Chapter 19
The truth in the darkness.
“I knew it,” Urgg shouted, making Seth leap.
We were all sitting at a table in Urgg’s bakery. They had provided fresh cookies filled with vugagg insects that provided a lovely crunch and spiciness to the sweet, buttery cookie.
Edith frowned at Urgg from her place on their screen. “You weren’t the only one who guessed.”
“Probably not,” Urgg replied with a shrug. “I would guess a fair amount of people have suspected something going on between Monqilcolnen and Wyn.”
Seth, who’d spurned the cookies, took a sip of his drink and commented, “I didn’t guess, not really. I mean, I had a passing thought when Edith mentioned it, but not really. We did talk about it a few times, but I never actually thought Wyn liked Monty.”
I laid a hand on his wrist, then coiled my tail about him to offer comfort in case he was upset. Seth, while perfectly lovely, wasn’t the best at guessing romantic attraction apparently, though I thought I’d done a fair job of hiding it.
Not a good enough job from Urgg’s expression.
They were exceedingly smug, having guessed about my attraction to Monqilcolnen.
In fact, they seemed to have known of it before I did.
Perhaps my sudden liking of him wasn’t that sudden.
I’d always been looking at him, avoiding him, I thought, but maybe I’d been fighting what was always there, and I just didn’t know it.
“What’s the issue?” Edith asked, drawing me out of my thoughts. “It’s my understanding that people don’t gather like this at a late hour unless there’s a problem.”
Seth glanced at me, his eyebrows coming together. “Does Monty not like you?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say yes, but I swallowed it. “I don’t know.”
“He does,” Urgg said with complete certainty.
“How do you know?” I asked.
They couldn’t know… unless he’d confided in them.
Monqilcolnen was close with Talvax. Perhaps Urgg had overheard something?
Though it seemed unlikely Urgg would share something private.
Despite their loudness and humor, Urgg wasn’t one to spill secrets that weren’t theirs to share.
However, Monqilcolnen had said enough to his father for him to suspect, so maybe it was simply how he spoke of me to others.
The mere thought of him talking about me to others made my pulse pound in my ears.
“He tells your stories,” Urgg replied, drawing me out of my thoughts. “He is binding the two of you together.”
I frowned. That was Barusian culture, not Drakcon. “I doubt that holds true.”
“So he might like you?” Seth asked with a smile. “I think the two of you would be great together.”
Once again his lack of knowledge of our culture was showing. Seth might have been here for a few cycles, but he wasn’t a drakcol.
Urgg made a low noise. “I don’t know about that.”
“What do you mean?” Seth asked. “If they both like each other, then they can get together.”
I nudged the cookie on my plate. Any appetite I had was gone.
“Yes and no,” Urgg continued. “There’s no law against it, but they are very different stations. Monqilcolnen’s parents probably expect him to make a great match. Not that they can stop him. It’s hard to explain, Seth.”
His father wasn’t against me and Monqilcolnen, but I didn’t mention that. I simply said, “We do not match. If we got together, people would whisper about us, namely me. I would be seen as a class jumper. Some might even go as far as to say I tricked Monqilcolnen into caring for me.”
Seth bobbed his head, hands digging into his pockets. “We have something similar on my planet, though it’s usually only applied to women. Gold digger.”
I blinked. The translation was exact, someone who digs for gold. That seemed like a profession, not an issue.
“Married or rather mated for money,” he amended.
“Yes, that’s similar.” Though it seemed to be unfair that only women could earn this title, I'd learned that sexism plagued Seth’s planet. Sexism, and colorism, had never been something that sprouted in Drakcon culture, but classism and soulism ran rampant.
“Still,” Seth continued, “if you wanted, the two of you could be together?”
“We could,” I conceded, and I wanted to be with Monqilcolnen, which was so new and foreign to me. Something about him called to me, and as we spent more time together, I desired him more. “But I don’t know if he cares for me, regardless of what others say.”
“Do you want us to find out?” Urgg asked, chomping into a cookie and spraying crumbs everywhere. “Is that why you wanted to see us?”
“Not exactly.”
“We could find out,” Seth said, head bobbing enthusiastically.
“I shall fake an emergency,” Edith announced. “I will send him a false report that you were terribly injured—or no, died. Then we’ll see how he reacts.”
“No,” I shouted, hand reaching toward her. “Don’t do that.”
Her head tilted to the side. “Why not? It seems like a good idea.”
“I love it!” Urgg pounded the table. “We’ll make him work for your love. Make him prove it with his grief of thinking you died!”
“I never said I was in love with him.”
“I don’t know,” Seth jumped in, ignoring my comment. “It seems kind of mean.”
“Yes,” I said. “Very mean and very unnecessary.”
Edith frowned. “I believe it would be the most efficient way to know how he feels about you.”
“I agree. Do it, Edith,” Urgg said, pounding the table again, making the plate and Seth jump.
“No,” I snapped. I flicked Urgg with my tail. “Just because Talvax enjoys feats of valor and death, doesn’t mean I do.”
Urgg shuffled. “Drakcol are so boring, except for Talvax.”
“We’re just different.” I crossed my arms.
“You lack passion.”
“You lack manners.”
Blustering, they said, “That’s not true.”
“All these crumbs are yours,” I snapped, pointing to the table.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“That you have no manners.”
“You have no spine.”
I growled. “I will not tell Monqilcolnen I am dead just to prove he cares for me. It’s cruel.”
“Then are you going to tell him another way?” Urgg demanded. “Or do you lack even a modicum of bravery?”
“I am brave.”
“Then are you going to tell him?”
“Of course I am,” I yelled, then paused.
Urgg grinned, showing off their tusks. They held out a hand to Seth. “Is this an appropriate time for the high-five thing you were telling me about?”
“Damn straight it is.” Seth slammed his hand to Urgg’s, and I stared at them.
What had just happened?
It was late, but sleep wouldn’t find me.
I’d seen basically nothing of Wyn this last month, except in the blaster classes.
I had to ignore him there, lest I cross the line of what was considered appropriate.
It was starting to grate on my soul. I craved him.
Every cell in my very body needed him beside me, and yet I had to pretend he wasn’t the reason I drew breath.
My inner fire had continued its litany of “not yet,” and I was tired of it.
I needed “not yet” to be now. My emotions and feelings were starting to grow out of control.
A ping sounded, then my father’s face appeared in front of me, and I couldn't contain my smile. I loved my father dearly. We were exceedingly close. He was the emperor’s eldest brother and nearly fifteen cycles his senior.
Their middle sister had passed over a decade ago, leaving just the two of them alone.
The Crystal had chosen Kontolmakqilnen, not my father, as heir, and my father hadn’t minded in the slightest. His inner fire was similar to mine, only he truly saw the future in visions.
He’d always known he would never rule, much as he always knew whenever I was awake.
“Father,” I greeted him.
“What’s troubling you?” he asked. He was never one for formalities.
His brows drew together while his lips pursed—he was attempting to see.
My father and I didn’t resemble each other much.
I took after his father, the grandfather I’d never met, whereas he took after his mother.
I appeared to be my uncle’s child more than his.
But we both had the same silver hair and green scales.
“Much.”
He growled, and I offered him my throat in concession. Father said, “That’s not an answer, Monqilcolnen.”
“Shouldn’t you know the answer?”
Father growled again. I wasn’t getting out of this conversation. He might indeed know exactly what was troubling me, or he might not. It was difficult to know exactly with my father. He was impossible to read.
I scrubbed a hand through my long hair. I wished to tell him and Xapher about Wyn and how my emotions had changed of late.
He’d been important to me for a long time, and I’d spoken of him frequently, though I’d never hinted at romance.
Now that I’d an inkling of what exactly Wyn was to me, I feared this would become a battlefield I didn’t want to step on.
I would, for Wyn. I would do anything in this universe for him.
Perhaps that thought should scare me, but it didn’t in the slightest.
“I met someone,” I said.
My father grinned. “I’m pleased to hear it. Your xapher and I worried you would never act on your feelings if you managed to find someone.”
My eyes darted away from my father’s face. I hadn’t acted on it, and I wasn’t sure when I would.
“What?”
“I fear your disapproval.”
“Is the person you desire a human?” he asked. “I have no problem with you taking a human. Your cousins seem enamored of the species.”
“No.” I took a deep breath. “His name is Wyn.”
My father’s face went blank, and I fought to keep my own serene.
The love story between my uncle and his Crystal-chosen mate, Vyn, was often told and shared.
It was hailed as a great love story, mainly because of the Crystal’s intervention.
What wasn’t shared was my father’s reaction.
He’d hated Vyn and opposed the mating to the point there were whispers about a coup.
It had driven the brothers apart for a very long time and only my and Hallonnixmin’s birth had brought them back together.
“Are you sure?” he asked, voice deep.
“Yes. Completely. Wyn is mine. I will not choose another.” The moment I said it out loud, I knew it was the truth. I didn’t even know the measure of Wyn’s feelings for me, but I knew my own. My soul was his to keep, whether he desired it or not.
Father laughed, and I blinked. He smiled at me. “This is my punishment.”
“Wyn is not anyone’s punishment, Father. He is a gift. Birth and status do not define a person,” I snarled. “He is lovely, funny, intelligent, and kind. Do not ask me to choose, because I will not choose you and your hate.”
“No, Monqilcolnen,” he said, lifting a hand, “be still. I meant no insult.”
Instinct told me to concede to him, but I refused. I would allow no insult to Wyn.
“My punishment for allowing such… dislike to almost tear apart this family once,” my father said.
Dislike would not have been the word I would’ve chosen.
He continued, “I have since learned the right of it.”
“Have you?” I questioned. When had this happened? I would allow no one to make Wyn feel inferior. He was better than me in every way. I didn’t deserve him, and I would spend the rest of my life trying to measure up, to prove I was worthy of him.
“I have. Vyn wasn’t as forgiving as Kontolmakqilnen, nor should she have been. Nor was your xapher. I will not lie and say it’s not a struggle with Vyn even now, but I fully and gratefully accept your Wyn and I will not treat him any differently.”
“I wish to believe that.”
“Then believe it.”
I closed my eyes. “Wyn is it, Father. There will be no one else. Not ever.”
“I understand.”
“If you ever hurt him…” I swallowed the threat.
“I will not.”
“We shall see.” I met his steady gaze. “I have to believe you before I will even think of letting you meet him.”
Father smiled, chuckling. “You’re already protective of him, as you should be.”
“Indeed.”
“Rest now. You have told me. You have faced the fear. Sleep.”
I was about to end the session when I paused. “Did you know about Wyn?”
“Yes,” he replied.
“Since when?”
He grinned, purple eyes glinting. “Since before I met Vyn.” He ended the session, and I stared at the dark screen in shock.