Chapter 17
An accidental outing.
I sat with my back against the lift wall, and Monqilcolnen was opposite of me. His head was leaning back against the wall, his eyes closed and his long hair a silver sheet around him. I took this opportunity to study him.
I’d thought about it before, but once again, I was struck by how attractive Monqilcolnen was.
He was over ten cycles older than I, but age hadn’t touched him more than in the broadening of his shoulders and the strength of his muscles, though his long-sleeved uniform didn’t allow me to see much of them.
In this closed room with nowhere to go and nothing to do, my usual urge to run vanished like a puff of smoke in the wind. We, in this moment, were simply Monqilcolnen and Wyn, and it was nice, though it was probably dangerous for me to think of him as such.
Still, I couldn’t help it.
“May I ask you a question, Commander?”
“You may ask me anything you wish,” he said, his eyes opening. “And it is Monqilcolnen, if you please.”
Did he think as I did? “Why do you not wear more jewelry?"
“If I could wear none, I would.”
“What?”
He lifted his palms. “It’s inconvenient. I don’t like having to plan what to wear or how it will look. I understand the status of wearing jewelry, the history and tradition of it, and while I don’t think it silly or bad for my cousins to indulge, I prefer to simply wear studs. I never change them.”
“You would look nice in long earrings,” I said before I thought better of it. I clamped my lips closed, my eyes dropping as embarrassment sent numbing needles down my spine.
He gave a breathy chuckle. “I shall keep that in mind.”
“Though you look nice now too,” I whispered, glancing at him.
Monqilcolnen smiled and ran his gaze over me, which made my tail thrash and my pulse kick up. He said, “As do you.”
“Thank you.”
“May I ask you a question?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Why did you join the Planetary Navy?”
I rested my hands on my bent knees. “That’s easy. My guardian suggested it.”
He cocked his head.
“I’m an orphan,” I explained.
“I’m aware of that.”
It was probably in my file, though it surprised me he would take the time to read about me. Then again, he had hired me to assist him, so it would stand to reason he would check on who he was hiring.
Without knowing why, I continued, “I was raised in a facility for orphaned children. It was in a mining settlement on a moon near the border of Drakcon space. It was small, but the caretakers truly cared about all of us.” A slight smile pulled on my lips as I thought back to the three drakcol who were charged with our care.
I was the sole drakcol child, but, as it was a border moon for mining and filled with people from all over the coalition, the facility was filled with children of all types.
The caretakers had done the best they could to meet everyone’s needs while keeping us connected to our unique cultures.
“I got in trouble. A lot,” I confessed.
“You?” Monqilcolnen asked. “That seems unlikely.”
“But I did.” Continuing to tell him about my childhood as my thoughts returned to that time.
I’d been angry when I was younger. Angry about being abandoned, angry about not being able to fly, angry about everything.
I’d used to wonder if my mother had left me because of my wing, but the malformation was congenital, so it was likely she or my biological father had possessed the same malformation as me.
My anger had continued to fester all throughout my childhood, and it had made me reckless.
Everything had changed when one of my caretakers, Sun, stepped in.
He’d made sure I’d gotten the help I needed and had spoken to someone to help me through my struggles.
I’d worked through everything. Sometimes, the same old issues bothered me, but on a whole, I’d healed from my past traumas over the years.
“When I turned fifteen, my guardian suggested I join the navy.” It had been more than a suggestion.
Drakcol parents retained some control of their children until they mated.
Since I had no parents, a court-appointed guardian had made such decisions for me, and they’d believed the navy was the best place for me.
“Thankfully, they recognized my talents and sent me to the academy," I said.
“I’m glad, or else I wouldn’t have met you.”
I smiled, head ducking. “Why did you join?”
He looked up. “It’s shocking. The purest spiritual soul in history, and I want to wander the stars.”
I silently agreed.
Monqilcolnen met my gaze. “I’ve known since I was a child I would never join the Ranks. I was never meant to be a priest. I simply knew it.”
“Why the navy?”
“I’m not sure. At first I couldn’t explain why I wanted to join so badly, but I did. In part, I believe it’s because I love traveling. I love seeing different cultures and interacting with them. Also, I simply love being on ships.”
I grinned, and he smiled in return. My soul stuttered. It wasn’t a small smile, or the barest quirk. It was a full smile, and it transformed his face, shattering the serene mask. I swallowed. I liked it. A lot. I wouldn’t be opposed to him doing it again and again and again.
“Do you enjoy being in the navy now?” he asked.
“I do. I love it.”
“I’m glad.”
I stared at Wyn, my soul beating in happiness.
This was the first real alone time we’d had together, barring the few minutes in my quarters, and it wasn’t as awkward as I’d feared.
Why couldn’t it be like this all the time?
I didn’t know, but I hoped slowly but surely Wyn would become more comfortable with me.
“May I ask another question?” Wyn asked, his perfect blue eyes meeting my gaze. He didn’t have the slightest discomfort in his posture, which made my soul soar.
“I told you that you may ask me whatever you please.”
“Do you have an endearment like your royal cousins?”
Each of my cousins had endearments, and they often referred to each other by them. “I do not,” I replied. It was a rather sore point for me, but I didn’t show any of the hurt in my expression. “My cousins simply call me ‘cousin.’”
“That’s too bad.”
“Why? Would you have called me by such an endearment?”
His tail wiggled and thrashed with what I assumed was either discomfort or embarrassment. Wyn said, “Perhaps.”
I very much doubted that. “Then you may come up with such an endearment for me.”
His mouth fell open, and I fought to swallow a laugh but failed. With my head bowed, I chuckled at his aghast expression. What I’d suggested was preposterous; we didn’t have a close enough relationship to warrant him giving me an endearment, and yet, I wished that he would.
Wyn’s eyes widened even further. “You laughed.”
“I do laugh at times,” I replied, my voice light and full of humor.
“I have never heard you laugh before.”
“We are not often in each other’s company.”
“True,” he said.
That, of course, was something I was hoping to change in time.
“I will make an endearment for you,” Wyn declared, and it was my turn to gape at him. He grinned, and my soul stumbled before racing—I had never seen a more beautiful sight in all my life.
“Will you?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m determined.”
“Determined,” I repeated, my thoughts not organizing.
“Yes, Monqilcolnen.”
If I thought my pulse was fast before, I clearly hadn’t understood what speed was. If my soul beat any harder, it would rip through my ribs and land on the floor at our feet.
“I am determined to become less… less how I am with you.”
“There’s no need for you to fear me.”
“I will try.”
Those words gave me a hope I had never allowed myself before this exact moment.
I pushed on my inner fire, hoping the mantra had changed.
It had not. While trapping him in the lift had been juvenile, the action had led to my gaining ground in the battle for his affection.
I had reason to believe this would work out, and this time together solidified it in my mind.
“What do you like to do in your off time?” I asked.
He chuckled.
“What?” I asked.
Wyn shook his head, his light pink braid falling over his shoulder. “That seemed like a courtship question.”
It was. I merely smiled.
“I like to do many things. I like to eat at different vendors. I like story experiences. I like spending time with Seth, Urgg, and Edith. I work on my own research, namely with Edith.” He lifted his palms. “I enjoy many activities. You?”
“I explore.”
“Explore?”
“You must have seen my collection of objects,” I said, wondering if he’d noticed the stylus that was right behind my chair.
“I did.”
“When we go somewhere new, I explore the planet. I like to find out what different people value or observe different religious practices. I find people fascinating. I spend much of the time simply watching.”
“I can understand that. It fits with your soul type.”
“I suppose it does,” I said.
“You do nothing else?”
“Of course I do. I read. I play experiences. Romance stories are my favorite. I enjoy plays. I also enjoy fighting demonstrations.”
“Watching or participating?” he asked, eyes running over my form.
I flexed, practically preening like Serlotminden. I couldn’t help it. I liked the warm look he was giving me. It was lighting a fire inside of me. “Both.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.”
“It should not. I have taught you often enough.”
Wyn hugged his knees.
What had I said wrong, for it was something. “Should I apologize?”
“No.” Wyn closed his eyes and took a deep breath before looking at me again, gaze bleak. “I’m not getting better at blasters.”
The hopelessness drew me in. I scooted across the floor until I was right in front of him, practically touching him. “You are.” And he was. It was slow, but the progress was there.
“No, I’m not, Monqilcolnen.”
Unable to resist, I laid a hand on his knee, and Wyn drew in a sharp breath but didn’t try to move away. In fact, his tail coiled about my wrist to keep me where I was.
“You are,” I told him, my voice thick. “I see it, Wyn. I have seen it.”
“Not fast enough.”
“It’s taking a greater time than usual, but that doesn’t mean progress is not happening. Have patience.”
“I have been,” Wyn snapped, tail tightening on my wrist when I started to pull away.
I clutched his knee, and his hold relaxed.
“I’ve been trying and practicing since I started at the academy.
” He dropped his head to his knees. It had to have been unintentional, but his forehead was now resting on the back of my hand and his hair was brushing against my arm.
A light floral fragrance came off him that made me take a deep inhale. Crystal’s light, Wyn smelled amazing.
Bending closer until my hair fell on either side of his face, I whispered, “You are getting better. I promise you, Wyn. I will teach you privately after you’ve been medically cleared, if you’d like.”
“You would?” Wyn asked, looking up. Our faces were a finger’s width apart. His breath came out in harsh bursts as his tail strangled my wrist.
“Yes, Wyn,” I said. His eyes flicked to my lips, and I repeated, “Yes, Wyn.”
He panted, his eyes meeting mine.
Time seemed to stand still as we stared at each other. My instincts demanded I lower my lips to his, bring us together, while my inner fire screamed at me it wasn’t yet time.
But this time, I was willing to ignore my inner fire. I needed to taste Wyn’s lips, and from his expression, he desired the same. I shifted closer, and Wyn moaned, erasing any hesitation I had.
The lift jolted, and I fell back, my butt planting into the floor. The lights flicked on, and a high-pitched voice said, “Commander, we have finished our repairs.”
A snarl about the timing clawed at my throat, but I suppressed it, though my voice was far rougher than usual when I replied, “I understand. Excellent work.”
“Thank you,” the voice said.
Wyn gripped the front of his shirt. “Do you still require my assistance?”
“If you wish to come, I would never turn down your company.”
“I should join Seth and Urgg,” he whispered.
“That’s fine.” But it wasn’t. I wanted to recreate the intimacy we’d found here in my office. Unlike Wyn, I could be patient. For now.
What had just happened? I thought, leaning against the wall in the corridor.
Monqilcolnen had almost kissed me, and I would have let him.
More than that, I’d wanted it. I’d needed it.
That couldn’t happen again. Becoming more comfortable with him and courting him were two very different things.
The former was the only thing I was currently comfortable with.
Courting him… I’d never dreamed of a permanent relationship, and especially, not with someone from such a higher social status than me.
This—we couldn’t happen. No. I had to take control of these burning feelings.