21. Romy
TWENTY-ONE
Romy
W e were at the end of the school year. Four weeks had passed since the hostage incident, four weeks which had seen the girls’ birthday, end of school year assemblies and a weekend away in Chester, that’d been rather a success on all counts.
We had a routine where Cas stayed over at the weekends and on a Wednesday night after we had tea at the Puffin Inn, the other nights he’d stay at Beryl’s after working on the schoolhouse, whose renovations had now started. Both girls were accessing therapy, which seemed to be working wonders for them, especially as Mia was starting to talk more and become more assertive.
So when I’d asked her if she wanted to visit her mother, she’d been vocal.
“Yes, but if I don’t want to stay, I want to be able to leave straightaway,” she’d said, with her chin tipped high. “I don’t like what she did in Mr Caddick’s office.”
The social worker had told her that was fine, so Mia had agreed to see her, which meant we were having our first day trip alone. Cas was looking after Heidi, which basically meant he was taking her to the beach, as I didn’t think this was an experience Heidi needed to share. We’d been open with her about most things, so she had the same idea as Mia had of what had happened.
The girls had also developed a way of separating Cassian at school from Cassian at home. He was Mr Caddick with anything that happened at school, but became Cas pretty quickly. He’d gotten used to having two energetic kids around too, not even complaining when Heidi accidentally kneed him between the legs when she ran at him.
I’d found it too funny to be sympathetic.
“So after you’ve seen Mummy, I’m going to go and have a chat with her.” I gave Mia a little cuddle. The social worker had met us there; she would be present while Mia spoke with Cara, supervised contact a requirement. Cara had asked to speak to me too.
“What will you say to her?” Mia looked serious.
“How well you’re doing and how helpful you are at home. I won’t be very long.” I gave her another hug before Sue took her hand and guided her into the room where Cara was waiting for her daughter.
This, I was nervous about. I’d been less nervous at Caleb babysitting them when we went on a date, even though he was threatening to teach them to line dance in my kitchen. I was prepared for Mia to come out crying that she missed Cara, crying that she hated Cara, or to come out not saying anything at all.
The Mia who walked out had her shoulders back and her chin up, but her lips were closed. She went straight to the seat next to me and sat down, giving me a look that I’d seen a few times before, and associated it with vegetables that were overcooked.
“How did it go?” I looked at the social worker who shook her head and looked downcast.
Mia had a split second of looking sad before applying that mask again. “I don’t want to see her again. Not for a bit.”
“That’s fine.”
Her head snapped towards me. “You’re not making me go back next week?”
“No. You only see her if you want to.” There was something in some guidance that said the relationship should be fostered regardless, but the independent reviewing officer who oversaw Mia’s case, was very much about the voice of the child.
“Good.” She picked up the little rucksack she’d brought with her, pulled out the stuffed toy dog Amelie had bought her for her birthday, and took out her colouring book and crayons.
I figured that was all we were getting.
“Anything I need to know before I go and see Cara?” I saw the prison warden waiting for me to go in.
Sue shook her head. “Be aware Cara’s not on good form.”
“Okay.” That sounded ominous. I tried to calm my nerves as I walked down the corridor to the plain room that’d been set up for us to visit. I didn’t have to say yes to seeing Cara, it was given as an option as Cara had requested it, but I felt I should. We’d given birth in the same ward, trodden a similar path as single mums, lived in the same town, had daughters the same age – yet I couldn’t find it in me to empathise with her.
I paused at the door.
“You don’t have to go in.” The warden sounded bored.
“I will. Maybe just this once.”
Cara sat at a table, head in hands, staring at me. She was thin and pale and her hair looked unwashed. I hated what Mia must’ve thought when she saw her mum.
“Romy. I believe I need to say thank you.” Her words sounded slurred. “Thank you for looking after Mia.”
“You could’ve asked me to have her if you’d needed to leave town.” I had to say it. “She didn’t need to be left locked out.”
“I left her a key.” Cara sucked at her teeth. “She can look after herself, but she doesn’t need to now she’s got a proper mum. That’s what she told me you were: a proper mum. You make sure she brushes her teeth and listen to her read every night and cook for her. That’s what I was meant to do, apparently.” She stared at the wall.
“You did do that for her. I know you did.”
Cara laughed. “Once. You know who her dad is, don’t you?”
“Stan.” I didn’t bother with his last name.
“Stan the man. She’s met him twice. Thought he was wonderful even though he did fuck all for her.”
From what Liv had told me, Stan Jarmin could charm the birds from the trees and put them back again, if he hadn’t done a deal to sell them.
“Do you want to ask me anything about how she’s doing?”
Cara stared at me. “The social worker told me. I’m glad she’s okay. She’s another thing I fucked up on, but it doesn’t matter now. I’m going to be in here for years and she’s better without me anyway.”
“She’d be better if you hadn’t done what you did. What child needs to see their mother with a knife, threatening to hurt her?” Because that was what Cara had done, and that was what Mia would always remember.
Cara didn’t say anything, just looked at the door out of the room, the one that led to where the inmates were. “I wanted to see you to say thank you for looking after her. She told me she’d rather be with you than me anyway. Watch her – she’s going to be a nightmare when she’s a teenager, but she won’t do what I did. She thinks she’s too good for anything like that.”
“She’s a great kid.”
“Yeah. Well.”
I stood up, moving away from the table. “I hope you’re okay, Cara. I’m sorry it’s turned out this way for you.”
“I bet you are. You with your perfect life and everyone feeling sorry for you because your husband died.” She shook her head at me. “We were the same, you know, yet everyone loved you.”
“Probably something to do with other choices we made.” I wasn’t going to let her make me feel guilty.
Just like Mia, I held my head up and walked out of there.
I wouldn’t be going back to see her, even if Cara asked.
We spent Saturday on the beach, the weather still acting like it was summer. Mia talked more about her mum and said that she would write her letters, but there were no more questions asked about her or how long she’d be in prison for. There was a court hearing set for October, which Cassian would have to attend as a witness but Mia did not.
The sandcastles were built high and intricately, with demands for me to dig a moat and make a bridge. We had ice-creams with Fleur and her twins, whose favourite game was running in opposite directions, and we collected even more shells because the girls wanted to make another fairy garden in the schoolhouse grounds where we were going tomorrow, a whole bunch of the football team going in to help paint the bedrooms now they’d been replastered and the electrics brought into this millennium.
We had a picnic lunch with a cake from Amelie’s, and then walked over to the football fields where Cassian was playing for the Puffin Bay team. It was a cup game, and they were on a winning streak. The pressure was on for a win today, especially because they were against Beaumaris Town, who were their main rivals and league leaders.
We got there just after kick off, sitting far enough back from the pitch so the girls wouldn’t be a distraction, or overhear too much bad language.
There was a decent crowd, including Fleur and the twins, who were desperate to see Thane play. This was the first season he’d gotten involved and he was actually quite decent, hiding talents as a striker before, because, as Fleur had said, he was a moody sod.
I expected Heidi and Mia to get bored quickly, but they were spellbound by the ball.
“Did Daddy play football?” Heidi looked up at me, trying to steal one of my sweets at the same time.
I didn’t fight her off. “He did. He played in goal like Caleb does. You have to be a bit mad to play goal.”
“Was Daddy a bit mad?”
“He could be. He was fearless,” I said, as Cassian got involved in a sliding tackle, knocking the ball away from the defender’s feet and straight to Thane who launched the ball straight into goal, taking Puffin Bay one-nil up.
We cheered, Heidi using it as an excuse to be very loud. Gully jumped on Thane, looking like he was trying to get a piggyback.
Thane looked bemused.
“Am I fearless?” Heidi carried on with the questions.
“Yes. Can you tell me something you’re afraid of?” I was interested in this answer.
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
I knew that wasn’t true but I’d let her believe that until she realised otherwise, if she ever did.
“Are you afraid of anything, Mia?”
Mia thought for a moment. “I don’t think so. Something bad happening to people.”
“Which people?” Heidi stole another sweet.
“You lot.” Mia shrugged. “I think they’re going to score again.”
They did, Cassian getting this one, which made him very happy and sent the girls wild.
“He’s going to be in a good mood after this,” Fleur leaned over to me. “Want the girls to have tea with us? I’ll bring them back for bedtime. Give you some alone time.” She jabbed me in the waist and winked, about as subtle as a sign across the sky.
I wasn’t going to say no. Heidi and Mia knew Fleur well, and it meant they’d probably get a trip out in one of Thane’s boats.
“If you’re sure you want four of them with you?”
“I’ve got Finn and Ruby coming over with Elias and Elsie. I don’t think two more will make any difference.”
So when Cas came out of the changing room, he was met only by me.
“Where are the other two?” He frowned, searching for them, as if they were hiding in the blades of grass.
“We have three hours with no small people.”
His expression changed from victorious to deadly. “Really?”
“They’re with Fleur.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”