventional.”
“And you didn’t want someone else grilling you about our date?” Because that had been happening all week when people weren’t asking him about Mia. I’d also told Clover about my date with Cassian yesterday forgetting she had no volume control.
She’d blurted it out to everyone in earshot while we were sitting at a table in the park, watching Heidi perform acrobatics on the monkey bars.
Word had gotten round.
“True. I haven’t called a taxi yet – I wasn’t sure if you’d want a drink here before we left.”
I shouldn’t have bothered putting my dress on, as I had no doubt that within the next ten minutes it would be a puddle of material on the floor. He looked far, far too indecently hot and my mother-in-law was too much of a bad influence. For once, now, I wanted something for the grown-up, woman version of me.
“Drink?”
Cas nodded, his eyes not leaving mine.
Maybe it was because I hadn’t had decent sex for such a long time and what we’d done the last few nights had stirred me up for more. Maybe it was because it was the time of the month when my hormones were on steroids. Maybe it was just because something in the air between us was clicking, but that door was closed behind him and my back was against it in less time than it took Heidi to uncover where the chocolate was hidden.
Cas’ hands were braced either side of my shoulders on the back of the door, his mouth pressing against mine in a manner that made me feel as if I was being devoured. My hands got to work undoing the rest of his buttons on that shirt, pulling it away from his shoulders and spreading my palms across his chest, the feeling of hard muscle underneath them, skin dusted with coarse hairs melting my underwear, that I suspected would be on the floor in a matter of minutes.
“What time’s the meal booked for?” I got the words out in between kisses.
Cas’ mouth had moved to my neck, nipping and sucking at the skin, his fingers searching for the zip at the back.
“Eight-thirty.”
The dress slipped off my shoulders, leaving me in just my bra and underwear.
“We have time.” My hands were in Cas’ hair, pulling at the neatly cut strands as his mouth travelled lower, one of the cups of my bra pulled down, exposing a breast that he took a second to study before his tongue flicked against my nipple, teasing it before taking it between his lips.
I didn’t recognise the keening sound that came from me; it had been so long since this, when I knew we’d go all the way. The rest of my bra came away, Cas’ hands toying with my tits, his mouth switching to the other breast.
Shivers ran through my skin, an electric current connecting my nipples to my clit, one of my hands reaching between my legs to apply pressure where I needed it most.
“No. You don’t get to do that yet.” Cas caught my hand and trapped it under his against the back of the door. With his other hand he pulled down my underwear, exposing me completely to his gaze.
He was still clothed, other than his shirt being open. I felt gloriously vulnerable, his eyes eating me up as he let go of my hand and dropped slowly to his knees, making it clear he was smelling my arousal.
“Put your hands on my shoulders. You only let go when I tell you, else I’ll stop.”
I felt the breath from his words on the tender skin between my legs.
“Spread wider for me.” He ran his hands up from my calves to the front of my thighs, pressing down there, his tongue taking a light lick over my clit that had me holding on desperately to his shoulders. Cassian moved in closer, harder, tasting me as if I was the first meal he’d had for days, taking me to the edge of an orgasm within what felt like seconds. Tuesday night and last night, he’d done the same thing, working me up quickly, letting me explode like a firework. Teasingly confident and a master of his game, if that game was the prelude to sex.
A hand left my thigh, fingers running up the inside of my leg, one digit pressing against my entrance.
I came apart when Cas started to finger me, the welcome intrusion sensory overload. Stars were there inside my house, my legs barely able to keep me up, Cas’ talented tongue still flicking at my clit, his other hand on my breasts, tweaking my nipple into a hard point.
“I want you in me.” I could barely get my words out.
“You want me to fuck you?” He moved his mouth from between my legs, the shininess of my juices glinting there.
“Please.” I could see he liked the word. “Or shall we have dinner first?”
“I just ate. This will work up my appetite again.” His mouth found my nipple as he started to stand back up, his shirt cast to the floor.
I found the dexterity to undo his belt, then the button, pressing my hand against his hard cock, my body anxious to welcome it inside.
He groaned when I pushed his boxer briefs and jeans down, my fist curving round his erection, feeling the silk of his skin over the steel of his cock.
“Do you want me to fuck you against the door?” He nipped the skin of my neck. “Or have you on the new sofa?”
“Door. Sofa later.”
Cas’ laugh was dark and dirty. “Condom in my pocket. Get it out and put it on.”
I was momentarily bereft, my hands searching for the square packet, then busying themselves to tear it open.
Cas helped, his fingers assisting mine, guiding my small hands to put the condom on his cock which I couldn't stop staring at, even though I’d already been acquainted with it quite closely. Large enough to be just the right size, thick enough to make my mouth water.
Lust-drunk, he manoeuvred me against the door, taking my mouth in a kiss that was illegal in seven countries.
“Later, we do this slow. I want to see your tits bouncing when you ride my cock too, want to suck on those nipples and see how many times I can make you come.” His fingers dug into my ass, my legs wrapped around his waist, his cock starting to press inside me.
I groaned as he started to fill me up, the sweet pain of the stretch making my eyes roll back into my head, the start of another orgasm building deep inside me.
It wouldn’t take long, I knew. Cas started to move, his eyes on mine, that chocolate brown still full of dirty thoughts.
“You feel fucking amazing, Romy. I’ve been thinking about being inside you all fucking week.” He kept his thrusts slow and hard, my pussy tightening around him. “The pretty lady who smiles so sweetly at the school gates looks even prettier being fucked like this. By me.”
“Just by you?” I dug my nails into his back. “You think this is yours now?”
The sound he made was like a roar, his pace quickening, my orgasm starting, the sound of thudding against the door probably enough to alert any neighbours who were enjoying a peaceful Friday evening in.
I had a brief thought about security and whether this was on camera, but I didn’t have the wherewithal to care.
When he came, his eyes turned dark and almost dangerous, his breath coming hard, one of his hands leaving my ass and cupping my breast possessively.
“This is definitely mine now.”
I found myself nodding, remembering how his marriage had ended, feeling that something between us strengthen and for the first time in half a decade, accepting that life wasn’t planning for me to stay alone.
Cas held me when he lowered my feet back to the floor, hearts still pounding, kisses still messy.
He moved his head away and looked at me. “I didn’t plan on that happening until I saw you.”
“If I’d have planned on that happening, I wouldn’t have bothered with lipstick.” I raised my hand to rub away a pink stain on his face. “I’m glad it happened though.”
“So am I. I’m hoping it happens again. Many times.”
His cock was starting to soften inside me.
“Definitely. Are we still going out for dinner?” I was definitely hungry now.
“We are. Ready?”
I nodded. I was ready. For more than food.
I was ready for a future. I just hoped the world was going to give me one.