20. Cassian
TWENTY
Cassian
M y mother had once told me that it didn’t matter what label someone was given, it was what they did next that counted, so I didn’t let the hero worship go to my head.
The real hero had been Mia. For a five – almost six - year old to have managed the way she had in my office with her mother wielding a knife that was beyond heroic.
She wasn’t in school the next day, and neither was Heidi. Mia had to attend a medical and Romy was in no mood to not have both kids with her, which I got. They had a lie-in, followed by breakfast at Amelie’s cakery consisting of something that was mainly sugar, and then went to Mia’s appointment, followed by a trip to a police station where Mia was interviewed by an officer who was a specialist in these sorts of things.
I gave my statement the night it happened, although most of it was known, the phone call that had stayed on going from when Liv called me had been recorded, and the police had used their tech to see what was happening inside. I was glad that they hadn’t had to shoot Cara. That was something Mia definitely didn’t need to see. I was asked whether I thought Cara had intended to hurt me or Mia, and I was absolutely sure she would’ve at points during it. She’d bounced between remorseful and off the scale anger and paranoia.
There was a lot going on there.
I went into school as usual on Tuesday, not expecting the round of applause from my staff team. An impromptu briefing followed so they had the facts of what happened rather than the fairy stories that were doing the rounds. We also talked about safeguarding, and the issues with the perimeter, and also a quick discussion about what we could do if we had parents who were behaving aggressively.
I did my usual rounds of the school in the morning, seeing the kids and making sure they saw me and saw that I was okay. My amazing deputy had already organised for two psychotherapists to attend site to work with staff and parents because even if someone hadn’t seen what’d happened, just knowing that situation had occurred in what should’ve been a safe space was traumatic for everyone and we needed to put in the work to make it be and feel safe again.
I knew I was running on empty. Adrenaline kept me functioning through until lunchtime, the whole morning spent avoiding being in my office, then my deputy appeared with coffee and a fat ham salad sandwich.
“Time you went home.” She gave me the look she usually used on year sixes who thought they were kings of the world. “You did the right thing coming in, but do the right thing now and eff off home or to the Puffin Inn or hang out with the Hollands. I’m here, I’ll phone you if I need you and I have a meeting with the site manager and our contractor at three to get fencing up.”
“You’re sure you're good if I clear off now?” I knew she was right and I wasn’t certain I could get home without falling asleep.
“Perfectly. The police are here for the rest of the week. Sergeant McHugh’s playing football on the yard with upper key stage two as I speak. I think this is the best job of his life.” She rolled her eyes. “You know I taught him here, don’t you?”
“I didn’t. Was he your favourite?” She didn’t do favourites. Glynis was old enough to have taught me.
She made a noise that sounded like she was spitting out a pip. “He was a pain in my derriere back then. I don’t think much has changed. Go home, Cas. See you at some point tomorrow, but I think you need to take it easy this week.”
“The girls will be back in tomorrow.”
Romy wanted them back in a routine and Mia was seeing her therapist at the school in the morning too. Heidi was also going to see her. She’d been the one awake the most during the night, asking a lot of what if questions.
“Bring them in, collect them at the end of the day – at least go for lunch with Romy.” She eyed me again. “You know I also taught Joel McAllister. I had the pleasure of him in my class when he was seven and again when he was ten.”
“What was he like?”
“Completely different from you in many ways. But you’re both very similar in others. Romy must have a type.”
“I’m not sure I’d say that to her. And I’m not a replacement for Joel.” Nor did I want to be. I just wanted to be me and hoped she wanted that too.
Glynis shook her head. “I don’t think you’re a replacement. Romy’s done very well on her own and would continue to do so, if she chose. Which says a lot about what you and Joel like in a woman.” There was a smile, a knowing one. “Go home. Find out where she is and spend some time with her, and with Mia. The two of you were in that room together and you’ll have that experience forever tying you. Worth thinking about that too.” She gave a sigh. “I’m also suggesting I move your office. I can swap it with Amanda’s.” Amanda was the school bursar. “She’d prefer it and it’s best to keep her away from children, given she’s never met one she couldn’t eat.”
That did seem like a good suggestion. “Please. I’m not sure I can sit in there without flashbacks at the moment.”
“Consider it done for Thursday. The kids can find you easier in the new office too.”
I headed back to Beryl’s, needing a nap and not sure where Romy was up to with appointments. Tonight was training for the football team, and I was definitely going to that, needing to get the initial questions out of the way about what happened, and then I could move forward. Sleep, an afternoon snack, and an hour in the sunshine with a book seemed like a good plan, and at some point Romy and the girls would be back.
I didn’t nap soundly. My dreams were full of alternate scenarios where Cara escaped with Mia, or stabbed one of us, always waking me up just before the blade went in. I knew it was my brain processing the trauma, I knew everything was safe, we were both okay, but the fourth time when I woke, agitated and upset, I gave up, made a brew and went outside in the garden.
We were having an early summer, so there was every chance the actual summer holidays would be a wash out, which meant it was a good time to make the most of the sunshine.
I was only out there five minutes when I heard Heidi’s voice yelling something about lemonade, which meant they were back. Twenty seconds later and my head was over the fence.
“Everything okay?”
Romy smiled at me, nodding. Everything was fine. Mia was amazing with the detective and told her exactly what happened. We’re all very proud of her.
Mia shot me a grin, looking a lot happier than she had for weeks. “My mummy’s being looked after by doctors because she isn’t well and I’ve decided I’m going to be a detective when I grow up.”
“Why do you want to be a detective?”
“Because I want to lock the bad people up and keep people safe.” There was an air of serenity about her that was almost disconcerting. I knew from her class team that she was as stubborn as they came, but quietly so, so she often got away with doing what she wanted. That wasn’t a bad thing, as long as she used her talents for good.
“It’s long hours and you have to work at night sometimes.”
“I don’t mind.” She walked closer to the fence. “Are you okay, Mr Caddick?”
“I’m tired. I tried to have a nap but I kept having bad dreams.” No point lying.
Mia nodded. “I think I might have bad dreams and that’s okay. It’s your brain’s way of sorting things out. Drawing pictures helps me.” She wandered off to the craft table outside that was currently a permanent fixture.
“From the mouths of babes. Why don’t you come round?” Romy leaned against the fence.
“Haven’t you seen enough of me?”
“No. I haven’t. And I think Mia wants to see you.”
I remembered what Glynis had said. Apart from Cara – and I doubted Cara would remember much of what happened in my office – it would be me and Mia who had that shared experience.
“I’ll come round.”
I did manage to sleep in Romy’s garden, ending up in the hammock, with Mia who decided she wanted to nap with me. This time I didn’t have bad or even strange dreams, just the flitting in and out of Heidi’s voice and the sound of the breeze and the gulls.
I made us omelettes for dinner in Romy’s kitchen, kind of familiar now where all the utensils and pans were, and how Heidi had a habit of seriously getting in the way when you had something hot in your hand.
It felt strange leaving them to their evening when I had football practice. A police officer was on patrol still, although he’d said it was the last few hours of the shift and he didn’t expect to be back on it. There was no need now.
Which was exactly what Roe Holland said as soon as I got to practice.
“Good evening to the hero of the hour. You’ll be glad to know there’s no camera near the door in Romy’s living room anymore.” He laced up his football boots.
“I can’t get my head around there are no more threats.”
He shook his head. “That’s not entirely true. Mia’s Stan Jarman’s daughter. She’s always going to have something to contend with because of that. Stan’s got another three to serve for laundering and then he’s out, and he’ll piss someone off, and Mia could end up in the middle of things again, but we’ll know about it before anything happens. That’s the good thing about these organised crime groups; they’re not bothered about being quiet about what they do because they think they’re above the law. Makes it easier to keep an eye on them.”
“And there are undercover cops too, I suppose?”
Roe shrugged. “Probably.”
“And the police have you lot to do things that they can’t without a warrant?”
Another shrug. “It would be inadmissible in court, but we help where we can. How is Mia?”
“Wanting to be a detective.”
Roe grinned. “That’d please her dad. Jesus. Stan Jarman’s daughter becomes a cop. Fuck knows how that’d go down.”
“He might become reformed.”
Roe choked.
The changing room door swung open, Thane, Finn and Caleb strolling in, and that was when the banter started, beginning with a very out of tune version of I Need a Hero which demonstrated Caleb’s incredibly dodgy dance moves and definitely took the attention off me.
Practice was exactly what I needed. The couple of pints in the pub with Amelie’s thrice-cooked chips went down a treat, and for the most of it I just ignored the hero comments, accepting those from Puffin Bay residents who weren’t trying to start another chorus, because no one needed more of Caleb’s dancing.
If you could call it dancing. I wasn’t sure you could.
“How’s Romy?” Amelie sat down with us, passing Caleb an ice pack as he’d knocked his shin when trying to do the Can-Can.
“Tired. Relieved. Still nervous, but everyone’s telling us that the threat’s pretty much over. Mia’s resilient. Heidi’s trying to listen into everything. I have a pile of work that’s mounting up, but I don’t think it’s going to get tackled until next week.” I had a very demanding parent wanting a meeting about an adaptation to their child’s curriculum because they didn’t want them to learn about something to do with the Romans, which was probably going to be one of the madder conversations I’d had this month, including Cara's side of the dialogue.
“Well, you’ll be dining out on it for a while. We’ve had a load of customers asking to buy you a drink, so there are about twenty pints in the pump for you, when you’re ready.” Amelie sat back and folded her arms. “It’s also the girls’ birthdays next week, so please can you tell Romy I’ve booked out the cakery for them on the Saturday afternoon. She mentioned it before everything happened with Mia.”
“I can help you with those pints.” Caleb looked hopeful.
“Not until your dancing improves.”
Gully choked. “None for Caleb then. And no, I’m not teaching you how to dance.”
Caleb frowned. “You can’t dance.”
Roe started laughing. “He actually can. He won awards.”
“Fuck off.” Caleb’s vocabulary was extensive.
“I learned Irish dancing.” Gully tried to look tough. “The line dancing sort.”
“Give over. The only lines you can do are the ones you write.” Caleb was not persuaded.
“Come on, then, Roe. Up you get.” Gully yanked his twin's arm.
“Seriously.”
Amelie sat up straight, interested. “How did I not know this about you two?”
“We tend to keep it quiet. Ready? Amelie, can you put Sweet Ireland on?” Gully made a meal out of stretching.
This was possibly the best entertainment ever.
The music changed, the two brothers lining up. The third was currently wrangling his kids and wasn’t likely to get to stand up anytime soon with how Elias was hanging off him, so there was no way to find out if this was a family or a twin thing.
Then the twins started, totally in time, feet flying everywhere, capturing the attention of everyone in the pub.
Caleb sat there with his jaw hanging open.
“Come on, kid, we’ll show you how to do it?” Roe slapped Caleb on the back. “You can impress that superstar friend of yours.”
“I can’t dance. And why aren’t your feet that fast on the pitch?”
He had a point.
“Because I save my skill for this. Up you get.” Gully had him up on the floor.
The next half an hour passed by the taproom as Irish line dancing lessons commenced. There was no way I wasn’t being dragged into it, Gully proving to be a pretty good teacher, which was definitely surprising, although Caleb still had two left feet by the end of it.
I ended up back at Romy’s, telling her the story of the line dancing, the girls in their own beds tonight, night lights on.
“I’m not surprised at Gully being able to do that, but I am surprised at Roe. How did they end up learning it?” She sat back on the kitchen chair, nibbling at a piece of chocolate.
“Their mum taught them and apparently they liked it enough to do it for a couple of years. Gully said it was a good way to get girls.”
“Sounds about right for him. Do you want to stay tonight? I’ve told Heidi and Mia you might be staying, but I said you’d be having a sleepover with me, not on the sofa.” She toyed with her fingers.
“I’d like to. I’m not going to say no to that, am I?”
She shrugged. “You’ve seen a lot of us recently.”
“I haven’t seen enough. Especially of you.” I stood up and made my way round to where she was sitting, offering a hand so she stood up and I could hold her, my hands on her waist, lips on hers as I started a kiss that was soft and mellow, nothing rushed about it. “What do you think about a weekend away? Me, you, Heidi and Mia?”
“I think that sounds like a really good idea. This place can get claustrophobic sometimes and I think the girls could do with a change of scenery. How about the weekend after their birthday?” Her arms were draped around me, breasts pushed against my chest.
“I can do that. Where do you want to go?”
“Chester. We can take them to the zoo and the city’s nice as well. I’ll pay for us.”
“My suggestion, I’ll pay.”
“I’ll pay for Mia and Heidi.”
“I’m not rowing about this. Can’t we do something else instead?”
That did stop the debate. There were more kisses, not quite as soft, definitely more demanding and there was no more talk of line dancing or any of the Holland brothers. We slipped upstairs quietly, Romy checking that the girls were fast asleep, which they were.
“I’m going to put something heavy behind the door so if they try to come in, they’ll be slowed down. There’s no lock on it.” She pushed a couple of thick hardbacks behind it, then turned back round to carry on the kiss, her hands pulling at my T-shirt, roaming over my chest and undoing my belt buckle.
“I’m sorry that we have to be quiet, and we could be interrupted. I did tell them to knock first - ”
I grasped both of her hands. “It’s fine. We can manage that.” I kissed her again, letting her walk me backwards and onto the bed. I undid the buttons of her shirt with fingers that lacked finesse, discovering a black lacy bra underneath that distracted me for a few minutes while I teased her nipples with my mouth through the lace. Her hips shifted in my hands, which was enough of a hint to help her lose the denim skirt that’d shown off her legs before, something else I was becoming obsessed with.
She was wet through her underwear. I cupped my hand over her sex, feeling the heat and hearing her low moan, a sound that went straight to my balls.
“I’m not on the Pill,” she said quietly. “I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.”
“It’s up to you.” My cock hardened at the idea of being inside her bare. “I don’t mind condoms.” I wasn’t like some blokes who wouldn’t tolerate them, moaning about having to use them.
“Still. That’s if - ”
“I want this to continue. You don’t need to doubt that.”
“Okay.” She started to tease my balls, cupping them gently, my cock hard enough now that coherent sentences were going to be an issue. I moved us so she was on her back and I could explore her body, removing her bra then trailing my mouth over her tits, teasing her nipples with my tongue, while my hand played with her pussy, stroking over her clit so her hips were moving, knowing that I’d shortly be inside her, feeling her tight around me as we escaped into a place that was just us.
She fiddled with the condom wrapper, insisting she put it on me, not realising how much self-control I had to muster, pausing for the point where I could push inside and start to fuck her.
It was seconds, but it felt like a year until I was buried inside her sweet heat, lifting her leg around my hip so I could bury myself even deeper. We moved, finding a rhythm easily, speeding up as we both got closer.
Words that were too early wanted to spill from my lips as I came, promises I wanted to make remaining silent.
For now.
Maybe in another couple of weeks, maybe when I knew more about how she felt.
Then I remembered yesterday and the couple of times when I wasn’t sure whether I was going to be alive to say those words again.
We breathed hard, a shared orgasm that had me kissing her again, still needing to feel her against me, still deep inside her.
“Might be too soon for this, but I’m going to say it anyway.”
She smiled at me, her cheeks flush. “Go on, then.”
“I love you.”
Romy nodded, biting her lips to stop a smile. “I feel the same way. It probably is too soon, but soon might not have happened.”
I pressed my forehead lightly to hers, kissing her again. “You’ll need to tell me if I’m around you too much.”
“I will. And we’ll set a routine for sleepovers and things. We can make sure we don’t rush into everything.” Her legs were still wrapped around me. “And I’ll go on the Pill.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to feel you come in me.”
I wasn’t going to need recovery time. “Fuck, Romy.” I forced myself to pull out of her, knowing I should change the condom, knowing I wanted to go down on her first.
Which I did, sinking my mouth down her body, playing with those luscious tits, telling her just how fucking amazing they were, and then my mouth was on her pussy, licking her to another orgasm.
I had the sense to find another condom before sinking into her again, this time from behind, my hand wrapped in her hair as I made her come again, a reality that was even better than the fantasy I’d had.
Then, afterwards, both of us dressed in case we had an interruption in the night, I told her again how I felt, memorising how she said the words back. Thanking every god I could list that I was alive and in Puffin Bay.