Chapter 60
I am not alone.
I lay on top of Wyn, bathing the wound where his soul scales used to be.
I was still furious he’d removed them—it was dangerous—and yet it touched me so.
I dragged my tongue over the mottled skin that had been sealed, and Wyn shivered.
I didn’t know where his soul scales were—something I would find out later—but I wanted them.
Until they were on me, I would continue to clean Wyn’s injury.
Our skin was incredibly sensitive because it wasn’t meant to be without scales. Having it touched was one of the most intense sensations. But it was incredibly delicate. The hazards of extreme weather or the skin drying out were always present.
I would have to watch over Wyn. He had given me his soul scales, telling me that he was mine, and it was my duty to be the shield he now needed. I would do everything in my life to make sure he was safe.
Wyn buried his fingers in my hair as I flattened my tongue and dragged it over his injury once again. He released a long breath and pulled me close. “I love you.”
My soul pounded. I pressed my forehead into his soft skin and said, “I love you so much it frightens me.”
“While I don’t like scaring you, I do adore you care about me as much as I care about you.”
I looked up at my mate. “So do I, Mate.”
He grinned, tugging me up so he could slot his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and unhurried, but it was oh so perfect. Wyn was mine. As incredible as that seemed, it was finally true. All of the waiting had come to fruition as I’d hoped.
Quicker than I would have liked, he pulled back. “You need to eat, and your cousins want to see you.”
I looked away, but Wyn gently nudged me back so our eyes met. Silence pressed over us as we simply stared into each other’s eyes.
“Talk to me,” he whispered.
“I wish to see them, badly, and yet…”
Wyn didn’t press me. The swirling emotions I had were near impossible to articulate.
I wanted to see my cousins because they were my family, my friends, and my home, but some part of me felt guilty for some reason, as if I was attempting to replace my parents.
I wasn’t. The emotion wasn’t logical, but still, it persisted.
“I feel like I am dishonoring my parents,” I finally said.
“Why?”
“Because I’m seeking comfort from my cousins. Because I am seeking them and not my parents.” I shook my head. “It makes no sense, but I feel so guilty. I should be more broken because of their demise. I shouldn’t be trying to rebuild my life without them.”
Wyn kissed away a tear that had escaped my control.
“I cannot claim to understand what you are going through, and I won’t say I know what you should or should not do, Monqilcolnen.
But rebuilding your life is just a part of…
life. People come and go. Everyone you meet changes and impacts you, from small to large ways.
Every day we are changing and growing and rebuilding.
“Sadly, this is how it is meant to be. We are not static. Life continues on. Grief and pain are the cost of this life whether you try to shield yourself from them or not.” He kissed another tear.
“Your parents were always meant to go before you.” Wyn lapped at my freely falling tears. “It is the way of life.
“And while I cannot claim to know them as well as you did, I did know them and love them. Jemtonkilsol and Dilvonsil loved you so dearly. That was evident in every conversation, in every related memory, in every breath I witnessed. You were their soul, Star. I cannot imagine them wanting you to cling so hard to their memory that you would follow them before your time.”
He was right, but the guilt remained. If I forged forward without them, I would be leaving them behind. How did I live with that?
Wyn continued to lick my tears while interspersing gentle kisses. “You have to step forward. The past cannot be reclaimed, except in our memories. Let them go.”
My head collapsed to his chest, and I sobbed.
“Oh, my Star, they will always be with you. But you need to hold close to your cousins and me. We will be right here. I promise.”
But they were not the hands that had guided my life. My parents, my beginning, my foundation, were gone, and I found the ground on which I stood was now rather shaky without their constant support. “I don’t know how.”
His fingers tangled in my hair. “With time and by taking one step at a time.”
“The ground beneath my feet has vanished.”
He tilted my chin up, brushing my tears away. “Then it’s lucky you have wings.”
I couldn’t find the humor.
Wyn pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “I know everything seems murky around you and that you have no stability, but you do.” He pulled away from me, and I whined, clutching onto him.
He kissed me again before shifting me so he could grab the clothes I’d ripped off him.
“You are my mate, my breath, my soul, my everything, Monqilcolnen. I will guard you, but more than that, I trust you to shield me.”
More tears built in my eyes as I recognized the tradition.
From the pile of clothes, Wyn removed a gold bracer that looked identical to the one from our experience. In the center, his scales shone. He lifted my left arm and slowly slid it onto me. Unable to hold back, tears slid down my cheeks as I sobbed. No matter where I went, Wyn would be with me.
“I’ll be your stability, Star. A part of me will always be with you.” Wyn cupped my face. “I’m not trying to replace your parents, but allow me the honor of caring for you in their place.”
Sobs wracked my body and I dropped my face into my mate’s chest, but I held him close. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you. Anything.”
I held onto Monqilcolnen as he wept. I wouldn’t rush him, but I needed him to live, to want to live, and I wasn’t alone in that need.
It was hard for me to imagine what he was feeling.
Families had always been something of a mystery to me.
When I was a child, I had been the sole drakcol in the orphanage.
Yes, my caretakers had been drakcol, but they were not my parents.
I had cared about them, and they me, but it wasn’t the same type of bond that Monqilcolnen shared with his family.
I had seen other children adopted and go on to forge those bonds with their new families, but no one had come for me.
As a whole, drakcol didn’t have many children, and therefore, had very few in need of adoption.
It was a rarity in our society. That, plus my wing malformation, hadn’t made me an ideal candidate.
All my life I had watched people and their families, longing to be a part of one, and now, I got to see the price. To love someone so completely, to rely on someone so wholly, was dangerous when that person was no longer there.
It was worth the cost, I knew, and yet, I watched Monqilcolnen grieve almost curiously.
As much as I loved Jemtonkilsol and Dilvonsil, my grief for them was shallow and more tied into my worry of how their absences would affect Monqilcolnen, rather than how their deaths had injured me.
There were very few people in my life I would truly grieve if they were suddenly not there.
Monqilcolnen, first and foremost. I would not live without him.
Seth, Bobbinvoxlyn, Urgg, and Edith were next.
I couldn’t imagine not having one or all of them in my life.
But loving them had this cost attached to it, and like I’d told Monqilcolnen, you couldn’t spare yourself from grief or loss. It was simply part of life.
I gently stroked his hair, bending to place a kiss on his forehead. “I shall be with you, Mate. For now and until my last breath.”
Monqilcolnen tightened his hold on me, looking up. Tears slid down his cheeks, and I licked up the salty liquid. He whispered, “Stay beside me.”
“I will.”
It took some time, but I was eventually able to convince Monqilcolnen to get out of bed and put some clothes on. Slowly, we exited our bedroom.
Serlotminden, Bartholomew, Kalvoxrencol, and Seth immediately looked up.
Monqilcolnen gave them all a shaky smile. “Greetings.”
Instantly, Kalvoxrencol and Serlotminden surrounded him, pulling Monqilcolnen into a tight hug.
The sight made me smile. Something about them connecting was absolutely marvelous.
I adored that Monqilcolnen had such a close family.
In part I was glad because I would be able to be a part of it, but mostly it was because Monqilcolnen needed them.
Seth came to my side and held out Bobbinvoxlyn, who was reaching for me. I instantly pulled him into my embrace, cuddling the kit close to my chest. He tugged on my braid, gurgling. I had missed him. Bartholomew bobbed his head at me, and I acknowledged him with a flick of my tail.
“So, Wyn and Monqilcolnen,” a voice said from behind me, and I turned to see Crown Prince Hallonnixmin staring at me. He was not alone. His mate Gilvaxtin was right beside him. On another section of the split screen were Vince and Dontilvynsan, and on the final third were Zoltilvoxfyn and Caleb.
“Hey, Wyn,” Caleb called, waving enthusiastically.
“I totally knew you and Monty would get together from the first time you puked on him. It was inevitable. I mean, you took forever to get there, but I knew it would happen in the end. The two of you are perfect for each other. There isn’t any other possibility. ”
I frowned at the reference to me vomiting on Monqilcolnen.
I hated that story, and with Caleb it was more than a story.
He had been on the Admiral Ven when we came back from Earth and had witnessed the entire ordeal.
It was bad enough people had heard the story from Monqilcolnen, but knowing someone had witnessed it was a different level of embarrassment.
I didn’t respond to Caleb, though. He didn’t mean it badly, and there was no use in damaging his feelings simply because I didn’t wish to be reminded of the defining moment in mine and Monqilcolnen’s relationship.