22. Cassian
TWENTY-TWO
Cassian
“ H ow quickly can you walk back?”
She shook her head, laughing at me. “You’re acting like you’re desperate.”
I shrugged, realising I was losing most of my dignity. “This is the first time in over a week I have you on your own.”
She shook her head again, looking away but smiling. “You knew what you were getting into. Single mum. Two kids.”
“I know exactly what I’ve signed up for. But three hours on our own shouldn’t be wasted.”
She laughed again, stopping on the coastal path and pulling me back with her hand that was in mine. “I think I need a kiss before I’m ravaged.”
That wasn’t something I was going to argue about. I pulled her into my arms and met her mouth with mine, taking my time to remember how she tasted, how she felt, her softness and strength ever present no matter her mood.
“Feel better now?” The kiss ended, a seagull swooping over us, shouting about something, maybe about our performance.
“Much. Can we walk slower? I mean, really, you only need twenty minutes.” Her eyes danced.
“Twenty minutes when we’re in a rush because one of the girls is awake.” I was not accepting that. “That’s an exception.”
“Really? We’ve had a lot of exceptions then?”
“Right, that’s it. You’ve poked the bear.” I swept in, picking her up in a fireman’s lift and began to run with her, which lasted a good twenty seconds before her laughter made it impossible to carry on.
I set her down, keeping my arms around her waist, holding her close to me. “How were the girls today? I saw them go wild at the goals.”
“I think that was the only thing they understood. Heidi wants you to teach her how to score a goal.”
“I can do that.”
She smiled again. “Don’t you spend enough time teaching kids to do that at work?”
“I like teaching kids how to do things, it’s why I became a teacher. And it’s different with Heidi and Mia. We’re not in school; I’m not the head teacher when we’re at home or on the beach.” Yesterday they’d buried me in the sand and decorated me with shells. I’d had more pleasant experiences but it was fun and I had a feeling it was something they’d remember.
“Mia adores you. Heidi does too, but with Mia it’s something else.” She took hold of my hand again and we carried on walking, only another five minutes until we were back at her cottage.
“I think it’s because of what happened with Cara.” I had another theory too, but I wasn’t sure whether I should share it.
Romy squeezed my hand. “And what else. I know you well by now. There was a second part to that sentence. You had the same tone yesterday when you were talking about your car. ‘I really like my car.’” She did a fairly good job of mimicking my tone. “There was a but at the end of the sentence you didn’t say. This time there’s an and .”
“I think there’s a connection with me and Mia because neither of us are related to you and Heidi. You’re Heidi’s mum, and Mia knows that, so there’s a bond between you that will always be so different. I’ll never be Heidi’s father, just like Mia will never actually be your daughter. That sounds a lot sadder than it was meant to. I’ve explained it clumsily.” I squeezed her hand, hoping to fuck that she didn’t take any offence.
“You’re right. Those are the facts and we can’t change them. But I can say, and I need to find a way to explain this to Mia, that it’s different, not less.” Her eyes grew wet with unspent tears. “It’s early days for us, and you know I’ve spoken to the girls about you and us and how you’re my boyfriend – they got very giddy at that. But, fair warning, Heidi hasn’t had a dad. She knows Joel is her father and he looked after her when she was a tiny baby, but she’s not had a father figure. She wants to please you, that’s why she paints you pictures that you probably don’t want, and when you come over, she wants to show you everything she’s done, just like Mia does. So don’t think, if we have a future, you won’t play a part for Heidi too. It’ll just be different, but still equal.”
That had my eyes stinging. I stopped, looking at the sea in front of us, the tide in. Romy wrapped herself in my arms, resting her head against my shoulder. I was tall, but so was she, which I liked.
I liked everything.
“I know what you mean. I’m not going to leave you or the girls high and dry. I wouldn’t be sticking around like I have been doing if that was my plan.” I had other plans which had become more solid since I’d received my decree absolute from my solicitor. I was officially divorced.
I hadn’t celebrated it. There was nothing to celebrate. That part of my life was over, but what I had done was call Bryony and ask how she was. She was fine, pregnant, which surprised me, and happy to hear from me. She apologised, as did I, then we wished each other well.
Like the sea, we would continue to ebb and flow. There was no point in trying to get to a place we once were, our tides were past that now.
“I know. That’s why I accepted Fleur’s babysitting offer.” Her smile was back. “We should hurry up and make the most of it.”
Then she pulled me by the hand and started to jog the last hundred metres home.
A house with no children in it, and no chance of a little voice going ‘ewww, they’re kissing’ felt as good as a private resort with a staff team.
I pinned Romy to the back of the front door, like I had the first time we’d slept together, taking my time with kissing her, my hands exploring under her clothes, skin I knew well by now because we really did try to make the most of the quiet times.
“Where do you want this? Bed?” I dropped to my knees, her back still against the door, pulling her underwear down her long legs, baring her to me.
“Finish what you’re doing here, and then I’ll let you carry me to bed.” Her hands were on her tits, playing with her nipples, which was a whole different level of turn on.
I licked at her between her legs, hearing her whimper, because she knew what was coming next. I loved going down on her. Some mornings, I managed to wake her up like this, occasionally she woke me up the same way, although she’d always give in and ride me at the end so she could take her own pleasure.
I wasn’t exactly complaining.
Three minutes later and she was pulling my hair as she came. I didn’t give her breathing space, scooping her up again in my arms and carrying her upstairs to her bed, climbing over her onto the mattress, my own clothes lost somewhere in the process.
There were more kisses, time slowing down as the bedroom became our cocoon for a short while, a place where it was just us.
I rolled onto my back, pulling her on top on me.
“Oh, you want it like this, do you?” She grasped hold of my cock, lowering herself down onto it, her moan travelling straight to my cock, which felt ever harder.
We’d stopped using condoms a week ago, which I wasn’t complaining about.
My hands held her hips, her hands on my shoulders and she started to move.
“This feels good.”
“It looks fucking good as well.” I loved being able to see her like this, feel her like this. “Have I told you how much I love your tits.”
“Only every day. I have text messages as evidence.” She shifted a hand to rub her clit, tipping her head back, her angle changed.
Her rhythm slowed, her orgasm coming closer which made her movements less regular.
I switched us over, moving her on to her back, lifting her legs and plundering into her, feeling her come on my cock as the rhythm changed, her nipples hardening more as my movements became harder, faster.
She came again before I spilled into her, her second orgasm tipping me over, sapping everything from my body and leaving me half-collapsed over her.
We clung together there for a moment, revelling in not having to get up to do anything, or put clothes on in case we were disturbed by the girls.
“I love you.” She kissed my jaw. “Just in case you don’t know that.”
“I know it.” I kissed her back. “I feel the same about you.”
She laughed, lightly smacking my back. “Say it.”
I grinned. “I love you. I’ll say it every day forever if you let me.”
“I might just do that.”
It was midway through the last week of the holidays when Romy got some news from the social worker. I looked after Mia and Heidi while she attended a meeting with the various professionals involved, looking at permanence given that Cara was unlikely to be out of prison before Mia was eighteen, and there were no other relatives who either wanted to, or could, look after her.
We were in the garden at Romy’s when she arrived home, hair swept up in a messy ponytail, arriving via the cakery laden with one of Amelie’s summer specials. She was smiling, her shoulders relaxed and the movements fluid. This morning she’d been tense and jittery, waiting for this meeting, wanting some certainty and confirmation that she could plan further afield to have Mia in their lives.
“Mummy, we’ve been making friendship bracelets!” Heidi was overjoyed with her creations, especially because some of the bracelets involved shells, which she was still obsessed with. I managed to find a way to drill a small hole in some of the thicker shells for the girls to use, which was apparently the best thing since sliced bread.
That, along with how I was now modelling a dozen friendship bracelets.
Romy took one look at me and laughed. “You look ridiculous.”
I shrugged. “Primary school teacher – it’s been worse.” It had, but I wasn’t about to share details with her how. “How was the meeting.”
She glowed. “Amazing. Mia, I’ve got something to tell you.”
Mia looked up from the bracelet that had been keeping her busy for a good twenty minutes. Her efforts were well planned and careful. Heidi’s were fast and furious, then she could move onto the next one. The two of them were so different, which was probably why they got on so well.
Mia slipped off the chair and walked over to Romy, no smile there yet. “Am I staying here?”
We exchanged a look. Everyone had been careful to not make Mia nervous about what was happening. The house where she’d lived with Cara had been cleared out, the landlord having served notice on Cara’s tenancy as Cara was in arrears and those arrears weren’t going to be paid, or any future rent.
Mia knew she wasn’t going back there. She knew her mum wasn’t going to be coming back for her for a long time, and we knew her dad was unlikely to play much of a part in her life, even after he was released. The school however, had received an anonymous donation for a significant amount for the purpose of supporting female pupils, with a suggestion we brought in self-defence classes for them. I suspected that somehow it’d come from Stan and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
Romy crouched down onto her knees and opened her arms to hug Mia. Heidi walked in closer, apprehension in her movements, looking so much like her mother.
“Everyone’s agreed that you can live here with me and Heidi, so this is your permanent home.” The words were a relief, even though we hadn’t doubted there’d be any other decision.
Mia threw herself around Romy like a baby monkey, turning her head towards me. “And Cassian. Him too.”
Romy kissed her cheek, standing up holding her still and looked at me, lounging back in the chair, covered with friendship bracelets. “Well, we’ve not scared him off yet, and you’ve definitely had a good go at that this morning. Come here, Heidi.”
She bent again to put Mia down and then the three of them could hug. A team. A family.
One I wanted to include me, length of time we’d been together be damned. I got off my seat and joined in, Mia wrapping her arms around me.
“So Mia’s like my sister now?” Heidi tore herself away, looking pleased. “I have a sister. I always wanted a sister.”
“Yes, Mia’s like your sister. Technically she’s your foster sister and I’m her foster mum, so you can explain it like that to people.” She glanced at me. “Not sure what Cassian is.”
“He’s Cassian.” Heidi summed it up perfectly.
I had thoughts that night, lying awake in Romy’s bed, enjoying the weight of her warm body pressed against mine as she slept. We’d had a bottle of champagne to celebrate, the girls having sparkling elderflower in grown up glasses which they thought was amazing and ended up being really giddy, which meant they’d been tired enough for an early night.
I wanted this permanently. Romy, Heidi, Mia, maybe more kids if Romy was up for that. I wanted this to be my life.