Chapter 12
I keep telling myself this date isn’t real, that Bailey isn’t interested in this scumbag. But every time he leers at her, my pulse pounds like a war drum, each beat echoing in my ears. I imagine hollowing his eyes out. Any second now, a vein might burst.
I need to calm down, but madness tears at my sanity. Every instinct in me demands to claim her as mine. Bloody hell, I am fucked. Thoroughly.
My hand has a mind of its own as I palm her knee, sliding it along until I reach the apex of her thighs. Feeling her smooth skin under my palm instantly eases me.
Eric keeps babbling on and on, just like my date, who talks animatedly. I have no idea what she’s even talking about. Without the incessant chatter, I would have forgotten Lina was there, but I needed a reason to be here. She was the last girl to text me, and when I asked her out with five minutes’ notice, she replied immediately and was ready on time. Girls should never accept such short and out-of-the-blue invites. It only means the guy is not interested in them—just in what he could get from them. I am using her, and I should be sorry for that, but I don’t have it in me. When it comes to Bailey, I’d cross any boundary.
Bailey glares at the girl before she redirects her attention to her date, nodding occasionally. He hasn’t stopped talking. When I am with her, I just want to hear her soft, melodic voice, not mine. My date does the same, and I groan or nod my replies, pushing through this night.
If Bailey doesn’t stop doing this, I won’t either. It’s not a fucking competition because my goal is not to make her jealous, even though I enjoy how she scrutinizes Lina when she thinks I am not paying attention.
I palm her thigh, giving a gentle squeeze, wanting to assure her that I don’t want other girls. Ever since I came to Greenville, she’s all I see and all I think about. She yanked open that one-way door to my heart, lighting the black void in my chest—my sunshine and the pain in my ass.
“How about we take this somewhere more private?” Lina asks me, voice dripping with innuendo. Bailey stiffens beside me, her spine going steel straight.
Girls have always seen me as a good time in bed. Is there something about me that says I’ll fuck you good enough that you’d forget about the fact it’s a mistake? A girl once told me I ooze that unconquerable vibe, and girls are a sucker for being the exception.
I offer Lina a rehearsed side grin, not blatantly telling her no because I have a date to see through. Even though I’d rather be anywhere else with Bailey. It’s getting harder to stay away from her. Each passing day seems like a battle I am losing while she single-handedly marches through my defense lines.
“I would like to meet your parents,” Eric says, and I picture grabbing the knife on their table and stabbing it into his skull. That will never happen, fucker.
I will kidnap her ass if she insists on giving him false hopes. I don’t like him ogling her, and I hate how he seems to have their entire future planned out. There’s just something about him that irks me.
There is more than just blatant obsession, and it doesn’t seem to be a ploy on his part. What the fuck would Felix want from her? This question with no answer has me teetering on the edge.
I order another drink, and the girl says, “You’re old enough to drink? Wow, how cool.”
Great, now her interest in me is even more obvious. No one says no to us—the heirs of the Family. We have carte blanche on and off campus.
“He’s bad at respecting rules,” Bailey says to Lina, avoiding my glance. Drinking from her water, a drop glides down her chin. How I’d like to lick it off.
“Where would the appeal be in following orders? In London, I could drink at eighteen. And who’s going to stop me?” She should know better, but I guess my kitten is jealous.
“You’re not there any longer,” she reminds me, eyeing me intently.
No, I’m not. Thankfully.
“I firmly believe you keep order by following the rules,” Eric parrots.
“You don’t say.” I stare him down, but he doesn’t flinch. If he thinks that he’s scoring points with Bailey, he’s sorely mistaken.
“Blindingly following orders without putting them through a moral filter is even more dangerous,” Bailey says.
We’re like fucking yin and yang. I pull her out of her recluse corner, and she makes me feel alive.
“Some are good,” my date tells me, and then adds with a smirk, “but where would the fun be if you don’t break a few?”
“You sound like you’d want him to break them all for you,” Bailey says, and I spit out my drink. Fuck, when my kitten shows her claws, it does things to me I can’t even comprehend.
Pulling my phone from my jacket, I type. Your jealousy is showing.
Not even one second later, she plucks hers out from her small purse. I can’t believe you’re on a date!!!
The exclamation points do it, and I barely suppress my amusement.
Stop, and I’ll stop.
You’re impossible, insufferable, maddening.
Should I take her up on her offer?
Should I take him up on his offer?
Do that, kitten, and see what happens. It involves gore, but you like violence, don’t you?
“Bailey, what’s wrong?” the asshole asks, interrupting our convo.
“Nothing, just making some things clear,” she says, the last part louder as if I am not already listening to everything she says. Then she puts her phone back in her purse.
I am so done with this bullshit. Unfortunately, our dates want dessert. They enjoy talking, and at some point, they even talk to each other. Now, if these two could get together, I’d fucking throw a celebratory party.
A headache pounds behind my temples like a relentless drumbeat, and I rub at them mindlessly.
“You look like you’re in pain,” Bailey says, voice tinged with concern, turning to me. Ignoring them, she places her hand on my forehead.
“You don’t have a fever.”
Then why does it feel like my insides are on fire? Her touch only stokes them into bigger flames.
“Are you okay?” The girl screeches, shooting out of her chair. A bit much, I think as Bailey removes her hand, and a low grumble rumbles in my throat.
“I’m tired and have a project to finish,” Bailey says, and Eric purses his lips, a displeased look crossing his features.
Before they leave, Bailey sighs, looking at me a little longer than necessary.
“Let me take you home,” I offer to Lina.
I pay quickly—it’s the least I could do after using up her time and telling her three times that I wouldn’t come inside. I’m back at the house in less than ten minutes.
I pass by the living room, not even noticing who is there because I have one destination: her.
Bailey stands by her bedroom window, dabbing at the corners of her eyes. The sight tightens something in my chest.
“Bailey?” I ask, going to her. She glances at me just enough for me to catch the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
“What happened? Did he do something?” The thought boils my blood, like lava flowing through my veins, ready to level him with the ground if he hurt her.
“You went on a date, Hunter,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper, yet the accusation is clear.
“I needed to be there. It was the only thing I could come up with last minute.”
She sighs, glaring at me. “Right, because you never lack willing women, do you?”
“Are you bloody jealous for real?” It’s fun poking her, but she has no fucking reason to ever be jealous.
“What if I were?” she retorts, pushing at my chest. Her fingers claw into my shirt, digging her nails so deep inside of me.
That’s why she terrifies me. She ignites these feelings in me that I’ve never experienced before. I even crave her touch, even though I thought the only way I could ever be with a girl was to be in control.
“What do you want, Bailey?”
“You can’t handle my answer.”
“Try me,” I demand, my heart hammering, ready to break free from my chest. I feel it in my bones—her answer will change everything. This moment is a turning point, thrilling and terrifying in equal measure.
“You.”
There it is. She said it, ripping open the floodgates to more.
I open my mouth, but no words come out.
“Which is stupid. I’m stupid for wanting you, even though all you’ve done is—”
I step closer, pressing into her until our chests touch, and I grip her chin, forcing her to meet my eyes. “What have I done? Kept you away from me? I have my fucking reasons, Bailey.”
“Reasons? Fuck your reasons. This is going nowhere. So, please leave. We should stop.”
I back her into the wall beside the window. “What should we stop?”
I’d rather be dead than accept there is no more Bailey for me.
“I don’t need you to watch over me. I get that you’re worried something might happen to me, but I’ve improved over the last weeks, and I could ask Blake or Kaden…or the girls.”
“You want to get rid of me? You can’t and won’t. That’s what you get for being the biggest temptation of my life.”
I don’t give her time to reply as I slam my mouth on hers. She tastes as sweet as paradise—a slice of euphoria. Her small grunt of protest dies when I plunge my tongue into her mouth. Intertwining my fingers with hers, I pin her hands above her head with one hand while the other digs into her waist, holding her caged between me and the wall with no way of escape. This way, I can savor her to my heart’s content, trying to fill a need that appears more like a bottomless well.
I kiss her with sheer abandon, pouring into her my fucked-up need and mad desire. Nibbling, sucking, devouring, I don’t stop until we gasp for air. Her strawberry taste and scent drive me wild. I let her catch a breath before descending on her again. I can’t get enough. Every kiss has me addicted, leaving me craving more, another rush, another euphoric hit, until she possesses me, and I’m entirely hers. Her lips are swollen and glistening from the kisses I can’t stop stealing. Biting into her plump bottom lip, I trail my tongue over it to soothe the afflicted skin. A moan parts her lips before I crush my mouth against hers once again.
This kissing session should satiate me for a while, but my need for her only grows. She deserves the world, not someone as fucked up as I am. But does that stop me from indulging? Bloody no. No wonder I am mad at her all the damn time, even though I know it’s not her fault. My rationality wars with my heart, creating a cacophony I can’t understand.
Forcing myself off her, my chest heaves, and I take a step back. Her tongue pokes out, licking the contour of her full lips, eyeing me with a dazed look. I put that expression on her face. Damn it, I want to do it again and fucking again until the end of time.
“You kissed me. Again,” she says breathlessly, touching her lips.
“A very accurate conclusion.”
“Why are you mad? You’re always mad at me.”
If she were in my position, she’d feel the same—wanting to do what’s best for someone who’s offering herself to a starved man on a silver platter.
“Fuck,” I groan, raking my fingers through my hair, my scalp burning from how hard I pull.
“Take my virginity.”
All sound vanishes except our harsh breathing.
I whip my head to her, my voice edging on gruff. “You want me to fuck you?”
She flinches, chewing on her lower lip. “Don’t be so crass about it.”
She’s beet red, but she doesn’t avert her gaze. It was not a figment of my imagination. Her words reverberate around us, sucking the air from the room, leaving me gasping for oxygen. All the blood rushes to my dick. This is the first time I acknowledge that she does that so effortlessly. Usually, I have to push myself to be able to perform, not with her. Never with her.
“That’s what I can offer. Are you sure you want that? You wasted your first kiss on me.”
“You took that. Take my virginity as well. With your extensive experience, it shouldn’t be hard.”
I cock my head, my throat vibrating with a harsh, derisive sound. “My extensive experience, huh? Because I am a fuck boy, right, Bailey? And apparently, you’re on a rebellious streak and want to be a bad girl.”
“What if I want that? Hmm? I’ve been good all my life. I tried to make myself invisible and stay in a corner. What did that get me?”
“No.”
“No?” Her eyes bulge with sheer incredulity.
“You heard me.”
I can’t do this. She deserves her first time to be with someone who loves her. Someone who will worship the ground she walks on and look at her as if she’s the only one in the world. That can’t be me: an emotionally stunted man with a truckload of demons. I know her; she’d dig and dig until she found out why I am the way I am. And I refuse to share that with anyone. I don’t want pity. I’d rather convince myself that it was consensual so I can live with what happened to me.
“Fine,” she says with a bite of irritation.
“Fine?” Now I sound confused.
“You heard me.” She throws my answer back at my face. Always challenging me.
“We do what we have to do, right? I will get over it if Eric is going to be my first.”
“What the fuck did you just imply?”
She pushes the tip of her nose in the air, crossing her arms over her chest. “It doesn’t seem important to you, so why would it be hard for me. It’s just sex, right?”
I crack my neck, and in one swift movement, I am in her face, pushing her onto the bed. Crawling on top of her, my hand snakes around her slender throat even though I don’t need to hold her in place, but I like feeling her pulse flicker. That’s the fucking issue. I could never get rid of my need to control. But the fucked up thing is I don’t have any control when it comes to her.
“Don’t you say that again. You won’t like the consequences.”
She sighs and cups my cheek, soothing my turmoil. I lean into her touch on instinct. She has no idea she’s the only girl who has touched me except her. Lowering my forehead to hers, I shut my eyes, trying to shove that thought away.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s apparent that you don’t want me like that.”
I let out a disgruntled sound. “It’s not that, angel.” I want her with every messed-up fiber of my being. I want to shove my painfully hard dick inside of her and alleviate this madness flowing through my veins. One time, and then maybe I’ll be cured. Just once to feel her from the inside out.
My stupid mouth opens, blurting things I didn’t have time to filter. “I’m just trying to keep you safe. Even from me. Especially from me.”
She brushes her palm over my cheek in a gentle caress. “Don’t be a gentleman. I don’t want that from you. I want that side that you think is messed up… I guess people like us, we feel the brokenness in each other.”
“You can’t heal me.”
“You don’t even let me try.”
“I don’t do relationships. I don’t do love. Like you said, I fuck. Do you want to be one of many?”
She’s the only one who would matter, but she can’t know that. I just need her to stop wanting me. The thought of her liking someone else maddens me to the point that I want to slam my head into the wall and go on a killing rampage, erasing any possible competition.
Her hand drops, and I instantly miss her soothing touch.
“I won’t be clingy.”
“You say that now,” I groan, furious at myself and my principles.
Her head falls back, and she closes her eyes for a moment. “I’ve embarrassed myself enough for tonight.”
“Don’t. Saying what you want is sexy as fuck. Never stop. It’s just not me.”
Her chin dips in a small nod, and I push myself off her. A chill instantly replaces the warmth in my body. I remind myself that I am doing the right thing, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
With a crushing weight that threatens to break me, I slip out of her room and bang my head against the wall next to it.
“Try harder,” Blake says. “Maybe it will get your head straight.”
“Fuck you,” I pass him and go downstairs. Torn between drinking and fighting, I opt for the latter. If I exhaust myself, I may forget the emotional chaos waging war in my heart, body, and mind.
Blake follows me to the gym, and as I tape my hands, he does the same, eyeing me. “You look like you need to get something off your chest.”
“I am fucked up, man.”
“Me too. Do you know what helped in my case? Giving in, taking something for myself even though I didn’t believe I deserved it. Mia is my beacon of light. She makes everything better.”
“Bailey deserves someone I am not.”
“I get that. I struggled with feeling unworthy of Mia for a long time, but in the end, it doesn’t matter what I think because she loves me just as I am. She chose me. In our need to protect the ones we love, we tend to forget it’s as much of a choice for them as it is for us. And that’s how it gets better—together. Now imagine she moves on and finds that ‘someone’ you think is out there.”
The thought alone makes me swing at him, but he deflects my punch, and we fall into a sparring rhythm.
“That pisses you off, doesn’t it? Because in your mind, she’s already yours.”
Mine. And that’s the fucking problem. For the first time in my life, I want something just for myself—and that is Bailey.
We fight until the door opens, and Mia steps inside. She smiles so brightly at Blake that he immediately stops sparring. “Sorry, have to get my girl to bed.”
“Fuck you. Stop putting that image in my head.”
Mia giggles. “Heed our example. You seem like you need to relax.”
I flip her the bird. Torn between two decisions, I punch the bag, trying to gather the courage to follow a path that will only ruin me.