Chapter 16
Accidently on purpose.
“I didn’t mean to hurt their feelings,” Camden said as we walked through the bustling crowd in the promenade.
I’d pinged Camden and asked to meet him before I had lunch with Seth and Urgg to discuss what had happened with Cencay, and their subsequent breakdown in the lift.
It had been a very long conversation with the cadet, and many people had tried to use the lift before I had NAID mark it off as under maintenance.
While that was against regulations, it had seemed the wisest course of action.
“I’m aware,” I replied, shifting around a large barbarus in the bustling promenade. Cencay had confessed their attraction to Camden, who’d turned them down. He hadn’t been mean, but they had taken it poorly.
“I’m not interested in dating anyone at all,” he said, hugging himself with his eyes on the ground. “And I’m straight.”
I blinked. “I have no idea what that means, besides the obvious meaning.”
“I only like women,” he replied.
That was odd. On a whole, most drakcol had no preference when it came to gender, though a few people existed who only liked one gender or who weren’t sexually attracted to anyone. I could see where Camden’s preference might present a problem, with Cencay being non-gendered.
“So I don’t like you. Romantically speaking,” Camden continued, glancing at me, then quickly away. “Just so you know.”
That did make me feel better, because I’d been keeping my distance to not lead him on. Now, we could become good friends. I was already fond of him. “I figured that out. I am not a woman.”
Camden laughed. “No, you’re not.”
I smiled at him, then continued, “You didn’t do anything wrong in regards to Cencay. They are young, though, so perhaps allow them some space to get a hold of themself and their feelings.”
“How young?” he asked, looking distinctly uncomfortable.
“They’re not a child,” I instantly replied. “Don’t worry.”
He let out a huge gust of air. “You had me freaked out there.”
“No, they are seventeen in Standard, so…” I trailed off as I tried to recall the difference between Standard and Earthen. “Twenty-one, Earthen.”
He bobbed his head. “I see.”
“They are not so young that Cencay should’ve reacted so strongly, but…” I trailed off. I didn’t want to share anything personal they would rather me not share, and yet, Camden was human and didn’t exactly understand drakcol, just as we didn’t always understand them, however similar we were.
I continued, “I believe they perhaps romanticized being with a human.”
Camden gave me a tense smile. “Many have.”
I offered my throat in concession. Many humans had been abducted, sold, and used for fetishistic reasons. It wasn’t right, not to mention, I imagined, uncomfortable, for humans to be viewed as such.
“I won’t hold it against Cencay,” Camden said. “But I’m going to keep my distance.”
“That’s wise. I will try to better explain it to them. Or maybe I’ll ask Seth.” He was the undisputed leader of Team Human, but I did feel bad bothering him. However, I wasn’t sure what else to do.
Camden made an unintelligible noise that NAID didn’t bother to translate. I didn’t press. I had no idea what he was going through, but he shouldn’t have to deal with admirers who only saw him as the most attractive human on board.
I paused in my step, then had to hurry to catch up with his much longer strides.
That was something I understood, in part.
I knew exactly how attractive I was and how much people simply desired me for my body and not who I was.
Some of those people were put off by my malformed wing.
No one outright said anything, but it was in their looks or how they treated me or wouldn’t touch it or want me to have my wings free during sex.
The pity looks. The offers to take me flying. All of it.
“Sometimes being beautiful is uncomfortable,” I commented.
Camden burst into laughter, making me smile. He gave me a wry grin. “You must have the same issue.”
“To an extent, yes.”
He shook his head, still smiling. “It sometimes sucks, but pretty privilege is a thing.”
“What?”
“It’s a human expression. It means you have an advantage above others for simply being perceived as more beautiful by society.”
“I agree.” I sometimes got things or more attention for simply being more beautiful.
Camden threw an arm over my shoulder, and I stiffened slightly.
We still hadn’t discussed permissions, but perhaps in his human way, he thought our relationship had moved forward enough to simply allow him to touch me.
I guessed it had changed—I was no longer concerned about him developing a romantic attachment to me—but I didn’t want him to touch me.
“Well,” he said, “we’ll have to stick together.”
I gave him a smile. “I suppose we will, though it might make Noxlyn jealous.”
He laughed again. “Nope. Noxlyn and I are becoming great friends, but he wants me to be friends with other people. He told me that. He said friends empower their friends to make other friends.”
That was a convoluted sentence. “He is a good friend.”
“He is.”
Through the crowd of the promenade, someone stopped in front of us, and I paused in my step.
Monqilcolnen was staring down at us. His expression was the normal serene look, which I was pretty sure was a mask, but his tail thrashed and his eyes burned into me before flicking to Camden’s arm over my shoulders.
His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes heated the longer he looked at us.
I bowed inward, and my soul pounded in my chest. The urge to flee rose within me as it often did when I was around Monqilcolnen, but a warmer feeling I didn’t understand swelled in my gut as his hot gaze met mine.
Camden whispered in my ear, “Noxlyn might not be jealous, but someone else is.”
Monqilcolnen took a step closer, his tail picking up speed and hinting at the true state of his emotions. Was he jealous? It wasn’t possible. Monqilcolnen couldn’t possibly like me. His father had suggested it. Edith and Seth had hinted at it. But… No. I had to be imagining it.
“Hey, Commander,” Camden said, hauling me even closer to his side, then tucking his head against mine. Monqilcolnen’s eyes narrowed, making my breath sharpen.
“Lieutenant Wyn. Camden.” He’d practically snapped the human’s name. The roughness of his voice did something… different to me, something not unpleasant.
“What brings you here?” Camden asked.
“I was going to get lunch, but I was called away.”
My eyebrows drew together as worry pulsed inside of me. “Is everything alright?”
“It’s fine,” he replied.
I didn’t believe him. Something was bothering Monqilcolnen, and obviously it couldn’t be my close proximity to Camden. “Not that you need it,” I said, eyes on the floor, “but would you like my assistance?”
Shiny boots appeared in my line of sight, and I looked up. Monqilcolnen ducked enough to meet my gaze directly. His voice was utterly serious. “I will always need help from you, Wyn.”
For some reason I couldn’t identify, my soul stuttered and the warmth in my gut returned.
Something inside of me never wanted to look away from his golden gaze while another part told me to run, to flee as fast and as far as I could get because if I gave into him, my life would never be the same.
Whether that was a good thing or not, I was unable to say.
I fought the urge to rip Camden’s arm off Wyn’s shoulders and throw the human to the floor.
I did not like the casual touch between the two of them, but I had no right to feel like that.
Wyn and I had no relationship where I was allowed to stake such a claim, even if I wanted to.
Besides, I needed to know Wyn far better before I made any sort of romantic advancement toward him.
This, whatever this was, had to be more than attraction. Wyn was beautiful, but that wasn’t enough. Not for me and not for what I hoped this would develop into. There was also the fact that even now, Wyn was cowering in front of me.
“I will gladly accept your help,” I said, keeping my voice steady. “I do know that this is your off day, though.”
Wyn shook his head. “I’m more than happy to assist you.”
I wanted to smile, but I contained it. Wyn always seemed eager to help, and it wasn’t just in regards to me, Seth, or Urgg. He volunteered to take extra shifts or mentor people. He always went the extra length to assist whenever possible.
“Thank you,” I said.
Camden gave me a smirk before he yanked Wyn into a tight hug. “Thank you for spending the morning with me.”
Wyn frowned, stiffening, but he patted Camden’s back before stepping back. “Certainly.”
Something in me calmed from Wyn’s discomfort.
Wyn didn’t seem as enamored with Camden as Camden was with Wyn.
Hope raced through my veins. I still had a chance, though perhaps this was ridiculous.
This attraction to Wyn might pass and we might be nothing more than friends in the end, which was all well and good, but I wanted more.
My tail brushed his, the scales scraping deliciously, and I yanked it back as soon as I realized what I’d done. That wasn’t appropriate. We needed to discuss permissions, though what I wanted wasn’t acceptable for a direct subordinate.
“Shall we?” I asked Wyn.
He offered me his throat, then said a quick goodbye to Camden, who gave me another smirk before reaching into his pocket to grab his touchstone, loudly pinging Noxlyn.
I needed more time with Wyn. Time when we weren’t on duty or distracted by others.
But I was unsure of how we were supposed to get such time.
We weren’t friends, and asking a subordinate to dinner wasn’t a good idea.
Also, I was fairly positive Wyn would agree simply because I’d asked, not because he wished to spend time with me.
An idea tickled the back of my brain, and it wasn’t right… Yet I changed directions. Wyn cast me a glance but didn’t comment.
Instead of taking the lift that would take us closest to my office, I changed to one that opened up on the opposite side of deck two.
I checked the time and slowed my steps, acting as if the crowd was blocking me or I was looking at the wares.
Still Wyn didn’t say anything, remaining near my side.
My tail quaked with the urge to coil around his.
I wanted to draw him flush to my side, much as Camden had done, but I wasn’t allowed to.
Yet.
As if on cue, my inner fire unhelpfully whispered, Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Soon.
I ignored it and led Wyn to the lift. It took several long moments for the door to open; it was jerky and not as smooth as it should be.
Wyn frowned. “I’ll need to put in a work order for this lift.”
“You can once we are at my office.”
He conceded with a tilt of his head.
We stepped inside, and the floor bounced beneath our combined weight. Once again he frowned, and I held my breath as I waited for him to insist we take another lift. He didn’t.
I pushed the button for deck two, and the doors took an eternity to close. The lift rose much slower than usual, and after only a handful of moments, it stopped with a shudder. The overhead lights shut off, leaving only emergency lighting.
“What’s going on?” Wyn asked, looking up.
I kept quiet, so as to not outright lie to him. I’d told many lies in my life, but I didn’t wish to lie to Wyn more than I had to.
He said, “NAID, why have we stopped?”
NAID did not respond.
Wyn pressed the emergency commlink and said, “This is Lieutenant Wyn with Commander Monqilcolnen. We are in lift six-four-jin, and we’ve stopped.”
A voice replied, "Lieutenant, that lift was scheduled for maintenance during this time. We sent out a shipwide blast.”
He closed his eyes, his tail flicking. “I didn’t check my notes today.”
“My apologies, Lieutenant and Commander. We have already shut the lift down and begun working. We cannot reinitialize yet.”
“Take your time,” I replied. “The fault is mine.”
Wyn glanced at me, but he didn’t contradict me.
“Thank you, Commander. We shall work as fast as we can. Would you like me to notify Captain Talvax?”
“Please.”
“Yes, Commander,” the voice said before disconnecting.
“We are stuck here,” Wyn said, his eyes on the floor, but his tail wiggled toward mine. My soul pounded in throbbing hope.
“Yes, we are.”