Chapter Eighteen
“O h my—”
“God,” Corey finished, and they both laughed. He’d just taken care of the condom, crawled back into bed and pulled her against his chest, wrapping her in his warm embrace.
Sera had no words for what just happened between them. But she felt it on another level. A soul level perhaps? She didn’t know how to describe it, but she knew the few sexual encounters she’d experienced before Corey didn’t even begin to compare.
“I’ve never…” Her voice trailed off as she searched for the right words. But nothing came close to doing justice to the way this man made her feel.
“I know,” he whispered, brushing her hair back and pressing a kiss to her head.
Suddenly, she wanted to know everything about him. Maybe she didn’t have the right to ask, but after such a mind-blowing, intimate encounter, she hoped he would open up to her.
Of course, that meant her opening up, too. Strangely enough, she didn’t experience the usual dread when she thought about sharing what had happened to her.
Swallowing down her fears, she tangled her fingers through his and pulled his hand beneath her chin, tucking it against her chest. His warm, strong grip encouraged her to speak. To dig deep into a past she wanted to bury and forget. But nothing was ever that easy. The ghosts remained.
“I think we’re very similar. Broken, haunted, traumatized by a past event,” she said in a low voice. Behind her, his body stiffened.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” he said. Quiet, gentle, all Corey.
“I want to,” she whispered. “If that’s okay?”
“Of course it’s okay.”
“I want to heal. I want to forget. It’s just so hard when I can still hear the gunshots, see the bodies and the blood. God, Corey, there was so much blood.” Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard as she felt the sting of tears.
“You’re not there. You’re here. Safe. I’ve got you, sweetheart.” His embrace tightened and she released a shaky breath.
Gathering her strength, she turned in his arms so she could look into his incredible ice-blue eyes.
Because if she squeezed her eyes shut while she went back to that day, she’d see it all over again.
And she’d rather see Corey’s beautiful eyes, overflowing with understanding and support, as she relived that horrible day.
Like a rock, he steadied her.
“I remember waking up—not quite a year ago—and thinking the sky looked extra blue. San Diego weather is always pretty terrific, but there wasn’t a cloud in sight and it was a gorgeous December day.
I should’ve just gone to the beach, but I decided to go shopping instead.
Christmas was coming up fast, and so was my sister’s birthday.
I had a stupid coupon and I was worried it would expire. ”
She shook her head, gaze dropping. So dumb. Almost losing her life hadn’t been worth saving an extra twenty percent and not being able to sleep without nightmares.
“Look at me, Sera.” She lifted her head, telling herself to be brave, and when she focused on him, he gave her an encouraging nod. “Nothing is going to hurt you. I won’t let it.”
“You’re stronger than you feel,” she whispered, and he arched a brow. “My therapist used to tell me that. She said grief tells lies—that you’re weak and can’t make it—but not to believe it.”
“That’s good advice,” he said carefully.
“I told her it was bullshit.” They shared a smile. No one got her like Corey did. “Anyway, I bought a candle and used that oh-so important coupon. The mall was busy, and I’d just stepped out of the store, when I heard a popping sound. Almost like fireworks.”
She tucked the sheet higher beneath her arms and he took both her hands in his, holding them firmly, but so tenderly. Rough calluses brushed against her soft hands. She wished she were as strong as he was. Then maybe she could’ve done something that day to help others. Or somehow stop the gunman.
But she hadn’t. She’d watched others fall…and then she’d run.
“I just stood there, not sure what to do, until a wave of people came running toward me. They looked panicked. A woman started screaming and then I heard someone yell, ‘Shooter!’ That’s when people began…dropping.”
Her heart rate picked up, but she forced herself to slow her breathing. To stay in control and not give in to the panic threatening to consume her. Not this time, she swore, leaning into Corey’s strength.
“I didn’t know what to do and it’s like I was frozen in place.
But the second I saw the shooter, I turned and ran back into the store.
A bunch of shoppers had run to the back wall and crouched down behind the counter.
Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into the back room.
It was a lady who worked there. Her nametag said Debbie. Sh-she saved my life.
“Anyway, it was so small, and I got herded into an employee bathroom with ten other people. Someone engaged the lousy push-in lock, but I didn’t have much faith in its ability to keep a gunman out.
We were crammed in there and couldn’t move.
Someone shut the lights off and the darkness felt crushing.
“I haven’t handled being in the dark very well since then. It triggers…everything from that day.”
“Sweetheart,” he whispered raggedly.
The tears began to fall. No matter how hard she tried not to cry, it was useless. They welled over and streamed down her face in a torrent. “I’ve never felt so trapped in my life. The man came into the store—”
Her voice caught and Corey’s face turned stormy. Jaw clenched, a muscle jerked in his cheek as his hold on her hands tightened even more. “You made it,” he reminded her.
“But so many others didn’t. The rifle kept firing, and I remember jumping with every sound and shaking so hard and not knowing whether he was going to come charging into the back room and shoot us all.
We were huddled together, trying to stay quiet, but people were crying and praying.
God, it would’ve been like shooting fish in a barrel. We wouldn’t have stood a chance.”
“Take a breath,” he urged, rubbing a hand up and down her arm. “You’re safe, sweetheart. You survived.”
“All the people out in the store were shot,” she whispered, voice strained. “Moms, kids, friends…”
She swiped at her runny nose.
“I think he might’ve opened the door to the back room, but since it was dark and quiet, he left.
Didn’t bother looking around or searching.
Thank God. But I kept thinking he’d be back, and it took the police forever to get there.
At least, it felt like it. We hid in that bathroom for over an hour.
When it was finally safe to come out, when SWAT escorted us to the nearest exit, I saw so many people had died. So much blood and death.”
“What happened to the shooter?” he asked darkly.
“He took his own life. Later, it was revealed his ex-girlfriend worked at the mall. He was angry because she’d broken up with him.
” She gave her head a small shake. “He thought she was working that day, but turns out she wasn’t, so he decided to go after everyone else.
I just don’t understand how people can be so evil. So cold-blooded.”
“As a SEAL, I’ve seen the worst of humanity,” Corey murmured, cupping her face. He traced a thumb over her lower lip. “And now that I’ve met you, I’ve seen the best of it, too.”
“You’re so sweet.” As hard as she tried to stop crying, she simply couldn’t. Maybe it was some kind of cathartic release, but the tears flowed endlessly. She tried swiping them away, but it was like trying to plug up the ocean.
“Let it out,” he encouraged her, dragging her against his chest. “Let every last fucking demon out. That day has no power over you anymore. We know better than anyone how fragile life is, that it can be taken away in an instant. But you know what? That’s what also makes it so fucking precious and exhilarating and worth getting up every single morning to be with the ones we love.
If we let our tragedies stop us from living then we may as well have died, too. ”
God. His words resonated deeply and she understood how right he was. She’d stopped living after the shooting, had become a shell of her former self. And in no way did that honor the people who had died. In fact, it suddenly seemed so very selfish.
Leaning down, he began kissing her tears away and her eyes slid shut as the emotions took over. She wasn’t sure how long she sobbed in the cradle of his arms, but eventually, the tears stopped. A peace like she hadn’t known in a year settled over her and she fell asleep.
And no nightmares came.
Her sweet SEAL had vanquished the demons once and for all.
◆◆◆
Corey held Sera, and once she fell asleep, he breathed a little easier.
Her body relaxed against his and she drifted off into a peaceful slumber.
He hoped she would never have another nightmare about that horrific day again.
If he could somehow absorb every terrible memory from her, he would.
Unfortunately, tragedy had a way of following people to their graves.
A part of him wanted to confide in her about what had happened to him that fateful day when his world imploded. Maybe he’d be able to find the strength to do it. Eventually.
Something she’d said kept repeating in his head: You’re stronger than you feel.
During SEAL training, it had been ingrained into everything he’d done to take it one small step at a time.
His superiors drilled into his team members not to look at the whole picture, but instead, to set smaller, manageable goals that would keep moving you forward.
It was a successful formula. In other words, you don’t have to be strong all at once.
By taking it one small step, one small breath at a time, you’d reach your goal.
It pertained to missions and, now he was realizing, to grief.
Why the hell had it taken him twenty years to see that?
And now that he understood, he wanted to see it through with Sera.
Together, they were stronger, and he knew they could help each other through the storm.
Eventually, they’d find their way out of the shadows and back into the sun.
Maybe there was hope for him yet.
Closing his eyes, he breathed in Sera’s rose and rain scent, listened to the steady lull of her breathing, and fell asleep.
Normally when Corey woke up, Storm was staring in his face.
But, this time, he woke up in a much more enjoyable way.
No offense, Storm, he thought as his eyes opened and he watched Sera kiss her way down his chest. When he made a soft grunt of appreciation, she glanced up at him with a naughty smile before her head disappeared beneath the sheet.
The sensation of her hands wrapping around his already hard cock felt unbelievable. And definitely not a view he wanted to miss. Throwing the covers back, his nostrils flared as he watched her take his dick into her mouth. It was a sight more majestic than the mountains outside his window.
She sucked hard, pulling him to the back of her throat, and a harsh sound tore from his throat.
Threading his fingers through her hair, he pulled, fixated on the way she licked the underside of his cock then swirled her tongue around his sensitive tip.
Her hands squeezed, twisting around his steel length.
Up and down. Driving him mad. He fought hard to keep his control, but it was a losing battle.
Grabbing her shoulders, he pulled her up into his arms and slid off the bed. Plucking a condom from the drawer, he headed toward the bathroom.
“Hey! I wasn’t done down there,” she protested, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“How about we finish in the shower?” he suggested. “I want to be inside you when I come.”
“Promise?” she whispered silkily. When she began sucking on his neck, his knees almost buckled. And this time it had nothing to do with arthritis.